July 2019 (thread 10) - the final furlong...maybe

[Kentishgal]

Thought we had better start a new thread - wonder if we'll see some (more) babies arriving on this thread...

@twinkleday we haven’t done sleep in nct yet but if it’s anything to go by my sisters 2nd baby born in December was sleeping 6 hrs by night by week 4 and 8 by week 12 with what she calls ‘dreamfeeds’. She swears by bed time routine, establishing the difference of night and day (as baby can’t tell at first) and putting straight back to the cot/crib after winding. She’s nailed it twice so I’ll be taking her advice!

I've given up on trying to sleep in bed and am now sat on the sofa watching episodes of Taskmaster. I just feel so ill - shivering one minute and sweating the next, aching, heart racing, full of cold and tonsils are clearly infected. I just want to cry but I know that's an entirely irrational response to being ill from a grown woman. And I took holiday from work for a couple of days last week to look after my poorly daughter so don't feel I can really take any more time off work. And that makes me want to cry more!! Sorry for the whinge - just feeling sorry for myself, which I know is silly as there are a lot worse things happening in the world!! And I've got to be better for Friday as the in-laws arrive!!! Help!

@Kentishgal sounds like you have had an awful night hope you feel better soon!

@Yukka can you expand a bit more on what she does? I'm all for a bath, Story, feed bed routine ?

By the way, we received a wedding invite for October yesterday and was told our baby isn't invited !

At 14 weeks old, it's bonkers! Anyone else had anything like this? Exclusions already!

@kentishgal hope you managed to get some sleep! I slept really well last night actually, I've been using a folded up blanket as bump support for my side, most pillows were too big for it. We watched some of our hypnobirthing videos, had the diffuser on with lavender, clean bedsheets and freshly showered - bliss!

@TwinkleDay my cousin is getting married in September and we were already invited before we announced the pregnancy, straight away though they said we could bring the baby if we wanted to. There are going to be 3 babies there all born in July! We did consider asking MIL to stay overnight and babysit and we've still got time to decide but at least we've got options because you just don't know what the baby will be like.

@Twinkleday - we have a wedding at the end of august and its a no kids wedding. personally, it doesnt bother me and if im honest (and yes, i know this sounds bad) but i will prob have a better day celebrating my friends wedding without a tiny baby to look after.

Thank you, I didn't even get five mins in the end. Went to gp this morning and have bronchitis again - fifth course of antibiotics this pregnancy - God knows what it'a doing to baby. Feel like death with a temperature.

Kentishgal I'm so sorry to hear that. No sleep on top of being unwell is the worst, and I completely recognise this desire to just crawl into a hole and sob. The feeling sorry for ourselves probably links to wanting to be looked after maybe, and to feeling a bit helpless in this changed state. I've been a sobbing wreck most of the weekend, in between smiling furiously at all the NCT people, and somewhere in the middle of the night it occurred to me that it's probably something to do with now needing to rely on others more than usual and having new limits that I didn't have before and how frustrating that is at times. Plus lack of sleep messes with your brain anyway, so be gentle with yourself today and hope you get some rest.

Good they've given you antibiotics, it's the balance of risks, isn't it? Better to do that than not at the moment. You'll just have a very clean, shiny, bacteria-free baby when they emerge! 😉 I know it's not the same, but DH had been on antibiotics for 40+ days (not in any biblical sense!) just before we conceived and I was super worried for no reason, in case he had somehow interfered with his sperm though all this and hadn't asked the GP about TTC. The baby is fine, and in fact on the large side if anything despite hyperemesis.

I would absolutely call in sick at work. They've had their pound of flesh several times over, you're not at your best anyway so you'll do an hour's work in 5 and might feel even worse for it, both work and health wise; plus FFS you're pregnant and it's the law that they can't be little shits about it. I've spent enough years in those sort of environments though to know it doesn't always mean they care, but you'll be off soon anyway and no one will remember that you had a few extra days off sick before your mat leave. I'd prioritise in-laws preparedness any day! That balance of risks again.

My offer to seek refuge at ours still stands! 😉 Any chance you can declare yourself or your daughter "infectious" and put this off, for their sake?

This could be an AIBU thread on its own but thought i would put it to all of you first.

recently found out that after we told MIL we were pregnant last year she then told our pregnancy news not only to most of DH's side but also let it slip to DH close friend who then told about 8 others of his friendship circle. This was obv before we wanted everyone to know our news and no1 let on that they knew.

DH found this out a few months ago but kept it from me as he knew i would hit the fuckin roof. Which i did. i was fucking livid. Called her out on it blah blah, she said she was just too excited and thats why told DH family and then it was an accident telling DH friend. rolls eyes

ANYWAY i got over it. well il always be angry about it but got over it. but now after speaking to DH about plans for when labour starts, ive told DH that under no circumstances do i want his mum to know until i decide its time to tell her. He said im being shit and that she has every right to know, i replied pretty much saying that if i wanted everyone to know i was in labour i would put it on fucking facebook and that i didnt trust his mum to keep it to herself.

Obv dont want to fall out with DH about it but i dont want MIL to start telling everyone our news... AGAIN.

thoughts?

@twinkleday key things are... in the first few weeks/months, she goes up to bed with baby at 9pm, low lights and low noise - radio or tv, (but deff some noise not silence as baby is used to noise) and does change into sleepwear and breast feed. Settles baby down, baby sleeps. Dh does bottle feed at midnight (so sis can sleep), no extra cuddles straight back down, again only low lights etc, then sis does breast feed at about 3am again straight back down for baby, they all sleep till 6:30, 3yr old wakes up, comes in for cuddles, then everyone up lights on and establish day time.
Baby only sleeps down stairs during the day in pram/ bassinet to support routine of going up to bed and day vs night, Bedtime bath etc all as you’d expect though she recommended don’t bath baby for first 5 days, keeps their familiar smell a bit longer for their own comfort, just wipe with warm cotton wool and don’t fully wash the belly button, sounds gross but first one she did and took 2 weeks to heal this one she didn’t and was healed in 4 days.

The whole routine sort of sounds obvious but the team work between mum and dad is key, him prepping the milk in readiness to feed without baby needing to stir too much and letting mum sleep so she’s not a crazy person :) That’s what she calls a dream feed, don’t wait for baby to scream, at least not in the early days, aim for every 3 hrs if baby doesn’t ‘ask’ more regularly, then you’ll learn how regular it wants feeding, how much etc and pick your times from there. After a few weeks/couple of months the routine seems to be in place.

With this second she had the dh midnight bottle feed working from day 5....and baby switches between bottle and boob easily.

Both kids sleep brilliantly, she’s never had problems at all. And she looks bloody amazing! Sounds too good to be true I know.

I think this could be more important for us given daylight hours - blackout blinds etc and really focusing on night vs day feels important.

Did someone say on this group that they found out they were leaking amniotic fluid..?

If so, how did you know?

Also, I have been invited to a friend's wedding next April and she has said that babies/children aren't invited but I totally understand her reasoning. A lot of her friends are pregnant/having children but she doesn't have any so she doesn't really want her wedding to become overrun with little kids and babies. It just kind of changes the tone of the day and it's not her fault that all of her friends are reproducing 😂

Stargazy I'm finding physical element to sickness for sure - I'm greedy and can't stop eating and there's no room for the food to go and I end up feeling sick! Perhaps this will finally get me to consider portion size...

Kentish I'm so sorry you are unwell again, you've been through the mill this pregnancy you poor thing. Please take very good care of yourself and get plenty of fluids and rest

Becky think Boots sell pads that turn a different colour if it's amniotic fluid

The only wedding invite we have currently is February ... in Goa! Baby is invited but I'm not sure how we will feel about long haul flight at that stage... DH is a long haul pilot so I do want baby to get used to flying, but this feels pretty intrepid

Thanks @Trying2bemum I'll have a look into that

BeckyButterfly it was me asking about the amniotic fluid, on the back of a lot of discharged and then we found the pads in Boots. But I haven't got them yet and don't think I'm leaking it just yet.

Trying2bemum we've been thinking about a long haul flight in February too, not for a wedding but for a bit of winter sun staying with friends. Feels a bit soon. Would the baby need extra jabs for Goa? It will be SO cute when your baby boards their first flight! 😍

Hi everyone.

Thanks for your messages and all your advice :) Greatly appreciated. I'm too stubborn sometimes and rarely prioritise myself so this is all quite a challenge for me.

I've just seen the back specialist again and he said to go straight on sick leave. Basically back & sciatica is not getting better + with work not being super supportive he said that in his medical opinion bed rest and sick leave is the best option. I can't wrap my head around it but will listen to him. 7 weeks to go now; I've never had that much time "off" and already panicking how to fill my time. But I'm so tired of the pain so its the right thing to do, and also need to put the baby first.

@kentish I hope you are feeling better? You've really been unlucky with illnesses this pregnancy :(

@yukka thanks for sharing re the sleeping tricks! I looked it up and really like their approach. I'm also thinking of giving the DH the night feed via bottle task, good way of bonding too I think.

@cocodash It's a tough one, but sounds like you need to have another convo with your DH on why it upset you last time. Maybe he doesn't get it and that you guys should be spreading the news? I know many who haven't told their parents anything until the baby is actually here.
I've said to my DH we can tell family, but I don't want visitors in hospital.

@stargazy NCT is really full on! No wonder you have been exhausted mentally, you really do need to give it your all + take all that info in which is a challenge!

That sounds like it's definitely the right decision for you @blueeyedviking you have to put yourself and baby first! Lots of time to relax and get things sorted now.

@blueeyedviking OH DH knows why it annoyed me lol and he was furious with his mum for blabbing our news as well. at the time she told everyone we were really early on prob about 7 weeks pregnant. Said his mum wont tell anyone im in labour...... also said that last time! I mean it may be the case she will have to be told as she may need to look after DSD but in an ideal world i would rather he let me decide when to tell people that im in labour. I just dont want EVERYONE knowing and messaging for updates etc etc esp as could be there a while. auch who knows how it will go down lol

I would be really cross too @cocodash we've told our parents that we're not going to tell them when I go into labour and we're going to have the first few hours together as a family. That way no one can spread 'our' news and we're not being constantly bombarded for updates. I'd definitely speak with your OH again to reiterate how you feel

Completely understand @cocodash especially as you are the one in labour it should be your choice when you are ready after to share that news. Aren't MIL a dream?! Mine got upset as she bought a box full of presents for this baby at 8 weeks and said I seemed ungrateful about them. I'd had an early loss two months before so didn't want to get excited until our 12 week scan.

blueeyedviking glad to hear your doctor has signed you off. It's so much better for you, and don't worry, no one will think badly about it. The thing about having lots of time to fill, I suspect, is more daunting as an idea than in reality. It'll go quickly! And you'll be all rested and ready. I'm off work as of this week and so far I've been feeling exhausted and a bit broken, almost like that feeling when things catch up with you at the start of a holiday. And things are piling up already, jobs and visits and stuff. The time will just go.

cocodash I would be so frustrated with MIL if she had done that. I absolutely wouldn't tell her about going into labour because of the possibility of too many people wanting updates when you're not ready. It's your medical event, first and foremost. It's also your news. If you, very understandably, don't want even the slightest chance of interruptions or even the pressure of thinking people might have been told and you'll be needing to announce asap, DH should help prevent that. You come first here, you need to have as few worries and frustrations as possible on the day.

Thank you all for the good wishes - yesterday was horrible - I just got worse and worse - my poor husband was on the brink of phoning an ambulance...probably not long after I melodramatically declared "I think I'm dying". Hmm. Yes. Well, in my defence, I did feel poorly!! 😳 All joking aside, I can't think of the last time I felt that bad; the doctor told me to take paracetamol to bring temperature down but it still wouldn't go below 39. I was just there all night shivering and sweating with a fan on me, with my heart racing. Today I'm a bit improved so fingers crossed the antibiotics are kicking in. stargazydrifter ah thank you, you're very sweet, I hope you've recovered from nct and all the polite smiling - in a few months you'll be sharing so much information that the fixed smiles will be gone and you can all be brutally honest! It was nice in the early days to get together with my nct friends as we were all going through similar things and we'd all end up in hysterics at the things we were going through. cocodash I think stargazy has hit the nail on the head - first and foremost, it's a medical event for you so it's imperative that your well being (and baby's) takes centre stage - I felt strongly with my daughter that my family should be told first because they would also want to know I was ok - we told them when I went into labour last time and actually it was a mistake - when things went wrong and they didn't hear from us for ages, they were panicked - it's just another stress / pressure....hence why we've lied about D day this time! 😉 Re the sleeping - we were quite lucky with my daughter, she had her moments when she was ill or teething, but otherwise she slept through from about 6 or 7 weeks - however, I think that was just pot luck and I am fully prepared for the worst this time! I've had friends who have had one child who has slept beautifully and then the other nightmare. However, i'll be following yukka's sleep plan to give myself a fighting chance!!

Ps sorry for the essay...I don't seem to be able to split my posts into paragraphs?!

@kentishgal That sounds horrendous amd very scary! Hope you are managing to get some rest and that the antibiotics are kicking in.

I'm on my way to work to meet with HR and then break the news to my manager. That will be fun... I really hope he isn't there when I return from maternity leave; mostly because he is simply not a nice person.

I wonder if they will try and get me to WFH more so they dont miss out on 3 weeks of work. However I'm now at the point where I'm fed up giving it all and being treated horrible, so why should I? I'll make sure my team has the handover I've almost finished because I care about them and want to do that right.