July 2019 - Part 5!!

[Kentishgal]

Here goes...hope this works...

Wonder how many threads we'll have completed before the end of the first trimester!

Haha @Michelle , Christmas with kids is magical but ours last year was quite stressful! With 3 kids next year I'll 100% not be leaving the house ! PJs and playing with toys all day

Hi all, busy few days here but am finally off for the Christmas break now! Good luck on your results Laburna , hoping all is well. And congrats on all the 12 week scans. I am STILL annoyed at being so far behind. Going by LMP I am around 8+5 or 8+6

My 12 week scan is mid Jan.... but I've got another private one tomorrow lunch time because I'm impatient. I'm quite nervous, I've had some pains, back ache and have been feeling generally unwell (cold, sickness etc), although my boobs are tender I've lost all other symptoms. My MMC last time was between 6 and 10 weeks last time so am shitting myself inside.

@Dumbarton I hear you! I was going to pay £60 for a scan today but going to EPAU Mon now I'm like if I'd paid I'd know now!

Ha, my autocorrect changed that. @wombatron

I’m getting anxious about telling people actually, I have spent the past 24 hours with my parents- causally layering up round my tummy and we are telling on Xmas eve after my rescan mum dad and bro. I get emotional at the best of times even telling my boss I was Welling up with happy tears, and my and OH are over the moon but we aren’t married and haven’t had any child experience before ... but boy are we excited and ready for it at this stage in our 8 year relationship...

Has anyone else felt like this before ?

We never leave the house at Christmas either! @wombatron good luck for tomorrow. Missed miscarriages are awful and I feel your pain xx

I am shaking

My OH had his works Christmas do yesterday. He's just strolled in at 6.30am after telling me he was on the way to the train on his own at 9pm last night ! He's obviously pissed, When I confronted him he said he was at his "mates" . He doesn't have any friends where we live . I asked what mate and he completely made up a name on the spot and then laughed. I am absolutely furious. I don't believe him at all. I've just lost it and pushed him and he ended up pushing me back, told me to get out his house, pushed me a few more times. I said do you want to hurt this baby ?! And he said yes !!!!

We're supposed to be going to tell my family about the baby today 😪 I don't know what to do !

@ReginaPhalange89 maybe just wake until the alcohol has worn off (presuming he has had too much) and then try to sit and have a chat about it.

Have you got children together already? How did he feel about TTC/ or finding out your news?

I know if I was in your position I would be in state too but people do crazy shit when they are drunk xxxxx

@twinkleday I’m very anxious about telling my family too but I think in a different way to yourself. Been with DH for 10yrs and I think they keep wondering when we’re eventually going to have kids but I still feel really stressed about telling them. I find it extremely difficult to talk about anything to do with “feelings” with them and have always maintained quite a clinical relationship with my family. Urgh, it’ll just be so awkward. Makes me cringe thinking about it!
DH just thinks I’m odd. He’s probably correct lol.

Omg Regina what a drama! Are you ok? I would take a few breaths, have a cup of tea and let him sleep and sober up in the meantime. There’s no point talking to him when he’s like that and he won’t have meant what he said/did. Will probably apologise when he comes to his senses? Just a heat of the moment thing maybe? Has anything like that happened before?

Yeah we've got 2 kids already (though the eldest isn't his). This baby was very much planned just like the last , I'm assuming he just said it out of anger.

I hate feeling like I can't trust someone. I tossed and turned all night waiting for him and just can't stand the fact hes lying to me about where he has been ! I know he's going to be in a bad mood when he wakes up later and say he's not coming to my family dinner , we told my eldest about the baby on Friday and promised her she could tell her Gran etc today so I don't know what to do . Sitting here bawling my eyes out now

I think you should carry on with the plan about telling Gran for your eldest, if you can. Although he should be there for the announcement too probably.... hmm. It’s a tricky one.

Don’t jump to any conclusions yet, you need to talk to him when he’s sober and get everything straight. When he said he’d been at a mates and then laughed it sounds as though he wasn’t taking it seriously, so there’s probably nothing too much to be concerned about?

Hope you’re ok. Try not to think too much about it until you can speak to him properly. As difficult as that is!

@Regina, fuck that sounds scary! How are you feeling now?

@reeny19 he told me he was on his way home at 9pm last night (on his way to the train ). Then a few hours later (after several missed calls and messages) he replied to me saying he was on the train, I went to bed, woke at 1 to messages saying he'd apparently fallen asleep on the train and it had taken him back into town . Then he ignroed every message and phone call after that. When he strolled in this morning he made up a completely generic name and sniggered, if he was at his mates why wouldn't he just say a proper name? And why not just tell me where he was going instead of letting me sit up worrying ?

I didn't want to tell family without him :( we've waited til now because we can both be there. I think they'd think it's weird if he's not there telling them too :(

I know he's going to wake up and think it's all my fault and completely ignore the fact he's lied to me and made that awful comment about the baby. He'll just focus on the fact I shoved him (which I know I shouldn't have but I seen red).

I'm more annoyed at the fact he knew we had plans today and has completely ruined them, but will be expecting me still to go to his family overnight on Christmas night !!! If he ruins today I'm not going. I'm so angry and can't stop crying

Oh @ReginaPhalange89 you poor thing! Sending huge virtual hugs, it must be horrible. I’m afraid I am queen of the silent treatment so I’d be out of there and staying somewhere else like a shot! However, I totally understand that with kids that isn’t possible. You need to decide what you want to do re telling family today, if you think you can sort it out with him before then maybe then go ahead, if not could you put it off? Such s difficult situation, I hope he wakes up and is mortified and apologetic and you can move on from it. Really hope all is sorted ASAP xx

Hi guys,

Wish me luck. My brother is getting married in Sri Lanka on 4 Jan- we were due to be flying out on 28 December. I have to drive the 50 miles today to tell them we are not coming (doctor said no) and that we are pregnant.... really don't want to as it's only 9 weeks and three days. Also have to beg them to not tell anyone (inc my mum) who I want to surprise at 12 weeks!

Husband has had the flu all week so he can't come with me today. 😕😕

regina oh you poor thing. Xx if it was me I’d let him sleep for a bit but wake him up before you need to go. And if he says no go anyway. Let dd tell her granny. Carry on as normal. If he misses out it’s his fault. Do not let it spoil your day.

If this is a one off drunk Christmas party getting home late is leave it at that. The pushing though - hopefully this is also a one off? Not dismissing or minimising it at all but if it’s a one off it’s possible he’s tired drunk angry st himself?

To be fair if he’s that drunk at 6am chances are he’s going to feel awful later. I’d wait until later then have a chat about it.

I would however also get myself and kids ready to go and let them make as much noise as they want. Want to crash saucepans about? Sure. Screeching along to the radio karaoke style? Absolutely.

I was wondering whether he had fallen asleep on a train or something. That sounds perfectly legit. Mine did similar once before when he was out with a work colleague. They missed the last train back due to drunkenness so had to get a travelodge together.

He prob didn’t even go to a mates and just slummed it on a bench at the train station - hence a made up name and then laughing at his own joke (whilst also not appreciating that it’s not funny from your perspective). However I don’t think it’s that bad of a thing overall.

Tell your eldest that daddy is feeling a bit sick today and it’s not fair to tell gran without him being there, so she’s got to keep it as her little secret for a little longer. Then rearrange a day to tell them. I wouldn’t refuse to go to his parents because of this either, that will only make things worse.

Tbh yes, he did know you had plans today but he got drunk, and due to being disorganised missed a train and messed it all up. I don’t think he did any of this intentionally and was just disorganised. Things like this happen a lot when people get carried away. Try not to let it get to you too much, I don’t think it’s going to be as much of an issue as you think it might be.

@ReginaPhalange89 That sounds horrible and very scary. Has he behaved like this before eg pushed you?

I would continue with your plan in telling your family. Don't let him ruin that for you too, and if he isn't there then that is his choice as he knows its happening today. I don't know how close you are to your family but you may need them the next few days if things are difficult.

You have every right to be angry but try and keep it to the facts when you speaks. It's harder for him to act like a child then, but do let him sober up first.

craving oh difficult situation. We had the same last year. Bil lives in nz and got married when I was 10 weeks. We’d booked flights months before. Then found out I was pg. I wasn’t feeling up to flying (it causes me great anxiety anyway) and felt so sick so we decided it was better for me not to go.

Dh has to tell the family though as they all jumped to (the wrong) conclusions and wondered if we’d split up. We’d told bil and sil and mil though so they knew.

I like your optimism @reeny19 but unfortunately I don't feel like it's an honest mistake. It wouldn't be the first time he's done something like this . Also when he finally answered my phone call and was apparently on the "train" , it didn't sound like he was on a train. And it sounded like there was someone else there telling him what to say :(

I trust him 99% of the time but honestly , not when he goes out. He very rarely goes out drinking but when he does something like this always happens and I never get a proper explanation

I think I generally tend to give people the benefit of the doubt, usually I’m quite laid back about stuff. But if you say he’s done stuff like this before then that does change it somewhat...

Maybe he’s just disorganised? Careless? I dunno. Either way it shouldn’t happen more than once.

All the best today and I hope something can be worked out. Try not to make any decisions in the spur of the moment or when angry if you can - emotional decisions aren’t often the best ones!

@reeny19 yes exactly we don’t talk about feelings either though we do kiss every time we leave and say bye. We do very much luck after them though, take them for days out and cooked tea for them, I feel like I’ve been ready to be a mum for about the past 4 years.. we have moved all over the country 3 times,been on adventure hols, bought a house gutted it and done it up, all bills at are joint and this was part of the 5 year plan... as per some of my friends I don’t tell everyone what my next move is ... but a majority of my friends do before they have even got there which is a shame. Social media is horrid too.. I really think it has an impact on some friendships

Omg Regina :( this is my ex husband all over. Note, ex. I took him back after many episodes like yours and he walked out on me 7 weeks after I gave birth to our fourth baby. Could he have taken drugs?

I did wonder that @BirthdayKake. He used to do drugs when he was young but he hasn't since I've known him. But the guys from work he was out with, I know some of them are young guys so it wouldn't surprise me if there were drugs going around