The March-ers 2019 - #7

[Angelmiracle]

Welcome to no.7 mamas 😄

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Thread 6

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/3379197-The-March-ers-2019-6

@VillageFete I'm very sorry for your loss by the way, I saw this on the thread last night and meant to comment. It must be incredibly hard and so many mixed emotions for you, I hope you are being kind to yourself and taking care. X

@AssumeItWasSomethingClever just to back up what others have said. Please ring and get checked over.

@Sictransitgloria @toastfiend talking of bumps, I do feel that some people really don't know the appropriate things to say sometimes! I've had 'you look really pregnant today' (well duh!) and 'you look like you're about to drop' and 'oooh not long to go' even though just under 10 weeks left. I went to a breastfeeding class on Saturday and I felt that bit bigger compared to some others at a similar stage but I'm very much all bump and not much weight gain elsewhere which I'm thankful for. Albeit my back feels a bit softer at the bottom and the tops of my thighs are definitely not as toned. But I like to call this scaffolding! I think every woman carries differently and the two times I've been measured I'm right on target with centimetres collating directly with the number of weeks gone so that's all that matters to me!

I think ladies on supermarket checkouts feel it is their duty to say ‘not long now’ or similar.

I really want to compile a ‘things not to say to a pregnant woman list’

So far I have-

You/your bump is small/big
Can I touch it, oh I already am
Agreeing that you look fat, your hair is greasy, etc. Never agree.
The waist is the first things to go
Catch up on your sleep-I’m not sleeping well
Not sleeping well is good practise-really reassuring to an exhausted person
Well you’re eating for two
You’ve put on weight-what are you actually implying
Asking if you’re pregnant before you’ve announced it
Have you got the nursery sorted-no!
Nice things-
You look really well or you’re glowing-still can make me feel like a fat, sweaty, mess.
You’re doing really well-thanks?
You’re so laid back-am I?! Am I?!
How long have you got left-you don’t understand pregnancy weeks anyway . . .

I appreciate there’s not many ways for people to win. Maybe how are you? But even then you can get bored of explaining everything.

Haha yes @Gronk27 I thought it was just me being grumpy and wanting to hole up in my house until forever more. Honestly, every woman and their dog has an opinion on pregnancy and babies, drives me mad. People have asked me if I have all the stuff yet (no) and is the nursery done (absolutely not) and are horrified. Really though, what is it to you?! Argh. Rant over.

GTT was ok. Phleb was moody and a bit heavy handed so bloods were uncomfortable. The glucose drink was a warm thick orange gunk which was gross but all done now. Hoping I don’t have gestational diabetes.

Thank you for the reassurance re: bump sizes. Rationally I know that we are all different shapes and sizes but when people make comments it starts to play on your mind a little. Get measured tomorrow so hopefully all will be well.

Thanks everyone for your responses.
I spoke to my midwife who told me to call the helpline. They weren't available (useful for a helpline!!) so I've left a message. Since I've felt baby move but it's kicking me on what feels like my tail bone so I think it's just moved low down and is kicking my back which is why I can't feel it. The helpline are supposed to be returning my call within 2 hours- if they actually listen to my voicemail. I don't know whether to follow it up again now that I've felt movement.

See how your feel @assumeitwassomethingclever - if you keep feeling movements you may feel there is no need, but keep an eye and don't worry about bothering them.

I am so annoyed at the consultant /hospital communication or lack thereof. The 1st consultant I saw wanted fortnightly scans but the more recent appointment was bloody useless and now it seems she's ordered my next scan at 32 weeks not 30 as it should have been according to the first one.
While I'm not overly concerned about her size at the moment the point was to carefully track her and it doesn't feel like they are. Don't know whether to mention it to the midwife tomorrow as it is obviously a different care area... Sorry to whinge, it just feels like the amount of concern from the 1st consultant has been brushed off.

@AssumeItWasSomethingClever I agree with squirtles. Glad you have felt movement but see how you feel later on today.
@SquirtlesMumAgain that is pants. The lack of consistency and reading of notes and history between consultants is really irritating. Mine seem to think that I will be fine with growth scans at 4 week intervals. And I'm like - no thanks, when we discussed this in the strategy meeting for care if I got pregnant again it was definitely 2 weeks that we said. And it's in the letter that particular consultant sent me.
I would definitely mention it to the midwife and ask her how you sort it out. In my case I always refer back to my original consultant and ring her secretary to get a phone call back from the consultant when she gets a chance.
I am also part of her clinic so can ring the midwife at the clinic if I need to.
So there will be an avenue for you to get heard it's just sometimes really tough to identify who it is you need to speak to.

@villagefete I'm so sorry to hear about your friend, as even though it sounded like everyone (including her) knew the end was inevitable and close it's still a massive shock when it actually happens. I hope you're taking care of yourself and recognising that you can only do so much and there's hopefully more people than just you in the support network.

Also, wrt autism links... I've been on an identical cocktail of 5mg folic acid plus high dosage of vit D due to my epilepsy meds since late 2017. I've seen at least one NHS person every other week pretty much since then in lots of depts and hospitals and I've never heard of that link, nor has it come up with any of our medic friends who obviously know I'm pregnant. It sounds like the latest scare story about autism rather than anything with real scientific evidence so wouldn't worry about it and if you're still concerned you could chat to your midwife?

Thanks @cardboard33 It’s been incredibly tough, but I do feel a lot less stressed since she passed. I hope that doesn’t sound awful? But watching her suffer was brutal. I am doing a lot for her son at present, as in taking him to school every morning (he’s in my daughter’s class) and having him around at my house a lot. Obviously things will have to change once baby arrives. I can’t commit to school runs long term, he’s a 15 min car drive away.

I seen midwife today got an appointment by ringing this morning! Clinic impossible to get through to. Seeing consultant on Thursday but wasn't sure who would do 28 week bloods. She done them and all other usual checks.

Although I'm having growth scans she measured my bump. 30cm at 28+3 😨 Will be interesting to see what growth scan shows Thurs. Just hoping it's post Christmas indulgence lol.

Thankully I'm negative for GD. She reassured me also that she fainted a lot when pregnant especially in delivery suite 😨 hopefully will escape that!!

@Gronk27 so true 😂

@VillageFete that's not awful at all, it's the truth when you've been looking after someone so ill for so long. They're extremely lucky to have you and others like you in their lives.

@Angelmiracle glad it's all looking reassuring!

@villagefete no, it doesn't sound awful. It sounds honest and what most people think when someone they've been caring for passes away as it is a massive emotional burden and drain on you, regardless of how much you love that person. This is why you need to ensure you're looking after yourself in addition to her (or now, her son) because if you break due to not taking care then that won't do anyone any good, least of all her son (and her memory) which are the things you're trying so hard to preserve.

I assume that there are other people involved with her son, such as family members or is there a dad on the scene? Perhaps the imminent baby will help you to help yourself in ensuring that the school run, after school care etc isn't a long term thing? How would they react to you saying you can only do it until say, half term, or the end of Jan?

@villagefete again, sorry meant to ask if you've spoken to the Macmillan bereavement people? Or similar? You might find that a useful space to process the death of your friend alongside your thoughts surrounding the new baby.

First and foremost, @VillageFete I'm so sorry to hear about your friend passing away. Such a hard thing... But so much harder when little children are involved. Sounds like you have been doing a great job of helping out while you still can. Hugs to you. Make sure you are looking after yourself as well. Please try not to worry about the supplements. And if you do worry, then check out where this person got their story from - people make stuff up / misinterpret stuff all the time. It sounds to me like you've taken exactly what you needed to make sure that you and baby are healthy. Much better than not taking folic acid!

@melissa112 hope your meal out was delicious and relaxing.

@cardboard33 ooo yes I played a lot of Theme Hospital when I was a kid. It was one of three PC games I owned. Remember the vomiting outbreaks when you didn't put enough toilets in? Really hope your baby isn't like one of the inflated head men... Ouch! And yes, we've obviously taken some similar life paths! Our parents thought we were never ever going to get married, having been together so long and there not having been any sniff of it. Then we got engaged and married in a span of 7 weeks...

@Gronk27 I am occasionally getting a very sore mid bump too. I think it's how the baby is lying sometimes. Often when the baby then does a big movement the soreness goes. I loved the Cheeky Wipes and will be buying more for this baby. I did take them out and about for a year or so but then switched to disposable wipes because the poos were so rank! If you get the wipes kit then it does come with bags for clean and dirty wipes to put in your nappy bag. I found it okay for little baby poos.

@Miami81 gosh you might be the first of all of us to have your baby. How lovely. It is getting more and more real! I've been taking iron tablets for four weeks now and I feel SO much better. Well worth it.

I've sorted out all the baby clothes over the weekend and put all the newborn ones stacked ready in a drawer. Upthread I gave advice about only getting a few newborn things and more 0-3 months, as I remembered DS not fitting in his newborn clothes - I take that back! I had some newborn clothes from M&S that were tiny - only up to 7lbs something - and those were the ones that he didn't fit into. The other newborn clothes / 0-1 month clothes I had were up to 10lbs, and he wore those for the first few weeks. So that is definitely what you need to take in your hospital bag unless you reckon you're having a real whopper! I'll be packing a handful of the small (unworn!) M&S clothes just in case this one turns out to be dainty (I feel this is unlikely... although because I'm having a planned section this baby will be 3 weeks earlier than DS, so you never know...) and the rest will be the up to 10lbs lot.

Getting a bit twitchy now about the logistics of looking after two children. DH took our son to nursery this morning. I'd packed the bag, got everything ready, brought DH coat / hat etc to put on him. DH put his hat on, then put him in the car without his coat on and started driving off, having left the coat hanging over the back of the chair where he had been sitting! What the actual?!?!?!? It's bloody freezing outside! DH does way more childcare than the average dad and he's normally pretty practical and capable. It really worries me that even so, he didn't think to check that DS had a coat with him. What's going to happen when I am trapped on a sofa beneath a breastfeeding baby?!?!?!?! Arrrrgggghhhhhh!

I did manage to get the coat to them before he pulled out of the drive, by the way!

Thank you everyone. I really appreciate your kind support.

@cardboard33 Yes, his dad is a very hands on dad, but is really struggling with doing the whole full time dad thing whilst grieving. Unfortunately both my friend and her partner come from very unsupportive families (bar one or two members) so i’ve been doing as much as I can. I definitely do need to focus on baby soon though. I’m tired, emotional and with having such a big gap (9 years) Feel like i’ve forgotten everything and am completely starting again as a mum!

@BadBadBeans You certainly aren’t alone in these thoughts. I’m so apprehensive of the juggling act that’s to come! How do I find the time to help my DD with her homework, take her swimming, basically mother her with a newborn/baby/toddler?! Guess we just figure it out as we go. I’d also love to complete my family with one more baby close-ish in age to my son, so he has someone to “grow up with” as my DD is 9. The thought of juggling it all with 3 kids is terrifying But millions do it, so i’ll cope... won’t I?!

Apologies for joining you in the earlier months, and then just disappearing again, somehow the weeks have just passed me by.

I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas and New Year.
I’ve got quite a bit of back reading to do to generally catch up, but sorry @villagefete to hear about your friend.

Is anyone finding movements predominantly uncomfortable and often painful?
I feel like I should just be grateful to feel him move and relish in the joyous thing that is fetal movements, but honestly, I can’t stand it 99% of the time.
And on top of that, apparently 10pm-2am is party time, so whilst not only am I struggling to get comfy in bed because you do when you’re pregnant but this little guy just doesn’t give it a rest, so I’m absolutely exhausted and unable to sleep till the early hours.
Which is just adding to the general stress that this not-so-straightforward pregnancy is proving to be.

@Sictransitgloria Oh honestly don't get me started. They're not even in the bloody nursery for 6 months.

@babycatcher411 hello! Mine goes crazy at night too bless you.

@villagefete I'm sorry and please don't feel guilty about being less stressed, it's often a sort of relief when it finally does happen and please do prioritise yourself. You have to look after yourself before you can look after others xx

@badbadbeans thanks for responding, it's eased off now and I think it was a growth spurt. And I'm going to get the Cheeky Wipes whilst they're £10 off at the mo. Little baby poos made me smile. Defo going to do a combo of reusable and eco. I'm not a super green person just think it's so much waste. But totally get that when caring for a tiny human you just need it to be easy.

My thought on the autism link thing. We will have all been told to take folic acid along with all pregnant or TTC ladies for a long time surely?

Sorry to the ladies who are struggling with scans and consultants, etc. What a shame to have to fight for what you were told was going to happen!

We are going down the reasuable nappy route. I have bought loads off eBay, and whilst I’m really keen on the idea from a cost perspective predominantly, I’m also very apprehensive about the logistics.
I’ve not really looked properly at wipes yet, but from the bits of reading I’ve done, I was just going to go with cut up fleece fabric.

We decided on the single sized ones, which you popper up and down to fit the different ages, but it’s now looking like DS is going to be a small baby and induced early so I’m a bit about whether they’ll just be ginormous on him in the early months.

Most definitely - kicks and movements are reassuring but definitely uncomfortable! I don't remember it being like this last time, but I think she is going to be bigger than her brother which scares me!

Been to the midwife this morning, measuring 30 at 29+6 so on the upper end of my expected chart but said the growth scans would be more accurate which puts her at the lower end at the moment.
Next scan is on 23rd Jan and then back to the midwife on 29th Jan.... Feels like everything is slowly ramping up, but I need to get my hospital bags sorted soon

@babycatcher411 a lot of people have advised me to start with disposable/biodegradable and then when you're a little more settled to start with the reusables. And like you say they may not be small enough at first? Maybe have a few as a back up. I'm not an expert though!

Just come back from my 31 week midwife appointment.

I am measuring so grossly over the growth chart that he looks like he'll be full sized now 😂😂.

I'm back with a different midwife on Friday (in the process of moving house so my GP is currently in a very different area to my community midwife so seeing both) so I'm hoping that today was some massive error (by both the midwife and the student.......) or if I seem to be growing daily then I might book for a private scan to give me peace of mind because the idea of a ginormous baby is not calming!

@gronk27 yeah, I think we’ll probably start with disposables and start adding in the reusable ones home and settled.

I’d originally planned a home birth, so using resuables straight off the mark had been the plan because we’re in the comfort of home and easy enough to have a play around, but given an induction is now looking very likely, I’m definitely not contemplating taking them to hospital.

@whatalearningcurve was today’s midwife the one who had measured you the other times? There can be practitioner bias when measurements are by different people.
If your next measurement is a drop from this one, you’ll be referred for a scan anyway, as it’ll look like ‘slow’ growth