Thanks, ladies. It’s so good to have a place like this to speak openly and to get some advice.
@Wineandchoccy I think I’m going to start with a list of things to do and then if DH wants to help out, he can take a look. He’s definitely the sort that has a little daily checklist (washing up, make lunch for work etc.) that means he doesn’t necessarily see that there are other things that need doing. I know he’s been feeling like he’s been carrying us with regards to housework and things lately and, with me no longer working, I think he would get annoyed if I asked him to split it with me. I think he feels like he does “everything” at the moment so I want to make sure I do my share and tbh his version of cleaning and tidying doesn’t exactly match mine. Thank you @HidCat I think little and often is the way forward and I’m sure that once Christmas is out of the way I will manage to get through everything, it just feels daunting at this point.
@Wineandchoccy I tried a different pillow last night for the first time in a little while and I feel like it helped in an odd way so thank you! The pain is still there in my back but higher up than it has been and a bit more concentrated, which doesn’t sound like a good thing but means that I can cough without jolting it and causing me to cry out. The pain is usually about half-way up my back which the midwife said was unusual so I don’t know if a support belt or anything like that would help. It’s my birthday tomorrow and I know DH was looking into pregnancy massage at one time so I’m crossing my fingers that he’ll have treated me. @BadBadBeans I don’t know much about physio so I wasn’t expecting it to work miracles but if it’s worth it then I would happily pay privately or see if there’s any money left from DH for my Christmas gift. Do you, or anyone, know what the physio can do to help mid or upper back pain in pregnancy? The original doctor I saw said that it seems like a muscle pain and she would prescribe anti-inflammatories, if I wasn’t pregnant, so I suppose in my head that would be what I need to help my back and I can’t see anything else helping.
@NotDoingThat I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling too. Pregnancy can definitely be overrated! Not helped that everyone seems to think that it’s such a wonderful time and don’t seem to understand what hard work it is if you have a little moan. I totally agree with the “only so many minutes of sympathy” - DH is trying hard to be sympathetic but I guess while I’m being miserable, he has other things to do and doesn’t know how to make me feel better so I just get a quick “there, there”, it feels. Also understand that about your partner doing things like changing light switches - my DH is exactly the same with jobs that need doing. We need to clear out the spare room for baby but next thing you know, he’s reorganising the DVDs or something that seems unnecessary to me - I think men just have a really different outlook.
@BadBadBeans with our relationship, DH was stressed about having a baby before DS was born and I was convinced that he didn’t want him at all. Despite me saying it numerous times through my pregnancy, it wasn’t until a couple of weeks before he was born when DH told me that he did want him and was just a bit worried about being a dad. He’s had depression “on and off” since I’ve known him and had quite a bad relationship with his dad at one stage so that was a lot of the issue but he’s so bad at talking about things that he didn’t give me any indication that that was the problem. Having a newborn then made things difficult, like you said, and I got PND so we weren’t really very good for each other for a few months. He finally started getting some help for his depression again at the beginning of this year and he assured me that he wanted a second baby and he would be really involved with pregnancy etc. but I don’t feel that’s been the case. I’ve had another few moments thinking that he doesn’t want this one either which might just be my own paranoia but he just doesn’t feel very interested. He doesn’t really talk about baby or ask about movements or to feel kicks, he doesn’t talk about deciding on names or anything like that and, in some ways, it feels like I’m not pregnant in his mind. I do try to talk to him about baby and our relationship and the future but it feels like it’s me doing the talking and him just agreeing with everything. Sorry for another moan - talking is good advice but it feels like he needs to see that and I don’t know what to do to get him to talk more. @AssumeItWasSomethingClever I’m sorry that you’ve also had relationship problems during pregnancy. I can definitely say we wouldn’t have been able to plan a wedding at the same time without killing each other so well done!
Sorry everyone, my posts seem to turn into essays.