The March-ers 2019 - #7

[Angelmiracle]

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Thread 6

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/3379197-The-March-ers-2019-6

Just a quick check in but I'm panicking again! We have our buffet and work today and I've had most of the food from the table which I considered safe. However it was only once I'd eaten that I realised the same person who took the lids off all the butties, opened the crisps etc also opened up the packs of salami and cured meats. So as she touched them and then touched the sandwich packs am I at risk for toxoplasmosis??

We also have our secret Santa after lunch and I'm worried the person who willpresent me my gift has eaten the cured meats so there maybe some toxoplasmosis on their hands before they pass me the gift and therefore it will spread to my hands and how will I get the gift home if it has potential toxoplasmosis on it?

I wish I hadn't eaten anything now

Hi everyone, sorry to hear a lot of you are having a miserable time with being pregnant :( @badbadbeans I know I've failed to reply to you for so long... Each time I write a reply my phone loses it and haven't been on an actual PC (and logged into here) for so long. Just wanted to say that I totally get all of your thoughts, and particularly in relation to how your husband deals with them internally whereas you need to vocalise them. It's the same with us. Have you had any more thoughts about taking them up on the counselling thing?

Found out last week that I may have to have the GD test too as my sugars were v high in my urine sample but they said they'd check again at my next appointment and see. Hope I don't as I can't be doing with even more time in the hospital!! Or do you do it through your GP? I've had quite literally all of my maternity appointments with the consultant at the hospital so not sure how this community midwife thing works.

Still feeling fine & not overly pregnant (although visible now!!) though which is good (sorry to those who aren't) so just need to get through Christmas & then we will be into the final stages now. Still got very itchy feet (oddly just at night) so not sure what's going on there. The hospital didn't seem concerned at all though and I've mentioned it every 2 weeks for 10 weeks now.

For those who are struggling to sleep... I started using lavender oil on my pillow from 19/20 weeks and genuinely feel it has made a difference. I got it for £1.50 in Wilko (mention this as it's really expensive in Holland & Barrett etc) so this could help others? I've gone from waking up multiple times a night to only waking up once to do the loo/eat/drink run which I've nailed now to get it done in 3 mins. Also think it's made husband sleep better too although he doesn't believe it, but he often doesn't wake up when I do my night run now.

In other news... Survived multiple Christmas parties without alcohol. Very glad that I'm visibly pregnant as it meant people remembered & I didn't have to lie whereas if it were before 12 weeks and/or you hadn't told many colleagues it could be difficult. Or at least, it could be if you have a stupid amount of work parties like we do!!

@melissa121 id say the risk is very very minimal and remember that you're only panicking about this because you know this this information. Had you not known that it was the same person handling both food items you probably wouldn't be fixating on it now, and it's likely that much "worse" things have happened relating to food in the past that you haven't known about so didn't worry about at the time. You can only do what you can do and you can't control every situation perfectly, so there will be times when you're unwittingly "exposing" yourself and baby to various "dangers" but that is quite literally life. Unless you never ever leave the house again you will come up against these situations and whilst there is a slight slight "risk" it is a very very minimal one and not one that you should prevent yourself from having a good time in order to avoid.

@cardboard33 thanks for your reply. I'm still sat at the lunch silently panicking. I'm more worried about the person opening the cured meat then touching the butties etc that I ate. Is this something anyone else would worry about or am I just going OTT? I feel like I could cry. I just can't protect this baby for another 12weeks, I'm not doing good enough .

@melissa112 there should be no risk with cold meats in the UK. It's in the US I believe solely for the avoiding deli meat advice

@Nightmanagerfan I ate dates in my last pregnancy and ended up having a 59 hour labour, episiotomy and forceps but if you like them it’s worth a try I suppose

@melissa112 I’m sure there is no risk at all try and relax as best as you can

Is that cold meats or cured meats?on the NHS it recommends avoiding cured meats such as salami and there was definitely cured meats on the buffet table. I'm so sorry to come on here having a moan. I wish these infections didn't exist. I feel like I'll be on edge the whole pregnancy worried if he's going to be ok when he's born now

@melissa112 I’m sure they will be ready to eat so ok

Ok thank you. Sorry to keep going on. I can't wait to have the baby, he's so wanted but I hate being pregnant. Don't think I could do it again despite wanting more children in the future

Unfortunately @melissa112 it is likely to get worse once baby is here - it is much easier to worry about them when they are here which is one reason by PND is so prevelant

@SquirtlesMumAgain will try the self referral again. I did pluck up the courage to try and couldn't get through so may be worth it as the midwife didn't take it very seriously. OH is very laid back and thinks there's nothing to to worry about in this situation. I think I was happier to think of baby being here as there's nothing then i can eat to harm him really. And OH will share responsibility of keeping him safe. Feel like there's a very big weight on my shoulders to keep this little one ok.

From personal experience it is much worse as there are the physical risks, the "could they get/are they going to breathe in/eat" etc, and the feeding fun... Is my milk going to hurt them/had the formula company made it correctly, and once Oh is back at work then you are on your own. Then you have the self doubt about feeding and keeping alive, then they cry and I broke down more than once (I had CBT for PND)

Not trying to be unkind, but I would definitely get as much help now as you can as having your tiny human there with much less control than you have now isn't going to make it easier to get a handle on things.

@Wineandchoccy did you have PTSD after the birth? Looking back I did but didn't recognise it. At GTT last week the consultant midwife asked how do I want to deliver this time- I really don't know!! It's giving me abit of anxiety recently.

@Angelmiracle I didn’t but it was pretty hideous my waters went at home and contractions started but were infrequent and not effective so ended up being induced with the drip - I do not want a repeat of that if I can help it.
We were both ok though and it obviously didn’t put me off

@melissa112 certainly listen to that voice in your head telling you that you need some support with this... And it's better to get it sooner rather than later because once your son is here in a few months time the worries will only intensity, whatever you tell yourself now. I don't have kids myself so can't speak from personal experience but like the others have said, I can only think that actually being a mum to a live human with its own brain/mind/ideas will be much more of a worry than when it's inside you... As you're exposing it to a whole world of "threats" once it comes out of the relative safety of your womb.

For what it's worth, it's likely that I wouldn't have even noticed that the same person was handling both items of food and if I had then whether or not I could get something from that would not have crossed my mind. I've never thought that once during my pregnancy. I'm not saying this to make you feel bad about your response, more to make you realise that the anxiety you're having about certain situations isn't a "normal" response. But you can and should get some support and help now so that you can work through this properly. Let us know what happens with the self referral. Do they have to get back to you within a certain time frame, I assume?

@melissa112 I put out some cured meats for friends the other day when they came round for supper. I then ate bread and pizza etc. without thinking anything of it and hadn't washed my hands between putting out the cured meat and eating my own food. It just didn't occur to me, although I didn't eat any of the cured meat. I really, really wouldn't worry and my anxiety is terrible since being pregnant, so I do understand where you are coming from. Any risk, if there is one at all, is so infinitesimally small it's honestly not worth it taking up space in your head. The gift will be fine too, I'm sure. I have plenty of friends who ate cured meat and soft cheese etc. throughout their pregnancies. It's not a path I would have taken and I appreciate it's not recommended, but their babies are all very happy and healthy, so I'm sure your baby will be absolutely fine from a minuscule amount of 'cross-contamination' (for want of a better phrase!)

Thank you all. It certainly does help to speak about my worries with others who are going through pregnancy too. It's quite scary to think that my anxiety may get worse when little one is here so I will definitely seek out help to avoid getting to that point. I've been anxious for the last few years when step sons mum was causing all kinds of drama. It sounds silly but before that I was quite laid back, never stressed about touching door handles or germs. I then became obsessed with hand sanitizer and worries about other health/germ related things but in a way felt like it was the only thing I could control when everything else was so crazy. I did get better for a few months before being pregnant but it's flared up again now.

Thank you all once again. I'll let you know how the referral goes.

I really recommend IAPT. I self-referred to them and they were incredibly kind and helpful and found me an appointment very rapidly. Unfortunately, work commitments meant I had to reschedule, but they've rebooked me in for some in January now. They explored all kinds of different options with me and helped me pick the one I felt most comfortable with (individual, rather than group, therapy in my case). I've felt much more in control even knowing that I will be taking steps to manage my anxiety soon, so it's already been beneficial. I've also been very honest with the midwives. One was nice but somewhat blasé and I didn't feel she understood how severe it was, but the other really listened and I feel like I have at least opened a line of communication about it now. My GP surgery are also aware and the GPs I have seen have been incredibly kind and helpful. Are you able to see a different midwife at all if you feel yours isn't listening to you? You might find different midwives have appointments on different days.

I'll catch up with everyone else later but I just want to say to @melissa112 that my heart goes out to you. I know exactly how it feels to be hyper-aware of perceived dangers and to not be able to switch off from that, to need to seek reassurance, and to play it over and over in my head until I am 'sure' that I am safe - or, more usually, until I am so unsure and so exhausted that I have no hope of thinking straight.

I don't think you need to worry about the meat. But as others have said, this is unlikely to go away once the baby is born. I had to express milk and I was paranoid about sterilizing the bottles. I was also paranoid about whether my nipples were clean enough (!). I worried about tiny fragments of glass or metal potentially transferring from my fingers to my breast pumping equipment and getting into the milk. I worried because I used superglue with a horrendous chemical in it and I dumped all my breast milk for 12 hours afterwards. I had to get professional help in the end, and I had talking therapy for about six months. It did get me back to being able to function fairly normally. I say fairly because I still have slips - I locked myself in the bathroom and cried the other day because my MIL put my DS's comforter (which he sucks) on the scales they use to weigh out dog food, which could have tiny crumbs of dog meat on it. It is so hard because I feel like that is an obvious thing to not do, but if I bring it up with people they think I am overreacting. I find it tough to determine for myself what is and isn't a reasonable worry. It's hard. But please get help, because it will make it easier xxx

@toastfiend yes I think IAPT has been recommended here before. It sounds like taking that first step as you say has already eased your mind a little so I hope I feel the same. Once Christmas is over I'll contact them before I start back to work in the New Year. New year, new start on getting a handle on all this. It's great that you have the choice of individual therapy, I think I'd prefer that too.

Unfortunately there is only one midwife that comes to my GP and it's the same one each time. She is really lovely but don't think I quite got across how much things were getting on top of me. She just told me to stick to the NHS website and I'd be fine. Which is good advice but it's not as simple as that for me. I really hope you find the session useful, please let me know how you get on.

@BadBadBeans thanks once again for sharing your experiences. The situation with your MIL is probably the exact same thing I would get anxious about. As someone who that hasn't happened to, I can confidently say you probably have nothing at all to worry about. I know though if it was me and the baby, I couldn't rationalise it as well. I also think there are certain things that I wouldn't do that seem so obvious. My nan feeds her dog then doesn't wash her hands after touching the bowl which I would never do. So then I feel bad because I refuse drinks etc after that, on the pretence of having had too much caffeine already that day, or whatever excuse. But I don't want to upset her because with everything else she's very clean and does the house over each day.

My OH doesn't know how to help me anymore and I don't think he really can, I think it's going to take a professional.

I'm glad to hear another positive story of the therapy helping. I guess there'll always be a little part of you which will worry but I think it would be hard to go from feeling so anxious to completely laid back on all things. How are you feeling this pregnancy with anxiety?I know you have your test on your mind too. How are you feeling with that?

How is everyone coping with being pregnant over Christmas time? (I know it's only just begin but...)
We got tickets to see the darts for a wedding present. I must be honest, it's not my thing to begin with really, but now I can't even partake in the drinking, I'm not sure if I'm looking forward to it!
Also, I'm really missing drinking my festive glass of port every evening.
I might be a bit naughty and have a glass of wine on Christmas Day. So far in my pregnancy I've only had two glasses of champagne. (One on our wedding day and one on our honeymoon). Neither went down very nicely as I felt guilty whilst drinking it.
What is everyone else missing? X

Not really worried about kissing the drink, but Pate.... I want pate!!! (my phone doesn't want to put on the accent!)
It's always a Christmas staple and got to steer clear this year :(
Other than that nothing is really off limits that we have most Christmases, thankfully.

@AssumeItWasSomethingClever I’m so jealous of your darts tickets I love darts

Im not really missing anything despite my mn name I never really drank much after having dd anyway although I would normally be having pate for starter on Xmas day I’m not sure melon or soup has the same appeal!

I could weep for the truffle brie I am having to miss out on. 😢 I did find truffle Cheddar, though, so all is not completely lost!

Missing the odd glass of Baileys and sherry but otherwise I'm not missing the booze too much yet. If anything I felt very smug when there were sore heads in the office post Christmas do the other day! The thing that is upsetting me is my vastly depleted stomach capacity. Not sure I'm going to be able to do fullnjuatice to my Christmas dinner this year!