May-ish 2019 - thread 2!

[rosettesforjill]

Thought I'd get this started 7+5 for me today

Thanks everyone, it really is. I really thought after a previous mc, chemical in June this was it but guess this one wasn't meant to be.

My sister has also just announced she's pregnant, of course I'm happy for her but her due date is 2 weeks before mine  just adds to it a bit.

Yes I'm not expecting anything to change but read so many stories of wrong diagnosis I have to know there's no growth or anything before I make up my mind. I've read no heartbeat above 7mm should be diagnosed as mc therefore I want another scan to check still no hb and no growth as I'm under that.

@sprinkleofsunshine what a tough time for you at the moment. I too would ask for all the tests just to be sure.
You don’t want a situation where the next scan is a little bit inconclusive so then they decide on blood tests.

Such difficult timings with your sister, do you think you’ll tell her / your family if things don’t turn out to be good news for you?
I know you may feel you’ll be raining on her parade but the next 7 months would be very tough for you and I think they’d want to know so they can be sensitive to that fact

@MimiSunshine that's a good idea about having them all think I will do that.

Yes I will definitely tell them. They should be sensitive, it's just my sister is the baby of the family and I always feel like I need to protect her so I'm not sure how it will be this way around. I want to be happy and involved but at the same time it's all my mother talks about on the phone to me (they don't know about me yet was waiting for 3 month scan) And I don't think I will be able to handle that.

sprinkleofsunshine I’m very sorry to read your news When will you be hearing from the doctor?

I’ve been booked in for an early reassurance scan tomorrow following all my illness over the past few weeks. Then my 12 week scan will be on Thursday, which is when we plan to tell people more widely (close family already know apart from young ones).

@sprinkleofsunshine could you text your mum and just say something like:

I’m thrilled for DSis but finding things a bit tough at the moment as we were hoping (and still are) to have some equally good news to share, as I’m also pregnant.
However things are looking a little uncertain at the moment and I’m having a few scans and tests to see if the pregnancy is going to progress.
If it does then we’d be due around the same time.
I don’t want anyone especially DSis to feel they can’t be excited by her brilliant news but needed to let you know why I may seem a bit subdued especially if we don’t get good news next week.

That way you can get it all out in one go, she gets all the key info and then you can talk about what’s actually happening regarding scans / tests.

I was planning on telling them next week when I had a definite answer. Not that I think it will be any different to what it is now but I know what is happening with treatment etc. My mum is a huge worrier and whilst that's lovely she will not stop phoning and asking and I'm much the opposite I kind of just need to be left alone to process it. Especially when I don't really have any answers as of yet. Also she willl be upset which right now I couldn't deal with as I've accepted it I think but because things haven't happened yet I'm carrying on as normal I'm in work today much the same.

@FrazzyAndFrumpled I phoned earlier as they told me to and she still hadn't spoke to him. Said she doesn't need to now if I am certain I want the final scan anyway, which I do. They also are not taking my bloods again tomorrow now and just going by final scan. Said they will take them at that again if they need to.

@FrazzyAndFrumpled good luck for
Your scan x

Sorry to hear you are going through this @sprinkleofsunshine really hope for good news at your next scan x.

@Dimblebimble I'm still thinking of your situation. I think maybe you might be a bit hormonally negative about it. Unless you know something I don't, the grandparents to be should be over the moon for your first.

Your work situation sounds similar to mine but it's going to be super helpful having help. From my point of view though if your mum can handle two kids I see no reason she can't also have yours or perhaps the me day less for your sister, worse case scenario. I understand you said there is a financial motivation as your sister can't afford it...but to be harsh here...you should be penalised for being more financially successful that your sister...it's about more than just the money. I think it's most people's dream to be able to avoid getting external help because the "gold standard" (IMO) is to have someone you know and trust...like parents...to help. Of course not everyone is privileged enough to have that opportunity but I think it would be a bit harsh of your mum to help with your sisters children and not yours. If she's doing all that child care she sounds like a good soul, so probably all in the way you approach it. I liked the sound of what someone else said in terms of phrasing it around wanting to emulate the relationship they have with the existing grandchildren with the new baby.

Re telling people, I've told a few people who strictly aren't close enough to know but I've told them expressly on pain of death not to tell anyone because we have the awkward situation with the ex and stepkids. They are people I trust to keep this secret well though. No way I'm putting it on Facebook! Not a chance. I'm hoping to keep it under wraps until the new year to tell the stepkids as I don't want accusations that I've ruined Christmas.

Ahh! You shouldn't be penalised!! Goodness knows how many other CRITICAL typo there are. Sorry

What does everyone think about telling people if you have a ‘normal’ 12 week scan?

Is it better to wait until the Downs screening is back? My scan is next week and we don’t know what to do, I’m sure most people who’ve told me about their pregnancy in the past have done so just after their scan. Midwife also said the screening results (ie. the blood test part) generally aren’t available until weeks 14-16, which seems a long time to hold off again, but it would be awful to tell people and then have some difficult news a few weeks later.

I know they take the nuchal measurement at the scan and I was told they should tell you there and then if there is any concern about the measurement.

I have no particular reason to think I should be at risk, just worried about blabbing to friends and then wishing I’d waited...

What are everyone’s thoughts/plans?

X

Thank you sprinkle

fadgadget, in my last pregnancy we got the blood results there and then so didn’t have to think about this at all. This time around, we’ll be having to wait for the results, but are still going to tell people after the scan. The news is “pregnancy” at this stage, nothing to do with the health of the baby. If test results come back negatively, it wouldn’t be something that I’d be announcing, but people would still need to be told about the pregnancy eventually anyway. That’s how I see it, at least.

How is everyone feeling today?

@fadgadget last time I got the likelyhood of downs in a letter through the post about 5 days after the scan.
It conincided with the day we planned to tell everyone anyway for other reasons but I would have ‘revealed all’ anyway.

I remember the sonographer saying something like “everything looks good” or words to the effect of that at the end of the scan and I said so does that mean the likelyhood of downs is low?

She just said she couldn’t comment on that until after the blood results. It wasnt said in a worrying way, I think she confirmed that she just took measurements of the nuchal fold etc but can’t assess them.

Thanks for sharing ladies, I think you're right and it will be nice to be able to tell some family and friends who don't know - currently only my parents know. I know my mum is itching to share the news with her own friends lol...but will respect whatever we decided if we didnt want her to.

Feeling quick nauseous this morning, I keep thinking its gone and then it comes back. I'm also feeling a bit down and guilty about my diet being a bit crap, but eating is usually the only thing which helps the sickness go away and its basic carb loading and never anything healthy which just doesn't seem to cut it..... sigh. Think I'm putting on weight and its not even baby weight

quite* nauseous even

My nausea is getting ridiculous. Feel sick so eat something. Fell even more sick. Drink something. Feel even more sick. There’s no let up. Even water has me gagging. Just greatful that I’m not actually throwing up.

That sounds horrible @HalfBloodPrincess :(

I hope you are getting some rest. How far along are you?

I'm waiting for test results just in case - we wouldn't do anything about a high Downs risk I don't think but anything more serious I'd rather have time to process

Oh and we'll find out "bad" news by middle ofnext week, if no problems they said it could be a fortnight

I think they tend to be pretty quick in getting back to you if you're high risk. Last time we told people after the scan (thinking we didn't want to wait another couple of weeks for the test results) then 2-3 days after the scan got a phone call saying it was high risk. TBH at that point I did wish we'd waited. All was fine in the end though so it didn't really matter. If you're swithering you could always give it a few days extra days in case.

Our plan is to tell immediate family straight after scan - parents don't know yet. And then try to wait a bit for bloods to come back. I'm hoping I live in area where don't have to wait too long! Scan is on Monday and then I'm seeing some more family - Aunts and one cousin on the Thursday so may share with them then but hope to be able to wait longer before spreading news too far. Hoping that by the weekend we can assume that if we haven't had a phone call then all must be ok!

@fadgadget I’m lucky that my 16 month old still has a 2 hour nap after lunch so been sleeping when he does.

I semi- froze some fresh orange juice today and it seems to have taken the edge off the nausea. Anyone else got any tips?

My scan went well, baby is very active and happy

Sorry about the constant nausea HalfBloodPrincess. My only tip really is to just eat little and often, but you’ve probably worked that out! Hope it eases.

That’s great news about your scan @FrazzyAndFrumpled