Due Oct 2007 ~Little Piggies turning into Porkers!

[FloriaTosca]

Thought I'd get the new thread started as no one objected to my title suggestion

Yeah I know I sound insane!!

Hi all,

Sorry no chance to read through chat since I was last here (will try and catch up later) so hope you are all well.

Could really do with some advice though.

SIL has had a baby girl a week ago and by all accounts is having a pretty terrible time. She was only sleeping 2-3 hours a night in the last 2-3 months of her pregnancy and is now totally and utterly exhausted. She has a lot of support at the mo - her mum and dh are off work and with her and mil is close by and has been helping out a lot. She is also on sedatives to help her sleep.

A couple of nights ago she was back at the hospital (she has been back several times after a fairly strightforward birth) and apparently said that her baby was still inside her. She is due assessment tomorrow to see if she needs to go into a mother and baby unit. She does appreciate that how she is feeling is not normal and that she needs help which I guess is a plus.

Problem is dh and I live several hours away and feel realy helpless. We have just sent them a load of lovely fresh ready meals so that is one less thing for them to worry about. Has anyone got any suggestions of things we can do to help at a distance without being intrusive and without showering them in too much advice? We would go down like a shot to help but think sil is not up to this at the mo...

Any advice would be gratefully received, especially from people who have been through something similar

Congrats too honeyapple! Another little boy!

Gemma sorry you've been feeling crap...

welcome muppetgirl

Sorry sorry can't really remember what everyone else said as a bit preoccupied and worried about sil. Hope you're all ok though - thinking of you x

Hi all, back from holiday and not a hope in hell of catching up with all the posts. Got as far back as remaining piles and decided that was enough!!

I can recommend reflexology for pain relief and for general aches and pains. Guess its worth a try, its hard to be positive when you are in constant pain, albeit small niggles. Its no way to start life with a baby thats for sure.

Alice, did I read that right, that your sil had her baby but still thinks it is inside her? Poor woman she sounds very confused. I dont know what you could do really, but I would expect her dh will need help and the idea of food is an excellent one as Im sure eaiting well and looking after himself is the last thing on his mind.

I cant beleive all the scans are done. I have a late one at 36 weeks to make a final decision that I can go for a vbac, and that Im not carrying a huge baby or anything.

I had a lovely moment last week at my antenatal check with gp. ds who is 2.5 came with me as he wanted to hear the heartbeat, and while I was laying on the couch he was stood on these little steps next to me holding my hand, and when we heard the heartbeat we just kept looking at each other and laughing. I had a real lump in my throat. Made me remember that these are 40 short weeks and all the aches and pains are worth it.

Kezza that sounds great! Part of me wishes ds was old enough to understand what is going on - I bought a couple of books for him about having a new baby and he threw them on the floor!

Not sure sil really believes the baby is still inside her most of the time but that was apparently what she said a couple of days ago. However its clearly not normal to think that and I'm worried that at the least she might have postnatal depression (can that show itself so soon?) or at worst puerperal psychosis. I guess you could just get a bit delerious from complete exhaustion.... Just worried really

You can get depression that soon, it happened to me. Don't forget she's not been sleeping for a while before hand so it could have started then.
I had my son around the time trupti patel came out of prision for cot death/murder of her child and i was convinced ds was going to die and i would go to prision. I think the positive to be gained from this terrible situation is that at least she is talking about what is going on in her head and she realises that it isn't normal. I was frightned to tell anyone of my thoughts in case they would take ds away.

been 3 years since and have been on anti-depressents but the best thing was seeing a psychologist (whom i still see and will do till 6 months after the birth of ds2)

Evening all

Don't have much time (again) tonight but Alice, I just had to respond to your post. My first reaction when I read it was it sounds like severe PND. I have indirect experience though a close friend a few years ago now. Apparently, birth denial and delusions aren't uncommon but the fact that your SIL can acknowledge that her thoughts aren't appropriate is an excellent sign. She definitly needs assessment and help (in or out of hospital). Not sure theres much you can do beyond what you're doing already. My friend needed inpatient care (not for long though) and medication and was coping well within a few weeks. Its worrying but it sounds like her docs are on the ball if she's going to be assessed

Hello to everyone else and the new old faces hope alls well. I hope to catch up tomorow or maybe sunday...

Thanks so much pheebe and muppetgirl for your comments. Sorry to hear what you went through mg (and your friend pheebe) - wouldn't wish this on anyone.

Hope you all have a good weekend

Hi everyone; hope your Saturday is going well. Alice, just wanted to say that the things that really helped me (after admittedly a straightforward birth but anyway) when I had DS were not necessarily the visits but food, M&S vouchers so DH could go and get tasty treats, gorgeous bubble baths - a friend's mum got her vouchers for a cleaning company so they came every week for a month or so for a couple of hours to do housework and washing - bliss! Just one major thing to not have to worry about; another good thing would be someone doing your shopping online for you - I'm sure every other mum would have a milion other suggestions!! I would imagine she won't want to be inundated with people in such a confused and knackered state - does she have other children? Help with them would be a lifesaver I'm sure. Really hope she gets the help and rest she needs.

Alice, so sorry to hear about your sil, it must be terribly worrying for you all..(her included of course)I do hope that the hormones and exhaustion are to blame and are quickly rebalanced so she can get to enjoy her little one. And also sorry to hear about everyone elses previous trials with pnd...I had it last year, (but I suppose it was only to be expected after a late mc) and must admit that of all the "birth worries" pnd is my biggest fear.
Sorry, cant remember who said they were worried about lack of movement but I had the same problem last night..I've got used to his/her 10pm-ish kickabout and had felt nothing since 5.30 am ..it still didnt happen despite some subtle prodding (we had dinner guests so I couldnt make a fuss)but as soon as the lasts guests had gone (1.30am!)I had the doppler out; and the second I found the heart beat LO kicked the probe right off my tum! a bang on target "get lost" if ever I saw one! I'm sure your lo will soon do something equally emphatic to make you feel foolish for worrying.

Thanks everyone for your messages of support about sil and helpful advice.

Its got far far worse since yesterday. She jumped out of the upstairs window of their house this evening and has been taken to hospital with 1 and possibly 2 broken ankles - thankfully nothing worse as far as we know at the moment. Dh is in London this weekend for a stag weekend so he is now on his way over to be there for his brother (they live in hertfordshire). Feel so totally helpless up here - just so wish I could be down there to help. BIL is understandably absolutely distraught. PIL's are helping out with their dd who is thankfully fine, and SIL's brother is also down there - terrible timing but her mum went home to Manchester for the night last night to get some things.

Was all for jumping in the car and driving down too and I will do later once dh gets there if that would help. Will go tomorrow otherwise and rationally think this will be better. Weather is shite, I'm knackered and it wouldn't be an easy drive on my own with a tired ds. Better to go tomorrow as there are loads of people who can help at the moment and I wouldn't get there until late. Just feel so helpless and wish there was something I could do.

Just can't imagine many things more awful than this for them to go through at what should be such an amazingly special and happy time. Just feel so thankful that although the first 10 weeks or so with ds were truely terrible from a sleep deprivation point of view I never got even close to PND and was always able to feel that I loved him. They have wanted a baby for a few years and thought it might never happen for one reason and another and were both so excited. Almost makes it worse.

Sorry to dump on you all on what should be a relaxing saturday night and hope you're all doing well

ah alice, poor you and poor sil! it was maybe a cry for help? hopefully she will get the help she needs now, try not to get too stressed yourself. am thinking of you x x

Cheers J20. Sure she will get the help she needs now at least you're right. Thanks for support

alice - sending you big hugs and wish there was something i could do to help you, try to get a decent nights sleep in case you do have to drive up there tommorrow x

Blimey that is quite shocking to read, I hope she gets better soon and you can relax.

Alice, that is a terrible thing for you all to go through - J2o's right, get lots of rest so you can help etc and I'm sure she's in the best place to get immediate help now. We're all thinking of you and her etc take care

Heard from dh this am that she is to see a psychiatrist for assessment for admission to the mother and baby unit today which is great news. He is staying down until tomorrow and I'm staying put for now. We'll go back down again next weekend. Seems to be the best thing at the mo - her dd has lots of people to look after her and she just needs her dh and mum really. If anything changes dh and I will both be there like a shot but this seems to be the best thing for now. Hopefully she will be getting the prefessional help she really needs and will recover as soon as possible. I have no idea how long this usually takes though? Anyone have any exerience of this?

Thanks for all your support - it really means a lot x

Glad to hear she is getting some professional help, now try and not worry as much

hi alice, hope you slept well?

i don't have any experience really, but i imagine it may take quite a while, hopefully she'll be able to get some proper sleep, i know if i don't sleep well for a couple of nights i can't function properly, and if she's had sleep deprivation for all these months, she's probably exhausted.
thinking of you x

Alice, Really sorry to hear about your SIL I hope she will soon start to feel better although it might be a long process, it seems so cruel when they have wanted this baby for so long. It sounds as though the family have a lot of support around them so I think you were right to stay put for the time being (even though you feel really helpless) thinking of you.

Inzi, Glad you had a nice holiday hope you managed to do all the things you had been dreaming about and good luck with the scan tomorrow.

I have to agree with everyone else about the fact that the lack of movement is very disconcerting, I have just decided that this LO already knows how to wind me up

Gemma, I know what you mean about the general aches and pains, I seem to be experiencing a lot of the same types of pains as you great fun isn't it

Hello to everyone else, hope you are all having a nice Sunday.

Hello all,
alice - it was amazingly shocking to read your post about your sil jumping ffrom the window , my heart goes out to you and your whole family. Please don't think you're being useless at the moment, it is very probably one of those situations when she just wants her Dh and Mum. I think in situations like this your role comes in with supporting your BIL and Dh etc. Of course, when she is getting the correct treatment and feeling much better the roles change again and you can be the SIL who she can confide in and gossip generally to! I haven't had an experience like this but have had a couple of friends with severe PND and I know they truly appreciated evenings in with a pizza and a bottle of wine, just chatting and feeling normal again. Thinking of you all x x

Inzi - good to see you back, glad to hear you had a good holiday. The lo's sure do know how to panic us don;t they? I'm afraid to say, after a couple of days panicking like a mad woman due to feeling little or no movement, I've finally caved in and ordered a doppler. Now, I know this may just make things worse and I may just leave it in its box and look at it,but I felt I was at least doing something mid panic!! I know it is a completely different situation for you, especially as the timing was bad, being close to when you lost Dd. Glad your lo literally kicked in after! Mine did the same, as soon as I'd paid for the darned doppler!!

Memory has run out again, sorry! Hello to everyone else,hope all are well. I'm back to work without my wonder student tomorrow . God knows how I'll cope, I had a full time admin job when she was there to do my teaching! Now I've got to do both. Ho hum, fingers crossed eh?

Glad you had a good holiday inzi. probably well needed at the moment as it must be a difficult time for you being so close to the time you lost your dd. Everything crossed for your scan tomorrow - will be thinking of you.

Thanks again so much for all the messages of support for my sil. Actually managed to sleep ok last night - thats pregnancy and toddler exhaustion for you! I'll keep you posted as to how she is getting on.

I think everyone is just so shocked that it has got to this stage so quickly - this time last week it was her 2nd wedding anniversary and she was getting her first twinges of labour pains. Only a week on and things couldn't be more different. Looking at all the predisposing factors for PND there are none that relate to her (unless she has a past history of depression that I don't know about) which make it more shocking too. Anyway, the main thing is now she is safe and getting the help she needs.

Hope you're all having a good weekend and lo's all behaving (mine has been fairly predictable on the movements so far so I'm managing to keep sane there at least!).

Afternoon all ...

alice - I sincerely hope that your sil recovers soon - you know that they've caught her early, and early intervention has the best outcomes in cases like hers. Thinking of you and your family!

inzi - welcome back from your hols! Thinking of you at this time - this last 2 weeks has been bitter-sweet for me too - it was this time last year that I had the 2nd mc - and remembering the sheer horror of that has had me emotionally exhausted! Hope the scan goes well for you tomorrow.

Waving frantically at everybidy else ...

I've not been coping terribly well with the pain this weekend - I'm not sleeping well, as I've run out of my good old suppositories - have to go back to doc tomorrow to ask for more. Will also ask for extension to my sick note tomorrow - I am getting more and more immobile - please let me not end up in a wheelchair!

Also have an appointment with the midwife tomorrow - am now going to be causing trouble by wanting to deliver in ML unit rather than CL unit ... any contributions to my thread here would be greatly appreciated!

Can't sit for long, so will waddle off now ...