Pregnancy after loss: spring 2019 edition (The Brexit Babes) 🐧

[PassTheAfterEights]

Extra supportive pregnancy journey thread for grads of the penguin huddle and anyone due spring 2019 after a long and bumpy road.

All welcome 🐧

Thread commandments:

Thou shalt share and not apologise for any neurosis or worry

Thou shalt shuffle immediately to the centre of the huddle when feeling vulnerable or hopeless

Thou shalt share all photographs and good news and celebrate raucously that of others

Thou shalt not apologise for TMI, or pearl-clutchy words and language

Thou shalt add your handle, age, number of DC and EDD when joining the thread to roll call so we know where everyone is (thanks!)

May our beans snuggle down, heads stay steady & the elastic on our waistbands quickly snap x

@Pancakes7 thank you :-) I'm trying to stay positive but I think it's probably going to be a bad outcome. Doesn't help that people keep quoting how unlucky you'd have to be to have two mc in a row (statistically very very low)! Clearly I am one of the very unlucky ones!

@toomuchtv88 Sadly I think it is more common than people know. It's just not talked about. I was really surprised to find out how many of my friends have also been through this. Just stay positive till you know. If it is bad news. This is not the end. You can try again. You will get your baby. We all will. 🐧x🐧x🐧

@Pancakes7 I hope so, just not sure how much I can take of this constant unknowing then dissapointment. Hope you are well anyway :-) xxxx

@toomuchtv88 I'm ok. Very very anxious. But trying to stay positive till my 7 week scan. Hopefully all is ok x

@Pancakes7 I'm sure it will be :-) let me know x

@toomuchtv88 if it's any consolation, I believe the thickening is a good thing. When I had an mc and I had an empty sac and on the second occasion when I had mc'ed they knew it was bad because the sac was too thin. So the implication of it being thick is that it's a nice nest for the fetus to bed in to. I don't want to give you false hope, but that's definitely a good thing rather than a bad.

I've got everything crossed for you (let me be the 2 mc statistic for you to save you the hassle!). It's such a tough time when you simply don't know but it's good they are going to do the bloods because that's a good way to be more sure about what's going on - at least (and it's not a huge consolation) if you see the hcg rising or falling you know where you are.

Brown discharge can be okay...so...yknow...hugs. It could all be okay but I've been there and no amount of people saying stuff makes the wait any easier. I've resigned myself to the fact that some of my beans simply aren't meant to be, however for me the good news is I can conceive and one of them eventually will stick. It's a hell of a rollercoaster

@frankiefumbles thank you for saying that :-) I don't know what to think as they couldn't even see the sac which is why they are worried about ectopic :-( bit more reddy bleeding tonight so I'm not getting my hopes up too much :-) you are right I also seem to have no issues with actually getting pregnant (so far I've had a mc at 12 weeks and two chemicals then this) and we have only been trying since January. Hopefully one day we will have a baby and if we don't then we have discussed adoption etc. I have a few adopted family members so we are quite open to that :) also in my job I often see babies that need a home and a family and it really reiterates to me that even if we can't have biological children there is probably a little person out there for us :-)

Sorry if that offends anyone. I just am aware biological children may not happen for us but it is not the end of our family dream xx

Hello
Really struggling last few days. I'm 7 +1 today. On Saturday at my best friends birthday dinner I had a show. Came home on a panic. It was a brown.
On Sunday I rang EPU who said if it didn't stop come to A&E. That was a massive waste of 6 hours I ended up discharging myself again just brown stringy discharge. On Monday I went to work and made an appointment at EPU for Friday but I had to beg for it. Monday night after running I had two episodes of red blood running I was convinced that was the end. They were only tiny amounts. I've spent last two days in bed expecting the worst but only getting the brown stringy stuff when I wipe!

After my MMC in May which was completly different.
I'm thinking the worst but hoping for a best.

Can anyone shed any light?

@Happysbno4 I can't shed any light and I can't say it will all be okay. Just wanted to say I am also going through similar and know how shit it is (sorry if my language offends I rarely swear in real life but have nothing else to describe this!). You're not alone in your worry xxx

@toomuchtv88 absolutely see where you are coming from.

Firstly, your comments on adoption are wonderful and I am pleased there are people like you out there. I already have two semi-adopted kids, one bio of DH and one non-bio (offspring of ex's affair) and so it's special for me to have my own. I think I would only ever adopt after having a biological child because I've already got two semi feral (part time!) children. But...massive kudos to you for even considering.

That said - on a more positive (yet negative note). Assuming the worst, I've been in a similar place to you, wondering why I've mc'ed twice. I'm going to put this here for you in your worst case scenario (cos sometimes it helps the mind to explore it) but I'm not saying you have mc'ed. I'm hoping also this may resonate with others who have had one loss and may be fearful of the implications of a second. The mc is NOT your fault. Sometimes these things don't work and what will be, will be. That's my motto every morning when I wake up at the moment.

I've conceived a third time. They say you are more fertile in the first cycles post mc. It sounds hollow, but actually we have celebrated the very fact that we've managed to conceive and we know that at some point it will stick. It sounds like you at least have one bit of the baby making sorted. The second one was crushing OBVIOUSLY as all mc's are. But you will come through. It may not be a straight line. You will feel shit, and you'll be a bit paranoid. But the reality of this third pregnancy for me is that it isn't as bad as I thought it would be. I am far less fearful than I expected and a certain amount of practicality takes over. That said, first cycle after MC I was hysterical in case I accidentally got pregnant and second cycle I didn't want to test and as soon as I did I was on the phone to mum and crying hysterically. I would suggest having someone with you for that test if you think it'll be a BFP.

All I can say is I hope they get the bloods done for you ASAP so you know where you are. I hope for the very best for you, but please don't give up hope if it does go wrong. You will recover emotionally and physically and your time will come

@Happysbno4 a few things I would do if I were you. Firstly generally the brown bleeding isn't anything to worry about. The red is not so good, but it sounds like it could have been a small localised pocket of bleeding which has now gone. Best way to keep track of bleeding is to pop a pad on. You then get a better idea of what you're dealing with. I have never had an MMC. Both mine (tmi sorry ladies) were bloody and crampy.

Have they offered to take bloods? Personally this is my preference for seeing if the pregnancy is okay. If you see it rising normally then you know you're okay. If it's falling then it means it's no longer developing. It's a very clear cut way of looking at it. The fastest way I have found to do this is to get an emergency appointment or phone consult with the GP. As soon as you say "bleeding in pregnancy" their ears prick up and you get super prompt service in my experience. See if you can push for a hcg blood test. I don't know if the EPU do this.

7+1 have they done a scan? This would allow them to see what the bleeding looks like inside. They should do this for you at the EPU.

On the plus side. You don't say about cramps. That's good news. Bleeding without cramping is definitely better than having both. Small amounts of red can be acceptable. They've always told me that less than a pad of bleeding is perfectly normal. Brown bleeding is old blood so that's good. My friend bled brown from about 9 weeks through to 22 and she's still pregnant. It's not always the end of the road. Hope you've got some support around you in real life too not long til your appointment now

@frankiefumbles thank you. I had bloodtaken at a&e but no one asked me to come back. Hopefully the appointment in the morning will be what I need. I know there is no magic wand and if this isn't a sticky bean there is nothing we can do.

Getting great support from OH this was his first baby we lost in May. I think the men get forgotten.

@Happysbno4 you said you discharged yourself though, so did they have the opportunity to tell you what next? For me, it was to have a blood test 48h apart to confirm if the hcg was rising.

Glad your OH is supportive. Mine is pretty useless and comes up with stuff like "well if you hadn't been so keen on testing you wouldn't have even notice you miscarried it" uhhhh what??? He didn't even believe it was an mc for the first three days until the scan confirmed it. And his mother is just as good "well you didn't rest! You shouldn't have driven your car all that way, it's not a surprise you miscarried". People are full of shit sometimes.

Anyway...positively.,. tbh from what you've said it doesn't sound like you've actually had the mc. I think you would have had to have more cramping etc and red blood so I feel you can be fairly convinced it's still in there. Unless you've literally been having period level or more bleeding and filling pads. Sounds to me like you dislodged a bit of a blood pocket when you went for a run. Not that I'm a Dr..! Fingers crossed for you tomorrow.

For my part, I've now spoken to the GP who guided me through my last two MCs. He is wonderful and he's got me in as soon as he could for the two blood tests to see the hcg rising. That will be next tues and next thurs so I will know by Friday if it's rising. I don't have any negative symptoms but it's just very hard not to be fatalistic for this third try. If I think about it too much I get quite panicky but ultimately should the worst happen I at least know the drill now. I'm hoping it'll be fine but by track record the mc would be any day now, so it's impossible to chill when I go for a pee and check the paper. So hopefully I will also make it to the end of next week without the bleeding and...god...I don't know. I daren't even contemplate it might go well.

Having some bleeding here too at 6+1 today... this will be my 3rd pregnancy where I've bled at 6 weeks. One ended in MC and one a very healthy baby boy. So I'm not sure what to make of this. Felt some sharp pains in my left side (I thought it was bladder pain) was just about to dip stick my urine to check for infection when I felt that familiar warm trickle 😞 I hope this isn't the end for this bean. I was at work and have been sent home to rest in bed. My son is looked after today by his granny and grandpa so I will at least get a rest.

Scan booked for 10am tomorrow

@kisses4u hope you're okay and you get good news tomorrow :) it's always scary but hopefully you'll be okay, fingers crossed for you xx

@Kisses4u I really hope all is ok. Good idea to rest. Do your work know you're pregnant? Good you went home. Thinking of you too @toomuchtv88 how are you feeling today?
.
I am 5 weeks today. Really hoping all is ok this time. Scan in 15 days...

@Pancakes7 I'm sure your scan will be fine :-) I'm okay today, still some brown spotting and I think I've come to accept this is probably the end of the pregnancy as I don't seem to have any symptoms still. Waiting to see what the plan of action is tomorrow xx

@Pancakes7 same as mine I think - I might have it done a day earlier if I can't hold out. I'll be in London then so I need to find a nice place to go there. I'll be going on my own so I want somewhere decent and not down a dodgy back alley!

@toomuchtv88 Good you're seeing the doctor tomorrow. I hope its good news. Big hugs. Let me know how you get on.

@frankiefumbles Oh gosh on your own. Well we are here if you need us. I really hope we both have healthy scans. Mine is Saturday 6th October at 10.40am. It can't come soon enough!! DH doesn't understand, he does well not thinking about it. Whereas I'm constantly thinking about it.

Sorry so many people are having a tough time at the moment. Keeping my fingers crossed for all of you in limbo land (well we all are but you know what I mean) we've all been there and I know how horrible it is. Won't tell you not to think the worse as I know I would be too but just because it all ended badly before doesn't mean it can't be happy news in the end this time. We're all here for you all. Xxx

@Jessabean I keep telling myself I don't have a problem 😂 I think it some ways it's harder being on this thread because whilst it definitely supportive and I appreciate it, I think it also fuels my paranoia. And I'm hella good at paranoia 😉

@Pancakes7 I literally just spoke to DH about this and he's still against me having even an external scan before we go. He's says what's the point. For me it's just reassurance I guess but I just don't want to be one of the ladies with a missed miscarriage because I kind of view that to be worse than what I had. At least I knew fairly promptly.

I'm quite cross with him and all these attitudes he has but I put it down to him being a man, and perhaps also he does really want the baby so he's trying to say the right thing but keeps getting it wrong.

I'm having the scan, it just depends whether I tell him or not. I will probably not tell him before but tell him after. He's never been to a scan, I normally go with my mum instead.

@frankiefumbles Yes a missed miscarriage is awful. But any type of miscarriage is awful tbh. I found out at 10+5 that pregnancy had actually stopped at around 6 weeks. I wish I had known sooner but my DH wouldn't let me book a scan said pointless abs expensive. This time he said I can have 2 scans if I need them. He knows how anxious I am. I hope your husband can understand and you get a healthy scan.

@Pancakes7 that's one of my fears. I "need" the scan before I go away. Anyway. I don't want sound to depressing. I'm thankful I've been able to conceive again so soon. It's just a daily battle to keep my head in the right place and every time I get a twinge I assume the worst. But it's actually wind 😂 I'm cool like that...

@frankiefumbles I'm the same. I get moments of complete fear. I start thinking what if it's gone wrong already? I felt damp earlier but it was just normal discharge. Sorry tmi. It's horrible being robbed of the excitement most expectant parents experience. Instead I feel anxious and scared. When do you go away?