Pregnancy after loss: spring 2019 edition (The Brexit Babes) 🐧

[PassTheAfterEights]

Extra supportive pregnancy journey thread for grads of the penguin huddle and anyone due spring 2019 after a long and bumpy road.

All welcome 🐧

Thread commandments:

Thou shalt share and not apologise for any neurosis or worry

Thou shalt shuffle immediately to the centre of the huddle when feeling vulnerable or hopeless

Thou shalt share all photographs and good news and celebrate raucously that of others

Thou shalt not apologise for TMI, or pearl-clutchy words and language

Thou shalt add your handle, age, number of DC and EDD when joining the thread to roll call so we know where everyone is (thanks!)

May our beans snuggle down, heads stay steady & the elastic on our waistbands quickly snap x

Thanks @Jessabean . I'm really struggling to hold back the tears. I'm pretty sure it's a chemical - the cheapies were much stronger at first and there was a ghostly white today. I would have thought it would take a 'loss' of something to bring the HCG down but who knows. I'm 13dpo today, af due on Tuesday.
Held off getting another FRER and will wait until Wednesday and see if AF shows her nasty face.

@MisBit1 Congratulations! How are you feeling other than anxious? I hope the little bean is treating you well!

@PassTheAfterEights Hope you got good news on Saturday

@Maydot Hope you enjoyed drinks. It's hard to know what to say without instigating gossip or questions isn't it!

@BerniceA woohoo that's a lovely set of tests! So sorry to hear about your losses. That must have been so tough but fingers crossed this one is super sticky! Xx

Am keeping everything crossed for you @doddlebobs that AF stays away and your hcg builds up nicely over next few days. Look after yourself in the meantime. 🐧 This whole process just feels like one endless waiting game.

@BerniceA welcome! Congratulations on your BFP- lovely lines- I can recognise a fellow POAS addict! I'm sorry for your previous losses but each pregnancy is new and still has every chance to go well & we're here to help each other through any wobbles and worries. Let's hope we all have sticky beans this time though!

I'm still fluctuating between feeling hopeful that this one will be different and then deflated that will inevitably end up the same as that now seems to be my normal. My symptoms were similar to my last two at this point with just low level nausea on and off and more trips to the loo. Assuming this is my normal reaction to hcg. Is it stupid to kind of want rampant morning sickness just so I feel this one is 'diffferent'?!

@BerniceA congratulations! Sorry for your losses fingers crossed all goes well this time.

@doddlebobs I really hope AF stays away and you get your nice dark line.

@Jessabean I bounce between those feelings too. I haven’t had nausea in pregnancy before but have had it on and off this time. All my symptoms seem to come and go so I get what you mean about wishing for rampant sickness.

I was sat watching tv earlier think I don’t feel that pregnant and then realised the irony of thinking that whilst I was simultaneously drinking the vinegar from the pickled onion jar. I’ve got my booking in appointment on Thursday and I just feel nervous.

Hello all, huge wave to new names! Loving the lovely lines, so reaffirming!!

@bernicea you absolute trooper, so good to have you here. How long until your scan?
@doddlebobs, how are you, any news?? Desperately hoping all continuing well for you & no more spotting
@purplefushia thanks v much re morning sickness - definitely helped to re-read that over the weekend!!
@maydot how was your school reunion, did you get away without drinking?? Tried Seedlip, the garden one, last Friday for the first time (with tonic) - YUM & convincingly G&Tish. Def going to buy a bottle and fling a few herbs in there for a treat when required! Weirdly haven't missed my life blood wine at all.
@misbit1 vinegar from the pickled onion jar - gold 😂
@jessabean you're in good company, been desperate to feel more sick and weirdly delighted mixed with disgusted now it seems to finally be developing.

Sounds like we're all on the same rollercoaster - my boobs are less sore but sickness seems worse; as soon as I feel reassured by that I think ah but you could still have a mmc and keep chugging out those hormones while reading into symptoms that don't mean anything... this whole stage is so anxious making.

Completely see both sides of the fence on the scans; think I was so excited to get to the point where I might see something on one I didn't want to let the chance pass me by. We saw a little heartbeat, pic attached - scan put me at 6+1 so not a lot to see, dates put conception slap bang in the middle of the two potential FW's 🤷 bloody heatwave.

Cautiously still feel v happy, still have heart palps every time I go to the loo. I keep challenging how much I actually want a baby, it's so baffling - think it's just my brain trying to cushion any further pain but so confusing.

Anyway - revised on Saturday; AfterEights, 33, DC#1, EDD 31/03

Fingers very much crossed. For all of us.

plus bean pic.

PS - is anyone using any preggo apps or reading any books? Pregnancy+ seems lovely so far. Had a look at "What to Expect" and "How to Grow a Baby & Push it Out" by the instagram midwife lassie, don't want to start reading until we're a bit further along (lovely mumsy scan ladies said 10 weeks?) but any tips gratefully received.

That's me signing out and heading back to TTC brownish cm has become red. Gutted especially as i was booked in for my reassurance scan this morning.

I'm trying to be grateful for my happy 2 days but who am I kidding, I'm just so sad. Good luck everyone, hope to make it back on this board and see you soon xx

Ugh @doddlebobs so so sorry, this wasn't the outcome we were all rooting for x masses of love and metaphorical steak & red wine to you & hope to see you back before long x

Thank you ladies but it's another loss for me :( awaiting blood and scans now to investigate why it keeps happening xx

@BerniceA, @doddlebobs I’m so so sorry
Sending lots of love xx

Thank you ladies. I briefly held out hope it might be a haematoma left over from the d+c (EPU clutching at straws for me!) but I'm still bleeding like a heavy period. I'm not in pain though so am still at work.

@BerniceA so so sorry for you. I hope you get solutions from the investigations. Lots of supportive hugs. Hope the team that help you are kind and patient x

@PassTheAfterEights funny you should say - it's not metaphorical at all as DH and I off next week for a staycation at home and booked lunch in a fancy steak restaurant! Champagne, oysters, red wine and rare steak for me! Lots of love to you all - hope you're all still here and that I can come back next month!

So sorry too @doddlebobs and @bernicea - hope the blood tests and scan help Bernice.

@passtheaftereights glad you've got a date at last - the heatwave really got to you didn't it! In your case I think it was definitely worth having the scan, just to get some certainty.

Have been trying to put pregnancy out of my mind a bit the last few days but am failing miserably. It's so hard after you've had an MC not to keep worrying about every little thing. So at the moment I'm not really using any apps and haven't signed up for emails as I had to unsubscribe from then all after the MC and then still got emails weeks later ☹️ - just switched my period tracker to pregnancy mode to keep track of dates. I'm 4+4 today and finally part the very last possible day for AF, so that's encouraging. I've been reading the What to Expect website for the development and expected symptoms each week, that's really good. The book is good too, I read it in my first pregnancy, though it is a bit dense to read and no colour unless they've updated that since my copy! I also reread "Expecting Better" a few weeks ago which is really good on evidence for what you should do, avoid etc in pregnancy, there's something in that for all stages right up to pain control in labour, I just focused on the early chapters for now.

Hope everyone else is doing well and coping ok with symptoms!

@berniceA what awful awful luck, am so sorry. Very much hope they can quickly get to the bottom of it for you, will keep eyes peeled for an update one of these days x

@doddlebobs enjoy every bite, sounds lush - do hope we see you again very soon too, fingers crossed for you x

Thanks @purplefushia will check out both. It is hard to not think about it, the worry is everywhere.

All my symptoms have pretty much disappeared, with the exception of nausea (not vomiting) coming and going all day - sufficiently debilitating to keep reminding me of it. Felt a bit panicky about symptoms but so many people say they come and go, sometimes never develop, sometimes start in earnest at week 7 or 8 - so just holding my breath. Much gentler and more thorough staff nurse at local preggo support team offered another reassurance scan tomorrow (too pleased to even feel bitter about paying when they said no last week) so just hope all still seems well and can relax about symptoms. Have a 6 hour drive alone to meet DH for wedding on Fri and christening on Sat tomorrow afternoon so very much hoping it's not bad news, but can only wait and see.

Hope everyone else is still feeling OK & managing the stress!

Thank you all for your messages x spoke to doctor about the testing and he also want me to be tested for
Endometriosis because of some symptoms I've been getting since having my youngest son hopefully I will find out the cause of why this keeps happening x

How's everyone doing? Hope everyone's hanging in there as we go through first trimester. I'm feeling really anxious today about it all, at the end of the week I felt terrible, super hot, racing heartbeat, faint, aching boobs, bit of nausea - but at least then I felt like things were happening like they should. Now my heart rate is down a bit, no nausea, sore boobs have gone - am exhausted but other than that nothing. So of course now I'm freaking out about it all, argh... I don't really know how to cope. I know there's nothing that can be done, even a scan (which probably wouldn't show anything for another week) would only calm me down for a day and as I had an MMC at 11 weeks dated somewhere around 8 weeks I feel like I'll be anxious about it for a while yet. Does anyone have any good things they do to distract or calm themselves?

@PurpleFushia I haven’t had many symptoms at all, occasional sickness, little bit of boob pain but nothing like I’ve Experienced before... To be honest I’m not really taking it seriously at all. I’m almost certain this isn’t my time.
The only thing distracting me right now is being away on holiday!! How many weeks are you now? x

Hi @Maydot thanks for replying from your holiday - that sounds like an excellent distraction! Not an option here unfortunately, we already had ours! I wish I could have your attitude in a way - it must be a bit horrid expecting it to end, but at least I wouldn't be so anxious. Sadly I think it's part of my nature to plan and look ahead - I keep needing to think about dates to plan work travel etc, and then start thinking about how many weeks I'll be at Christmas and what that might mean - and it's just a spiral of anxious thinking. Probably didn't help bumping into someone I met on first maternity leave this morning, sporting a double pram with a not-quite newborn, plus another friend just had her second - happy for them of course, but then start thinking what if this one goes wrong and I will feel even more behind everyone. Argh. Think maybe I need to talk to a friend about it all, or my sister - DH is great but doesn't really understand any of this really. He said don't worry we'll just try again if it goes wrong but I just feel like the MC was so awful physically, I'm not sure how I'd feel about going through it again and then trying again ☹️ Anyway, it helps to talk about it all here at least so thank you all for putting up with my angsting!

Has anyone started telling family and friends yet? Not quite sure but I'm thinking I want to before too long. We've always kept it to ourselves until the scan, but for the MC I didn't get that far, and it was hard telling people last time without them even knowing about the pregnancy in the first place.

Oh, and @Maydot I'm 5 weeks 1 day today - sorry totally forgot your question with my rambling! So still such early days.

@doddlebobs @BerniceA I’m so sorry to hear your news. I hope you are both looking after yourself and getting on as well as can be.

I’ve had another scan today (NHS) this time. At booking the midwife suggested it might be a good idea to help with anxiety. I was a bit surprised because I’d previously been told they didn’t do them but I wasn’t going to say no! We saw a heartbeat again and it’s growing well. Not the greatest pic but it’s there!

@Purplefushia I’m still not using any apps and bounce between everything is fine to expecting the worse. It’s such a nerve wracking experience this time around. I do miss the excited, optimistic outlook I’ve had previously. Friends of mine are 14 weeks with twins and have already ordered their pram, I have to stop myself being judgey.

@Maydot my symptoms come and go and have only stepped up in the last week or so. With DS I barely had any symptoms until tiredness hit at about 8 weeks and that was it really.

Hey all, so good to see a couple of good updates here.

@Purplefushia how are you feeling this week? Sorry to read you're feeling a bit anxious. I was in the same place this time last week but feel strangely more accepting this week. My mum has been quite good, she takes the "today, I'm pregnant" line just counting the little steps of progress I guess; the fact you've come this far is really good news. Try to hang onto that. Also re the telling people, just the same as you said really - last time we struggled with our bad news because we hadn't shared the good, so we have told family and nearest friends this time. They all understand we're not out of the woods and have all said they'd rather know to be here for us than not.

@misbit1 lovely lovely pic, that's brill to see. How far along are you? Our scan on Thurs was great to see, lovely heartbeat (although no pics from my pregnancy support unit..!!)

@maydot how are you feeling, and how are your holibobs! Hope you are having a good time and hanging in there. FWIW my symptoms all disappeared last week (hence the reassurance scan) but all was chugging along right on schedule; honestly symptoms have come and gone a little but nothing like weeks 5-6, trying not to read into it now. Everyone spoken to says it is completely normal.

Will be 8 weeks tomorrow, feels like a bit of a milestone. Midwife on Thurs so will at least get some bloods, another month before another peek in there :/ very grateful for what I've had so far though.

Fingers crossed for all x

@MisBit1 So pleased you had a successful scan!!... I think I’m going to phone the doctors on Friday when I’m home and see if I can get an early scan. It won’t stop me worrying but atleast it will confirm if all is going well so far. I think I should be 6+2 today
@PassTheAfterEights So pleased you had a positive scan too!!....
We’re having a lovely holiday thank you the not drinking is tough but i’m Enjoying the non alcoholic cocktails and have had a couple of naughty glasses of champagne.
I’m still feeling a bit Meh about it all, don’t feel pregnant and feel this is all happening too soon since my last MMC in May, but for now we’re just taking it one day at a time and not getting our hopes up.
I wish I could enjoy it more and get excited I just can’t set myself up for the same heartbreak again.

Hopefully I can get an early scan and put my mind at ease for now!! 🤞🏼

@PassTheAfterEights so glad your scan went well too. Those moments you’re waiting for them to find everything are so hard but such a relief when they do. It’s not stopped my worries entirely but i’m 9w5d today and symptoms are still coming (and going but they do come back!). I think they’d stopped completely by this point before even though we didn’t find out until 11w3d.

@Maydot I think our mmcs were at similar times totally understand how you’re feeling. My symptoms didn’t really kick in until between weeks 7 and 8 so don’t read too much into it. I hope you manage to get a scan. The ‘today I’m pregnant mindset is a good one.’ I try to not look too far ahead.

Hi guys! I remember quite a few names from another thread I'm on baby number three . 5wks and 3 days . This is the third time in four months Iv been pregnant hopefully this one sticks , phoning for my hcg results in a few hours . I'm getting pregnant 3+ on a digital which I never got to before dose thats something eh! Anyone else scared to look at baby stuff online out of fear of losing? Xxx

@maydot so glad you're having a good time and good on you for enjoying a little fizz, there'll be plenty of time for abstinence..! Tonight is the first night I've really fancied a glass of wine actually, think we're off to buy a bottle of Seedlip this weekend. Hope all is continuing well for you anyway & you can get an early scan.

@misbit1 oh my goodness, 10 weeks tomorrow - what a milestone, so pleased for you!! And glad the symptoms are giving you a bit of a break. Must be time for another scan soon-ish??

@lolacola13 great to see you here, huge congrats and so glad you've made it past the dreaded early weeks. how are you feeling? Yes definitely too scared to look online at the moment, jeans are uncomfortably tight but don't even want to look at maternity stuff atm. Will wait for 10 weeks then reconsider if all is well I think!!

@purplefushia how are you doing & feeling?

Never thought the day would come where fresh laundry wasn't my idea of absolute heaven but the smell of the washing is the worst trigger in. the. WORLD for me right now, anywhere near it and so vommy :/ DH is on washing duty from now on. Can't get far enough away from the stuff. Midwife for bloods and booking in tomorrow, know there's no reason at all to worry but still do!

@PassTheAfterEights so good to hear from u hun! My hcg was 680 last Friday which was two days after period was due so I'm happy enough with that so in theory it should be at least 2400 ish by now. but I have so very few symptoms I'm still very much feeling iffy about the whole situation nipples sore ish. One or two waves of nausea in the morning and NOTHING else . Because if my previous losses I think I can get an early scan but we're on holiday when I'm 8 weeks . Wonder should I go the day before hols when I'm 7wks 5 days . Or is that risking more worry if they don't see much?