Pregnancy after loss: spring 2019 edition (The Brexit Babes) 🐧

[PassTheAfterEights]

Extra supportive pregnancy journey thread for grads of the penguin huddle and anyone due spring 2019 after a long and bumpy road.

All welcome 🐧

Thread commandments:

Thou shalt share and not apologise for any neurosis or worry

Thou shalt shuffle immediately to the centre of the huddle when feeling vulnerable or hopeless

Thou shalt share all photographs and good news and celebrate raucously that of others

Thou shalt not apologise for TMI, or pearl-clutchy words and language

Thou shalt add your handle, age, number of DC and EDD when joining the thread to roll call so we know where everyone is (thanks!)

May our beans snuggle down, heads stay steady & the elastic on our waistbands quickly snap x

Hello please can I join I recognise a few names from the other thread. I got my bfp 8 days ago but I wanted to make sure things were progressing in the right way before I came over. I am 5 weeks today due 17 May. I am hoping this will be third time lucky. I miscarried last October 17 and in May 18 both around 7 weeks. I just hope this one sticks.

@Martydog welcome - your story sounds somewhat similar timing to mine. Wishing you all the best

Re scans. Has anyone found any groupon offers? I know sometimes you can get the price down to closer to £60 which legitimises my desire to follow in @Maydot s footprints!

@frankiefumbles I completely understand how you feel. I have this fear that it might go wrong again. I can't bare the thought of going through it all again. I am trying to think positive but it's difficult.
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@MisBit1 I'm the same. I don't trust my body following mmc. So symptoms are not enough to reassure me as I had symptoms right up to the end last time. That's why same as you I need the early scan. It's the only true sign that it's ok. I'm excited for the scan but also terrified incase it's bad news. I really hope baby is ok and that this gets easier.

@Maydot I'm so glad to hear you're at 11+3 nearly at the 12 week mark. Can I ask when did you have your 3 scans? My first is at 7 weeks. When was your fitst scan?

I've just POAS (dog woke me for her wee and it was irresistible at 2am!) and I've had my first ever Clearblue 3+!!!! Not counting chickens but this feels like the first positive news I've had! I know one can't rely on the clearblues too much, but I had assumed I wouldn't see the 3+ until the back end of this week. So...happy girl tonight!

Also just saw the elusive 3+! Just need to try and stay sane for the next couple of weeks until I can book an early scan. xxx

@Pancakes7 I had them at 7 weeks, 8+6 and the last one at 10+1, Got my dating scan next Friday (28th) should be 13 weeks then so I’m going to try and hold off til then.
It’s so hard though, symptoms have almost disappeared now and I feel like I have more energy which is great but scary too

Just catching up after the weekend. Great to see so many new BFPs! Congratulations @Pancakes7 @frankiefumbles @kisses4u @Martydog! Great to see you all here although completely get the anxiety and mixed emotions of it all. Fingers crossed for you all it's a smoother journey this time.

In terms of early scans- I'm 11+1 today & ive had two early scans (8 & 10 weeks). My first Mc I didn't have any until I started bleeding at 7/8 weeks which showed pregnancy stopped at 6 weeks- later confirmed by natural mc & follow up scan to show it was complete. Second mc was a mmc - in that pregnancy id had two early scans one at 7weeks which measured a week behind with heartbeat and then one at 9 weeks which had caught up & had heartbeat. Things stopped ~just under 10 weeks but was mmc which was discovered at my 12 week scan. Looking back there were clues on the early scans that time that things weren't well- the yolk sac was quite big & didn't look right and on the second scan the though there was a heartbeat the baby didn't really look quite as developed for 9 weeks- this wasn't said to me but I work in imaging and had had to learn and see some early pg scans as part of my training so was more just a feeling I got (though by no means an expert!). I still decided to do the early scans this time in the end as I couldn't deal with waiting - luckily things have been pretty much on track date wise and on last 10 week one baby was wriggly around & everything which has actually reassured me quite a bit. I think will always be that fear throughout after mc though & am still petrified of my 12 week scan next week! 🙈
Overall I'd say do what you need to do to survive this mental journey & if that means early scans don't feel bad about it- others are not having to deal with this in the same way we are!

@frankiefumbles great that there's someone else from medical world here! What is it you/your OH do? I'm a radiology trainee. Is so hard to balance with work with this whole process at times. Have my final exams in 3 weeks time but between emotional turmoil after last mc and morning sickness & fatigue of this pg I'm using it more of a trial run! 😂 Felt I couldn't not sit though as would have to explain to whole dept why & didn't fancy that! Also my mum was the same about thinking internal scans cause mc 🙄 so I didn't tell her about my first early scan but turned out to be just abdominal in the end anyway! You could just ask them to do abdominal- from like 8/9 weeks they should be able to see- all private scanners tend to be decent enough!

@MisBit1 how did telling your family/friends go?

@Maydot we're almost at the same point it seems! When's your 12 week scan? Mines next Thursday.

Sorry for the long post & the bold!

@dreaminofholidays where do you think you are? My app says 5+1 but I know I ovulated either earlier or later than that. I could be at the end of week four or possibly as far as 5+3 depending on which it was. I'm just going to use the app date for now.

I'm going to try and wait for an external scan at 8 weeks, but I've got to say I'm a bit peeved with DH nagging about no internal scans given it seems loads of other people are having them with no problems. What are other people's thoughts on this? Has anyone ever seen any LEGIT source that says the internal scans can prompt a miscarriage? Would anyone else avoid the internal and wait for an external because of this? I think DH has lost his marbles.

I've seen your comment @Jessabean Re the internal. I feel I may well do the same as you tbh on the "it's my body" thing. I realise I'm repeating myself a bit but my mind goes over it again and again! DH is a surgeon and works privately - I'm not medical but I do the business side of things for him and I'm finishing off my phd(which is due around the same time as the baby...so it's going to be an awkward clash for the viva. I'm either going to be heavily pregnant or with baby if it goes well!). My issue is he's got a narrow specialty (such that if I say it here you'll be able to track me down haha) and it's got naff all to do with babies and yet he thinks he's an expert because he went to med school (ages ago!).

I was trying to explain to DH that I don't want a mmc, so I definitely want to get a couple of private scans. I'm going to try to hold on until 8 weeks and then 10/11 for NIPT but if I get a chance I'd like to get a test done before we go away.

Which in itself I'm a bit bothered about. From Oct 1-5 we are working away with two days of conferences. People say "oh skip it" but being effectively self employed it doesn't work like that! Then we are setting off on long haul flights to go to Hawaii for an event of his, so in all we are gone from home for 17 days. This time covers the timing of both my previous MCs. And again, people say baby is more important. But I we don't have travel insurance and we can't really afford to just dump the flights like that. And of course, imagine if it did mc anyway and I'd then lost the holiday as well! I just need to take things steady but the travelling is going to be really tough. That said with the way I'm sleeping at the moment I won't notice any change!

I also only seem to be able to write essays :( sorry!!

When I say test, I meant blood test checking for rising hcg

@frankiefumbles I get the acting like an expert on stuff medical despite only spending few weeks in a specialty in med school- sure have been guilty of the same before! 🙈
I get where the fear of internals come from with people but I really don't think there's anything in it. If you ask any sonographer or O&G specialist or any reliable medical online source they'll certainly say it's completely safe & likewise as far as I'm aware there's no research to suggest there is a risk (though as everything in early pregnancy there's generally not much research as it's hard to do ethically). I have known lots of women have internal early scans and go only to have healthy pregnancies. Also if you look at the US they all have early scans at 8 weeks over there- presumably most of which are internal looking at YouTube videos & their population seems to be going strong! I really do think if it's a viable pregnancy it's going to be a sticky bean & would actually take quite a lot to miscarry it & if it's not there's not much you can or can't do for it not miscarrying. That's the way I see it anyway. There's so much about that scaremongers about fear of miscarriage and I think it's just because so little is known in exactly why some work out and some don't and why some women are more prone than others despite all usual tests coming back clear- it leaves so much room for speculation but if you followed everything that is said could cause mc online or from others opinions we'd drive ourselves nuts!

@Jessabean It’s next Friday!!... Eeeek! I’m so nervous.

@frankiefumbles do you need to be 8 weeks to avoid internal? I think I will struggle to wait that long. 2 and a bit weeks to get to just over 7 weeks feels ages away.

I can believe I'm 5+1 as the CBD would suggest. It's really difficult because I have irregular cycles and was getting negative ovulation tests but it could just be I missed the window when it would have shown. I think 5+1 is probably the most conservative estimate....

I need a kick up the bum, please.

I need to ring and book in with the midwife, but I can’t. I just can’t do it. I’m having palpitations and feel sick with nerves at even just the thought of it. It’s like I can’t acknowledge this pregnancy at all because if I do, it’ll go wrong.

I’m only 5 weeks, what’s the latest I can do it?

@TheHalfBloodPrincess I think booking in appointment is normally 8-10 weeks so you can wait abit longer I'm waiting until I'm 8 weeks to book in x

I have never heard of internal scans causing mc's and if they did then hospitals wouldn't offer them. Like @Jessabean said if it's a healthy baby than an internal scan any affect it. I have my 7 week scan booked well I'll be 7 +3 on Saturday 6th October. Very scared but trying to be positive. I may book another if that one is ok for 9 or 10 weeks. Not sure yet. For midwife appointment booked for Monday 8th October. Struggling with the fear too. Its so difficult but all we can do is carry on and hope. Xx

@Jessabean you talk sense. I know you're right. It's what I need to hear. And to an extent what @TheHalfBloodPrincess needs to hear too. There is nothing we can do to prevent early MCs. Ringing the Dr can't prompt it and often also won't fix it at this early stage. It just gives us extra knowledge. Just like having a run won't make it mc. Eating too much chocolate won't give you an mc. POAS won't prevent an mc or having scan. It all sucks a bit, but I just try to think what will be will be.

Personally I've always intended to wait until 7 weeks to make an appointment but the surgery always tell me I should have phoned earlier. They only offer appointments on a Wed morning so it's a limited service. I'd rather have a late booking appointment than have to ring and cancel the app. I've never got to the booking app. Depends a bit if you are going private for scans or if your 12 week scan will be the first...if it's the latter id want to secure my scan date!

Try and find the calm. You're doing your absolute best. Don't feel you are responsible for bean because at the moment everything is at cell level and as much as we'd like to think we can do something to influence it, we simply can't. I feel like this is sounding more brutal than I intend it to be but I mean it in a calming way

@dreaminofholidays I don't know quite when I ovulated so I'm hedging my bets that if I wait til 8 weeks it might be between 7.5 and 8.5 weeks and I can relax with whatever measurement they take. I don't want to go to find it's measuring small at 7 weeks and so looking like it's only 6.5 and maybe not showing. That said I've just discovered I'm away 1st to 18th so I can have one either at 7 weeks or 9.5weeks......????! Gah. So it's all immaterial anyway. 7 weeks sounds too early but it would be nice to see it before I went away.

It's good that you've gone with the conservative option. I've gone for the average (so I could be maybe two days earlier or three days later). This helps my personal paranoia but may not be best practice

@frankiefumbles I know. I really do.

I had 3 textbook pregnancies and births then my mmc has just turned it all upside down.

Before becoming a sahp I actually worked for the NHS in both gynae and antenatal care, only as a clerk, mind. My first job of every day was to ring up epau and get the list of who had miscarried the previous day so I could send their notes back to medical records. I’m going to sound like such a prick but it never even registered that these were actual people - there used to be a page worth a day and I just took their notes - their hopes and dreams and heartache and put them on a bus to be re-filed somewhere else. It’s only now that I can appreciate how all those women must have felt.

I’m going to try and look at things in a different way - no more doom and gloom unless the worse happens. And if it does I’ll deal with it.

Thank you.

@TheHalfBloodPrincess having that job obviously makes it seem like many many people MCed but don't forget, tonnes more have normal boring pregnancies. Tell yourself whatever you need to to get through the day.

I just rang the GP surgery to ask for a phone consultation with the GP to book my blood tests and she didn't even ask me how far I was or to book in. He's going to ring me on Thursday and hopefully I can get bloods done next week.

I might have also accidentally ended up on the groupon site to see if there are discount scans 😂 and there are. 125 down to 79 (bargain...) but maybe cheaper in other areas...worth a look for us obsessive anti-MC-brigade 😂

@TheHalfBloodPrince wow awful to think of all those people each day going through what we've been through. Sending out positive thoughts for us all 🐧🐧🐧

@TheHalfBloodPrincess sounds like that would be the best way to get through the list tbh. If you were to start thinking of every lost baby then it would be extremely hard. Detachment can be a good thing!

Hey all - just catching up after a while, so good to see a few new names - lovely group we have here now!! huge high five @martydog thrilled to see you & read your news, how are you feeling?

Big hand hold to all struggling through first tri vibes, I stepped back a bit as I was starting to do my own head in; I think in retrospect the maddo hormones had a lot to do with it. Second guessed everything, strategised doomsday plans, the lot. It's a shit time and all you can do is keep getting up and going to bed and wait.

Had 12 week scan last Thursday, right on 12 weeks, all well. Here's a pic in case anyone would like to see! I wish I could look in there all day, it was so the best pay off for all the worry - he/she wouldn't keep still so pics were a bit tricky. We desperately don't want to actually know the sex but I was a demon at speculating nubs and skulls and so on, clearly have no self control! Then a bus drove into us on the way home (all absolutely fine, except for poor car).

Gebe overbump skinnies arrived from ASOS today, strongly vouching for far too much comfort if anyone else is shopping. Going to leave them in the wardrobe as long as poss or will fill them with cookies....

Hope everybody is doing OK 💖

That’s a lovely clear scan picture!

@PassTheAfterEights Omg beautiful scan picture! I am so happy to see it. Congratulations. Also glad you're all ok following the car accident.