Pregnancy after loss: spring 2019 edition (The Brexit Babes) 🐧

[PassTheAfterEights]

Extra supportive pregnancy journey thread for grads of the penguin huddle and anyone due spring 2019 after a long and bumpy road.

All welcome 🐧

Thread commandments:

Thou shalt share and not apologise for any neurosis or worry

Thou shalt shuffle immediately to the centre of the huddle when feeling vulnerable or hopeless

Thou shalt share all photographs and good news and celebrate raucously that of others

Thou shalt not apologise for TMI, or pearl-clutchy words and language

Thou shalt add your handle, age, number of DC and EDD when joining the thread to roll call so we know where everyone is (thanks!)

May our beans snuggle down, heads stay steady & the elastic on our waistbands quickly snap x

@frankiefumbles Thanks. We've had a really fun day. Felt nauseous but kept going! So lovely to have a little get away together. I hope you've got to your destination ok. @xJune88 So sorry you have this worry but baby growing is a great sign. Only 4 days till my scan now, eeeek!!

@pancakes7 is it Berlin you're in? Glad you've had a great day and managed to push past the sickness
On the scan countdown, very exciting! xxx

@MisBit1 congratulations on your scan! Such a cutie 😍 & a little girl so exciting! We've booked a 16 week private scan to find out gender and check all is still well (even though reached 13 weeks and scan went well is still taking me time to have confidence 🙈). Can't wait- seems like ages away. Thought my scan pic was a female nun possibly as well so could be joining you also- saying that never quite sure I'm doing this nub business right.

@Pancakes7 & @frankiefumbles hope you both have lovely holidays.
@Pancakes7 good luck for your scan!

@xJune88 so happy for you that all is well with bean on your scan. I'm sorry for the extra worry with the bleed. With regards to the resus bit I'm also resus negative and the advice in the UK from nhs is that anti-D is not needed before 12 weeks (or close to) as before then the placenta is not formed properly so you're not mixing blood with your baby in the same way so chances of developing antibodies is really low. Is only past then if you have a bleed or trauma or if you have surgical management for mc at any stage that you need it.
I never had the anti-D for my first natural mc at 8 weeks and have had antibody testing since and all was fine so try not to worry. Hope that helps.

Lol nun 😂 meant nub! Pesky autocorrect! 😂

@frankiefumbles oh hun, it's horrible when they just don't get the food eversions. I hope the smell passed quickly and you have a great trip(s).

@Pancakes7 Have a fab time!

@xJune88 so sorry you've got this extra worry. I'd get into a midwife ASAP and get yourself monitored and reassured.

Had my booking in with the midwife yesterday. She said because of my age (37) my odds of baby having a trisomy are already at 1:149 but the hospital has just started offering the nifty blood test on the NHS so if anything is flagged up then I’ll be offered that. I was contemplating paying anyway but might as well save myself £500 and see if it’s needed.

Now just the long wait until 12 weeks for the scan, which is going to be booked for the week I would have been due had I not miscarried in April. Really hoping it’s not the same day.

It’s funny you’ve mentioned that @HalfBloodPrincess, I’m worrying myself silly about my combined test results. How long til your 12 week scan?
I was about to ask if @Jessabean and anyone else past the 12 week mark had had the combined test and how long they waited for the results?
I’m 34 so pretty sure I’ll be pushing towards high risk because of that.

Scan will be week of 5th November. Just realised my due date (11/11) is a Sunday so won’t be then, which is a relief.

My last successful pregnancy I was 35/36 and my base odds were something like 1:290 for Down syndrome which changed to 1:2500 after the tests with the other triaomies at 1:10000 or so.

You will get a call within 3 days if anything is flagged up, otherwise a letter within 2 weeks if you’re low risk.

Well ladies, I can barely believe it but I seem to have made it to 7 weeks. I do think I may be a few days off and maybe actually would measure 6+5 but...even at that, this is officially my longest pregnancy. Time for a small celebration :)

@frankiefumbles congrats 🎉 got to celebrate the milestones!

@Maydot I had combined screening blood test same time as my ultrasound last Thursday and was told I'd hear this week if there was an issue otherwise I'd get either an email or letter with the result. I'm up in Scotland and we also have online access to our pregnancy notes up here as well so actually had a look this morning and saw they were back already and in the low risk group.
I wouldn't worry. They get the results pretty quickly - few days at most- and you'd have heard by now if you were in a high risk group. So I'd take it it's good news, try not to worry and wait out for the letter. Maybe if you haven't received it in 2-3 weeks time you could contact your midwife - she should be able to check for you.

Thank you @HalfBloodPrincess, that’s very reassuring. Guess I’ll just wait and hope I don’t hear anything this week.
I’m sure the weeks will fly by and your scan will be here before you know it.

Thanks @Jessabean, it seems every little hurdle scares me to death!!... Next it’ll be the 20 week scan.... Aaaaah!!
And @frankiefumbles definitely reason to celebrate xxx

Thankyou @jessabean they did give me the anti d after my mmc as I was 14 weeks and they didn't know if it had caused the 2nd miscarriage. Reassuring to know it won't bother baby just yet! Booked in with midwife on Friday so will discuss my fears with her. Think I'm just in another waiting game. Scanner said it could dislodge baby or it could just disappear x

This week seems to be really dragging. I have my scan (follow up after bleeding last week)and my first midwife appointment. One minute I am convinced that I will see a heart beat the next I am thinking either no heartbeat or no sac.

How many weeks are you @Martydog
I'm the same, have been in limbo for nearly 2 weeks now, they saw a sac and a large sub chorionic hemotoma above it. So my scan this Friday morning is long awaited! I'm so desperate to see if there's anyone in there?! I've been incredibly nauseous and all my food (and toothpaste) aversions have kicked in! So I'm thinking, there's gotta be a sticky bean in there right?! 😆

@kisses4u I think that's similar to what I have but mine is underneath sac! She said it could be an old bleed from implantation as it didn't look active but couldn't be certain of it or the future x

Strange that EPU didn't mention the bleed @xJune88

My sonographer seemed unfazed by mine and said it should self resolve, however the EPU nurse was less positive as was my GP. However I've done the best I can to save this pregnancy - resting as much as possible and taking some time off work, so I can only hope my efforts have paid off. Scan is 8:30am Friday 😬🤞

@kisses4u depending on which app I look at on Friday I'm 8 weeks or 7 +5 or 7 + 2

@frankiefumbles lovely little milestone for you, congratulations.

@Martydog I hope it's good news at the scan and that it comes around quickly for you. xx

Great milestone @frankiefumbles. I'm 6 weeks + 7 . So 7 weeks tomorrow. Woken up so dehydrated, feeling sick as per usual. At the end of yesterday I got a horrible headache and nausea. Went to bed at 9! Lol Poor DH. Not long till scan now. @kisses4u I hope your scan goes well Friday. Good that it's early so you're not waiting around all day. @xJune88 I hope all is ok. Good idea tob discuss with midwife. I'm sure she can give you some advice. Maybe offer extra checks. @Dreaminofholidays Thank you. Yes I'm in Berlin. We're having a lovely time. It's a very good distraction.

Thanks ladies!

Still on the edge of booking a scan for Thursday or Friday. Not that it really matters what others say...best friend (who has had 1 mc) says go for it, it'll be positive, enjoy the reassurance. Mum (no mc) says you could do it but it only shows you what is occurring on the day, so why not rely on your symptoms to tell you it's still all okay. Then DH says don't get a scan, it's totally pointless and a waste of money.

I'm on the fence. My biggest fear is that I will come back to the U.K. a bit over a fortnight later and find my little bean didn't make it, that I have a mmc and I find that it died before I went away on holiday. My fear is irrational (as they often are) and ultimately I know a scan won't change the future or predict it. I can afford to have it done but I worry that even if I see it, I won't be happy with what I see, that maybe it will not be as far on as I hope. For context, my last two MCs were super early and by now I would have lost it, so I'm in positive ground.

How true do we feel the stat is about lower chance of mc once the heartbeat has been seen? The scan would be at 7+3 or 7+4 and I believe I ovulated late, so it may be bean is only 7 weeks, but I'd be hopeful I'd see a heartbeat. I'm also worried that seeing bean behind the date on my app might make me skittish even though I know I may have ovulated late. I didn't find my hcg results reassuring at all and it's set a little doubt in my mind about whether this one will stick, however I haven't had any negative symptoms. Sad times, but I've had to pack my "mc kit" in my suitcase for if it happens when I'm away. I'm actually incredibly nervous but trying to be relaxed about it.

I'd really appreciate a variety of responses. I know ultimately it's my choice but I simply can't decide. I am edging slightly on the side of getting the scan done. Sorry for the essay. Wade in ladies, no right and no wrong, just looking for some extra input to try and decide x

@frankiefumbles I would go for a scan, even if it was just for the reassurance that everything has gone well up to that point. It can’t predict what will happen in the future but it can tell you what has happened so far and it could be what you need to relax and enjoy your time away.
I went on holiday at 6 weeks and was also prepared to miscarry while I was away, I went for an early scan the day I got back because I just wanted to know if it was ok up to that point.
What ever you decide make sure it’s your choice. xx

@frankiefumbles it honestly depends on if a scan will reassure you or not.

I’ve decided against having one as with my mc I saw the heartbeat at an early scan but my baby died a few days later. I know that I wouldn’t really be reassured, and tbh I think it could possibly make me a bit more anxious. Same reasons I didn’t have hcg checked by bloods, or poas after I got my 1-2 on a digi.

But then again I’ve got my defence barriers up. I can’t even visualise what will happen if this pregnancy is successful so I’ve kind of pushed it to the back of my mind until i have to face it. Whether I’m going about things in the right way, I don’t know, but it’s heping me cope.

Really valid points from both of you

@Maydot agreed - if it's already died I think I would rather know...I suppose that I want to eliminate the fact that I've already had an mmc and that's what motivates me, perhaps more than proof it's going to survive, I actually want proof if it's not already died (this clearly makes me a cup half empty kind of person)

@HalfBloodPrincess I also had a scan where the Dr said all was fine and even said he could see the HB, and I mc'ed that evening. I believe he saw a flicker from my breathing not a HB. I think what you've done is very stoic/brave and what you've said about defences up really resonates with me. I don't truly believe I'm pregnant (I know I am...but don't believe?) and I can't imagine being in a place where I am carrying a full term baby. I realise this is all very "first world problems". Everyone copes in different ways and it sounds like that's working for you. I wish it could work for me, but I think also it's in my head that while I'm away I won't have access to a scan and that also makes me nervous. But the scan can't actually help the outcome.

I do believe these scans are a massive money making exercise though.

I think there is a selfish element here as well because I gave up my "active" summer holiday this year for an embryo/fetus that miscarried. This is a once in a lifetime trip (Hawaii), so if I know it's dead (sorry to sound callous) I want to eat the raw tuna, I want to go scuba diving, ride my bike up the mountains, I want to have the cocktails etc. If I'm giving it up for a baby I believe will live then fine, but imagine getting back and finding out it was dead the whole time and missing out on that stuff? I don't know. I've got no reason to believe it is dead. But I suppose if I see that HB I will feel better about investing my time in looking after it and my body.

I realise I'm in the territory of sounding like a spoilt brat here. It's just frustrating. You never expect to have one mc, let alone two. But when you've had two the third seems somewhat inevitable and I'm almost resigned to it not surviving because emotionally I don't dare to raise my hopes. Yawn. Sorry for rattling on guys.

I don’t think that sounds selfish at all.
After I miscarried I was told by my therapist that when I spoke about it I did so in quite a clinical way - and as a coping mechanism it worked for me.

She said However you choose to look at it and express how you’re feeling is the right way. And you shouldn’t have to apologise or justify it to anyone.