June 2018 #4

[ClareB83]

Just restarting the thread as we're close to 1000 posts again.

June 2018 #3 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/3100612-june-2018-3

I agree totally depends on the bub and how you are my first had colic and was a nightmare until 12 weeks but the second fine and we did a little in holiday when he was 10 weeks, if it your first and you go over it could be a very little baby I would second what the others say of not commuting now but maybe having a look at hotels nearby in case you can go for a night or 2 xx

Little uk holiday that should read

Thanks @Cookie1831, @ElizabethLemon and @ClareB83. It's my second but I had fairly bad pnd and other issues with ds, plus I'm having an elective section assuming baby stays put to 39 weeks. Without considering traffic, it's a 7 hour drive with no stops so factoring in stops with a new baby and a 3 year old, probably 12 hours.

FiL is really pushing despite knowing how much I struggled after ds was born and every one else wants to go, including dh who thinks ds will need a holiday having gained a brother or sister, I'm starting to question whether or not I'm being unfair. It will be a hotel, they don't do self catering and the time frame is limited by the fact that our nephews go back to the school around the 17th of august.

12 hour drive would be a no from me.

Could DH and DS both go for a couple of days? It isn’t fair people pressurising you xx

My DF was messaging me to ask exactly when I was planning to have the baby ummm well I can tell you the due date but it will come when it wants...

That's hilarious @Cookie1831 - just ask him when he'd like you to have the baby and you'll arrange it for then!!

I am tempted to not tell them 😂they arrived to stay the morning after I had my second arrhghhhhhh

Wow. Yes don't tell them! Give yourself a couple of days at least! Or tell them and say that you'd be happy to see them on XXXday but not before as you need time to settle.

Could you negotiate to a holiday in the UK closer to home? That's a very long drive! Although it depends what they're like, you might want to have time to yourselves it's so hard to know now even though you've had one already it could be so different.

I think the idea of saying book it and we will decide closer to the time and stay in other accom is a great idea.

We're going away the start of September but much closer to home as a little test run

Haha cookie that’s the question that all expectant mothers wish they knew the answer to!

I have been fantasising about telling no one when the baby is born. Although I’ll most likely have to tell my mum as she may need to help with ds1. I don’t want visitors straight away as we definitely over did it last time and I’ve learnt my lesson. I’ve already had one family member tell me they expect to visit when the baby is here, they live hours and hours away so can’t just pop in for half an hour. But apparently they’re still holding a grudge from when ds1 was born and I said I didn’t want them to visit until I was out of hospital 🙄.

Dinosaur, it sounds a bit much to be honest. Agree that if you could book nearby accommodation at the last minute were you to feel up to it that would be a good compromise. Don’t feel pressured though.

We've put a ban on visitors until they're told they can visit, we've said a week minimum. Anyone who turns up will be turned away or ignored

@Dinosauratemydaffodils I’d tell them you’ll book it but what I would do is go though booking.com or something similar that has the free cancellation so your not under any pressure if you don’t want to go.

I’m only having one visitor, my mum who will be flying in on the latest day I could possibly have the baby, she’ll be staying 3 weeks - to help with DD1 and incase I have a section like last time.

With my first DD I was very upset we didn’t have any visitors in the hospital, I had one group of friends call but none of them had kids and were utterly useless. It was actually really horrid not having any family around to help out, hoping that by mum coming this time it will be easier.

The latest indignity: DH has boosted my side of the sofa with an extra seat cushion as I was struggling to get up. 😳

How is there still five weeks to go?!

It takes me at least 3 rocks to get the momentum to get up and I am only 28 weeks and a singleton pregnancy you are doing great 😂

@Dinosauratemydaffodils I think it sounds like a long drive. I'd also do what others have suggested and book a room but make sure you have the option to cancel in case you don't feel up to it. With DS1 we had Christmas when he was 7 weeks old and the stress of getting to my parents house (2.5hrs away) felt like a massive upheaval and a long enough journey!!

We are considering a holiday in Scotland perhaps in August and DC2 should be about 10/12 weeks old. The drive though is slightly scaring me already!!

@ClareB83 @Cookie1831 I know how you feel. My bump seems enormous now and in theory I've still got 8 weeks to go!! I really struggle to get off the floor when I have to do things with DS1 and the sofa has been a bit of a struggle for a while!!

I get assisted off the sofa every day, it's so dignified isnt it pregnancy!

My bump seems to have dropped overnight.....very odd feeling

Thanks ladies.

@Northernbeachbum - my bump changes shape several times a day. It's most comfortable when they're both breech but when they're both low down walking and bending are quite uncomfortable. Even peering into the oven hurts!

@Cookie1831 Definitely don't tell them in that case. Do they live close by? My Dm was threatening to come up as soon as the baby was born but I've put her off until Dh finishes his paternity leave.

@SparklesandBubbles Ooh where in Scotland? (purely for nosiness).

I told the inlaws last night that if they were insisting on booking, could they do it so that cancelling our room was an option or just not to book one for us and we'd see if we could get somewhere if I felt up to it.
He said okay and then went and booked us a room and paid for it regardless about 10 minutes after our phone call. Fair enough he doesn't care about the money if we can't make it or decide not to come for the whole holiday but still...

On top of that, went to the midwife this morning for my 28 week appointment (even though I'm actually 30 weeks) and I have low blood pressure.

You were very clear @Dinosauratemydaffodils so don't get pressured into going on the basis it's all booked.

What will they do about your BP?

I agree with everyone else, really inappropriate and insensitive of your family to be pressuring you into committing to anything @dinosauratemydaffodils. Has the midwife said the low BP is anything to worry about? I have low BP also and midwife's only concern was that I was more susceptible to fainting (which hasn't happened).

I haven't been given my C-section date yet but don't know whether I should tell anyone or not. Friends have said that it is maddening having to deal with the deluge of messages when you give people a date... I imagine this would only be especially annoying if eg my C-section was moved forward due to emergencies and I felt like I had to let half the world know. DM and DMIL are both likely to be anxious if I give them time and date and they don't hear anything for a few hours afterwards, but they do need to know date as will be expecting to visit hospital... I might keep it vague for most people but just tell my best friend and close family the date, and pretend it's in the afternoon if it's in the morning?! Thoughts welcome!

@Heregoeseverything We'll be telling my PiLs because we need them to have ds but my Dm has specifically asked not to be told my c-section date as she worries given what happened last time. Everyone else I or dh will announce after the fact to let everyone know we are fingers crossed okay. I might tell a few close friends but they know my due date so I imagine they can figure out it.

She didn't seem worried about the blood pressure, just that it's something to keep an eye on. As I'm getting extra scans, she's put a note on asking the midwife who is present to take it then so it's measured in between midwife appointments.

Yes @Dinosauratemydaffodils I think I'll take a similar approach. Your DM obviously has good self-awareness. I think my DM would be potentially anxious but would likely swallow it herself - my worry is that DMIL would be excitedly ringing DH for constant updates, which is sweet but would make me anxious, I would like him focused on the matter at hand!

Oh God @Cookie1831 , arrival of family to stay the next day sounds horrific!

My DH and I have been working out a visitors' strategy. Some familial noses are out of joint as a result of preliminary airing of this strategy (!) but hoping all will have adjusted their expectations by the time DD arrives.

Planning to have very close family at the hospital but then we hope to spend most of DH's 2 week paternity leave with just the three of us, he gets so little time and don't want it being sucked up by visitors! Plus I will be recovering from a C-section and trying to work out how to breastfeed. I think some family members think that not wanting them there constantly at first is arrogance on our part ("Oh you know everything, you don't need help, is that it?") when actually it's the opposite - we have so much to learn, and feel we need to get stuck in. We will certainly be asking for advice when we need it but I'm not very keen on constant streams of advice of the unsolicited kind...!