major self-pity/whinge alert sorry about this but it's late and dh is asleep, so nowhere else to take my sorry self than mn. i'm 6 wks pg, i've got a whole heap of marking to do, i'm about four weeks behind with preparation, i've got all-day tutorials in leeds (250mile rnd trip on the worst trains you ever saw) in 2 wks, i've got my phd viva exam in ten days, not looked at my phd thesis since handed in before christmas, we're having the ceilings de-artexed so there isn't a single room in the house where i have any privacy to feel utterly exhausted and sick as a pig, and i'm skint.
Oh yes, and I had nasty phone call from a grumpy student who as good as accused me of being a incompetent, sarcastic liar, just after i'd split coffee all over self, carpet and marking, in a frantic dash to the loo as the afternoon ms kicked in big-style. And now, though still completely exhausted I can't sleep. which may be because i watched ER. but anyway...
I've got enough energy to do about 1 thing per day, for about 2 hours - not enough, not enough- so now I'm panicking and worrying that a) i'm going to lose the baby by worrying it to death, b) i'm going to fail my viva cos i've forgotten everything i ever learnt, and my brain has turned to porridge, c) i can't do my tiny, tiny job anymore and d) i'll never feel human or be able to stop crying for longer than an hour, ever again.
gosh, but i'm sorry for myself. sorry to inflict this on you. feels better to have offloaded though. what i want to know is how the hell do you cope with being pg and already having kids and/or a f-t job? i'm already at the rolling-on-the-bathroom-floor-moaning-just-kill-me-now stage. how the hell am i going to cope with the rest of it?????
please tell me that the magical power of maternity will see me through. please. even if you have to lie.
hope everyone has a good night's sleep.
just knowing that there's some people out there who aren't going to think i'm completely bats or utterly selfish (I hope) makes it a lot better.
nighty night.
dundee m.