May 2017 #15 No sleep, night feeds and the newest arrivals

[Tickyboovicki]

Fingers crossed this works, no idea how to make a thread but giving it my best shot. Let the May babies continue!

Thanks ladies.

I don't think I would feel as bad if I had actually done absolutely nothing yesterday but I had gone to the shop (admittedly they were 5 mins away) to buy new bedding including a King size duvet & pillows (which almost ripped my arm apart carrying it with pushchair), as asked by dh. Managed to get dinner done and picked up dd from nursery (journey can take between 1-2 hours depending on what the buses are like).

Am worried that dh's expectations are this high now then I don't know what they are going to be like in September when dd starts school and I'll probably being doing the bulk of the drop offs and pick ups.

@jennymac31 I'd tell him to fuck off personally, I'd say what you did yesterday was a massive amount considering you've got a 3 week old. Everybody fed, nobody dead is our mantra and ANYTHING more than that is a huge bonus. Is he always like that? Leave him with the baby for a day and see how he gets on.

September might be very different, our new babies will be 4/5 months and the routines then are very different and you'll probably feel better rested and more in control so cross that bridge when you come to it?

Thanks mighty Well we called bump Rosie so we still call her that too! Was wondering about sleepyhead.... did the rolled up towel under mattress cover trick, sleeping on my t shirt and hot water bottle in before I put her in..... nope! DH took her and she slept on him so I slept 5.30-9! Felt like a new woman

Ouch crazy! I hope you can grab some naps today. Thanks for link :)

Ooooh happy birthday mummy fox!!! What you upto?

Oh jenny it sounds like he's expecting way too much and getting confused about what's actually important. You did loads yesterday!! And on top of night duties
tea I bloody love your mantra!!!!

@jennymac31 similar issues here. DP asked me this morning "what my plans for the day were" and if I though I could get around to painting the garden furniture . Yeah, after 2hours of broken sleep and with a baby attached to my boob all day that would be no!! You were on fire yesterday and did loads. I would be proud if I could squeeze that into a day.

Think a chat is needed. Would this work for your DH? Ps yes he is being very unreasonable! Everybody fed and no one dead - I am adopting It @tea!!

I love that @teainbed!

Happy Birthday Fox.

Jenny - My hubby still thinks along the same lines and we have a toddler. Whilst pregnant I struggled a lot towards the end which meant DH had to pick up the slack. He got a bit tetchy a few times about me not cleaning. (As well as working 30hrs and looking after DD) If you can't sit him down and talk for whatever reason, just use your inner voice to tell him to foxtrot oscar for now. These days will pass. xx

• so I typed that before I read your latest post! - you did way more than enough yesterday. He needs to go away. This week I've taken DD to nursery each morning, sat on my bum and eaten everything in sight and then picked her up after lunch and played with her and fed her in the evening! And that's all I plan on doing and my DS is 5 weeks old now!!

@EsmesBees - my HV told me I can still take pre/post natal vitamins as they will pass on to baby as I'm BF. I ran out and haven't bothered to get any more though. I forgot with DD too...

Vitamin d offered here as standard, for both you and baby i think. I refused them last time and will do again, just getting sun when possible. Think it's more likely to be recommended further north and/or in deprived areas (both of which apply to me as my midwives cover some very deprived areas in Manchester)

Teainbed - he gets like this sometimes but I think he tries to put a lid on it and not complain as much, as he knows that I get low moods (suffered from depression in the past) so doesn't want to upset me. I think it's also because his mum was a sahm who had 11 kids and probably has 'rose-tinted' memories of his house being immaculate (although I'm pretty sure it was the older kids who did a lot of the work).

I think he hoped that given I had a rough pregnancy which did take him by surprise especially the consistent bouts of vomiting along with severe spd (which I never experienced with dd), now the pregnancy has ended a few weeks ago then I should be fine.

Dd keeps pointing at my tummy asking when the other baby is coming out! Told her that it took mummy 9 months to grow baby so it will take the same amount of time (at least) for mummy's tummy to go back down. Dh shot a look at me as to suggest he knew that comment was for him to!

Lovely photo cox and congratulations halbuffy.

Jenny, cox and anyone else who is suffering from other people's unreasonable expectations I realise the last thing you probably want to do is to have to take a stand but do it with all our blessings and backing. Who else but a new mum works almost 24 hours a day? I presume it's you that has taken a massive pay cut, loss of pension and career progression? No no no to doing any more jobs than you are able and crucially feel like doing. Love tea's fed not dead. Enjoy your time with your little ones

What is with the unannounced visitors? I have had 3, all of them are in their 70's. Is this a thing for that generation? Lovely to see them all but this morning knock at door go down in dressing gown and sopping wet hair after shower and my farmer friend has dropped by. Had to scramble to get in clothes and dry hair and bring screaming hungry baby down and then breastfeed him - I've done this in front of loads of people now but I'm not very discrete as no proper nursing clothes but with arranged visits you can choose your approach a bit more easily. Anyway we had lovely 2 hour chat about gay marriage (BIL marrying wonderful partner soon so it just came up) and breastfeeding which he's all for. This is him and the f-ing ginormous cow that is super friendly and named after me, she's also about to become s first time mummy 😍

Happy Birthday @FoxMulder hope you manage to have a bit of a celebration!

@EsmesBees midwife & health visitor told me to keep taking my prenatal vitamins to get the vitamin D which would be passed on to baby.... seems it's different everywhere 😳

@jennymac31 I think your DH is being unreasonable, you're doing great. I think there is a bit of an expectation from our DH's that once we've had the baby we're immediately back to our pre-pregnant selves. DH and I had a conversation early on because I wasn't me right away and I have had to say to him on a couple of occasions when he tries to have a complicated conversation at 10 pm when I only have the head space to feed the baby 😉 Honesty is the best policy so try talking to him and I think we might all be adopting @teainbed mantra!

@teainbed what bras did you buy? I ordered 5 different sizes of a style from mothercare and had to send them all back... wondering if a S M or L option might be better for now 😳

HV visit today.... baby Rise at 2.5 weeks is now 9lb 11oz! No wonder I thought she was getting heavy 😱 She told me about a baby club that runs locally, trying to get over myself and go at least once.... this is when I realise how ridiculously antisocial/introverted I am 😕

@dreamofhungarianlanterns I love that you have a cow bearing your name! No such things here in London (no unexpected visitors either) - I grew up in a village and do miss the sense of community.

@1004rise wow she is growing like a champ!

Met my HV this morning, lovely ex midwife and very thoughtful about what might help me as she thinks I am a PND risk after traumatic recovery and my/ family history. It was a boost to meet her

@jennymac31 all the more reason for you to look after yourself then, if you've ended up unwell before. Agree just say no, you can't buy a duvet or whatever. OH can get it or order online. Your nursery run sounds hard, is there no way to get someone else to do that?

@dreamofhungarianlanterns I wouldn't have bothered answering the door!

@1004Rise it's the Jojo lace nursing bra, they fit quite nicely although more of a bralette or sleep bra style, if you need a lot more support they might not suit.
www.jojomamanbebe.co.uk/jojo-lace-trim-maternity-nursing-bras-a1505.html

Teainbed - there's not really anyone else who can do it. The nursery run is usually split between me and dh depending on his shift so he's been dropping her off before heading to work. We haven't got much family close by and the ones that are around work full time. Hoping the daily commute for school for dd will be slightly easier but will still involve public transport so we shall see.

Got a friend coming round with their son who's the same age as dd so should hopefully have a nice afternoon before picking up dd.

Thanks for all the supportive words ladies.

Happy birthday @FoxMulder hope you are having good day 🎉

@teainbed and @WishIWasSleeping I am going to borrow your mantras/ statements about everyone being fed and foxtrot oscar 😆 my DH has got strong survival instinct and he knows that any comments about me doing not enough would release the Kraken

@jennymac31 you've just got a baby and he may need to step in a bit more. Do you have any chance for extended family support?

@1004Rise - I have now had 2 mw/HV give me info on local groups... I've smiled and put them aside without reading them. I'm not bored enough to try torture yet! I feel like I want to, but at the same time I hate trying to make friends. I think you lot are enough for me for now!

@WishIWasSleeping I have the added benefit that the group only runs during term time so it'll finish at the end of June, figure I'll go once, decide I hate it and it'll be easy not to go back

Oohh... I may have to check out one if they've got expiry dates!

I just googled my own vitamin d question and it seems it is now NHS advice that all breastfed babies get vitamin d drops from birth to a year, which is definitely different to two years ago. I'm not sure I like the idea of giving drops at this age, plus we spend lots of time in the garden and out and about, so not sure I'll bother.

I am a classic introvert but strangely love a baby group. The one I went to with DD1 was basically an excuse for a sit down and a biscuit. Won't be doing any this time, but she will be dragged along to the chaos that is toddler group.

esmes I didn't like the idea either especially as the ones I was given were banana flavoured!

Thanks guys. Been out for a lovely pub lunch in the sunshine. Baby slept through the whole thing. DH held her and ate one handed.

Jenny your other half is being massively unreasonable. No way should he be expecting you to do housework. Your job is to look after the kids! I won't be cooking or cleaning with a 3 week old.

I think the only good thing about baby groups is that people actually do want to natter about feeding and routines which is actually quite boring to all your normal friends. But all encompassing for us at this point! I'm on the fence. I've been to a few over the years that were really good, and then others where nobody talked to me! I'm also a massive bit of an introvert too and prefer pottering at home and enjoying the peace!

Newbieho - no extended family support close by. In-laws live an hour away but they are quite busy and my parents are close to 3 hours away from us. Although my parents are coming up tomorrow for the weekend, along with my brother, it will be more of a case of me looking after them then vice versa. They wanted to stay for longer but they stressed me out when they stayed for a week when dd was born, as it was as though I was taking care of 3 kids plus a newborn baby. Wasn't prepared to make that same mistake again!

Esmes I'd read that about vitamins but no one's mentioned it to me so far (and thanks to our prolonged hospital stay I've seen a lot of midwives!). I should probably remember to at least take my own vitamin D, particularly as so far we aren't really leaving the flat - although it is quite sunny in here!

I've been trawling through this vast blog in the last day or two. It's quite comprehensive and goes over a lot of the popular sleep 'experts' books and methods. I quite like her, she seems sensible but realistic. Not full on Attachment Parenting or CIO out but a lot of middle of the road stuff. If that's your thing.

www.mybabysleepguide.com/2010/02/sleep-problems-by-age-newborn.html?m=1

Thanks @teainbed, that looks interesting. I can't quite work out when we should start trying to achieve anything or impose anything! At the moment we demand feed and she sleeps when she wants but she's only a week old!