May 2016 babies - thread 2!

[GrouchyKiwi]

First trimester worries and joys. Test taking, morning sickness, midwife appointments and scans. It's all happening.

Can't believe we filled up a thread already. (I'll get this deleted if someone's already created a second thread, but I didn't see one!

Ive had no change in my bra size as of yet thank god! Im already a 32G if i get any bigger i might just skip a new bra and buy a couple of hammocks!

I won't have any change in my bra size. Ever ??

Sorry, used the iPad emoticons again. That was supposed to be

Hi all,

Just checking in again. I've got my booking appointment and flu shot next week then scan on 22nd.
Symptoms seem to be coming in waves, some days I'm fine and some I just want to stay in bed. My boobs also seem to be the one constant discomfort. Have bought sports bra/crop top type things which are so much comfier, kind of wondering why I didn't wear them before I was preggo!

Can I be added to the stats sheet too? I'm 27, baby #1, due 04/05/16 and in Newcastle.

Mollie thanks I am definitely feeling calmer! :) symptoms have been quite strong last few days as well so that keeps me calm too. And of course the lovely scan settled my mind.

Ljjeffro that made me laugh!! A couple of hammocks!!! :) I'm a 34c at the moment, usually a 34b so quite like having a little extra :)

Mariah your scan is so soon! Very exciting! :)

Re the flu shot is this recommended for during pregnancy??

Uuuegh feeling so sick this morning! Only 6+2, I'm sure I didn't have any symptoms this early last time. Going to look for my travel sick bands I think.
Yes you are meant to get the flu jab and the whooping cough jab when preg I think.

Ah right thanks Bish, I have GP app this week so will discuss then.

Mamama there's a good thread on the pregnancy board at the moment about flu and whooping cough vaccinations.

Essentially, the whooping cough one is for your baby, to give immunisation for the first two weeks, and the flu one is for you. Flu is a lot more serious when you're pregnant, can kill you or your baby or both.

Thanks Nicky for the info. Must get those organised then.

Hi Guys, hope you don't mind if I sneak in here. I'm 7weeks+2 days and due 16th May.

It's been a really tough 3 weeks since I found out and after my Boyfriend and I thought we'd 'try'... 2.5 weeks later, I was hysterically crying, with a positive test in my hand.

I'm 33.
Live in Hampshire
Not living with boyfriend of 7 years but he lives 1/4 mile away from me and as I'm so independent, it's worked really well (We'll be living together from November onwards due to this!)
No kids

I'm really struggling at the moment so don't want to put a downer on anyone's happiness, however it's not like I thought it would be - I'm crying constantly, massive mood swings, can't see any positives and as well as my boobs hurting, the last couple of days I've felt really sick which is terrifying me.

I've been having counselling for a year due to anxiety issues over needles / injections and medical professionals doing things to me without permission.. however since I found out I am pregnant, my worries have gone into overdrive.

At the moment, I don't know what decision to make - Hence why I apologise if this is the wrong place / thread to be as I've not made my mind up - My boyfriend is incredibly supportive and is happy with whatever decision I make.

I thought I wanted to be a Mother and we'd beend talking about it for ages, now I just wish I could go back in time and scream at myself 'Noooooo... you don't ' - but I don't know if that's my hormones talking!

Welcome fluffy, hormones are a bitch! It's totally the right place to come; I hope you get the support you need whatever you decide

Thanks Ican't - I think all I need are nice non judgemental people offering support and hopefully I'll make the right decision

Fluffy sounds like further counselling would be of benefit to you to help you make the right decision for yourself. Perhaps look in to CBT for your anxieties that could help also.

Morning all, great to see the new thread

Southy and Mama big congrats on the great scans, had a feeling all would be ok, but such a relief to see the little heartbeat flashing away isn't it?!

I have another scan this Weds, hoping all ok as heard the nearer you are to 8 weeks and see a heartbeat the chances of anything going wrong decrease massively.

Oh Fluffy you sound like you need a big unmumsnetty hug. Having a baby is a scary thing no matter how much you want it. Do you have anyone in real life you can talk to?

It probably is just hormones (Im crying over everything), but have you tried to put your thoughts onto paper?

Welcone Fluffy Have a huge hug. It isn't uncommon to feel this way even without preexisting worries. I had counselling for something else in the past and found it a very positive experience.

You're all incredibly kind - Thank you. I'm keen not to derail the happiness and positivity on this thread though as I imagine that most people (could be wrong?) are so happy and excited when they find out they're pregnant and I've just been very unhappy since I found out.

I've always been in total 'control' over everything and my entire life - Education / Career etc have gone 100% how I wanted... Now, there's something growing inside me and I can't control what happens - I went to the Dr on an unrelated matter 3 weeks ago and I ended up breaking down into tears and saying 'ELCS or termination, no other way' due to my anxiety and he was really good and suggested I get a Midwifes appointment to discuss things which I got the same day.

She was also lovely (which helped a lot) talked to me about blood tests (which I get incredibly upset about) and I've got a scan / blood test appointment a week on Thursday when I'll be 8w+5. I think it's called the 'booking in one?' She wrote a letter to the head Consultant, requesting an ELCS based on my history so I guess I'll find out what's happened in the last few weeks.

It doesn't help that I supported my sister through the birth of my niece 2.5 years ago and sadly it didn't go so well (I won't write things here as it won't be helpful to all of you lovely people) however needless to say, being there through the whole thing and witnessing everything deeply traumatised me - if there was even a 1% chance the same thing could happen to me, I know I'd not be able to cope.

I want to be happy, I want to be excited and I want to stop crying all the time and feeling sick - I've gone from talking to my Boyfriend about what surname the child would have (mine!) to just saying I can't do this, I hate feeling this way and would be a terrible Mother as I'd resent things so much.

Since I found out, it feels as if I've got 7 months of pain and suffering and then another 18 years of a different type of pain and suffering as my life will change beyond all shadow of a doubt - One thing that's been really nice is reading stories about how things pale into existence when you've got your own child and how in love you'll be with them... then I flip the other way and think there are people who regret having children and maybe I'll be one of them and should just not go through with it.

I have just started a new job so don't qualify for maternity pay (but I do for maternity allowance) this isn't a massive thing per se as I should be able to save enough to pay 50% of all bills when I'd be on maternity leave (3 months).

My boyfriend has already said when I move in with him, he'll pay 100% of bills / rent etc, so I can put the rent and bills I paid in my own house into a 'maternity pot' as he knows I'm petrified of ever being financially dependent on anyone - He's already said he'll support me on maternity leave as well, but I just want to not only contribute 50% for my own mental state, but also want to go back to work very quickly and he can take some of my parental leave and I can support the family (which he's already said he is willing to do and said he'd speak to his HR department).

It's like.. I've got plans as to what I want to do and how I want to do things, but then worry that I'm not maternal enough / hate what's happening to my body / petrified of needles and injections etc, so just get very upset and worried.

I'll stop there as don't want to ramble on - however thank you for letting me get it out. I have told 2 of my 3 sisters last night (not the one with the baby, she's got a horrible husband and I don't want her pushing her opinions on me) my 2 sisters were incredibly supportive and said whatever I choose is absolutely fine for them and I've got their support unconditionally

Gosh Fluffy - you've got a million and one things on your mind at the moment. I may be completely wrong, but from the way you're writing - it sounds like you think this isn't the right time for you. And that's okay if you'd rather not go through with this one. That said, you also sound like you'll never feel 100% ready for a child (hell, do anyone of us ever feel 100% ready?). And if you do see children in your future, it might always feel this scary and this anxious and this terrifying - but like you said, once baby arrives, that might all seem like a distant memory.

No one can promise it'll be easy. In fact, I know it won't be. But that doesn't mean it wouldn't be worthwhile. The only person that can make this decision is you. You'll know what's best. Whichever way you decide. And it sounds like you've got some amazing family around you who will be there by your side no matter what. That's got to feel pretty amazing? Your boyfriend sounds brilliant too - what a lovely man. It sounds like he's doing all he can to put your mind at rest and help you through this. He sounds like a real rock!

I think I can safely say that even though most of us on here were consciously trying for a child, it's still scary and a bit terrifying. And sometimes I think 'Oh god, why did I think this was a good idea?' but I also know I feel really excited, and incredibly happy and I'm looking forward to the trials and adventures that are ahead.

The best thing to know is that you're not alone. Talk about it as much as you need to. Research as much as you need to. Cry as much as you need to. You'll be okay.

Fluffy remember the hormones are also contributing to you feeling extra anxious/emotional/scared. With DS1 i1 day in my 2nd trimester the enormity of it all just suddenly hit me like a lightening bolt and I spent all day in bed crying hysterically, very down, thinking bleak horrible thoughts about how my life would change etc. etc.

You are 33…this is a pretty good time to have a baby and not meaning to scare you horribly as obviously the mums 40+ have babies show it can be done, but in a few years your fertility will start to decline… You said you guys actively tried to conceive, what has suddenly changed for you? It is a a huge and scary thing yes, but also brilliant, mad, fun, exciting and a whole new chapter to your life.
I’ve had an abortion when I was much younger and it still makes me feel very sad, it never goes away so isn’t just a “quick fix”. No one can advise you as only you have to, and can make this decision, but good luck.

Toffee and Peas - Thank you so much for your incredibly thoughtful responses. I'm welling up at work (in a good way).

Toffee: I don't think I really 'thought it through' properly in regards to how I would feel... and thought as I have a history of Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (twice) and a uterus infection and I'm 33...it would take me a while to conceive. You know, the usual '6-9 months' type of thing where in the meantime we'd buy a house together, I'd propose (He would, but I've always wanted to do that as I like breaking the mold and being different ) and then we'd happily have a child and everything would be great... Idiot!

We literally had sex once... ONCE during August (as I was mega stressed about starting my new job) and it was the first time in my life I didn't use contraception as we'd been talking about starting a family and were of the opinion 'It won't happen for a while but if it does, great'.

I do think I'd feel like this regardless of when it happened to be honest! if I terminated, I wouldn't try again as I can't see the feelings changing. Financially, I'm fine... Emotionally, I'm very lucky to have my Boyfriend and amazing support - So if I make the decision to not continue, then that would be it, I'd remain child free, I don't think it would be 'right' to try again as I can't see my fears changing so that's definitely what I need to address.

Peas - I completely understand what you're saying about fertility, that's why I was so shocked it just happened. My sister took 5-6 months to conceive (and she was 28 when she fell pregnant so 5 years younger than I am now!) and yes, we had talked it through, I plan things to the nth degree so we'd already chatted about breastfeeding / childcare / parental leave... all of the 'big' things we'd already worked out! Now it's REAL and I'm utterly panicking - I'm really appreciative you told me about the 'lightening bolt' and how you felt as that's exactly it.. that's exactly how I feel - My life will change and I'm struggling to see how it will change for the positive.

I'm sorry to hear your termination makes you feel sad. I do believe I'd feel the same way and would have an incredible amount of guilt as it wasn't an accident, we were trying - That's why I feel very guilty feeling the way I do as I want to be excited... Absolutely, it's not a quick fix and I wouldn't undertake it lightly.

Thank you again for the really thoughtful replies - I think I'll continue talking to my sisters, my Boyfriend and have my counselling appointment tomorrow night (I haven't been able to attend for 3 weeks as I've been out of the country.. great timing, huh!). Hopefully I can sort things out in my head and work out what's best

I've had some brown blood when I wipe earlier today. Should I ring someone (epu???) or wait and see if it gets worse/goes red?

You know what Odog, I don't have much experience - but I'd get in touch with someone. Have you referred to the midwife yet? If so - give her a bell. Or if not, ring your local EPU. Always worth getting these things checked out. For peace of mind if nothing else.

I'm sure everything is fine though. You've read everyone's stories on here.

ODog it's probably nothing, but still worth checking in with midwife or EPU.

Went to the GP today to fill out the midwife referral form and got an antenatal folder. Feels very strange starting to get this paperwork... A little bit like I'm a fraud!

DH and I decided we would tell my parents this week. I know most of you told your parents straight away but we were going to wait until 12 weeks. Not sure why. But as time has gone on and a few people have already found out, I thought I'd rather they be one of the first to know than one of the last.

BUT... I think they may have already guessed.

My Dad has this weird psychic power when it comes to knowing if people are pregnant. I saw him last Tuesday evening and then my Mum emailed me today saying we hadn't 'touched base' in a while (which is unusual for my Mum... sometimes we'll go for weeks without speaking and I saw her pretty recently for the whole day). I invited them round for dinner one night this week whichever day best suited them (they foster, so would need to check with one of my brothers if they can babysit the foster kids). Now my brother's just messaged me saying 'Oooh, you got some news to tell Mom and Dad then?!'

They blatantly all know. I HAVE MEGA BUTTERFLIES NOW.

I feel like it'll get REALLY real when we tell our parents.