Angels and Rainbows - remembering our angels and praying for our rainbows

[townsender]

Welcome to the thread, for anyone pregnant with a rainbow baby following baby loss.
A lot of us have graduated from the TTC angels and rainbows thread, but please feel free to join us if you are new, to share our highs and lows as we watch our bumps grow and await the safe arrival of our rainbows.

The current TTC thread is here:
Link

Oh gosh Tulip what have the hospital said? How long are you staying in for, do you know? I'm keeping everything crossed that baby stays where he is!

I'm back in work but have been told I can take it easy so I'll be here all day.

I've told VIPs at work that I'm pregnant again. I'm only back in for 4 months then I'll be going off again, hopefully. I feel like I'll have spent the last two years pregnant.

for Tulip

I'm lucky enough to have my rainbow baby (toddler) asleep next to me but this thread caught my eye and wanted to post support for everyone going through the process

Oh little. What have drs said? How many weeks are you now? Are they trying to stop labor or are the injections for the lungs? Will be thinking of you

Hi ninety!

Thank you Flambola, ninety and Ducky.

Well basically I have PPROM, I am 32 weeks. They have said I could go into labour within the next 24 hours (really hope I don't!!) hence the steroid injection which will help strengthen babies lungs. I've also been started on antibiotics to reduce the fish of infection. I have a huge pad on which feels like I have a brick in my knickers.
My next dose of steroids are in the morning. Don't feel any pains or contractions - hope it stays like that! Paediatrician has been to see us in preparation and me and DH are going for a tour of SCBU shortly.

I'm a bit just hoping baby stays put even for a few more days for the steroids to kick in.

*Risk of infection not fish!

Thanks for everyone's lovely messages. Still feeling so sad.

Tulip, hope you're doing ok. Hang in there. 32 weeks is a great gestation tho so if you do go into labour Bubs will do very well.

Thinking of you, keep us posted when you can xxx

I don't know if stories like this help but my brother was born at 32 weeks and is now a strapping lad of 6'4!

tulip got everything crossed for you guys!!

tulip i really hope you're doing ok. As i said in my post last night, a relative of dh had her baby at 30 weeks at the weekend and he's doing well (been breathing on his own since Sunday night)- also my cousins baby was born at 32 weeks and is now a lovely 11 year old. Sending you lots of love, please keep us updated if/when you can xx

Hugs tulip just to give you a bit of hope, my DS was born at 33 weeks exactly after pprom. He is now a bright, healthy, gorgeous nearly 5 year old. He caught up quickly with children who were born around when he should have been. Altogether he had to spend 3 weeks in neonatal. They like them in till 36 weeks here. The first couple of days are scary, it's all the machines around and stuff, but honestly pretty soon they are in there to learn how to feed properly and to maintain their temperatures outside of a hot cot. Fingers crossed buns stays put for as long as possible though
X x

Thank you so much ladies. Flambola, vicky, Kayleigh hearing stories about 32 seekers doing well really does help! My sister had her little boy at 33 weeks, he is 11 now and about as tall as me! I wonder if it runs in families?

So nothing has happened so far, have had lots of monitoring, antibiotics etc. Waters are still trickling, will have my second steroid shot in the morning. All being well of course and having an uneventful night!

Ducky so sorry to hear about your dog, you poor thing must have been such a shock!

April it's awful when everybody else has their babies when we have lost ours. I think there were about 8 or 9 friends and family that had babies at the time I lost 'A'. Not quite sure how I got through it really but not having Facebook was a godsend.

Hang in there Tulip. Sounds like you're being very calm considering. Steroids start acting straightaway, so although ideally you'll get 48hrs they will always have some benefit no matter how quickly you have to give birth. Poor you though, it's so rough after everything you've been through not to get a smooth ride this time round, but at 32 weeks I'm sure there'll be no lasting effects.
I've probably said this before, but the charity Bliss has a pretty good website with information on NICU and SCBU, if you're bored in hospital and have a decent internet connection.
(and to add to the good stories, my bff was born at 31 weeks in the early 80's in S.Africa, so medical care nothing like today. She is absolutely fine)

April, my SIL had a baby girl in December, when my 'G' would have been 7 months old. It is very very tough isn't it. I did manage to give her a cuddle and I do really want to bond with her, and I'm sure I will, but it doesn't take away the hurt does it?

Hello ninety, thanks for the good wishes!

Ducky so sorry to hear about your dog

Flambola, sounds like your work has got off to a good start, if they're telling you to take it easy and you've already managed to tell them you are pregnant – not an easy thing to do I'm sure. How have your colleagues been, do most of them know what happened?

Whohas I really hope your referral is for you to get more support and help, I can't think why it would be anything else. Have you managed to get hold of someone to tell you what they meant? Fingers crossed you've managed to figure it out.

Kayleigh, congrats on making the big 2-4!

AFM, nothing to report really. Got my doppler/abnormality scan on Thursday, will report back after that hopefully with good news. I can feel him kicking now, so at least I know he's still there and growing.

tulip keeping my fingers crossed for an uneventful night for you, i agree you sound extremely calm, which i think is a good thing, and i'm sure the doctors and midwives are taking excellent care of you x

town thank you, keeping my fingers crossed for you for Thursday's scan x

Love to everyone xx

Sorry not to name check, but sending love to all of those struggling.. Congrats to all of those with good news.. & tulip, we'll all be thinking of you over these next few days/weeks and checking in for updates when you can give them.

I bought my first baby grow today..cute little sleepsuit with navy owls on.. I can't stop staring at it - you'd think this was my first baby surprisingly excited - such a loser ha!

It's hard baby shopping & trying to avoid girly things.. I keep seeing clothes in the age DD would have been .. It's also a throwback to when I was happily pg with her & buying lovely frilly outfits, not believing my luck that i'd get to dress her in them eventually..
I'm Dreading the day I have to sort through her clothes to get all of the neutral clothes out.. sob

Goodnight ladies xxx

Tulip - I hope you're doing well, thinking of you lots!

Town/tulip yes it's really upsetting. It's just so close as she was due only 7 weeks after me. That side of the family are now beside themselves with excitement (which they should be) whereas I just worry about my angel being forgotten and am hugely jealous, angry, sad etc. a lot of emotions to deal with plus hormones. I'm glad I've started some counseling. Feel like I need it more than ever. Trying my best not to think about it. I've unfollowed them on Facebook thoi sometimes sneak a peak and then get so upset. I don't know why I do it to myself.

Winter, I am also dreading going through my angel's things. It is mostly toys and some outfits. We think we're expecting a boy again and so have discussed whether to use our angels clothes etc. I've suggested we pick out a few toys and outfits that we don't use but use the rest. I like the idea of my rainbow (hopefully) wearing his big brothers clothes even if they're brand new. I keep looking on websites looking at baby clothes. It's torturous but also gives me some much needed hope/excitement.

Good luck to everyone with their Various scans and appts.

Love to all x

winter i'm sending you hugs. I had only bought a few things for Ben, as with having my older son i had clothes already, but i can understand how going through your angels things is something you're dreading. Me and my best friend did go through all of my older dd's things last week to see what i had. It's strange really, because it dawned on me that we've actually done more to prepare for our rainbow than we got round to doing for Ben (ie; we've got the pram, some bottles and sorted the clothes out)- i'm not entirely sure whether i feel positive about that or not

tulip hoping things are calm with you

Love to all xx

April I'm worried that I'll feel exactly the way you do when family members/friends go on to have babies & have girls.. My DD is the first GD on both sides but she obvs won't be the first living GD..
Must be so hard for you hope you get everything you need from counselling..

kayleigh I think that preparing for the rainbow is a coping mechanism of some sort - an act of positivity & hope that this time will be different. It's nice to try and take back some normality. Found myself swooning over some little leather boatshoes/mocs on Zara last night..
Think I'm trying to compensate for my mixed feelings about having a DS after my DD - but sticking with it because it's helping me through :)

Hope your night was uneventful tulip xx

Well nothing much to report here. Had an uneventful night with only slight trickling of waters and nowhere near filling a pad. Had terrible insomnia but that might be to do with the steroid injections according to google. I had my second shot this morning, and have been on the ctg monitor twice.

Saw the consultant this morning, she said I have a 1 in 2 chance of going into labour within the next week. They have to weigh up the risk between keeping baby in for as long as possible to the increased risk of infection which comes when waters have gone. If I have another uneventful night then I will be discharged tomorrow morning but will have to come back for monitoring every 2-3 days, she mentioned trying to push it to atleast 35 weeks.

My own consultant and midwife popped over to see me today too which was nice, who says the NHS is bad hey?

I think it's great that some of you ladies are buying things for your rainbows. All being well and I am home tomorrow I am going to go through 'A's things and pack them for his little brother. I bought tonnes of outfits and toys for 'A', like you Winter some will stay in his memory box. Oh and I desperately need somebody to come and give me a leg wax at home I am like a little gorilla

Yay for uneventful! Also lovely that
Your consultant & midwife came to see you! When the NHS works, it can work exceedingly well :)

Thinking of you & your little one

Ha @ the gorilla comment - brave lady for waxing.. I once asked DH to wax my bikini line & I chickened out but he pulled the strip off anyway.. I bled!! My follicles actually bled haha.. God it was horrific.. Should have gone to a professional for such a sensitive area!

winter i actually asked dh today if he thought it was bad that we've done more for our rainbow than we'd done for Ben (preparation wise). He thinks it's a good thing as the bereavement midwife said it's important to do things to differentiate between the pregnancies, so in his eyes that's what we're doing. Also; ouch for your poor bikini line

tulip i'm so glad you had an uneventful night (even though the insomnia reared it's head) and it's lovely that your consultant and midwife came to see you. I too had a chuckle at your hairy gorilla comment

Tulip glad you've had a less eventful day or so. Sounds positive and I have everything crossed that the little one will stay put for a bit longer. I am also a hairy gorilla! As sex is banned for me () due to my Cerclage I have let things go a bit and my legs and other areas needs some serious tlc! Eek!

Winter, It was so hard when the next grandchild, my niece arrived. To be honest it didn't matter that she was a girl and I (think) I'm expecting a boy.

In terms of preparing for this baby I still plan to do little until 30 plus weeks. However, I got dropped at the cinema and next door there was a baby clothes shop. I poked my head in and next thing I knew I had bought a few baby grows etc. I didn't expect to feel comfortable to buy anything for ages but buying those few bits was actually quite therapeutic. For a brief moment I felt like a normal pregnant person and it felt good.

Love to all x

Tulip, how are things today?

I've had a hellish couple of days. Had a panic attack in work on Wednesday in front of everybody and had to be taken home, then couldn't go in today. I'd only been back 2 days. I think it's because while I've been off I've had 'safe' people that I feel comfortable with, and it's large groups of people that trigger anxiety. I have to continually remind myself that it's not even been five months since James because I feel like a failure for feeling like I do.

Oh Flambola, so sorry to hear that, that's horrible. Take some time and please try not to worry. You'll get there. Our losses were at very similar times and I'm lucky that I am not expected to go back to work for a long while as we moved abroad for my maternity year. I couldn't imagine going back and totally understand what you mean about 'safe' groups.

People will totally understand if you take some time off. Are you on a phased return or back as usual?

Thinking of you xx

I switched from maternity to enhanced sick leave hence me going back so soon. I thought I'd just throw myself back in full-time, but it's been harder than I expected, and I imagine the anxiety over this new pregnancy doesn't help. My morning sickness hasn't abated much either so I spend a lot of time violently throwing up. I'm feeling terribly sorry for myself.