Angels and Rainbows - remembering our angels and praying for our rainbows

[townsender]

Welcome to the thread, for anyone pregnant with a rainbow baby following baby loss.
A lot of us have graduated from the TTC angels and rainbows thread, but please feel free to join us if you are new, to share our highs and lows as we watch our bumps grow and await the safe arrival of our rainbows.

The current TTC thread is here:
Link

winter that's great that they've managed to raise so much money, they should be really proud of themselves. I'm raising money at the moment as they are trying to get enough money for a bereavement suite where I had Anneliese. People are so generous, I managed to raise £300 in the first day!

Ducky that's awful that you weren't provided a cold cot. Like everyone has said, that time is precious, how could they be so thoughtless.

Vicky hope you don't get any more comments from your colleague. If this experience has taught me anthing, it's that a lot of people lack tact and common decency!

Little I hope you're doing ok and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that baby turns.

Kayleigh how are you managing to function?! I'm struggling with just the dog and dh to look after! I sometimes find the frustration of not being able to sleep is worse than the tiredness. Hope you get some rest soon.

Well I told my midwife today, she gave me the biggest hug. She wasn't sure I'd want to see her after last time but I wouldn't want anyone else, she's fantastic. Got my booking next week, will be interested to see what my care plan looks like, looking forward to appointments so I have some milestones to aim for. Currently milking the fact that dh is fussing over me (got to make the most of it while it lasts!)

Ducky your story about the cold cot makes me really angry. 4 cots?!? I bet at least 3 of them were bought using money raised by poor bereaved families who had the same idea as you, and now they are just sat there doing nothing. Can they be used on paediatric wards I wonder? That could be their only excuse. I suspect not though, grrrr.

Vicky your colleague sounds slightly crazy and selfish. If your other colleagues are noticing she's a bit off then at least they sound nice and supportive. She's not worth bothering with.

April glad to hear you've got your counselling booked, I really hope you find it useful. In Brussels I was really near Montgomery metro station (on Ave de Tervuren, as it happens!). It was a really nice area, definitely enjoyed living there.

Ellie your midwife sounds lovely. I'm very jealous. Milestones are great, I find they really help. Hope you're feeling ok and 1st T evils haven't got to you.

Waves to everyone else

little thank you for your kind words. I've often wondered what Ben would look like now. He looked like DS1 when he was born so a lot of it is wondering if he'd have turned into a smaller Brian. I think it's only natural to wonder at times.

Thank you too ellie- in all honesty i'm not too sure myself how i'm functioning, i suppose i just keep moving so to speak. Your midwife sounds really lovely, and it's brilliant that she'll be looking after you again. Personally i've found having regular appointments has helped a bit so far- as you say something to aim for.

Right, i'm off to put the pooch out for a wee then i'm gonna crawl up to my bed (hopefully dh won't have to rock me to sleep tonight). I hope you all have a restful night xx

How did you sleep last night kayleigh ? Better I hope? I too am plagued by insomnia. Must be subconscious anxiety?

It's so nice to read all your updates. There is so much warmth and hope on this thread, it fills me with little bubbles of happiness

Little, that's lovely of your midwife. Stop googling! It's awful isn't it

Town, I know I don't think they would of had them on the peadiactric (can't spell!), at least not all of them.

Hope you managed to get some decent sleep Kayleigh, and you madem!

This is probably the wrong place to put this so sorry in advance, but last night my dog was sat on the sofa at 12.30am. I got up at 3am to feed ds, came downstairs to find my dog dead vets recon he had a heart attack. I'm so upset. He was still very young and hadn't shown any signs of being ill.

Hugs to everyone x

madem i'm pleased to report i slept a lot better thank you, i hope you managed to get some sleep too, insomnia really is awful.

ducky so sorry to hear of your dog . It's so horrible when a family pet dies, even more so when it's so unexpected. Sending you

xxx

ducky so sorry to hear about your dog, it must have been an awful shock. My pets are my family and it's heartbreaking when something like this happens

Ellie a massive congrats to you! So pleased, I'd been wondering how you were doing.

Sorry to hear about your dog, Ducky. And your experience with your hospital and the cold cot. It shocks me sometimes how people can be so cold.

A sad welcome to whohas. I hope you find this thread supportive.

I've just come back from holiday. It was lovely and so relaxing! I fell in love with the island even though there wasn't much to do, but it was exactly what we needed. Now I'm trying to brace myself for returning to work next week. I'm going to contact HR because I find their lack of communication discomfiting. We've moved offices so obviously I have no idea of the layout, I don't want to walk in, have no idea where to go and be faced with pitying stares.

I also had a consultant appointment today, and he is very nice. I'm so glad we have him! He's booked me a scan for 16 weeks just for peace of mind so I'm hoping once we see the baby waving we can find out the sex.

Ducky I'm so sorry to hear about your dog!
Must have been a terrible shock..

Hi all

Ducky so sorry to hear about your dog, that's so so sad. Lots of hugs

Little, I am now 15 weeks, feels like been pregnant forever but did work out that if I go full term with this baby I will have been pregnant for 15 out of 17 months given I only had my angel in December. That's a long time!

I'm really struggling at the mo. My sister in law is now two weeks overdue and I feel like it's torture, I just want her to have it so the fuss can happen and be over. I got really upset last night, my angel should have been born 2 months before hers and should have been the first grandchild etc. I know he still is the first but it's different. I guess the ultimate insult (which is obv not her fault) is that I had my angel so prematurely and now she is 2 weeks overdue. I'm just finding it hard and scared about what I'll feel about them and their baby when it's born and in the future. Little, I have also googled pictures of babies at different ages. It makes me so sad that my niece to be will have been in the same school year as my angel and now this baby will be in a different school year. I guess her having her baby just makes me feel like everything is out of order and not as it should be. I hope that the build up is worse than the actual event. What if I resent their baby? I feel incredibly lucky to be pregnant again but there's by no means a guarantee I won't have problems again. I guess it just goes back to the common problem for us ladies of resenting people who have easy and happy and fairly stress free pregnancies. Thought about joining a November baby thread but saw one lady was stressing cos she had a slightly undercooked steak. I can't handle people having those kind of problems!!

Hoping this will pass. Sorry for v self indulgent and moany post x

flambola glad you had a lovely relaxing break, and i hope your HR people are helpful for you. I'm also glad your appointment went well, i think a nice consultant can make all the difference.

april i'm sending you hugs, and hoping that you feel a little better soon. I'm not sure how i'd cope in the same situation as you .

AFM had an appointment this afternoon with the bereavement midwife and nurse, and after confessing that the anxiety is getting a little bit worse with every week that passes they've said they feel it would help to alter my appointments so that i'm seeing someone every week- whether that be them/ community midwife/consultant- and they'll increase that in the future if i need it. They're also chasing up my extra scans because i've heard nothing about dates/times ect as of yet.

Thank you everyone

Flambola, glad you had a nice time and the consultant appt went well

April, it's totally understandable how you feel about SIL, I hope that people are sensitive and realise it is a difficult time for you

Glad you have some extra care sorted Kayleigh, does it make you feel a little better?

X

ducky it has made me feel a bit better, but i think that's mostly because the weeks seem to be passing quickly because i'm just thinking from one appointment to the next. And my scan dates came through this morning which saves me worrying about them.
How are you feeling Ducky after your shock the other day?

Love to all xx

I think that's the only way I managed, get to one appt and countdown to the next I ended up having at least 2 appointments a week

I'm still very down. I'm feeling a little better than the other day but am still heartbroken

X

I have just had my booking in appointment with the midwife and I'm really really not happy I'm being referred to social services because of what happened with eve :( :( I really really don't need this stress

Whohas! Wtffff! Did she say the reasoning behind it? How stressful for you. X

Why's that whohas?

Ducky, hope you're feeling a little better.

Sorry for yet another self indulgent post. Feeling so sad. My SIL just had her baby moments ago, very late and at almost 10Ibs. I am happy for them but so sad. It somehow makes me feel worse since she was so late and had such a large baby, given my angel was premature and tiny. It just brings everything back and is so upsetting that she had such an easy time and we didn't get to keep our baby. I am dreading all the fuss and everything. I live far away so that's my only comfort. Life is so so unfair. I just want to scream and shout. I had my first counselling session this morning too and was feeling quite good.

I was only told that because of what happened with eve I'm being referred :( :( :( I'm terrified

Oh April it's so difficult isn't it when someone has a baby. Do you have anyone in RL who will be understanding how your feeling?

Whohas, can you ring your mw and ask her the reasons for it? Sounds a bit odd to me. She should of explained it properly to you, you don't need this stress!

Thanks. I have not stopped crying. It's so hard I just miss my angel so much. My husband is on his way home and I've been testing my sister and best friend who always seem to know what to say. Hoping it'll get better with time. Least I have an excuse not to see them and hopefully when I do I'll have my rainbow. Just all feels wrong given I was due first. Hate the thought of my husbands parents being so excited which is terrible. They never got to meet my angel who will have been their first grandchild. I think part of me makes me think my angel has now been replaced in their eyes tho I know that's unfair. X

Whohas are you sure they've referred you to social services? Seems very extreme if they are saying it is just because your dd was stillborn. There is a form called an EHAF previously known as a CAF form which is filled out to provide early support, could it have been that? I would talk to the midwife as you don't need extra stress at a time like this

April, sorry you're having a tough time. I know how awful it can feel when you hear the news that someone has had a healthy baby they get to take home. Of course you're happy for them but there's always the 'it should have been me' feeling. Hope your dh manages to cheer you up

No I'm definitely being referred to ss even though they came to see me after I lost eve and there where no concerns and no case :( :( :(

April I really feel for you. Especially at times like that it made me feel that everyone forgot about my dd, you just want to scream don't you. I hope there's not too much fuss. Do they live very far away?

Whohas, if you are worried maybe discuss it with your midwife? No one suggested ss to me but they may have different ways of doing things in different areas? Maybe they will do the same as when they saw you before? And just make sure your ok. I'm sorry I really don't have a clue why they have done that. Did they give you any reasons why it had been done last time?

X

whohas i'm horrified on your behalf about being referred to social services- that's an awful extra stress you can really do without. I hope for your sake it gets sorted out as soon as possible.

april sorry you're having a rough time. I can understand how you feel- you're of course happy for them but you're also reminded of what was taken from you, which makes it that much more difficult .

AFM a family member on dh's side had her baby boy on Saturday, 10 weeks early. He's tiny, but fighting and seems to be coping well for being so early. I'm over the moon the baby's ok (the mum had been bleeding heavily the week before and we were all worried for both of them) but it has made me think of Ben, which i suppose is understandable. 24 weeks now, and hopefully when i see the consultant again in 2 weeks he'll be able to tell me a rough induction time.

Love to all xx

Me again. Need some hand holding.

Woke up this morning to sodden knickers. Turns out my waters have gone! Have been in this morning and have had first lot of steroid injections. No contractions yet. Scan fine. Please stay put for a while longer baby! Bored here on the ward.