Angels and Rainbows - remembering our angels and praying for our rainbows

[townsender]

Welcome to the thread, for anyone pregnant with a rainbow baby following baby loss.
A lot of us have graduated from the TTC angels and rainbows thread, but please feel free to join us if you are new, to share our highs and lows as we watch our bumps grow and await the safe arrival of our rainbows.

The current TTC thread is here:
Link

Congratulations ellie, that's such a relief, enjoy those celebrations! I'm so so pleased for you! :)

Wonderful news on your baby boy 3little and so please to hear everything is fine!! Your little Azra will always be loved and missed and I think it's wonderful that your other children love and miss her too. She won't ever be forgotten and exists in your memories and hearts. And your little boy also has a place and will continue to carve out his place that can never be emptied or exchanged. You love him and that will never change.

Aw good to hear from you Tulip! Glad the baby is doing well.

Pleased to hear your scan went well 3, and wow, a little boy!

I absolutely love what you've done with regards to filling a bear with lentils to Azra's weight. I think I would like to do that at some point. I hope you don't mind me stealing it?

Well, I have a birth planning meeting with various people next week - it's just regarding the support I'll be receiving from now up until six months after the birth, which is good to know. And then on the 7th Oct I've got a USS and consultant appt, when I'll be getting my induction date. Holy shit! Things are becoming more real now. Which means the anxiety has ramped up as I get closer to the time I lost James. I had a huge panic attack Fri night which scared my DH so much I made him cry. And he never cries. I feel awful. And I'm worried I'll have harmed the baby in some way. Argh.

Sorry you had a scare the other day haquoi but congrats on your little boy! I had some light bleeding/discharge early on (I can't remember when exactly it was) and it turned out to be due to sex! I hope the rest of your pregnancy is as stress free as possible now though, with no more scary fucking discharge.

Sorry for all my swearing everyone!

Hi Flambola it is really all systems go for you now! I can understand your anxiety my lovely, the closer you get to the time James was born all of your memories and emotions will be heightened, unfortunately this is a part that you will have to get through to meet this little one too. I just hope that it is easier once we hold them in our arms. I love the idea of you doing the bear too, for James. It'll be a lovely way to include him in your daughter's life too.

Afm I am lay awake worrying about today. We have a works do at my husband's work which we have to attend. Loads of them I haven't seen since Azra died, some of them came around to give their condolences then went on to have a big discussion about one of the other poor ladies who had just revealed she was pregnant but was really struggling because she didn't want to be! I am sure she must either be very close to giving birth or have just given birth now which is causing me anxiety. Stupid I know, but them telling me that news when I was very much suffering because my very much loved and wanted baby died, just made me dwell on how unfair and shitty it was, on top of everything I was already going through. Then there are the few babies that were born since Azra that I have to meet and coo over (while all the time I'll be thinking what my baby would be like and what she would be doing), I don't know if anyone else is pregnant, and no one knows I am pregnant but they will do after today as I am huge already and I just can't pretend to be a happy jolly pregnant person, and that everything is ok because I know babies die, for no reason and I'm scared beyond belief that it will happen again. Can you tell I don't want to go?

Morning ladies, apologies for being awol for a while, i've been meaning to catch up on the thread for a while now, but keep forgetting .

Shayla-Jayde is 6 weeks old now, and doing ok- i say ok because she's currently battling a nasty cough that's been causing her to bring her feeds up, cue 2 doctors appointments and a trip to the out of hours surgery at the hospital. She's now got some drops that i have to put up her nose twice a day to help loosen the nasty stuff making her cough which seem to be helping although i suspect she doesn't like me very much when i'm administering the drops.

3little i hope the works do wasn't too bad for you, sending hugs

Hoping all you lovely ladies are doing ok xx

Hello all - you might have forgotten me because I've been absent for months! Found it easier to distance myself from most things baby nearer the end because I couldn't quite believe I'd have a baby at the end of it all..

I was scheduled a section on 5th of October at 37 weeks. Baby had other ideas and arrived at 35+1. Even though I went into labour spontaneously, we chose a section and glad we did as it looks like I had another abruption, albeit smaller because we caught it in time.. Lots of clots behind placenta & around baby.

We managed to get one shot of steroids in beforehand - better than nothing!
He was born at 09:44 on the 22nd of Sepetmber 2015, weighing 5lbs 4ozs/5ozs - NICU nurse gave us rough est but not checked it yet.

No name as of yet - I'm just a bit heaitant about the one we chose..

He's still in NICU and will be until his original section date most likely, but he's doing really well :)
He's as gorgeous and yummy as I knew he would be.

I'm finding the hormonal swings are like nothing I experienced with my other babies..even after I lost DD1. I'm a lot more up & down than I expected to be. I held him & cried the other day - I'm just so grateful that he's alive. Joy & sadness all mixed together - weird combination!

I apologise again for my long absence - congratulation to all those who've had babies born!!
And I wish all of you ladies well with your pregnancies and that you get your lovely rainbows xxxxx

Congratulations winter a beautiful baby boy. 5lb 4oz seems like a good weight for a little one five weeks early. I hope you are both recovering well. And get to cme home soon.
Keighleigh I hope Shayla-Jade feels better soon. My ds2 was quite similar.
Can I ask a question from all of you who have had your rainbows. Emotionally, is the bit leading up to the birth harder or the bit afterwards? Just so we know what we have ahead of us.
Afm yesterday with DH's works do. I got as far as the car park, started panicking, asking DH to park away from everyone else, and then had a massive melt down and couldn't get out of the car! DH was lovely and we just went home. I think he got a little frightened when my breathing went all over the place, like I could breathe in but not out, and like Flambola said I just felt terrible for the baby afterwards thinking what it must have been like for him . He has been kicking away so I am hoping he is fine.

winter congratulations on the birth of your baby boy . Glad to hear he's doing well, wishing you both a quick recovery and hope he's home soon.

3little sorry to hear you had that experience when you arrived yesterday, but it sounds like you did the best thing for you in going home- nothing is worth stressing yourself out to that extent for.
In response to your question, i was ok leading up to the birth, but i was busy trying to get organised ect, but i did have a bit of a meltdown when i first got to the induction ward. I think it's probably different for us all though

I'm doing really well, thanks 3little. Newborns are amazing, this last week alone has made the trauma and stresses of pregnancy all worthwhile. Baby Town is just sooooo cute, I'm totally biased but I have the new mum love, for sure. You guys have this all to look forward to.
I've got one more milestone to get through though, which I'd not even thought of until after we got home. My little angel died when she was 12 days old. Every day of her life we congratulated her on being another day older. Now every day I take a moment to remember how she was doing on the same age day as my rainbow, and cry a lot as I remember just how tough it was.
Then baby town wakes up and I cheer up!

Aha, mumsnet has just showed me all the posts from the last week, so will enjoy reading those now and comment (apologies for previous 'me' post!)
X

Wow, lots of news!
Many congrats Winter on the birth of your baby boy. Thank goodness you went for the CS. The NICU is a stressful place, but at 5lb 4oz he should be out pretty soon, and I will keep my fingers crossed for a smooth ride for you.
3little, love the idea of the lentils in the bear, and excited about your little boy! Lots of boy rainbows on this thread, it seems. We found out the sex of baby town as soon as possible too, and I did cry when I found out. It wouldn't have mattered what sex he was, but actually I do think having a boy is a little easier as there is no way he could ever feel like a replacement.
And I'm glad you didn't force yourself to go to the work do - sounds like the last thing you need.
Emotionally, I found the 3 weeks before he was born were harder than the last week. I hate being bored, and it just reminded me of being on maternity leave without a baby. And remember i wasn't even feeling particularly anxious, as I lost my angel at 26 weeks so was well past the danger period for me - and I still found it tough. The last week I have had a short cry most days, but the rest of the time I'm just in newborn heaven. So, more rollercoastery at the moment but much much better than feeling blue and bored all day.
Chat, thank you for the congrats my lovely, hope you are coping ok with TTC.
Love to you all x

Hi all, wow I've missed a fair few posts! I'm on my phone right now but I will catch up on my computer tomorrow with everyone's news. Take care x

Town I think you sound amazingly strong. Give that little one of yours a snuggle for me please

Hello all!!!! I hope everyone is doing ok as they can be x x

So I've just read through the posts and can see even more of our little rainbow babies have arrived, congratulations to those of you who have welcomed their rainbows.

So... William George was born on the 17.9.15 at 11.44pm after an eventful week in the run upto his birth. As you all know he was due to come out as a elective section on 18.9.15 when he should have been 36+4.

So steroids round 1 were on the 15.9 and then on that night from 12am until 4pm I started to get contractions that were about 4/ 5 minutes apart and lasting upto a minute andr they were a bit painful, but because they didn't increase in intensity or frequency I put off going to hospital until hubby woke up and clocked what was going on. Anyway we went upto hospital and they admitted me and said they wanted to keep me in until the Friday of my section and do 3 times daily ctg monitoring. Contractions stopped midday on the Wednesday and didn't start up again. They kept me in though. Had second shot of the steroids on Wednesday. All ctg monitoring was fine, until Thursday afternoon.

As soon as they put me on the monitor I felt nervous as his hear rate and beat just didn't sound right, I'd had enough ctg over the past few weeks to not have to look at the numbers just by sound to know that it didn't sound normal for us. Also his movement increased drastically. However hospital were adamant it was all well within normal boundaries, so I was a bit relieved. On the Thursday night ctg the same happened again, although more movement. Basically I had a bit of a meltdown because i was sure something wasn't quite right. The sound of his heartbeat on the machine just didn't sound normal. Anyways to cut a long story short, they left me on the monitor and agreed that the best thing to do, even though they were happy with the trade was to do my section that night, 12 hours wasn't going to make much difference to his well being they said. When he came out, William had the cord around his arm, shoulder and neck. He needed a little help breathing to start with, but boy am I glad I had my meltdown and insisted that I knew my trace didn't sound right.

Who knows, all may have been well leaving him in until the morning, but I'm sure glad they got him out when they did. A week on neonatal for an infection and to getting feeding pattern sorted and the monkey is back home and nearly back up to his birthweight after dropping quite a lot in hospital while poorly. Epic post over. Will keep checking in during early hours whilst up feeding. Bloody love it!!

Thank you to each and everyone of you who have offered kind words, sympathetic ears and just being there over last 8 months. It means the world.

Yey Vicky thank goodness you trusted your instincts, not an easy thing to do when you have a team of medical professionals telling you otherwise. Very proud of you, in fact very proud of knowing all of you amazing ladies x

Brilliant news Vicky - hope all is going well at home with the little one!

Thank goodness you listened to your instincts and had that meltdown!

Well done Vicky! I was a bit worried about you, and so so glad little William is at home and doing well. Sounds like you did all the right things, and glad the hospital staff listened and got him out early. Enjoy the cuddles, hope the night feeds are going ok (baby town is a bit of a pickle at night at the moment)
X

Hi guys, I haven't checked in for ages since the August security issue but have been thinking of you all and so happy to hear of all the gorgeous rainbows. I spend more time on FB these days and hadn't got around to resetting my password but have been thinking of you all loads. I know there was a crop of little boys due in October but it sounds like many of them made early appearances! Winter, my rainbow was in the nicu for 9 days, but he is now a gorgeous 3 month old. Will try to read back to catch up. Love to all!

Wow vicky what a time you've had! Glad he's doing well though, and hope you are too. Huge congrats to your family!

I don't think I can get through these next few weeks. I just can't. I don't know how the rest of you who have had your rainbows coped. I'm trying to be upbeat and positive but it's a lie. Sorry for the woe is me but I feel terrible. I can't keep this one safe like I couldn't keep James safe.

Flambola is the hospital being supportive? I think everything you are feeling is completely normal. I'm only 21 weeks and struggling so goodness knows what I will be like as the due date approaches. I think you are amazing for getting as far as you have. Be kind to yourself my lovely and try not to feel bad for feeling bad. We have been through something horrific and that is bound to make us question ourselves. One thing I know for sure is, one way or another you will get through theses next few weeks because as hard as it is, you have no choice. Post as much as you need to to get your worries off your chest, that is what we are all here for, go in as much as you feel the need to, just don't try to be strong if you don't feel strong, and let people see your vulnerable side so that they can help you as much as they can. Sending you the biggest of hugs x

vicky gosh what a time you had. So pleased your gorgeous boy is back home with you after his time in nicu.

flambola sorry to hear you're having a rough time of it lately. I think your feelings are 100% normal, but please try and be kind to yourself, and don't be afraid to ask for more hospital/midwife appointments to help reassure you a bit. And of course we're all here to listen.

AFM well Shayla-Jayde is still causing worry. Had her weighed yesterday and because of the vomiting caused by her cough she's lost weight and has dropped off the centile chart . So we're back to the doctors on Monday morning and i've been advised to increase her feeds again and feed on demand. The downside to that is that she got a little greedy last night and took too much and was sick bless her.

Love to you all xx

flambola how are you feeling love?
You can do it - we're all here for you (even though I've been a bit shit at coming on here recently).
Couldn't have written a better post than 3littlebadgers did.

kayleigh hope Shayla-Jade picks up soon - bloody weight gain is a constant worry of mine now because NICU were so regimented & insistent on continuous weight gain that if baby drops I'll be bricking it that he'll be re admitted.

critter pleased to hear that you little one is doing well :) 3 months old!

AFM, we brought baby home last night on his original planned section date :)
I roomed in with him at the hospital on Sunday night & he was discharged as a Perfectly healthy baby boy yesterday evening. He's two weeks old today.

Was speaking with DH this morning & we both feel a bit like 'oh shit, we've gone back to baby days' - because DS1 is 4 and a half, and was quite independent. It's an adjustment ha!

Whilst I was rooming in with baby, I was opposite the room where we shared DD's last moments - it was empty so I walked in with baby and had a little cry. It was emotional preparing to leave the hospital - something we never got to do with DD. But there's been more joy than sadness thankfully :)

Love to all xx

Winter congratulations on bringing him home I cannot imagine what it must have been like to go into DD's birthing room. I saw Azra's window just from the writing room and it pretty much broke my heart. I think you are incredible brave for going in there. I hope you found it healing.
Kayleigh has ShaylaShayla-jade got back on track with weight?
Afm 22 weeks today, so if the consultants keep their promise 16 weeks left! It seems like ages to go! I wish I could have a little window installed in my tummy so I could at least look in to make sure that the little man is still in there and ok.

winter amazing news that your little man is at home . You're extremely brave of you to go in your angel's room- i doubt that's something i'd be able to do, it was bad enough that i was on the same side of the delivery ward when i was having Shayla-Jayde.

3little 16 weeks- i'm getting excited for you. I felt like it was ages away too but with all my extra appointments it actually seemed to fly by. The window would be fab- if only there was a way we could do it.

AFM well the doctor that saw Shayla-Jayde yesterday isn't too worried about her weight loss as she's improved quite a lot over the weekend and as of today is now back on 4ounce feeds, so i'll get her weighed again on Thursday and hopefully i'll have good news to report.

Love to all xx

kayleigh fab news... Look forward to your updates on baby girl!

3little 16 weeks! I hope time flies by for you - I agree with kayleigh that with the extra appts it went quite quickly!!

I did find it a little healing actually :) once I'd recognised the room all of the memories came flooding back & I sort of felt compelled to go in and just take a moment to remember her. I don't know how I'd feel about visiting the birth centre where I started off in labour with her though - we were so happy & oblivious to what was about to come.. Don't think I'd be so brave then!

Xxx