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Birth clubs

Connect with mums-to-be with similar due dates to share experiences and support.

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Original poster

Angels and Rainbows - remembering our angels and praying for our rainbows

999 replies

townsender · 28/04/2015 20:53

Welcome to the thread, for anyone pregnant with a rainbow baby following baby loss.
A lot of us have graduated from the TTC angels and rainbows thread, but please feel free to join us if you are new, to share our highs and lows as we watch our bumps grow and await the safe arrival of our rainbows.

The current TTC thread is here:
Link

OP posts:

3littlebadgers · 18/09/2015 13:56

hope today is going well Vicky and that the week has been kind to you. Can't wait to hear all about your beautiful little rainbow

haquoi123 · 18/09/2015 15:21

All the best for you today vicky xx

Flambola · 18/09/2015 16:43

Hey Vicky, thinking of you today. Xx

How is everyone else doing?

3littlebadgers · 18/09/2015 17:26

Hello ladies.
I'm doing well. Had a bit of a panic on Wednesday and went into triage to make sure the baby was ok. The midwife who checked was so lovely and made me feel as if my panic was as important and worthy of her time as the problems of the other women in here, which was reasuring in itself. I terrified the life out of DH and he has now purchased a Doppler from Amazon. I know the medical professionals advise against them but if nothing else it helps with the anxiety. The count down the the 20 week scan is on. The 24th can't come quickly enough and yet I'm terrified at the same time

3littlebadgers · 20/09/2015 17:08

Hi Vicky hope everything went well for you x

Original poster

townsender · 21/09/2015 15:28

Hello ladies, quick one to say baby Town arrived 9:23 this morning in a nice calm ELCS. He's just amazing, enjoying cuddles, and will post a pic on FB shortly.

OP posts:

haquoi123 · 22/09/2015 07:27

Oh town, congratulations!!! I'm so so pleased and excited for you. Give your beautiful baby a welcome cuddle from me, and congratulations again! it's just so wonderful! (there needs to be a fireworks smilie!)

3littlebadgers · 22/09/2015 07:30

Town that is fantastic! I am so pleased for you. I can't remember the password for my facebook account I set up, or the email address I set up, to set it up! I am sure tiny Town is gorgeous! How are you feeling my lovely?

haquoi123 · 23/09/2015 06:46

How're you doing 3little and ellie? Is your scan tomorrow 3little? Have you had your results back ellie?

I had my 20 week scan yesterday and we're having a little boy, which is wonderful. He is fine, but as soon as I went to the toilet afterwards i had some brown discharge. I'd been in the day before with cramps so they sid they'd have another look at me. Everything's fine, but it's taken all of the joy out of it and I feel really shakey this morning. Had lots of bad bleeding and labour dreams. But I suppose today is a new day, and son and i have to get off to work, so I'm going to try and be positive!

3littlebadgers · 23/09/2015 10:55

A boy! congratulations! Oh Haquoi I hope you are ok my lovely. Brown is good, if there is such a thing to us. I had bleeding early on, only lightly, but days of brown discharge later which would make my heart sink every time I went to the loo. I was always reassured that brown was not something to be worried about as it was old. Might you have bumped your cervix of something? You saw your little tiny man and her was happy and healthy in there. Just keep that thought in mind when you feel the anxiety rising. It would be so lovely if one of us could just get through the whole nine months without the stress of all the extra worries, we have been given enough to worry about already. Rest as much as you can.

Afm yes I have the scan tomorrow. Any time anyone mentions it to me I start to cry. I know I should be happy and excited, and I am, I am just so terrified that they will give me bad news too. I keep trying to tell myself that there is no point getting worked up becuase it is something that is out of control, but my mind and heart just can't agree. I'll be ok, I know I will, it's just one more step closer to holding my baby right?

Love to you all hope you are all doing well x

haquoi123 · 23/09/2015 13:54

Thanks 3little - I'm feeling a lot better now and the brown has calmed down a bit. I wonder if it was a swab I had done on Monday. It's just the up/down isn't it?

I'm wishing you absolutely the best of luck for tomorrow and yes, every day is one day closer to holding our lovely, living babies will you find out the sex?xx

3littlebadgers · 23/09/2015 16:12

Oh defo the swab I'd say, so pleased it is calming down.
I really want to find out the sex. With my little Azra I wanted a surprise, but DH was desperate to know so I went along with it. When we found out that her heart had stopped I was so grateful that I already knew something about her, for all of that time. I think I would have struggled finding out what we got and lost all in one go, if that makes sense? Although saying that, there was a brief moment when I was pushing her put when I suddenly went into panic mode about her actually being a boy. I kept saying 'I already feel bad for her being born dead, what if she is born with a willy and the only outfit I have for her has a tutu and angel wings?' The worse thing is these things are recorded in my maternity records! '3little is scared to push incase her baby is of a different sex.' Makes me sound really shallow. I was stunned about how much detail they went into in those notes. The bit I hated the most was when they'd write ' X came into the room for xyz condolences given.' Like being sorry for me that my baby had died was some sort of tick box thing x

haquoi123 · 23/09/2015 18:13

Do they really write all of that stuff down?! I suppose that's something I was spared, all I have are brief discharge notes in Italian and a crude translation. They kept telling me to push but i was like 'how?!' And stupidly I was wondering whether I should be wary of tearing... (he was hard to push out but very small). I love that her outfit was a tutu and angel wings, that's awesome. And I love her name! It's beautiful. I didn't want to find out with Marvellous what he was, but I was a few days off my scan when he was born so it was a lovely surprise. But like you say, with this one, we wanted to know so that we can relish every single thing about him if it doesn't work out.

3littlebadgers · 23/09/2015 18:45

Oh my darling I cannot imagine how hard that must have been for you. Azra means pure as the driven snow, it sort of made sense to us once she was born. I guess she always will be pure as she was untouched by this life. If fact her name and the outfit (which I had bought the day I found out she was a girl) brought us both much comfort after she had died. Like we'd chosen the best things for her. Doesn't stop me wishing I still had her here though. I have a little photograph of me holding her against my chest, her little cheek resting on mine and her arms resting around my shoulders, and her with her little angel wings. My beautiful angel girl

haquoi123 · 23/09/2015 18:55

That's such a beautiful image. I miss my son every day. The best thing about the whole situation was just being able to hold Marvellous. It almost didn't matter that he was dead, the weight and feel of him was just incredible. I've had to stop myself comparing the weight of bags of rice or measuring out his exact weight to remind myself. It was sheer bliss just holding him and hell when they took him away. I'm never letting this one go!

3littlebadgers · 23/09/2015 19:05

I know what you mean. Holding our precious babies was so sad and beautiful all at the same time. To help my children, once Azra had died, we made a memory bear. Inside it the children placed little things that made them think of Azra, pictures, flowers, pebbles (I put in my pregnancy test) and then we filled the bear full of lentles until it was exactly the weight that she was. The bear sits on the sofa so that when someone is sad they can hold it. It brings me so much comfort to feel that exact weight of her in my arms. I can almost imagine her there again. I couldn't keep her with me, but I know when I hold that bear, that I grew her well. I did my best for her and hopefully I can do the same for this little one too.
Marvellous is a lovely name, such a happy name for a precious baby. I am sure it describes him perfectly

haquoi123 · 23/09/2015 19:31

That's such a lovely idea! Really beautiful. And thank you, he was really bubbly and lively and just a joy. We had the name picked out as a possibility anyway but as soon as I thought there a chance he wouldn't make it I said, 'boy or girl, it's called Marvellous'. Now we've got to find a name that matches for his brother!

3littlebadgers · 23/09/2015 19:43

He he he you'll have a job on your hands to get one as special as Marvellous, but I am sure the name you chose will be perfect for the little fella. X

ChatEnOeuf · 23/09/2015 20:10

Congrats Town

3littlebadgers · 24/09/2015 06:53

Haquoi, so instead of being awake, last night, going over the days surrounding my angel's death, and worrying what would happen this time, I was awake thinking what a lovely name Marvellous was to give your precious child Despite all of the stress and sadness that you must have been under you gave him a name which tells him, he was worth it. That meeting him made all of the pain worth while. A name that means he is so very loved. I can imagine him now, introducing himself to his little baby friends and feeling so pleased with himself, knowing how loved he is.

haquoi123 · 24/09/2015 07:45

Thank you 3little, that really means the world to me! xxx

LittleTulip · 24/09/2015 07:48

Hope I find you ladies well. How are you getting on Vicky?
Hope the new mums are enjoying lots of cuddles, congratulations town
BabyTulip is now 17 weeks old, he's absolutely gorgeous and such a delight. Still feels surreal and still think of my little angel everyday. He would be two now and probably running around driving me insane

3littlebadgers · 24/09/2015 16:11

Ah tulip he sounds lovely .
I had my 20 week scan today and everything is fine. I had to go for a couple of walks to make my little one move in the right direction for the various observations but everything went well. I was not in the main ultrasound department again, and haven't been for any of my scans so far which I am extremely grateful for. We also found out that we are expecting a little boy! We could see his mouth moving as if he was tasting the Ribena I had just drank to make him move it was so sweet to see, it makes it all so real. When I told my DD (6) she was quiet for a while then had a few silent tears. When I cuddled her and asked her if she was ok she said she was, she just hoped it would be a sister like our angel so she wouldn't miss her so badly there is a little part of me that just wants to make everything better for her. I hate that the children had to go through this too. I hope to goodness I can keep this baby safe for them as much as anything. What if I make them go through all of this again?

EllieandAnna · 24/09/2015 17:15

Hi everyone. Mumsnet seems to have been playing up and I've not been able to get on for a while. Congratulations on the good scans and more rainbow boys! Vicky and town have had their rainbows and are doing well.

Got the results back yesterday and everything is normal!! I can't tell you how relieved I am, finally feel like things might be ok.

Hope everyone is well, sorry it's such a short post, off out to celebrate.

3littlebadgers · 24/09/2015 17:18

Yey thank goodness everything is ok with you Ellie x

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