Angels and Rainbows - remembering our angels and praying for our rainbows

[townsender]

Welcome to the thread, for anyone pregnant with a rainbow baby following baby loss.
A lot of us have graduated from the TTC angels and rainbows thread, but please feel free to join us if you are new, to share our highs and lows as we watch our bumps grow and await the safe arrival of our rainbows.

The current TTC thread is here:
Link

Would just like to know either way now, should get downs/edwards/patau results tomorrow and the rest in the next couple of weeks, funny to think I'll be 24 weeks then. Am on my own Friday but have plenty of family nearby should I need them, thank you for offering keep an eye out for me though town! To be fair they only said to take 2 days but I'd rather be over cautious. I'm currently being kicked and prodded which is reassuring, had heartbeat checked and all seems good. Not long to go for you town, hope you're not too anxious about it all.

Crossed posts! I never had Braxton hicks but sil said they're like less painful contractions. I remember dd being in certain positions that made my bump feel hard/tight and I did question for a while whether they were bh but they weren't. I would check tomorrow just for peace of mind. Monitoring movements is one of my big worries as dd stopped moving as much in the last couple of days. I think as long as you are monitoring activity and it seems like the usual pattern then it'll be fine, obviously movements just feel different according to how big baby is/what position they are in.

Ellie hope the results you get to day are what you hope for.
Town my braxton hicks were like mini contractions, to the point they'd get my hopes up. I completely understand the worry about the movements. I just don't trust myself to know if the baby is moving or if it is something else. My plan this time is that if I'm not getting big kicks I'm going to get myself checked, just becuase I was convinced my little angel was moving which is why I didn't catch on that something was wrong, but looking back they definately weren't the big movements, like the ones that would make me clutch my ribs for dear life. Not long for you now my lovely stick in there.
For all of us ladies in the cave x

Just got the first set of results; negative for edwards/patau/downs! Just got to wait a couple of weeks for the rest.

Wonderful news ellie! Here's hoping for the rest of results! It's wonderful that your DH is so supportive (apart from the panic). I hope these results help with that?

town hopefully those are promising signs! I'm no help I'm afraid, I was fully dilated with DS having had no pain whatsoever, so no idea what that part of labour is supposed to feel like. Best of luck with your app tomorrow! I'm so excited for you! (is that strange?)

How're you doing 3little & flambola (and others in the cave who I haven't met yet)? What's your due date btw 3little?

Afm (what does that mean?) DH & I met up with a doula today. We're going to have to scrape the barrel to pay for her (can't really even afford the baby) but I feel like she'll be exactly what we need in terms of support. I have a fear of midwives and doctors getting in my way and being stressed by them so I think it'll be v worthwhile. And she was lovely! Has anyone else thought about doulas? Also finally got some maternity clothes as everything else digs in. Part of me thinks I'm pre-empting but the other tells me that I should think positively and carry on regardless.

ellie brilliant news about the negative test results- fingers crossed the rest of the results are also good news. How lovely that your dh is so utterly supportive.

town my braxton hicks felt like my bump went hard for a few seconds and then it passed. It wasn't painful at all- just a strange feeling.

Thanks, dh is fantastix bless him! haquoi I say go with the positive, I am trying to carry on as if everything is fine. I will buy baby clothes if I see any I like (I do keep the receipts though!) And I would say definitely buy maternity clothes, there's nothing worse than feeling uncomfortable. I haven't considered a doula myself but I know plenty of people find them a huge source of support and help them focus through labour. My dh was ghe best birth partner I could ask for so I feel quite relaxed abour support during labour.

Ellie woohooo! I'm thrilled for you my darling, now hoping for a speedy couple of weeks to pass with more good news.

Haquoi I'm officially due on 9th Feb. Which I'm taking to mean the end of Jan

Ah 3little snap! I'm 6th Feb! But this is a miracle baby - DH and i can't work out how the hell we conceived as we did our deeds for that month and stoppped out of exhaustion as soon as I was over ovulating, but the dates from the scan put me back three weeks with conception smack bang in a 3 week dry spell! So I reckon the baby will be due 20 something of Jan, which is the similar due date to ds.

ellie that's wonderful that your DH is so supportive during the labour. You sound like you both have a fantastic relationship. DH is up for the doula as he hates confrontation and so we want her to be there to help him out and to create a (permeal when needs be) barrier between me and medical staff. We're looking at hypnobirthing as well, again for both of us and to give him a way of supporting me. So it's less that I want her as a birthing partner, DH is definitely that, but more that she's my guard and can help keep the peace for me (and talk me round if I need to listen - I'm very reasonable but hard headed and stubborn sometimes!)

I found hypnobirthing fantastic. I was at home right up until about 30mins before birth (I planned a home birth) and I found focusing on breathing really helped with dealing with the pain of the abruption (not that I knew that's what it was at the time!) Will definitely be using it again. I think it's sometimes a good idea to have someone else there, especially when they aren't as emotionally involved, it allows them to take on board what you want from your birth and enable that to happen without being clouded by emotions.

That's pretty amazing that hypnobirthing can help with that pain. Are you looking at a home birth again this time or do you want to be in hospital? (or fair enough if you're not thinking about it at the mo). I'm hoping for a home birth, but I know that actually I need to find a way to cope with any situation I'm in, hence the double whammy of doula & hypnobirthing!

I have always said my labour was good, just the outcome wasn't. I'm not saying I couldn't feel the pain but hypnobirthing definitely helped, I used tens and water too. At one point when I was waiting for the ambulance I did say I think I needed an epidural but I thought I'd got ages left to go when actually I was ready to push and abruptions are meant to be quite painful. I would love a homebirth but they have advised against and to be honest I think I'd be too anxious after last time. I think the key is to have a plan as to what you want but to be flexible, I know a lot of people getting upset that they didn't get to labour how they wanted but sometimes it's just not possible. As long as your baby arrives safely that's the most important thing.

Ellie, that's great news! Hope you and your DH are feeling a bit calmer as you wait for the rest of the results.
Haquoi, sounds like a doula will be worth it for you, if you can find one who really shares your birth philosophy. I didn't get as far as hypnobirthing course with my angel (I had one booked!), but I did do Daisy birthing which is a lot about breathing, and it worked really well when I was in labour (not that I knew I was). I think all you need is a few breathing and visualisation techniques, so if you don't want to fork out for a hypnobirthing course then there are CDs you can get a fraction of the price.
(AFM is 'and for me' BTW (by the way) x)

I should add that my midwife provides hypnobirthing free of charge, I've heard it's quite expensive otherwise and probably would have just got a cd online if I'd had to pay hundreds for a course. Like town said, as long as you practise some breathing/visualisation exercises you'll be fine.

Hello everyone, hope you are all doing well. My little one would have been six months old today, I would have been starting her on solids and taking lots of pictures of her messy little face. Instead I'm trying so hard to imagine what her face would be like at six months and feeling just that little bit lonely for her. I sort of want to look in her memory box, and smell her things but I know once I do the flood gates will open and DH is about to leave for work and I think my other remaining children just want me to be back to normal again. On a good note though the tiny flutters from my rainbow have turned from 'maybe flutters' to 'definate flutters' which is so lovely to feel again. Today I am wearing my favourite maternity dress, that I mentioned a while ago if any of you can remember. I struggled taking it out becuase I saw it as a part of her. I have a picture of myself in it on my due date. I thought I'd never be able to wear it again but I thought today it would be perfect, just to feel that bit closer to her again, and it has worked a treat.
Sorry for the down in the dumps post but I know you will all understand, I'm not sure any one else will. I know we are lucky to have our rainbows to bring us hope but at the same time the having an angel bit is just so hard too. to you all x

3little hope you're doing ok. I've had many days where I have wondered what dd would look like/who she'd take after/what milestones she would have reached, it's hard isn't it. I often look in her memory box, I do get a little upset but no longer cry. Sometimes I sit in her room where her ashes are and talk to her, a bit weird maybe but it helps me. I think you just have to go with it and see what makes you feel better and what doesn't, like wearing the dress I'm glad it has helped you feel close to her. I think it is trial and error finding out what is a comfort and what is a trigger. 6 months is still such a short space of time, do whatever you need to get through the tough times And how lovely that those movements have become stronger, always a good sign!

Hope everyone is having a lovely weekend. I think I overdid it today and the bump is feeling sore which has made me panic (even though he's kicking me as I type) looking forward to news of rainbow babies in the coming weeks, so exciting!!

Ellie, thank you I am feeling a little better. I took out her memory box and had a good smell and a good cry and feel relieved for it. Your bump is probably aching muscle wise more than anything else. The kicks are a great sign.

Hi all, sorry I haven't been around much ladies, to be honest I just can't cope with it all. Tonight hubby is due back, been away for a few days working, and I'm currently sat here like a sobbing mess. We are having our section on Friday 18th and will be 36+4 hopefully. I Am finding it so hard to stay focused and positive. I'm really not sure how I'm going to cope with this week. We are 36 weeks tomorrow, the time when we lost Edie. I don't feel like anyone gets it in RL, best friends are being amazing, but I still just feel shit. Really sorry for the wallowy post, hoping typing it will make me feel better, not expecting any replies. Hope the rest of you are fairing better x x

Oh Vicky, not long to go now, but I know how tough it is being on your own this late on, so with your DH away I'm not surprised you are feeling down. Hope you have some company tomorrow - if not then don't be afraid to go to the hospital for some reassurance. You're so close now. Are you getting lots of kicks? x

Vicki, I hope now that DH is back, today will be an easier time for you. Only a few more days to get through my lovely, you have done so well getting this far, just do whatever you have to to get through these last few days, even if it means popping into hospital to be checked more often than not.
I'll be thinking of you today and remembering Edie, I can't imagine what it must feel like. My plans have changed for today so I will try and look in in case you have posted and are feeling low so you know you are not alone. Take care my lovely x

Hi Vicky hope today was a better day my lovely, I've been thinking about you.
Hope the rest of you are having a stress free and peaceful time of it too.
Afm no news here, 19 weeks tomorrow which (if they keep their 38weeks promise) means I'm half way there

I was thinking of you today too Vicky, hope you had a very uneventful and calm day .

Half way milestone 3little!!! Nice one.

Hi everyone.

I'm pleased your results came back negative Ellie. What are the other results you're waiting for? I hope you get the same result with those too.

How were you today vicky? I wish I could offer some advice to help you feel better.

I'm feeling really low at the moment too. I just can't sleep - I can only manage a few hours here and there when I'm utterly exhausted so currently spending some nights not sleeping at all. I'm just too scared. When James died I thought he had fallen asleep because I'd been quite active, and I had a nap even though I had a few reservations, then woke up knowing something was wrong. And it was. I'm scared the same thing will happen again. I'm trying to be rational but... well, you guys know. I just don't know how I'm going to get through this. I feel cursed.

Flambola, your fear is realy understandible my lovely. Are you monitoring your rainbow's movements? Any little change, just take yourself into be checked, no matter how often, for peace of mind. If you can't sleep at night try to at least rest, that is what my midwife told me. I have flashbacks at night and can get to sleep but wake up a few hours later. She said listen to calming music to destract my brain and rest. How much longer to go?

Vicky, thinking of you tomorrow, really hope the last couple of days haven't been too tough for you. May yours be the first of many rainbows to safely arrive over the next month or so.