Angels and Rainbows - remembering our angels and praying for our rainbows

[townsender]

Welcome to the thread, for anyone pregnant with a rainbow baby following baby loss.
A lot of us have graduated from the TTC angels and rainbows thread, but please feel free to join us if you are new, to share our highs and lows as we watch our bumps grow and await the safe arrival of our rainbows.

The current TTC thread is here:
Link

ellie I'm sorry - when's your next scan? Could you get a private one and a second opinion? I'm sure it's nothing but obviously you're not going to stop worrying. I wish I could do more to help xx

Thank you. My head is telling me that we need to wait for this second scan and take it from there but my heart is in pieces thinking I might lose yet another child. I'm upset about it as the sonographer didn't seem overly concerned as everything else looked/measured fine. He said I would probably need a scan in a week and another lot of bloods. By the time I got sent round to the next department they said they don't know why he measured the nuchal fold and that they wouldn't offer another scan, then they left and came back 10 mins later to say we had to go to Leeds to a specialist for a heart scan and will need to have an amnio (possible downs, edwards/patau syndrome). It's gone from nothing to worry about to serious in 20min. Will hear tomorrow what they will do but think I will demand another anomoly scan. Sat at home and he keeps kicking me which is usually the best feeling ever, but right now it just makes me want to cry

Ellie my heart bleeds for you, it really does, I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I'm sending you and your baby boy all my love and I have everything crossed for you. Demanding another anomaly scan sounds like a really good idea. I don't know anything of your history, but they should be sensitive to that, shouldn't they?

Yes, please demand another scan. What about your consultant or midwife? Would they be able to give you some more advice?

Please try not to think the worst right now and I hope you get some sleep tonight. X

Well I managed some sleep but had the most awful dreams. Keeping busy today until we get the call. Trying to keep level headed about it, it still could be nothing. Was thinking of ringing consultant but firstly you csn never fet hold of her, and secondly I have no confidence in them at the minute! I have had to chase up my next appointment as they forgot about me! Think the plan is to see what the hospital say and go from there. Thsnk you all for your support, you've no idea how much of a comfort it is.

I'll be thinking of you today. X

Ellie so sorry you're going through this, I've only just read it.
There's every chance it will be nothing. I have found they are overly cautious with me because of my history, and the sad impact of that is sometimes they pick up on borderline measurements and make more of a big deal about it because they are being 'careful' with us.
I know this is easy for me to say because I am lucky enough to be able to afford it, but if you can spare ~600 quid then I would definitely get the Harmony test done in order to put your mind at rest about chromosome disorders. Then you don't even need to consider amnio. It is a simple blood test from you and entirely risk free for your little boy.
I had similar with an abnormal brain measurement at 28 weeks. In itself it is not a problem, but could be an indicator of other things. I had an MRI to check his brain, and bloods to check for infection. If I hadn't had the Harmony test, they would have offered me amnio too. All showed nothing. His measurement is still out, but it looks like just a variation on normal. If your sonographer was telling you everything else looked normal then that's a very very good sign (especially the heart - you just mention that just the nuchal fold was big, right?).

Welcome to the cave Haquoi. You are very brave having the same timeline for your 2 babies, and it will make the memories very vivid I'm sure. Glad to hear they've got you under a good consultant. I had my angel at 26 weeks (spontaneous labour, they don't know why), so we are probably on similar care plans (are you getting progesterone and cervix scans?).

Hi town that's what we keep telling ourselves, that it is just one measurement so there is every chance it will be ok. Everything else was mormal on the scan. We have been referred for a heart scan which should be some time next week, they said to get the scan done then consider the amnio, we have been looking into the harmony test and will definitely consider it. They didn't actually know my history which was apparent with the confused look I was given after asking him about the placenta, he seemed irritated that I asked and then I cried like a baby!

It's just the waiting and the inevitable worry. Can we all just skip to the bit where we get a healthy baby?!

Hope everyone else is doing ok x

Bloody sonographers... I wish they were told our histories before doing the scans! It would save a shit-tonne of upset and embarrassment.

I'm not one for wishing my life away but a fast forward button would be handy sometimes.

I forgot to say though - a little boy, how lovely! Congrats

And hello to haquoi.

I'm on limited movement at the moment - back problems. It's pissing me off. The sun is shining and I'm inside because I can barely move.

I've been given some bright green stickers with my baby's name and gestation on it, although I haven't had an "official" scan with a sonographer to see if it helps. It's so annoying having to explain it over and over and have to deal with their reactions. Especially when the get annoyed with you sorry you had to deal with that ellie. How're you doing? Have you been able to relax at all over the weekend?

Thanks for the welcomes town and flambola.

town I'm on asprin and they're checking my cervix until 24 weeks. They don't know what happened - there were infarctions on the placenta (although the histology was in Italian so that's through garbled translation), but also the possibility that I'd picked up an infection, and then because of how I presented they're checking the cervix. It's all guess work. But no progesterone. What's that for? The time line was a bit of a mistake actually. I couldn't bear the idea of not ttc and thought it would be ok, but I'd had a chemical pregnancy the cycle before, which threw my dates right off. I cried when I found out (DS due date 21/1/14, this baby's original date was the 22nd! Luckily now the 6/2) but I'm seeing it in a positive light now. How far along are you? Are you being looked after well?

When are you due flambola? Sorry, I haven't yet found the stats. Fast forward button? Yes please!

Are you in the UK now haquoi? How do you feel about not knowing what happened?

I'm due on the 12th November but preparing myself to be induced any time from the 23rd October. It's starting to feel close and like having a baby might be a real possibility! The anxiety is really starting to come on with a vengeance now, although I'm trying my best to stay positive - this little one is a bit less active than James was so my heart stops every time she settles down!!

Hope everyone's enjoying the bank holiday weekend xx

Yeah, M was born while I was working abroad for two weeks, so DH flew out to be with me and then we got home a few days later. The whole experience was a nightmare, we struggled with funeral plans - we weren't allowed to cremate him to bring him home and couldn't afford the astronomical burial fees, plus my work insurance wouldn't let us stay in the accommodation, (I wasn't even allowed to ride in the car with my colleagues for insurance purposes) so we had to beg for the hospital to take him back and have no idea what happened to his body. That haunts me every day that we couldn't do right by him.

In my head I know that the problem was me, because he was alive until the labour, and that's enough to know. With this one I'm just so terrified that my body could just open up with no warning, no matter about reassurances of everything's fine. Everything was fine with M. So I'm just gritting my teeth for the next few weeks and enjoying my baby as much as I can. Sorry if I'm sounding pessimistic!!

You're getting really close flambola, that's exciting. Do you mind me asking what happened with James? Are you coming up to your 'danger point' (is there a better phrase)?

Oh haquoi it must have been awful not being able to bring your lo home. You say that the problem is you? I think we've all felt that way at some point or another but you mustn't blame your self. My daughter was fine until labour but I was told it was just bad luck, no blame anywhere. I actually said the other day that it must be me, I just can't grow a healthy baby (this is my 4th pregnancy, I'm yet to have a living child) but really I think it's because I need a reason why it keeps happening,not because it's true.

Flambola hope you manage to keep your anxiety in check, it must be so difficult when you're so close but just keep crossing those days off as you go. Your baby will be here in no time. Hope you're back is feeling better and you're managing to get about a bit more.

Well I think I'm doing ok. Just want to get this scan over with and know what we're dealing with. Have decided to stop googling as it does not help! I think I got so upset as they keep bringing up the possibility of termination, I know they have to give you the facts but it's seemed heavily weighted on the negative side. Have managed to go to one of the quieter offices when I'm back to work Tue then I'm seeing the consultant on Wed and then hopefully this scan, just want it over with. We've been discussing names and think we may be settled on one or two which is nice as once we decide I can call him by his name. With dd we only decided a week before she was born which stresses me out!

Hope everyone has been enjoying their weekend.

Hello everyone, sorry I've been AWOL we've been away.
Welcome Haquoi, we are due at pretty much the same time in due on the 9th February.
Ellie I'm sorry things have suddenly gotten unbelievably stressful for you and that the hospital didn't seem to manage it particularly well.
Kayleigh congratulations on your baby girl I am thrilled for you, and I am sure your tiny angel son is smiling down on his little sister.
To the rest of you, wave, and I hope it is going well for you.
Afm I had the midwife come out to do my 16 week check when we got back, a little late as we were away. She couldn't find the heartbeat only the sound of the placenta. Then she thought she did have it but she felt my pulse and it turned out to be mine but just racing as my anxiety had gone through the roof. She told me they can sometimes can be difficult to find, but they are the exact words that they used when my baby had died and I just broke down and started sobbing uncontrollably. She said that the placenta sounded great and tried to calm me down but I was shaking so violently from the panic of it all. She decided to have a good feel of my bump and said that I was carrying really high (I guess it explains how I always show really early) and she tried the Doppler between my tummy button and ribs and found it! It was muffled by the sound of my anterior placenta but it was there beating strongly! I thought I was losing another precious child, I was so scared. Since then I have been very weepy I think it took me back to March when it all went wrong. I'm so glad I have you ladies. I'm not quite sure anyone else would get it. The midwife was lovely but I felt for her too. Bless her take about pressure. She looked like a rabbit in the headlights. Despite everyone really wanting this pregnancy to go well, I've never felt so lonely in my life!

Hi 3little hope you had a lovely time away. Glad you got to hear little one's heartbeat, although wish it hadn't been so stressful for you. I had the same thing at my 16 week appointment, it feels like a lifetime when they can't find it doesn't it. I'm carrying high too so have to tell midwife where they picked hb up last time otherwise it takes forever. I do wish that given the history we all have that pregnancy would be complication free this time round. Shame it doesn't work like that.

Well we were meant to be going on a day trip but dh is still asleep and it's chucking it down outside (dh doesn't do rain!) Looks like me and the dog will settle down with a film instead!

Ellie, a film with the dog sounds lovely! Can I come? When do you have your next round of tests? I am keeping everything crossed for you. As other people have said one measurement may be nothing. We're all different with different sized bits a bobs, some of us have to fall outside of the norm for somethings and yet it is stil normal for them. I am hoping that this is the case with your little one. It would be nice to sail through stress free. Do you think while we are all in the cave they could send us off to sleep for the remainder of the pregnancy and wake us up when it is all ok? X

Apologies ladies for being AWOL- i had posted a few days ago, but it doesn't seem to have posted at all .

ellie congratulations on a little boy, so sorry the sonographer has put you through this extra worry though. I really hope your consultant appointment on Wednesday is of some help to you and eases a little of your worry. I'm sending hugs to you.

flambola sorry to hear your back has been giving you problems- i hope it's better soon

haquoi welcome to the cave, i'm so sorry you had to go through such an experience while being away from your loved ones in a different country. You don't sound pessimistic- i would imagine we've all felt the same way at times- i certainly know i did.

3little glad you had a lovely time away and that you got to hear baby's heartbeat when you got back- although i'm sure you'd have preferred it to be less stressful.

Love to you all xx

3little it'd be great wouldn't it, just wake up and everything be ok! No idea when we go for the scan, am waiting for a phone call but it should be this week. Should be seeing consultant Wed so hopefully she will shed some light on it all. Dh is literally worried sick, his stress always manifests that way. Just want an answer either way so we can get an idea of what we're dealing with, if anything at all!

Hi Kayleigh hope shayla-jayde and the rest of the family are doing well. Think it has gone a little quiet since all these mn hacks.

ellie we're all doing well thank you. Shayla-Jayde has put weight back on after losing some, and is being weighed again tomorrow. Managed to take all 3 dc's to the local supermarket today without any major mishaps which is no mean feat when you factor in that Brian was walking due to me not having enough arms to push both the pram and Brian in his buggy . Sending lots of love to you and your dh xx

3little I'm so glad they found the heartbeat for you! I can relate to how stressful that is.

ellie did you have a good BH in the end? I'll be thinking of you and your DH tomorrow, fingers crossed your consultant can give you some suport and more information.

kayleigh I'm so so pleased for you :) congratulations on your beautiful daughter (great name as well! Where did you find it?)

I had a scare this morning thinking I was having contractions, but they turned out to be braxton hicks (hopefully). The midwife was helpful and told me to ring back in two hours if they hadn't gone away. I didn't ring back but was so panicky I spent the day sleeping. I've managed to keep most of the anxiety at bay but it's the run up to ds' 1st birthday (Thursday) and it's getting to me! How have any of you got through birthdays?

You guys are so lovely btw, thank you!

Ellie thinking about you and DH tomorrow. Hope your appointment goes well and all fears are laid to rest.

Oh bless you haquoi sil had braxton hicks from early on in her pregnancy and it gave her a fright, nevermind someone with your history. Hope you're starting to feel better though. Will be thinking of you on Thurs, I know quite a few of the ladies on here have gone through birthdays. Have you got anything planned for the day? We said we would maybe go on a day trip, somewhere we planned to take dd.

And thanks guys for thinking of me. I'm a bit annoyed with dh as he can't make it to the appointment so has asked my mum to come along instead. I know he means well but I would rather it be me and him or me alone. My mum is meant to be going back to work tomorrow so has said it will be her if she can or my brother or stepdad. I always feel like I have to be alright to make sure they're ok so this has just stressed me out more! Hopefully the consultant can allay my fears though, even just a balanced opinion wouod help I think.

Hi All,

Ellie, thinking of you today at your consultant appt. I would feel the same as you about DH coming or no one - its just totally different dynamics isn't it? I do hope he can put your mind at rest a little, and get your baby's heart scan sorted ASAP.

Haquoi, how awful that you lost your angel abroad, having to go through the loss on your own and then not being able to bring him home with you is the stuff of nightmares.
I loved the cervix scans as they are so regular at such a scary stage, and you get to see the heartbeat and at least some feedback that movements look normal. Made the 21 week scan a lot less scary.
The progesterone is another precautionary measure which I think they use for women with history of pre-term labour. Progesterone is simplistically the hormone which tells your body you are pregnant. So I guess it helps if there is a hormone imbalance - not that they can test for that but there don't seem any/many side effects to taking it so I was happy to have it just in case. For me they also reckon the most likely explanation for triggering early labour was an infection, but have no way to confirm for sure. Definitely worth asking your consultant about the progesterone, I would say, although if they have put you on aspirin then maybe they think more likely something to do with your placenta?
Mind you, I stopped taking it nearly 2 weeks ago and I haven't instantly gone into labour . I'm 36+3 today, finished work last week and csection booked for 21st September, so really not long to go now. And he's good at moving around a lot so that is keeping me sane - an almost constant reminder that he's there and doing ok.

3little, sending you a big hug after your awful scare this week. I remember some others on this thread having not very sympathetic midwives at their 16 week checkup (it seems so long ago now).

Waves to everyone else.
x

Hello everyone,
Ellie how did it go today my lovely. I've been thinking about you all day

Hello. Well the consultant wasn't there and the registrar didn't seem to have a clue. Was booked in for scan next Thurs which made me burst into tears and now I magically have my scan tomorrow! Lovely midwife at work listened to heartbeat to make me feel better and mentioned how ridiculously strong baby's movements are, she couldn't believe I'm only 21 weeks, he practically kicked thd doppler out of her hand so I'm feeling better knowing we will find out more tomorrow. Thanks for thinking of me.

Hope everyone else is doing well x