Angels and Rainbows - remembering our angels and praying for our rainbows

[townsender]

Welcome to the thread, for anyone pregnant with a rainbow baby following baby loss.
A lot of us have graduated from the TTC angels and rainbows thread, but please feel free to join us if you are new, to share our highs and lows as we watch our bumps grow and await the safe arrival of our rainbows.

The current TTC thread is here:
Link

Congratulations, so so pleased for you!!! And what a beautiful name! Hope you're all settled at home now enjoying your rainbow

Yayyyy Kayleigh!!!!!!! Fab fab fab fab news! Hope it all went smoothly and your recovering well x

Thank you ladies, i didn't end up having the prostoglandin because they thought my waters had gone. They hadn't but i was taken to delivery anyway where they broke my waters before putting me on the drip. She's a bit of a sicky baby but hoping that won't last too long.

How amazing!! I'm so happy for you!
Beautiful name - hope she settles soon and I hope you're well as can be!

The birth of these rainbow babies makes me cry!

Xx

Congratulations, beautiful name! Glad to hear you are home already. Hope you are recovering well xx

lake sorry, completely missed your other post- sorry to read your dh's plans at the weekend have caused you stress. I hope you've since managed to sort it all out.

Well the first night home was tiring, but to be expected. Didn't get much sleep but then i expected that too . Jessie is in her element as big sister and is being an absolute godsend, while Brian still isn't too sure about the baby bless him.

Hope you lovely ladies are all ok xx

Wow Kayleigh - congratulations!!!

Right well I think perhaps ill try the GP first off. To complicate matters the hospital I went to was not the local small one, which is where I would be under consultant care and has the EPAU I would use etc. I didn't have a specific midwife, rather a small team of midwives, none of which I saw more then once. I saw a lovely bereavement midwife to complete the pm paper work and who looked after me at the large hospital post delivery. I could potentially call her (she mentioned something about ringing her if my EPAU wouldn't give a reassurance scan in future as she would) but as she is attached to the other hospital not sure how helpful she could be? Not sure if any of that makes sense!

Zombiemeow - sorry you had such an awful experience I feel incredibly frustrated that things haven't just gone smoothly given the circumstance, the idea of having to chase pm results is just dreadful.

Yes contact the bereavement midwife bear some of them can be pretty amazing!

That's lovely Kayleigh bet Jessie is wanting to help out! I'm sure Brian will come round soon.

I'm still waiting for my next pm appt. I am meant to be having an op next week and was told my appointment would defiantly be before that no sign of it yet. I feel exhausted from it all I feel like just giving up on it.

bear i'd say contact the bereavement midwife, as i said the one i had was amazing, and it sounds to me like the one you know is much the same.

zombie sorry to hear you've not had your appointment yet, i'm not surprised you feel exhausted with it all. Sending you lots of love and

Many many congrats Kayleigh!! and I'm so impressed you were home less than 24hrs after she was born. Must have been nice and uneventful - I'm so pleased for you all.

And welcome and congrats to bear for your BFP. Most of us have generally had positive experiences so far with our rainbow care - extra scans and lots of sympathy - but don't be shy about asking and pushing for it.

DH is currently test driving the pram around the house - he's so excited, bless him.

x

zombie sorry you're still having to work so hard to get answers, and although you feel like giving up sometimes I think having answers will help. I was very upset at my consultant appointment in this pregnancy as they mentioned a lot of things I wasn't told during pm report, in the end it helped me draw a line under it all. I hope you get some answers.

Bear welcome to the thread. I hope you've managed to get hold of someone for some support. I got booked at 6 weeks due to my history (stillbirth and miscarriages) but know that procedure varies widely across districts. As for pm results, I had to wait around 3months but I would keep calling, hopefully with you being pregnant they could hurry it up a bit.

Well 19 weeks now and have my scan next week, sarting to feel anxious about it all. I'm starting to get a bump now so going to have to start telling people too but just can't bring myself to do it. I've met up with friends and I just can't say the words. I'm being really weird aren't I?! I just want to wait, give birth and then say 'oh yeah, by the way we had a baby!' Don't think I can get away with that though. Hope everyone is doing well, we'll be having lots of rainbows over the next couple of months? Seem to remember lots of people being due around the same time.

town thank you- although nice and uneventful aren't words i'd use for the experience . I think quick and hectic would be more accurate haha. My dh also did that with the pram, and he also showed it to everyone that came round until i insisted he put it away upstairs until we needed it (we got it before my 20 week scan so a bit in advance).

ellie you aren't being weird at all- i found it hard to tell certain people i was expecting again, with a few people i just waited until they guessed and when they asked why i hadn't told them i just replied that we'd just kept it quiet for a while.

AFM too Shayla-Jayde to dh's work today which was lovely. She's settled down a bit now, which i think is because i reduced the amount i was feeding her on the midwife's advice, so she's not as sicky now. One thing that has annoyed me is that a few people have completely disregarded Ben with flippant comments in the last few days- almost as if now i have my rainbow my angel doesn't matter .

Hope everyone is doing well xx

Zombiemeow, that does sound truly exhausting I'm hoping you hear soon about the appointment. Not sure if you've spoken about the operation (I could well have missed that!) but good luck

Hi Ellie - good luck for the scan, I imagine its a pretty anxious time. I don't think it's weird to struggle to tell certain people either. I feel the same tbh and am really dreading having to tell people at work. I work in a psychiatric unit so people will have to know as it impacts on my role. Service users will ultimately have to know as well, which worries me as I have one who presently tries to antagonise me about our loss. I guess that comes with the territory though, I found having to telling so many people what happened to us last time to be a serious of rippling heartbreaks.

Hi Town - glad you've got great rainbow care, fingers crossed you're right and I can get some too! That's very sweet about your H and the pram, lovely that he is getting so excited

AFM So I went to the GP. I don't have a specific one of those either, it's one of those annoying ring on the morning and take what you can get arrangements at my surgery. He was nice enough and rather strangely told me 50% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. I was a bit perplexed by that as I think it was meant to be reassuring as an explanation for us losing Beatrix at 20 weeks.

Anyway he basically said chase the gynae secretary as I have previously re the pm and inform them I'm now pregnant in the hope that speeds them up. Which I later did and was advised pm still not back and they will call as soon as it is.

I completed the form for the midwife to contact me to arrange booking in appointment. I put on the form briefly what has happened, I guess I naively hope that they might contact me sooner or differently as a result? I understood I should be under consultant care this time given what happened?

So basically I am no further forward. I feel frustrated and like I am selling myself short in the care I need and am not making a fuss when I should - but I don't know who to make a fuss to! I feel things would have been different with Beatrix if I had demanded attention and better care (they might have realised I was in labour) and angry at myself for failing to do this again already.

Sorry both the essay and the self indulgent rant tagged on the end! I think reading the responses from you all (thanks!) I might well try to get hold of that bereavement midwife, my concern is that she is at a different hospital 45 mins away however she may still be able to help.

bear i too put that i'd had a stillbirth on my midwife booking form, not sure if it sped things up but i was first seen by them at 9 weeks. In most cases you will be under a consultant (i have a friend who lost her son at 17 weeks but didn't find out until her 20 week scan, and she's been told she'll be under consultant care when she has another baby). I understand your concerns regarding the bereavement midwife being 45 min away, but as you say she may well still be able to help- as my dh's gran says "you don't ask, you don't get"

bear every area is different, so it's tough to know what advice to give you - but one thing I would keep pushing for (even if you go back to your GP again) is an early consultant appointment. I had my booking in appointment at 10 weeks, and it turns out my consultant had sent a letter to my GP asking to see me before 12 weeks at my next pregnancy, so they had to book me in with him at very short notice (the day after my booking appt!) as I was travelling for a couple of weeks after that.
I would have thought with the timing of your loss that the consultant would want to see you sooner rather than later. And depending on your area, you might be quicker to get that if you specifically ask your GP, rather than expecting the hospital antenatal booking office to be proactive.

Hope everyone is doing ok and not boiling too much.
Well done Kayleigh for making it out of the house with a new-born!
I've just realised I'm due next . I'm going to buy some baby grows tomorrow - at 35 weeks I think it's about time I got a grip and recognise this baby is coming.
x

town i hope your mission to find baby grows is a successful one

Well Shayla-Jayde attended her first party last night (my cousins 40th) and promptly upstaged the poor bloke - not that he was bothered in the slightest. Unfortunatley all the excitement meant i've had a bit of an unsettled night because she didn't want to sleep when we got home, but 2 bad nights out of 6 isn't too bad going, and i got about 4 hours sleep eventually.

Hope everyone has had a lovely weekend x

Hi all, with all the mumsnet attacks I've only just got around to changing my password and coming back to this group!

Welcome bearberry and congrats on your bfp, you are in the right place for help and advice.

Kayleigh, wow congrats. Beautiful name and so pleased you have your rainbow. Really great news!

Afm, had a few bad days. I think getting further along is making things harder than easier. People expect me to be more confident but even tho I am passed the date I had my angel I'm still only 29 weeks and worried about absolutely everything, not just preterm birth. My hubby and I totally broke down after our first antenatal class. You may remember a few of you offered suggestions of what to say, well it ended up not really being appropriate in the introductions and then during the break I spoke to a few ladies and just felt totally different to them. I guess I don't feel like I belong with the first time mums or the second time mums. I find dealing with people very difficult. I really want to tell them about my loss but I'm
Not sure when to say something. Same problems I have had for a while but it all came to a head last week. Other than that I've been ok expect bad BH contractions test which scared the hell out of me but just as I was about to take myself to the hospital they totally stopped. Strange!
Anyway hope everyone is well and I'll try to send you a pm Flambola to join the FB group. X

Oh I'm sorry about your antenatal class. It's so awkward, isn't it. I was talking to a colleague about his wife who's currently pregnant with her second and he was saying she's so laid back this time round, you know, with eating and drinking etc. I wish that was me! Until we hold our babies none of it will be easy, or feel real.

I can't believe you're next, town! Have you managed to buy any bits yet? I swing between avoidance and acceptance that this baby's coming.

Well, I have physio this week for my back. I can't wait, I feel a bit cooped in because I can't go walking about. Then I have a few days off over the bank holiday weekend and then just September in work and I'm off on maternity. I'm kind of looking forward to it BUT I'm going off when I would have been coming back after James. That's bloody weird and horrible. Life is so different to how I imagined it would be this time last year.

Hello, I hope you don't mind me joining so late in the thread. I saw it a while back but have been too scared to join.

My little boy was born at 19 weeks on 3rd September 2014 while I was in a different country and on my own. I presented fully dilated and there was nothing they could do. I'm now 16+2, due 6th February, and in the run up to his first birthday. This pregnancy also mirrors his in terms of time and due dates - I'm about two weeks behind - so it's really hard with flashbacks and knowing exactly where I was last year. I've been doing fine so far but yesterday it hit me like a hammer and I've just started to panic. I'm under consultant care, and she has been wonderful.

It's wonderful to read about the new births & bfps, congratulations!

Welcome to the thread haquoi sorry for your loss. You're welfome to tell us more about your angel if you like. It mudt have been awful going through something like that on your iwn, hopefully you've got plenty of people to support you now. I think we have all felt similar throughout points in these rainbow pregnancies, every milestone is almost a reminder of what has happened.

Can't believe how many due dates are coming up, wishing you all as stress free a countdown as possible x

Thanks Ellie for the welcome. My little one was pretty cheeky and lively in the womb, he seemed to never stop moving! Any time I'd get stressed he'd kick me as a reminder to chill out. I feel fiercely protective over him and I love and miss him to pieces. I'm a bit worried about comparing this one to him, has anyone had anything similar?

When are the next due dates? I've not yet had a chance to read through and catch up?

They do have a personality before they're even born don't they! I have been very worried about this child feeling like a replacement, or not being able to feel how I should about this baby. I think it is to be expected. I have my scan tomorrow and I just don't know how I will feel about gender. Of course I will be happy with a healthy baby no matter what gender but I know there are going to be mixed emotions regardless.

As for the due dates, town and lake are up next at the end of Sep.Looks like you're due a little after me and 3little.

Sorry just a quickie!
Congratulations to you Kayleigh wow doesn't time fly! Shayla-Jayde sounds amazing

Love to the rest of you ladies

Ooh just a thought does anybody know what happened to Mademoiselle?

I'm going to apologise for the selfish post but I've had the most awful day. We had our 20 week scan, we're having a boy but they might have found a problem. My 12 week scan and blood test was fine but now they're saying the nuchal fold at the back of the neck is bigger than usual and it could be an indicator of a heart problem or a chromosomal defect....or it could be nothing. I've got to go for a heart scan and possibly have an amniocentesis. My head is all over the place, I just don't know what to think.

Oh Ellie I just saw this. Sorry to hear that. I absolutely know me telling you to try not to worry isn't going to help but try to stay calm. These things are usually absolutely fine. When is the next scan? Can you get a second opinion? My cousin got told at her 12 wk scan she had a v high chance of downs but then got a second opinion privately from a doc with a much better machine and it was absolutely fine. Sorry can't offer more words of advice but thinking of you x