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Connect with mums-to-be with similar due dates to share experiences and support.

Angels and Rainbows - remembering our angels and praying for our rainbows

999 replies

townsender · 28/04/2015 20:53

Welcome to the thread, for anyone pregnant with a rainbow baby following baby loss.
A lot of us have graduated from the TTC angels and rainbows thread, but please feel free to join us if you are new, to share our highs and lows as we watch our bumps grow and await the safe arrival of our rainbows.

The current TTC thread is here:
Link

OP posts:
kayleighferrie1985 · 12/08/2015 20:11

poco 110% understandable that you'd be so worried, and i know myself that no matter how much people tell you not to worry you always do. Would it be possible for you to phone the doctors and explain and see if they can get you seen by someone? Just thinking it might help to put your mind at rest a little Flowers

pocopearl · 12/08/2015 20:21

We got the forms today and are going to take them in tomorrow, so hopefully get to see someone too. Luckily they are not like my old drs where you had to ring first thing in the morning, so could potentially speak to someone tomorrow. Even if its a nurse, I do also happen to know that the community midwife is there anyway tomorrow afternoon. So they might let me see her. I have poas again this afternoon and the line is a little darket still compared to this morning so that must be a good sign. Sorry Im such a paranoid weirdo! We have even gone to the extremes of saying well when i was pregnant with DS1 the first thing we did was buy little odd things which i didnt do for any of my mc's. Because everyone know if you buy a babygrow for a baby then that will stop a mc. Urgh I'm weird, my DH just shakes his head at me!

Flambola · 12/08/2015 22:17

Hi poco, I would stop POAS if you can! I'm sorry about your previous losses, I'm afraid I have no experience of miscarriage. Hopefully we can help you get through this pregnancy!

I'm just going to talk about myself now! I had a growth scan today, and even though I have a big SANDS sticker on my notes the sonographer asked me why I was there. So I had to explain about James, which annoyed me, for some reason. Our little one is doing great in there and she's quite sedate compared to James, but I still can't get too excited! It's still a case of waiting until I have a live baby in my arms that I'll feel this is real. I still feel as if I have a way to go with this pregnancy, probably because I lost James at 37 + 3.

Sorry I haven't name checked, I just hate typing on my iPad.

zombiemeow · 12/08/2015 22:37

I agree with flambola, I poas every day when I got my bfp after dd but the line did fluctuate in darkness (does that make sense?) one day the line got so faint I was sure I lost ds but then it got darker again.

Glad everything went well at your scan flambola Smile apart from them not looking at your notes Angry I had that quite a lot. I would get angry in the end and be like 'have you not looked at my notes Angry

kayleighferrie1985 · 12/08/2015 23:16

flambola glad all is good with baby Grin but sorry you had the sonographer asking why you were there despite your sticker. It's understandable you'd be annoyed about having to explain why you were there- if these people would just take a moment to read your notes situations like that could easily be dealt with more sensitively

3littlebadgers · 13/08/2015 12:04

Flambola that's great about the baby being happy and well. Sorry that the sonographer didn't check your notes properly. They just show themselves up when they do that. I'd be mortified if I didn't do my job properly.
Poco how are you doing? I'm thinking about you and hoping for the best I am sure we would all agree that after loss pregnancy is particularly hard. I was very similar to you in the first few weeks. Terrified to go to the toilet and trying to rest as much as I could to help things stick.
Kayleigh by Monday are we talking this actual Monday coming? Smile oh my lovely I am just so excited for you. I know that it will be a roller coaster for you but it seems like such a happier bit of the roller coaster (bearing in mind I'm 14+weeks I might well change my opinion closer to the time).
Afm no news here, we're going away on Tuesday for 10 days and I feel a bit uneasy about it. Consultant said I'm fine to fly but there is also a big part of me that doesn't want to leave my baby's grave.

Flambola · 13/08/2015 13:56

Well thanks everyone, glad to know I'm not being unreasonable about it!

Thanks for the update Tulip, I'm so glad you're little one is doing well! 11 weeks now, gosh, that's flown by! I'll be thinking of you in the run up to A's 2nd birthday.

So, Kayleigh, are you going to be induced on Monday? Or have I misunderstood?

3, where are you off to? I went on holiday around the same time (14 weeks) - and I felt a bit like you. But the sunshine and time away from everyone with DH really helped me relax! (For a week, at least!)

AFM, I went to a BBQ yesterday. My DHs cousin was there and as always when she sees me, she started crying. Then ran off. Then her mum ran off to comfort her. Then I feel like a lemon. It makes me feel so bloody uncomfortable. I just don't know what to do or say about it! Has anyone else experienced this?

On a brighter note, I'm doing a 5k in Sefton Park on Saturday, and between the group of us doing it we've managed to raise over £1k! I'm so chuffed. Grin

kayleighferrie1985 · 13/08/2015 14:53

3little hope you have a lovely relaxing time away Smile

flambola sorry you had that situation at the bbq, i'm not surprised it made you feel uncomfortable. I haven't experienced anything quite that extreme but i have had people not know how to be around me- in the end i just told people to treat me as normally as possible because treating me with "kid gloves" was actually making things worse.

AFM well i rang the hospital myself this morning and yes i'm booked in to be induced this coming Monday (the 17th). I just have to ring the ward on Monday morning to check there's a bed for me then i've got to make my way in. So i'm now in cleaning mode which is infuriating my poor mum who keeps asking me if i've packed the hospital bag yet (i haven't Grin).

Love to all xx

Flambola · 13/08/2015 15:07

I am so, so excited for you Grin

3littlebadgers · 13/08/2015 15:16

Me too so excited for you.
Flambola well done on raising so much money. That is amazing. As for the cousin crying, I get how it must make you feel uncomfortable but actually thinking about it, although it would be good if she could maybe use her emotions in a helpful way and talk to you about your little son, actually I sort of get her being in tears. What we have been through is devastating. I cry all the time Wink

pocopearl · 13/08/2015 18:49

Hey ladies,

Kayleigh very excited for you, I imagine the wait now until monday will feel longer than your 9 months. With DS1 I was told the even before to be induced the next day and it was the longest wait ever!
Flambola fantastic money to raise well done, you should be proud, although I am sorry you had an odd experience at the bbq.
3littlebadgers stay strong hun, the first time will always be the hardest.

I have had a much better day today a lot less cramps, and not so strong, and i only poas once today and the line was so dark it was darker than the control line. So i feel a little easier about things. Let myself have a sneaky peek at the baby clothes when i was buying my DS some socks today! I did manage to get to the drs and registered and have an appoint with the nurse next week for new patients, and I told them i was pg but they said to wait until then and she would sort out for the midwife. I did say about the cramping, she asked if i had spotting which i dont but i explained about my history. She said i could see a dr in the next 5 mins if i felt i needed it or wait but if i had any probs to ring them and i could get an appointment. So i left without seeing dr as figured i was better today. I'm a bit sad that i have a lady dr, nothing against lady drs but i much prefer a man dr because i am weird (obviously) i feel less self conscious when its a man and im talking lady stuff than when its a woman which doesn't really make sense. Sorry Im rambling. Have a good evening everyone! :D

townsender · 13/08/2015 21:46

kayleigh, I'm so excited for you! 4 days to go. Sounds like you are happily nesting with the bleach and scrubbing brush.

poco glad you are feeling better today. Do you live abroad, as you say the system is different where you've just moved to?

Tulip, lovely to hear from you and great that baby Tulip is doing so well. I am not surprised that you are missing 'A' even more as you approach his birthday. Sometimes I wonder if I'll manage to stop crying at all when my little boy is born - I just can't picture it. Already in my scan photo he looks so much bigger than Grace.

3little I am jealous of your holiday as it feels like ages since I went on one, and ages until I will get to go on one!! Will you take something with you to remind you of your angel (eg photo, footprints?) if you feel far away from the grave?

Flambola, I had exactly the same thing at my 30 week scan. The sonographer had read my notes as far as that it was my second pregnancy, asked if I knew what sex this baby was (standard question, so they can avoid the bits), then asked me what I had at home. I said 'sorry?' as I thought I'd misheard her - I just wasn't expecting it.
Today I actually brought this up with the bereavement midwife - I asked her what the hospital policy was on Sands stickers, as I'd never heard of them. She said they don't put them on the front of the notes unless specifically asked due to privacy issues. Apparently the sonographers don't even see the pregnancy notes, just what's on the computer, so that wouldn't help. And she reckoned that most professionals in the hospital wouldn't know what the sticker meant (no surprise there, if their not really using them!!!). So it seems to be a bit of a broken system.
The sonographers do check the last scan report though - so the error with mine was that the 28 week scan notes had not mentioned neonatal death. Ironically it was the specialist bereavement sonographer who did that scan! The lady at 30 weeks corrected it (after being so embarrassed).

AFM I also had a growth scan today, and my (hopefully) last consultant appointment. I have a date!! 21st September for my CS, I'll be 39+1. All is fine, although I had 3 different people scan me due to this brain issue that I'd had an MRI for - but all said it looked ok. I'm definitely feeling over-scanned now.
I'll finish my last pack of progesterone mid next week (another milestone), so this weekend DH and I are going crib shopping, just incase I drop the instant the drugs stop (I don't really believe I will BTW). It'll be the first thing we've bought for this baby, and I'm hoping it'll open the floodgates in my brain and I'll be able to brave some other purchases.

Long post, sorry! Love to everyone, and may all our bumps continue to expand!

OP posts:
townsender · 13/08/2015 21:50

Flambola, I forgot to say, your DH's cousin sounds slightly crazy/selfish. I have never had that and I would be deeply deeply unsympathetic if anyone treated me that way. Is she quite young/immature?

OP posts:
vicky123uk · 13/08/2015 22:42

Omg kayleigh can't wait for Monday to come for you!!

town nice work on getting your date sorted, not long really now!

AFM - mad week. Started with quiet baby movements on tues morn, went to the local hosp (40 minutes away as we were away for the week) put on monitor baby started straight away, decided after wanted to come home so drove home that night. Went to local hosp, my delivery one, at 11pm as baby had had a really quiet day, again monitor started movements straight away. Fine yesterday. This morning, same again, went in for monitoring, all fine. It was midwife who listened into Edie and realised that no heartbeat who saw me this morning, she remembered me, I didn't her. Anyway she was happy with monitoring but managed to get doppler scan in this morning for her benefit not mine she said bless her! All fine, just hoping baby starts the big movements again now.

Consultant scheduled for Monday at 32 weeks, I don't feel anxious or worried because of previous experience but maybe it's subconscious, will be finding out section date some point between 21 and 28 sept when I'll be 37-38 weeks. I really hope these 5 / 6 weeks go quickly!!

kayleighferrie1985 · 14/08/2015 06:49

flambola forgot to say, well done to you for completing the 5k and for raising that amount of money Grin

poco glad the cramping has eased off for you and that you managed to get to the doctors. It was good of them to give you the option of seeing the doctor, they sound like they'll try to be accommodating to you.

town glad your scan and appointment went well, and Smile for you reaching another milestone next week. I hope you fine the perfect crib for baby town too

vicky gosh what a hectic week you've had! Glad to hear that all is good with baby (apart from being a monkey and worrying you daft), and how good of that midwife to sort our a doppler scan for you. Also hope your appointment goes well on Monday.

AFM thank you ladies for your good wishes, the days just seem to be flying by at the moment. Got up at 6am this morning to de-scale the steriliser so that it's nice and clean, then i've got to take ds for a physiotherapy appointment (which i'm not looking forward to as she bends him in ways that make me feel ill at the best of times). Even dd started asking me if i've done the hospital bag last night Hmm someone's been listening to grandma too much and then dh informed me we're doing them today as he's on a day off.

Hope everyone has a lovely day xx

3littlebadgers · 14/08/2015 07:54

I'm down to 3% but just want to say 3 DAYS TO GO! Grin I'll check in a gain properly later x

LakeOfDreams · 14/08/2015 13:38

Kayleigh I can't believe how quickly this has all come around!! You've made it all seem ridiculously real to me!!

Vicky sounds like baby has been stressing you out or at least messing you about! Glad to hear everything was ok when you went in.

Town glad you have your date finally. Really not long to go now, hopefully these last few weeks will fly by!!

AFM had our 32 week growth scan baby on 35th centile, apparently they only worry if it drops a lot or drops below the 10th, she was around the 43rd at 28 weeks. I'm trying to be rational as the hospital aren't worried and she said the growth will move around a lot!! They also refused to book a scan for 36 weeks as they said there was nothing in the notes to say the consultant wanted it Hmm

She told me The consultant would have to book it hopefully they can squeeze it in as I don't see the consultant till 34 weeks!!

DH was amazed at the scan as it's the first one where he's felt like he can actually recognise bits. She was sucking her fingers and yawning a lot!! Already 4lb 1oz.

vicky123uk · 14/08/2015 16:34

lake if you're not happy call the hospital and say you want to see your consultant and that you want a doppler scan to e requested to check blood flow to and from placenta if you are concerned about weight drop.

3littlebadgers · 14/08/2015 17:24

Lake I love the idea of seeing her suck her little fingers, little cutie. Smile I agree with calling as seeing if the consultant can get you in a little earlier. When I saw mine the other day she said that any time I needed to speak to her, call her secretary and she'd squeeze me in. There is most likely nothing to worry about but after what we have all been through we of course are going to worry and if nothing else yOu deserve peace of mind and to be happy with the plan.

Vicky hoping for lots of baby movements and a swift 5/6 weeks for you

Town yey on having a date. I am so excited for you, it is all becoming so real for you now Grin

Poco glad you are feeling better hoping things will get better and better for you.

A big hello and happy healthy thoughts for the rest of you lovely ladies.

kayleighferrie1985 · 15/08/2015 08:10

lake i'd be inclined to agree with vicky about the scan- if you were told you'd be having one at 36 weeks then you should get it, i'd be ringing the hospital and getting an appointment with the consultant to get the scan booked in; especially with your concerns about the centile drop.

Well, the hospital still aren't done Grin. I will get round to packing them, but i keep finding little bits of cleaning to do. I'm sat here awake while the dc's are sleeping because i'm itching to hoover up but i don't want to wake them up, so i'm just doing quiet tidying. I can't quite get my head around the fact that in 48 hours i'll probably be on my way to the hospital (with a quick stop to drop the pooch at the kennels)- it'll be a little strange i think.

Love to you all xx

pocopearl · 15/08/2015 19:44

Townsender we have just moved to the Isle of Man. So similar to England but still a bit different.
kayleigh so excited for you.

Sorry quick post DS poorly! Hope eveyone else has a good weekend!

Flambola · 16/08/2015 19:23

Does anyone fancy a Facebook page or would you all rather stay anonymous?

townsender · 16/08/2015 19:46

Very quick post to say GO KAYLEIGH!!! Hope you've finally got your bag packed.

Flambola, a FB page would be nice, I've avoided any bus ones as they're just too large, but as we're a pretty select group I'm ok with joining. It would be nice to see some bump and baby pics! X

OP posts:
zombiemeow · 16/08/2015 19:54

am out tomorrow all day so just come on to say good luck Kayleigh, will be thinking of you x

A fb group would be nice Smile

Flambola · 16/08/2015 20:18

That's what I was thinking, Town, that I'd like to see some of these rainbows!