Angels and Rainbows - remembering our angels and praying for our rainbows

[townsender]

Welcome to the thread, for anyone pregnant with a rainbow baby following baby loss.
A lot of us have graduated from the TTC angels and rainbows thread, but please feel free to join us if you are new, to share our highs and lows as we watch our bumps grow and await the safe arrival of our rainbows.

The current TTC thread is here:
Link

Hi lovely ladies.

Town fantastic that you have reached that milestone! I felt the same, the moment I was 26 weeks was like yes I can do this! Only to be petrified again the following week but hey you are doing amazing.

Flambola that blanket is lovely. If it gets you through this why not. I would love to know how to knit/crochet.

Critter isn't it a funny feeling? Me and DH were just saying how having baby tulip here with us has made us realise even more how much we missed with our little angel. The cuddles, nappy changes, we missed out on so much. Also yes, I understand the feelings completely. I still get annoyed/irritated/slightly jealous when i see pregnant women or women with babies. In reality I'm on the other side but it still pisses me off knowing how easy others have it. Are you just waiting for baby critter to establish feeding now?

Kayleigh I do hope your mum makes a swift recovery.

As for us baby tulip has been home nearly a week now and we are utterly besotted with him. Currently cuddling him after feeding and don't want to put him back in his crib.

You will get through this ladies
Sorry not to name check everyone!

Town to answer your question I would say 36/37 weeks but I really wouldn't leave it that late! Me and DH have been ridiculously busy since the arrival of little one (obviously he was a lot earlier). Maybe you could purchase a crib but not open it until later on?

town fantastic news that you've reached that milestone! I'm delighted for you. In answer to your question about the crib, i'd say get it when you're ready to. It's hard for me to answer because we already have 2 cribs because of Jessie and Brian. I think Tulip's idea of buying one and not opening it/assembling it yet sounds fab.

tulip so glad baby tulip is doing well, carry on enjoying those cuddles .

AFM mum doing ok, apart from being the grumpiest, rudest patient i've ever seen in my life! I wholeheartedly appreciate that she doesn't want to be stuck in the hospital but there's no need to be awful about it. Hopefully if her levels have come up they will let her home today any longer and they'll probably start refusing to treat her on account of her awkwardness and they've taken the cannula out of her wrist so i'm taking that as a good sign. I've also discovered that i can no longer lie on my back in bed because baby's movements then leave me wincing in pain , the downside of having a so called "neat" bump i suppose.

Love to all xx

Thanks Ladies. Tulip, that's a very good idea. I think I'm just scared I'll cry when I see the crib all setup ready for a baby. We know exactly which one we're getting (the snuzpod), as we got as far as ordering it for Grace but then had to cancel it. Assembling it can be a good task for FIL to do while I'm still in hospital! He likes that sort of thing.

That's lovely baby Tulip is at home and doing well. I can't wait.

Kayleigh, fx your mum gets out today, if only to give the poor nurses some respite! Ouch on the back! I'm a few weeks behind you, not looking forward to that.

Hi all
Hope everyone is doing well. Glad to hear about kicks, babies coming home and passing gestation targets.
21 and a bit weeks for me. Starting to get to the particularly scary bit as I lost my angel at just under 25 weeks. Doing less and less which makes the days go slower. It was my bday yest and my husband spoilt me rotten. Bit of a mixed bag of emotions yesterday. I was a bit reflective and I wasn't even pregnant last bday and in a year I've moved countries and had a baby and become pregnant again. A lot has happened. X

town it's good that your fil can build the crib for you- i personally find these things very trying at the best of times. We're going to baby in a moses basket so no assembly required

april happy birthday for yesterday , lovely to hear you had a good day. I got a bit reflective on my last birthday because i'd been pregnant with Ben the birthday before (little did i know i was actually expecting our rainbow) so really i've been pregnant on my last 2 birthdays.

I'm pleased to report that the mother is home- i'm sure all the nurses on the ward breathed a collective sigh of relief!- and recovering. She's made an appointment with the new doctor at our gp's surgery to discuss how to go about preventing her becoming that badly anaemic in the future. I'm 30 weeks today, and like April i'm now approaching the scary bit as Ben was born at 34+1, so i think i'm going to try and get as many appointments as possible booked if only to save my sanity a little

Love to all x

Happy birthday for Saturday, April! You've certainly done a lot in the last year. I started getting anxious around a similar time, counting the days down to 24 weeks. How's the cervix pain, has it gone away now?

Good news about your Mum, Kayleigh.

Thinking of you both approaching your scary time. I have felt much more positive since Friday - I didn't think I would but it is like a weight has been lifted.

GTT came back positive today. So, I can keep going on all the nice sweet things that I don't normally let myself eat too much of!
x

Good news about your mum Kayleigh, that must be a relief. Thinking of you when you get to your particularly difficult time.
Glad you're feeling more positive Town. Is that because you've passed the time you had your previous loss do you think?

Time feels like it is dragging a bit at the moment but still plodding along doing v v little. Sounds good but it's very dull!! X

Hi everyone.

Sorry but if have a bit of a self centred post coming up

After over a year of chasing and contacting multiple people, I have received a copy of dd's post mortem letter.

It has so many things that have never been mentioned to me. I don't know what to think.

At the appt I was just told there was no reason, the placenta just stopped working. This letter mentions multiple things about the placenta, severe pre eclampsia, maternal thrombophilia, anti phospholipid syndrome, cord around the neck and it says she had club foot!

I've looked through the pictures of her feet and they look perfect

Oh I'm sorry to hear that Zombie. Is there anyone you can sit down with to talk through the report, I mean someone medical? I've heard of a few of the things you mentioned but not them all. I imagine if it were me, I would find it helpful to understand as much as I can.

Please try not to worry about the mention of club foot. Your memories and photos are what is important. Not what it says on a piece of paper. I'm absolutely sure your little one had perfect feet. X

I don't know April

I have been trying to find somewhere I can write to at the hospital, not only to put what I'm worried about (and the fact it's confirmed she was definitely gone when the midwife told me off for saying she's not moving) but I also wanted to point out the staff that were amazing during my pregnancy with ds as they need some recognition too. I also wanted to bring up about the cold cots.

Like one member of staff would miss their lunch break and things just to see me as they knew I felt more comfortable seeing them.

Think I'm just very all over the place after reading that letter, maybe I should calm down a bit first

X

zombie so sorry to hear that the letter has caused such upset, to be honest i'd be feeling exactly the same as you. I too have heard of a couple of the issues listed but not all of them, so i'd be demanding answers too. It sounds like a good idea to ask to speak to someone about the letter when you're ready to.

town lovely to hear you're feeling a bit more positive now, and that your gtt came back all good. I always dread the gtt results saying i'm diabetic because i'm such a sweet tooth i have 3 sugars in a brew and i couldn't possibly stick a needle in myself either.

AFM had my whooping cough jab today; good god it hurt! My arm is still sore hours later, which is in turn making me totally dread the steroid injections i have to have in a few weeks as dh told me they hurt quite a bit (he's such a reassurance )

Love to all xx

Zombie lovely, I hope you can find someone to speak to about the letter, and I'm sorry it's upset you so much. I would feel the same as you. Big hugs to you.

How is everyone faring in this heat?

That's rubbish that you had to wait 1 year for the PM letter Zombie, let alone what it says?! It's so frustrating that these things are such a battle - they really shouldn't be. And I would feel exactly the same as you. The PM letter must be from someone, or a department, can you contact them to discuss?

I'm feeling smug as DH and I decided to splash out and get aircon installed in our bedroom a few weeks ago. Gamble on the British weather has paid off! My main problem is the trains on the way home from work, which are like rolling ovens. Tomorrow is meant to be the worst I think.

April, yes I'm sure I'm feeling more positive since passing my previous loss milestone. More than I expected. Like a mini cloud has lifted. 27 weeks sounds so big and so far up the viability curve!!

Hi all,

Been lurking like always... zombie it is disgusting you have had to chase the PM letter, let alone wait for it for a year!! If there is no one at the hospital who can talk to you about it, and there should be, then I suggest getting in touch with Tomys charity and asking if they have anyone that they could put you in touch with to discuss it x x hope that helps x

Thanks everyone.

I just don't know where to start!

I didn't want to contact the person who sent the letter ( the address isn't on there anyway) as it's annoyed me they didn't discuss it all with me

I will look at tommys

Thank you
X

town you lucky sod having air con- i've got every window in the house open and i'm still hot and sticky. I usually love the warmer months but i'm battling with the stifling weather we've got currently.

Had a midwife appointment this morning, and baby has "assumed the position" of going head down, but hasn't started engaging yet (fingers crossed she stays that way for a few weeks longer) so i'm going to write a list of the last few things i need to get and get them gradually to help pass the time.

Wow it's all getting a bit more real for you, Kayleigh?

I had an anomoly scan this morning and everything is ok. The pregnancy is going fine. But to be honest, this doesn't alleviate any of my anxiety because the last pregnancy was fine up until James died.

I can't bear to buy anything for mini-Flam2. I keep looking at all these cute little outfits and then putting them back. I still need to sort out James' clothes too but that feels too hard to do at the moment.

Anyway, I'm feeling very jealous of you and your air-con, town.

Kayleigh glad baby is in a good position

Flambola, great news about the scan. It's difficult to get excited isn't it

I contacted tommys who were very helpful. I have a lady coming to the house next week to discuss my options with me and she thinks I should put in a complaint and have another consultant appt to discuss the pm findings properly. I don't know though, I kind of feel like I'm being dragged through that pain all over again

X

Hi ladies
Hope everyone coped ok with the ridiculous heat yesterday.
Getting stupidly annoyed that when ever I see people they straight away ask if baby is OK. I didn't know E was dead until the hospital told me I'm hardly likely to know am I! I know they mean well really, my answer now is all was ok at the last scan!

Baby Lake is now 25+6 regular kicks and turning round and round. Wonder if the baby knows how anxious I am so is moving so much more than E did. Works been crazily busy at the moment, got another week off around the 20th July which was good planning as I have about 6 appointments within 10days!!

Finalised my mat leave with my line manager finish at 36 weeks on 11/9 then return to work 17/4 lets hope I get there this time!!

Zombie it sounds like a good idea, I think it's really important that the results are properly explained to you. Are you under the same consultant this time? If not can you ask your current consultant to explain it all. It's awful it's been so badly managed I would recommend complaining, going through all of this is tough enough!

flambola it did make things feel a bit more real, but on the same foot it's sort of increased the anxiety because i'm panicking about her head engaging too early (Brian was engaged from 27 weeks so my dc's have prior for doing this). I'm glad your scan went well, and can understand about it not doing much to waylay your fears.

zombie it's good that tommy's are being so supportive. I get where you're coming from regarding being dragged through it all again, but what is worse? Going through it all again or feeling like you've not got the answers you deserve? It is 100% your decision though, so i hope the lady you see next week is of some help.

lake i've had the "is all ok" question a lot too, i just respond with, it was at the last scan/appointment. As you say, people mean well but it's frustrating at times.

zombie it is utterly appalling that you've had to wait so long to get a bloody letter about the postmortem.. I think there are certainly grounds for a complaint! Hope all goes well when the person comes to see you. It's entirely up to you if you decide to pursue it or not though.. See how it goes.

kayleigh fab news baby is head down already.. But can understand the worry this might bring too!
It'll be Sod's law that this baby will be the only one of mine to be head down.. I've never felt a head engage, only bottoms!

Lake pleased baby is bouncing around :) People are well meaning - but it's still bloody irritating.. I agree!
I keep getting asked if they're monitoring me more this time - they are, but they can't prevent another abruption.. So it feels futile but I do feel like I'm in good hands.

Flam glad to hear your anomaly scan went well :) that's brill..
Take your time with shopping - still have plenty of time ahead of you (fx) to sort out that side of it. I'm also not ready to go through DDs things yet. However, I have been with my mum shopping who's then bought me some cute little clothes whilst I've been with her :) I'm quite particular - no dinosaurs, no sea life, no tractors, no 'typical boy phrases' on tshirts/grows
Who knew Holly Willoughby did baby clothes?! Got a lovely baby grow which might just be baby's coming home outfit :)

town your gamble with the air com paid off yesterday didn't it! Bloody roasting.. DS has hayfever so windows are to be kept shut, so we fried for a while & then caved and bought a fan..

It's probably been mentioned before, but where are we all from? shamelessly nosy
I'm North West England.. Was lovely & sunny yesterday but rain has descended today.. I actually love a bit of rain - I don't feel obliged to be outside doing something!

*con