Angels and Rainbows - remembering our angels and praying for our rainbows

[townsender]

Welcome to the thread, for anyone pregnant with a rainbow baby following baby loss.
A lot of us have graduated from the TTC angels and rainbows thread, but please feel free to join us if you are new, to share our highs and lows as we watch our bumps grow and await the safe arrival of our rainbows.

The current TTC thread is here:
Link

Hey winter I felt the same about Father's Day. I just felt so sad all day and when I gave my husband a card from our angel and bump he cried and I just felt so sad for him. It doesn't ho his little bro just had a baby and so there lots of pics of that on facebook etc. x

I found Father's Day more difficult, too.

I had my niece over the weekend and, while wonderful, it kind of felt like we were playing happy families and was a stark reminder of what we've lost. This week has been difficult, especially with the 6 month mark coming up on Thursday.

I've been obsessively crocheting - would anybody like a blanket?! Turns out I'm quite good at it.

Ps I'll name check when I'm on a pc. It's too difficult on a phone!

flambola that's brilliant! Well done you :)

kayleigh thank you - tis nice to have a release now & then :)

April for your DH. It's bloody hard going isn't it.

Sorry that others found Father's Day a bit crappy too..
It sometimes just hits me that I will always have a daughter who died, & will never get back the normality of pregnancy/birth/raising children that many people have.. I'm quite a tough cookie for the most part, but knowing that I won't ever fully heal is quite a daunting thing.. Eeek..

Anyway, on to happier stuff :)
I'm worming my cats today, possibly visiting some 2mos old baby girl twins, and picking my sister up from the airport at 1am

Hope you all have lovely days xx

That's fab Flambola! I have also been indulging my creative side and have been sewing!

I've got a bit of a tmi question but just interested to hear from people who haven't had the same issues I have re cervix. About a week ago I had a v small but if mucas like discharge - sorry really tmi but it was v stringy. I had this again today- I'm not quite 21 weeks. I think this is fine and may be because I had a big bm not long before. I just panic tho as losing my mucas plug was the only sign I ever got that I was losing my son. I didn't realise that's what it was at the time and that was a lot more discharge pretty much every time I wiped for a couple of days. Any thoughts would be appreciated!! X

April, I have no idea about mucus plugs, I think I lost mine when they broke my waters (maybe ) but I did have random bouts of lots of discharge sometimes (TMI!) if you are worried definitely get it checked out x

Winter you have put into words exactly how I feel! I sometimes find it hard to accept that my family will never be complete as my dd will always be missing from it. It's difficult knowing that it's something we'll always be dealing with.

I felt like the worlds worst wife on fathers day. Dh said lots of people he knew got cards for daddy to be etc and he was a little upset he didn't get one. I didn't even think about it as he doesn't usually do cards and said after our first scan that he didn't really want to talk about this pregnancy until at least 12 week scan. I thought a card would upset him but now I feel awful. Currently dealing with fatigue, sickness and a 3 day headache, god I was naive thinking I'd have a similar pregnancy to last time! To be honest it's quite reassuring, feels like my body is doing its job!

flambola the blanket is lovely. I started crochet and gave up on granny squares after getting them wrong and throwing a tantrum! Really should start up a hobby again!

Hope everyone is doing well x

April With each pregnancy my discharge has increased, but is often just thick wet stuff. I lost my plug mid labour with DS (thick, green snotty stuff) but some people can lose little parts of it earlier on & it regenerates..
Any worries, get yourself checked - nobody will mind, esp given your history.

Ellie it is a difficult thought isn't it - quite surreal sometimes. Try not to be too hard on yourself re:fathers day - sometimes it's hard to know what to do for the best.. Next year will hopefully be an epic Father's Day :)

flambola that blanket is brilliant! I'd love to have the skill/patience to be able to do something that creative.

april i've had quite a lot of discharge this time, it's usually when i've been to the loo and wiped though. If you're concerned get checked out, it's surely better than worrying yourself daft (which would be understandable).

ellie sorry you had a difficult time on father's day, but please don't beat yourself up about the card, you thought you were doing the right thing because of what your dh had previously said.

Flambola that blanket is amazing! I love the pattern, it's quite 60's with the circles isn't it?

April I've also had quiet a lot of discharge, and hadn't really thought much of it, but it tends to be a bit a day (certainly can be a bit green sometimes though) and quite consistent. If you've noticed a change, might be worth getting checked? I'm sure it's probably nothing though.

Fathers day didn't really bother us too much, I think it's because neither of our dads celebrate it (DH apparently tried to give his dad a card one year, and got 'what the hell is this, do you think you're American or something?' !!) I certainly hadn't heard of too many mum's to be getting their OHs cards - very cheesy IMO, but each to their own. Winter I hope you feel better soon - how many weeks are you now? Hopefully the end to sickness is in sight.

I think pregnancy/birth will always be tough for us, but I'm hoping that child raising won't be too different. I had a chat with a mum of 3 (living kids) who had lost her first baby 19 years ago - her eldest is just turning 18. She said that if her first baby hadn't died, she would not have got pregnant again so quickly, and so her son would not be who he is. I guess that's the same for most, if not all of us. It will never take away the sadness of losing our angels, but with the little ones passing we end up with the rainbows we are hopefully all going to have and love to bits.

Sorry April, I hadn't read that you'd got your DH a bump card ! Please don't be offended.

Hello all sorry I haven't been around for a bit I don't know if anyone remembers but I was referred to ss by my midwife and I have had some fantastic news there are no risks so I don't need ss involvement they have offered a support worker for a few sessions and then the case will be closed :) :) :) :)
I also now have a date to see my consultant on the 8th of next month I just want to get through the next 4 weeks 3 days and then I can relax a bit more fingers crossed
14+0

Good news whohas.

I'm sad today. It's been 6 months.

And this movement malarkey has been getting me down as I've been feeling her fairly regularly over the past few days and today, nothing.

I'm so sorry flambola huge hugs these anniversary are awful xxx

Thank you. It's even more irritating as people are declaring 'six months til Christmas' which obviously reminds me of the worst day of my fucking life.

The 18t of October will be the day that will break me :( :( :( xxx

Hey ladies,

Winter, totally agree about the missing piece. New baby Critter is the joy of my life but having him has made me realize that my first son is never coming back as he is so obviously a different baby. When I was pregnant it was almost like I could sort of pretend that I was having a 'do-over'. Seeing pregnant women or hearing them labouring (baby is still in NICU so I'm spending a lot of time in the labour and delivery ward area) makes me feel sad and angry despite having my rainbow. I can't believe loads of women get pregnant, go to hospital, and have a healthy baby that they take home that day. It is bizarre to me.

Flamboyant knitting got me through the 9 months in between losing my son and getting successfully pregnant again. It is so nice to do something calming and creative. Are you making things for this baby?

Love to all. Hang in there gorgeous ladies.

Brilliant news WhoHas :)

for you Flambola
Anniversaries stink.. especially when they're tied to such joyous occasions for others.

The 25th seems to be a crappy day for us both :(
DD would have been 11 months old today. And to top it off, Boots sent me an envelope of vouchers reminding me that my DD's birthday is exactly a month away & what a year it must have been

I laughed.. & then cried. fuckers.

Critter thank you for sharing how you've felt with new baby. Hope the little munchkin is doing well
Sorry to hear you're still in hospital though as I get that it must be hard hearing babies/women in labour. I resent their normality, which seems to be a normal response I think?!

Winter - fuckers is right! Exactly, it's the normality I resent. We got a new pet too, a rescue dog, just before I got pregnant again in October. Best thing we ever did.

Kayleigh how are you holding up?

whohas that's brilliant news regarding ss, i'm so pleased for you.

flambola sending hugs (apologies for them being a day late), the anniversaries are a kicker.

winter oh how awful about the boots thing! I'm angry for you.

AFM well things are a bit haywire here. My mum's been admitted into hospital again due to her iron levels being through the floor (for those that don't know my mum's got a range of health issues spanning the last 10 years and being the only child means i shoulder a lot of the stress myself) sometimes i just wish i could wave a magic wand and make everything better

Love to all x

Hey all only had a quick look through recent messages on my phone and sorry to see quite a few are having a tough time. Lots of love to you all. Just quickly- Flambola- I'm sure it won't give you much piece of mind but I think I'm only v v slightly ahead of you and last week I also had a day or two of no kicking after having felt hun quite consistently and was worried. Then out of nowhere I have started to feel kicks every day, some much more than others tho. Can you get a scan or Doppler appt with someone? X

kayleigh that must be hard going - sorry to hear she's been hospitalised.

Oh Jesus winter, fucking Boots!

Sorry about your mum, kayleigh - pretty rubbish you're having to deal with it... Hope you're taking care of yourself too!

april - DH just felt the baby kicking! So she's in there somewhere!

How long will mini-Critter be in hospital for?

Love to everyone I haven't named xx

Morning ladies,

flambola good to hear bubs has been kicking .

My mum's now had 2 bags of blood, but they've moved her to a different ward so i'm guessing that's her in for the weekend at least which she's less than happy about but her iron levels need sorting so she's stuck there.

Hope everyone has a lovely weekend xx

Morning!
2 bags of blood, wow that sounds like a lot. Sounds like hospital is the best place for her at the moment, although hoping they manage to keep her ward nice and cool - sticky hot hospital ward is not a pleasant place.

Great news on the ss whohas! I hope your support worker is actually supportive as well.

Flambola that's good to feel the kicks. I'm sure you'll feel them more and more now. Hope you feel better than Thursday. I keep forgetting it's only 6 months for you, that's so little time.

Bloody Boots! I'm glad I never got around to signing on with them last time (although DH has this time). That is NOT what you need.

So, positive news this post, I am now more pregnant than I have ever been!!! Yesterday I was 26+5, the gestation Grace was born at. And they announced my replacement at work yesterday too, so it is all becoming a bit more real. I can't quite imagine a baby yet, but I'm getting there, and can feel my brain start to shift to the next stage, where I can consider buying baby stuff and starting to get ready.

On that note, does anyone know roughly at what gestation birth babies are quite likely to go home after, say, 1 week? I'm trying to figure out when I should go crib buying. Not quite ready for that yet, but probably don't want to leave it until 37 weeks!