Angels and Rainbows - remembering our angels and praying for our rainbows

[townsender]

Welcome to the thread, for anyone pregnant with a rainbow baby following baby loss.
A lot of us have graduated from the TTC angels and rainbows thread, but please feel free to join us if you are new, to share our highs and lows as we watch our bumps grow and await the safe arrival of our rainbows.

The current TTC thread is here:
Link

Amazing critter, all the best and look forward to hearing about mini critter when they're here! X

Wow Critter, that's so exciting, your rainbow is on his way!! The long wait is nearly over. Enjoy the cuddles, and definitely update us when you can.

Oh gosh eek! love to you and your little one. Hope all goes well! Xx

critter hope all has gone well and you and mini critter are now recovering well, lots of love xx

Hope everything went well critter, thinking of you and your family.
Xx

Hello! He is here, a lovely chunky 6lbs 13 oz with lots of gorgeous dark hair and a little tummy. I sobbed my way through the c section which was really emotional and painful as my spinal started to wear off at the end while they were still closing me up, and then he struggled with his breathing when he came out, so he went to the NICU where he will have to stay for about a week on a machine to help him breathe. But despite it being scary and the incubator being upsetting after seeing our first poor little man in one, this baby is in good shape. And I even got to hold him today which was heaven. Tightest hugs to you ladies. The pay off at the end of this incredibly stressful period is so worth it.

critter huge congratulations to you all! Hoping for a speedy recovery for both you and your little man xx

Huge congratulations Critter! So glad he's ok. Will be thinking of you all lots xx

Critter I actually welled up reading that! So so happy for you sending you and your little man lots of love!

And bloody ouch about the spinal wearing out how are you feeling now?

X

Yey Critter, congratulations!! I hope you get lots and lots more cuddles, and his breathing gets stronger and stronger.

Eeek, really don't like the sound of the spinal wearing off. I wonder how common that is. I'll be having one, so I'll make sure to ask the aneathetist about it beforehand, hopefully that'll focus his/her mind. I'm also sure I'll sob my way through the c-section, hopefully the sobs weren't too big or you'd be worried about wobbling your tummy under the knife .

Oh wow Critter congratulations!!! I have missed so much. 6lb13oz what a fantastic weight!! Hope you are both recovering

Baby tulip is doing great, his weight is now 5lb2oz and is doing the odd breastfeed so hoping he will be home within the next few weeks.

Hugs to all you ladies sorry not to name check

tulip great to hear that baby Tulip is doing well xx

Amaxin Critter and welcome mini Critter! Great to here things are good and what a fantastic weight! You've done amazingly. I imagine it must be so hard to see your baby in the NICU but sounds like mini C is doing fab and will just be getting some extra TLC before going home! X

Aw thank you ladies! I think the key is to just be outspoken if the pain mess seem to be wearing off. I'm quite bad about under reporting discomfort which is stupid. And as I say it was SO worth it. Have been struggling as he is too little to be off the CPAP breathing machine to breastfeed so I've been trying to pump colostrum and I only produce a few drops which are too small to collect for him. So he is on formula and I'm just trying to stick with the pumping until my milk comes in.

How are you all doing? Kayleigh you're next!

Tulip it sounds like you're doing brilliantly. Do you go in and visit him every day in the NICU?

Meds not mess!

critter Congratulations!! So pleased your boy is here safe. Hope you're feeling ok and getting to enjoy time with your lo

tulip Glad your lo is getting stronger and stronger. Fantastic that you are managing to do some breastfeeds too. I hope the next few weeks go quickly for you

I hope everyone is doing well. I have been awol for a while, partly due to being exhausted all the time and partly due to how I'm feeling at the moment. I had an early scan at 8 weeks and got to see the heartbeat which was nice, they think I'm 10+3 now, I've got my next scan in a couple of weeks. I'm really struggling with how I'm feeling at the moment, I'm seem to find my self thinking of dd more often, looking at her things and geting upset. I know I want this baby but sometimes I feel like I shouldn't be pregnant now, I should have a 9mo daughter, but then I feel guilty for the baby I'm carrying . I worry I'll have another girl, then I worry I'll have a boy! I don't want anyone to know either, I'm trying to figure out how long I can keep it from everyone. I'm not doing well as my grandad guessed and I nearly threw up on my manager! I suppose I'm just feeling a lot of conflicting emotions which I'm sure is normal, but I desperately want to bond with this baby and I'm worried I won't. I feel like a crazy person, I'm hoping I'll start to calm down soon!

Well that's my rant over, feels good to write it down! Hope everyone enjoys their weekend

Little that's great news

Ellie, how your feeling is completely normal. My dm would say I was torturing myself as I would always get dd's things out and look at them when I was pg, then id get upset. Infact I did it yesterday which is the first time I had done it since ds you feel free to come and rant, I think it helps a bit getting it all written down, unfortunately we all understand x

critter it sounds like you're coping well under the circumstances regarding the feeding. I was telling my mum last night that your little man was here and i did say to her i thought i'm next. I'll be 29 weeks on Monday so 8 weeks left until i'm 37 weeks. I'd really like to say i'm allowing myself to get excited, but i've got the whole 34 weeks bit constantly there in the back of my mind so it's hard.

ellie everything you're feeling is very normal. I had very similar feelings (as i'd guess most of us did) to you, especially the ones regarding the sex of the new baby. Ranting is good, much better than keeping everything bottled up inside, so you do it as much as you need to

Ellie what you are feeling is so normal. I went through so many bouts of guilt and mixed up feelings.

Kayleigh yes you are next! Can't believe how time flies.

Critter i collected colostrum in a 1ml syringe, I think I managed 0.4ml the first time after squeezing and massaging for an hour! Our little fella was on CPAP for 7 hours then just in air. I have been visiting everyday. Today though has been a bit special, from 11am onwards he has just been feeding from me so I am rooming in now and going to see how he goes on through the night. I can't quite believe I might be taking my baby home next week...

Love to all xx

Critter congratulations glad you got some cuddles.

Tulip sounds like baby tulip is making fab progress home you get home soon.

Hope everyone else is doing well too

Really hope he's home with you soon tulip

I'm having a bit of a wobble tonight, I have no idea where it has come from. After having dd, we organised the funeral. She was being cremated and we were having her ashes buried with my nan who I was very close too, and next to my nan there is another stillborn baby. They told me the cremation and funeral had to happen on separate days so I could get her ashes. I was in such a state I couldn't attend the cremation. I couldn't stand seeing a tiny coffin and then having to go through it all again at the funeral. The bereavement midwife told me she would attend the cremation on my behalf. All of a sudden tonight I am feeling extremely extremely guilty for not being there with her as she was cremated. I don't even know if the bm went. I feel awful

X

I'm sure if the bereavement midwife said she would be there then she would have gone. Don't beat yourself up about it, you made the right choice for how you felt.

tulip i really hope baby is home with you soon, it sounds like he's making fab progress

zombie sorry to hear about your wobble, they come up when you least expect them i find. As Lake said, if the bm said she would be at the cremation on your behalf i'm sure she was there. I know it's hard not to feel guilty, but you made the right decision for you. Sending hugs and .

Well 29 weeks now and i'm now feeling movements when i'm stood up and walking around. Still not got a big bump, but the midwife assures me i'm measuring normal (i was expecting to have a bigger bump because i was huge with Jessie), but i suppose they do say every pregnancy is different.

I missed a birth!!!
Congrats Critter .. Wonderful weight - hope he's faring well :)

Tulip fab news that you will be taking him home soon! Yay for being the sole feeder :)

Zombie you did what was right at the time - hold on to that thought & let it become your mantra.
I often think back to when DD was in NICU & regret not sitting with her 24hrs a day for the 2 days she was there. But then I remind myself that I did what was right me for me at the time which was important. We all had to deal with so many emotions/unforeseen practicalities (funerals, cremations) that we did bloody well just to come through it :)

AFM - 22 weeks today. Constantly paranoid about movement (more so than previous pregnancies).. It's worse when I have a busy day & don't feel him!

Went camping last week which DS loved - air bed was actually really comfy as I fit into the dippy parts.. Who'd have thought!

Yesterday DH admitted that he got our second cat to fill a void (which I knew but it was nice that he discussed it with me).
He chose a girl kitty specifically, bless him. We got her on Valentines day, a few days before we found out I was pregnant again :) lovely little bundle of fur (but not quite as lovely as a baby!)

Found Father's Day harder than Mother's Day which was bizarre.. I would have been making handprint cards with my nearly 11mos old to give to DH, but only had DS to make a card with - just brought home to me how different my life should be. So I sobbed in the bathroom for 5/10 mins as I like to cry in private when I don't want to talk about why I'm upset with DH or DS.. & then cracked on.

Sorry I've not fully name checked but I've missed a fair chunk.
Love to all :)

winter i've also become a little paranoid about movements, i think it's par for the course really. Your kitten sounds very cute, and it's good that your dh discussed things with you. Sorry to hear you had the teary moment yesterday, but it's good to let things out in whatever way works for you x