Angels and Rainbows - remembering our angels and praying for our rainbows

[townsender]

Welcome to the thread, for anyone pregnant with a rainbow baby following baby loss.
A lot of us have graduated from the TTC angels and rainbows thread, but please feel free to join us if you are new, to share our highs and lows as we watch our bumps grow and await the safe arrival of our rainbows.

The current TTC thread is here:
Link

Kayleigh, I don't think you'd have needed sunscreen here - the weekend weather did not turn out as promised
Critter, glad to hear your consultant agreed to move your c-section forward to 38 weeks. Definitely sounds sensible in your case. Wow, only 3 weeks! Have you finished work now?

I've managed to realign my brain - I've realised that although I'm impatient to meet my boy, and nervous about doing some damage to him if I go into labour, actually ever day that goes past I am totally delighted that I'm still pregnant. 25 weeks today! Grow baby, grow!

Flambola, that list looks about right, you've missed a couple of less frequent posters off the bottom:
MademG - 17 weeks
Whohas - 11 weeks
Ellie - 8 weeks

Not to forget our graduated grads, Ducky and Tulip!
September and October are going to be busy months for rainbows, feels like it's getting closer (especially as I'm 3rd on the list).
x

Hi guys, it's ducky. Had to name change because of a mn woopsie!

Will also update on the other thread soon.

Am so tired I will read back and post tomorrow x

Thanks for that town!

Hi all sorry I haven't been around much have my 12 week scan this morning and I'm petrified I will update how it goes later xxx

Not long now critter! Do you get given a time if you have a elcs?

Kayleigh glad the scan went well

Town, 25 weeks already! Not long now, although I'm sure it feels like forever to you!

Whohas, good luck for your scan. Come back when you can to update us

X

Good luck whos with your scan. Sure it'll be fine.

Had my 20 week scan today, all good thank god and cervix closed to the stitch which is great. X

Scan went amazingly well Christmas pud is fine no hydrops and a nuclear fold of 1.4 I feel so so relived an appointment has been made to see the consultant about a c section as well
12.5 :) :) :) :)

Great news April and whohas

Good news April and whohas.

Not long to go now critter hope you're doing well.

Finally after 2 weeks of trying I managed to get her to complete my MatB1 form. Although when I say she's completed it all she's done is sign it and left me a little note to say complete the rest!! Just need to find out how much holiday I'll have left and then it'll all be finalised. Forms all need to be in payroll by the time I'm 25 weeks so hopefully I'll meet that deadline.

What is everyone thinking of doing for mat leave? People keep looking at me weirdly when I suggest I want to work until 36 weeks. We can only afford for me to take 26 weeks and then my annual leave after which I think I'll have 5 weeks. This means I'll be returning to work mid April I think. Obviously starting any earlier means I'll have to return to work earlier! I hope I have been reasonably sensible and I have booked a week off from the 21st July when all my 28 week appointments are and another week from the 24th August which will be the week of E's anniversary. Then I'll be finishing 11th September.

My last day will be the 2nd October. I'm taking two weeks annual leave then maternity officially starts on the 19th - when I'll be 37 weeks. So it looks like I'm starting early but the baby will be early too.

I have a week off at the end of August so hopefully it won't be too much before going off... but considering I only went back to work a month ago it shouldn't be! I think I worked out that I'll be going back in July next year.

We met my MIL today for a meal and she showed us a tattoo she'd gotten. It's a snowdrop with 'James 25.12.14' on it. We all welled up a little bit.

Good to hear your scans went well, April and whohas!

Lake I had a v early mat leave, only because I was off with dd I hadn't used any annual leave and had to use it all before December or lose it! So I had to add that on the start

Oh flambola how lovely did you not have any idea she was getting it done? Where abouts is it? Dm came with me to get dd's name and footprints tattood (with some of her ashes in) and she ended up getting one with her ashes in too! She hadn't been tattood before!

Aww that's nice zombie! Where is yours? I'm thinking of getting one now. MIL's is on her forearm. I can't get tattoed anywhere like that because of previous self-harm scars so I'm really going to have a think about where to put it.

Aww how lovely of her

I have dd's name on my throat and her footprint on my hand just above my thumb, I am heavily tattooed anyway there wasn't a lot of space left

I think they can tattoo over scars after 5 years x

april and whohas great to hear both your scans went well .

flambola your MIL's tattoo sounds lovely. I have Ben's memorial tattoo on my inner forearm, which is scarred from previous years of self-harm, and it was fine- my tattooist had no issue with doing it over the scars (they are years old), and to be honest it wasn't my most painful tattoo despite the scar tissue- the most painful of all mine was the stars going down my back which hurt that bad i still have some which aren't coloured in

AFM well that's club day over and done with for another year, i've just munched my way through a bag of candyfloss so no doubt baby will now kick me for most of the night . Consultant tomorrow and gtt on Wednesday to look forward to now xx

Hi all hope everyone's well. Feel like it's been quite a positive thread for a while which is great.

Feeling left out of the tattoo chat, I don't have any but all of the ones mentioned sound very special and are a beautiful tribute. X

I'm feeling a bit down at the moment. Guilty because I'm starting to feel excited and prepare for this little one, sad because I should have a nearly six month old now. Anxious because I have no idea what's going on inside me. Ugh.

Good to know about the tattoos, Kayleigh. I think I'm going to get started on a little design.

I hope everyone else is faring better and little rainbows are doing well!

Flambola I (we) feel exactly the same. My angel would have been 6 months at the beginning of the month and I was the only one who acknowledged it. I feel like some friends and family have moved on a bit.

I have started getting excited too and as I'm in modified bed rest have been keeping busy sewing and have started seeing stuff for the babies room and looking lots online at baby stuff which I wouldn't but till past 30 weeks at least. I worry that my angel will feel like I've replaces him and jealous that I'm excited about his brother. It's so hard. I also feel like I'm somehow jinxing myself if I get excited so every bit of excitement is followed by me feeling low and guilty and stressed. I'm so worried all the time and feel split between worrying about my angel and what hes thinking now and where he is and this baby. I have thoughts that I'll resent this baby. I know deep down I won't but I feel like that now.

I think it's normal we feel this way. We are v similar in dates and got pregnant quickly after our loses so we are dealing with our grief still which is very raw plus the emotions relating to this pregnancy. I know when people tell me my thoughts and fears are normal it doesn't make me feel better but know you're not alone x

apologies for lots of spelling mistakes- on my phone!

Just wanted to say flambola and April, those thoughts are completely normal. It is exactly how I felt. I still feel that way sometimes x

This is what's so bittersweet about this thread. That I can talk to you guys because you've gone through the same and are experiencing and feeling what I am now and not feel so alone - but sad that we're in this stupid fucking unfair horrible position to begin with.

I have a meeting with a mental health midwife tomorrow, couldn't have come at a better time.

Exactly, this group is a sanity check. Good luck tomo and let us know what she says. I also have a counselling spot tomorrow x

Thanks, hope your counselling is helpful. x

flambola i can relate to how you're feeling, although personally i feel like i'm just going through the motions- sometimes it feels like everyone else around me is more excited than me, as i'm just trying to focus on getting baby here safely. I hope your meeting tomorrow goes ok.

april i hope your counselling tomorrow goes well too.

AFM well that's my glucose test out of the way thankfully, fingers crossed it comes back normal- the idea of stabbing myself fills me with dread. I do look a little bit like a junkie right now thanks to all the needle marks on my arms though and my arm hurts a little where they gave me the anti-d jab but it'll all heal soon enough xx

Hey ladies, baby is arriving today at 36 weeks - should have my c section in a couple of hours. The doc saw some more variable decelerations when he was routinely monitoring me this morning and decided it was safer to take little man out early. Will update when I'm on the other side. Love to you beauties.

Oh my god critter!!! Will be thinking of you and continuously checking for updates really hope everything goes smoothly for you. Have you had the steroid injections? Best of luck x