Angels and Rainbows - remembering our angels and praying for our rainbows

[townsender]

Welcome to the thread, for anyone pregnant with a rainbow baby following baby loss.
A lot of us have graduated from the TTC angels and rainbows thread, but please feel free to join us if you are new, to share our highs and lows as we watch our bumps grow and await the safe arrival of our rainbows.

The current TTC thread is here:
Link

Flambola, it had never occurred to me that shagging could cause bleeding like that !? Good to know though, so thanks for sharing – hopefully if it ever happens to me will help me stay a bit calm because your experience sounded very very scary.
I'm not on meds, and generally I'm ok. It's just in the last couple of weeks I've started getting more anxious, but it's not stopping me sleeping or working – just the occasional low period which I think is par for the course. Ducky, it sounds like you are having a really hard time of it though. Hopefully that baby monitor will help (not sure what you can do about the dogs though), and if you're still suffering then reach out for some support. I can't remember if you have a nice berevement midwife/nurse or a counsellor you could talk to?

April, yes I'm assuming that this will be my 'worst' period as I had Grace at 26+5, so in my mind I'm a high risk of 2nd trimester labour. I think once I'm at 24 weeks I will feel like we're definitely having this baby, and hopefully a bit more positive. One advantage of spending so much time in the NICU is that I think they're amazing and can work wonders, as long as they get the baby straight after birth and in 'good condition' ie not starved of oxygen (like Grace was). And I feel a bit more in control of that once I've reached 24 weeks – I can go and camp out at the hospital and demand to be seen at the first hint of ANYTHING that feels like labour pains.
I've probably told you guys this before, but the little baby next to us in the NICU had been born at 23 weeks + something. Mum had gone into early labour at 21weeks+, and they'd given her steroid shots and managed to keep the baby in for another 2 weeks. She was born tiny but in perfect condition, I think she was only on the ventilator for a few hours. She was 5 weeks old when we were there, and doing really well – they would still need a long time in hospital but I'm sure she won't have many long term complications, if any. Amazing.

Pregnancy yoga class for me tonight, and I've suggested we go to the pub afterwards for a social. So, I will see if the 'is this your first' question comes up! I think people might assume it's my first anyway (who with a toddler would suggest a pub trip on a Sunday?!). I won't hold back if I do get asked though, as maybe I'll make baby-friends with some of them (we're all local) so better to be open.

Town, the bereavement midwife was amazing after dd and when I was pg, she's not interested now I have ds and was actually quite rude to me last time I rang her that's amazing about the 23 weeker!!! And they sound good at the hospital, I heard most places won't do anything before 24 weeks which is such a shame as by the sounds of it they can do things for them!

How is the yoga? I always wanted to do that but didn't know whether it was a good time to first try when pg!

X

I didn't realise it could happen either! It could happen again but my cervix has been checked and it's long and closed, or something?? I don't know! But apparently soft because of hormones. It's a complicated business, having babies, isn't it?

Ducky, I think you should see a GP about your anxiety because it sounds quite bad. They'll just be able to offer you support, and I'm sure no-one will doubt your ability to look after your little boy!

I think I might be feeling little flutters of movement!

It's still anxiety-inducing though because I don't know whether I'm just imagining it and I'm still thinking everything's going wrong. I wish my tummy had a little window!

flambola if only our tummies had windows! I think it'd be marvellous .

AFM got the consultant this afternoon and i'm praying he agrees to induce at 37 weeks, i'll probably cry if he doesn't. I keep waking up at night and lying there awake until she's moved again, bloody anxiety affecting my much loved sleep pattern now .

Hope all are doing ok xx

Been really angry today. Set off by a colleague who is really struggling with fibroids and other health problems during her pregnancy. She told me she needed to leave work early yesterday it was 4pm and I still hadn't had a lunch break and she cried and told me I'm "obviously one of those lucky people that sails through pregnancy" she wasn't trying to upset me but it led to me spending my whole day off feeling really angry today.

I'm most angry about the fact that instead of spending my days off enjoying time with a beautiful 9 month old I'm 5 months pregnant again and spending my day off thinking about whether I have felt any movements and debating whether to get a special floral arrangement for E's grave for when her headstone arrives next week.

Thankfully I've got a counselling session on Monday. Gotta love these pregnancy hormones.

lake sending you - although if it's any consolation i'd probably have been angry if someone said that to me, and it's not fair that it's encroached into your day off either. Personally i think it's a lovely idea to get a special arrangement done- if it's something you want to do anyway. I hope your counselling on Monday is helpful and E's headstone arriving isn't too traumatic xx

Oh lake, what a ridiculous thing to say to someone who has been through what you have how stupid of her. I also think that a flower arrangement is a lovely idea x

Kayleigh, what did your consultant say about inducing you?

And Lake, some people can be so insensitive! I'm not surprised you were angry. Have you decided on whether or not to get a floral arrangement? I think it's a lovely idea.

So, who can I see about getting a window installed? I haven't felt any flutters today which is worrying. But my midwife said (and I already know) that at this point it's too small to feel regular routine movements and to try not to worry. She also said that if I feel anxious and just want to hear the baby's heartbeat then text her and she'll come round to my house whenever I want. She's a lovely lady, came to James' funeral as well so I'm comfortable around her. Argh I just want it to be next Wednesday when I'll be going for a scan!

flambola your midwife sounds like an absolute diamond of a woman! Can we clone her do you think?? I hope Wednesday comes round quickly for you.

AFM didn't see my actual consultant yesterday (apparently he was in surgery which has been booked in for ages so why his team didn't tell the bereavement midwife that lord only knows) which cause me to have a bit of a meltdown in the waiting room. The registrar i did see however was a lovely lady and she's agreed that i can be induced in the 37th week providing all my extra scans show no problems. The downside is that i'll need steroid injections in my rear at 36 weeks in case they need to do a c-section but i'm sure i'll cope with them

I wish you could, she's a lovely woman!

I'm glad you've been told an induction at 37 weeks is ok! I just don't think it's worth the anguish of waiting until 38 or 39. Better we be mentally healthy so that we can look after our babies! And a couple of injections in the arse is nothing.

How is everyone doing? I'm showing really early - I was trying to hide it but it's kind of obvious now, I have a proper neat bump! I'm sure this time last year I was still sort of flat and in my normal jeans.

flambola the bereavement midwife said exactly the same thing about being mentally healthy. I'm sure the injections will be fine (with all the tattoos i have you'd think i like pain haha). I had a little bump a bit quicker this time, but i'd lost a lot of weight after Ben and didn't put all of it back on so i'm putting it down to that xx

Love to all xx

Ooohh good news about the induction Kayleigh how many weeks are you now?

How are you feeling flambola?

Hugs to everyone x

Alright thank you ducky, how are things with you? I'm always nervous though, I have resigned myself to feeling like this forever now! ... I've managed to work a full week now, which I'm pleased with. I've only been back for three but I feel like I've never left.

lake that is really annoying about that woman saying that to you. Did she know about E? If so that is particularly outrageous. WTF. I would have lost it.

ducky what's the angel monitor like? I just found one that friends gave us before J was born when I was going through his things, but I'm not sure if it has all the parts with it. For what it's worth, I have heard that the risk of SIDS goes down massively after the baby reaches 6 months, so you're already in a good place.

AFM all fine, but I ended up in hospital yesterday for a couple of hours' extra monitoring after a non stress test showed a variable deceleration in baby's heartrate, but it turned out to be just a blip. Scary. The couple in the curtained off area next to us had a toddler son with them who was born in Jan 2014 which sucked. He was really cute and I kept thinking that ought to be us too. I'm booked in now for a repeat c section at 38 weeks so less than a month to go.

tulip how are you doing? How is your little guy?

Love to everyone else.

Happy friday everyone!

Well done Flambola for working a whole week! I'm so pleased it's getting easier for you. Hows the 1st T sickness - is that fading too?
I'm very jealous of your midwife. I will honestly be surprised if I see the same midwife once throughout this pregnancy.
I'm definitely bigger than last time. I think it's because it's my second so everything has been stretched once already. I like having a proper bump though. Definitely missed my bump.

Critter, that sounds really scary, and I'm glad it was a false alarm. Wow, 1 month to go for you, not long now.

Kayleigh that's great news about the induction.
Waves to Ducky and Lake (and to your thoughtless colleague, pregnancy hormones or not. Hope she apologised).

I quite like pregnancy yoga, although I'm not a yoga-person normally. TBH I'm doing it to make myself feel like I'm getting some exercise/treating my body well, and so that I can meet some other local pregnant ladies. Pub trip got postponed until this week (loads of people had been away for half term so last week didn't work), but I'm really looking forward to it as the others seem really nice.
Pregnancy yoga is very gentle and there are lots of yoga novices, so it doesn't matter if you're rubbish (like me!). I would not go to a normal yoga class as I'm embarrassingly inflexible. But I have learnt to be really careful and not over-stretch. After almost every class I've felt a bit sore somewhere in my body, and seem to take a whole week to recover.
OH, and the worst bit (which I nearly came and ranted about to you lovely ladies afterwards), is that sometimes the teacher reads a 'birth story' during relaxation at the end. She did it the first week and I ended up in tears (and honestly, if it had been my first pregnancy, I'd have felt like pretend vomiting, the story was so smug and self righteous). So I asked her to warn me in future and now I walk out before the end if she's going to do a birth story. Really hoping she doesn't do one this week, otherwise I'll be waiting in the pub on my own!

Were good thank you flambola ds is LOVING weaning! But it's like each step reminds you of what you missed last time that's great about managing a full week! It doesn't sound like much to most people but people on here know how difficult it really is!

Critter we haven't set it up yet, will be setting it up Sunday, then ds will use it when I put him to bed alone from Monday . How scary for you about the nst, glad everything is ok now, I hope they're keeping a close eye on you.

Happy Friday town! And at the yoga teacher doing a birth story. I would feel the same as you.

I had an 'incident' the other day. My brothers friend was holding ds. A family member of the girl who gave her dd the same name as mine came up to him and ds (the girl was round the corner) and started saying 'oh look (dd name) is round the corner, she can be your girlfriend! (Dd name) is so lovely, youl be best friends' I feel bad but i saw red and just said 'piss off (dd name) is his sister not his girlfriend'

Hugs to everyone. X

ducky i'll be 27 weeks on Monday, so 10 weeks to go.
Sorry to hear you had that situation with your brother's friend, i'd have been a bit about it too in all honesty.

critter how scary for you- i'm glad everything is ok now, and hoping they're monitoring you closely now you've got a month left.

town good to hear you're enjoying the yoga, it sounds like a fab way to get to know some other pg ladies, although i too am at the "birth stories"- i'd probably feel the same way as you do and leave at that bit.

AFM i currently resemble a pregnant lobster thanks to getting unknowingly sunburnt at dd's sports day yesterday (was rushing there to get a good seat and forgot the blooming suncream) so now the aftersun in the fridge is my "best friend" haha. Hoping everyone has a lovely relaxing weekend xx

Hi all, I seem to have stopped getting the emails to say people have posted on this thread again, I thought it had been a bit quiet! Good to hear everyone is doing well, despite some hiccups over the last week or so.

Flambola, I was panicking re baby movements too. I am the same stage as you I believe. Apparently, a big glass of orange juice or some other sugary drink gets things moving. It worked for me when I had a panic.

Love to all x

Critter that must have been really frightening - I'm so glad everything's ok though! And wow, there's not long left for you at all!

Town, my pregnancy sickness is easing off now, apart from the odd day here and there where it takes me by surprise! It tends to last all day as well.

Aw Ducky, I would have felt the same, to be honest. I know they're probably not being malicious or anything but it's almost like they've forgotten your daughter, isn't it?

I've spent the weekend laid up with what I think was terrible trapped wind. This will probably be too much info but there wasn't any bleeding, and no backache - but after farting a bit this morning it's feeling a lot better. I'm making an appointment with my midwife though, just in case.

Catch up post:

kayleigh fab news re: consultant agreeing to 37 weeks.. Hope the next 10 weeks fly by for you!
Also hope the sunburn has/is easing off now..

lake what a shitty thing for your colleague to say - hopefully a moment of madness on her part.

town good heavens - a wonderful, relaxing, you are in control of your birth if you just envision a positive outcome type of story!?! I might have actually thrown up.. Pleased to hear that you can avoid that going forward.

Flambola wind can be bloody awful & painful!
Nothing to lose by booking in with midwife though - if only for reassurance :)

Sorry if I've missed any major updates off the list - trying to multi task with DS.

In a shop the other day collecting my new specs & the assistant, after cooing over my obviously adorable DS (4) ha.. asked if he was my only child.. I honestly don't know what possesses a person to ask this.. He is clearly preschool & any younger child would likely be with me.
I don't give two hoots about making people uncomfortable so told her no he was not, dd died & now pregnant again.. She couldn't apologise quickly enough & offer her condolences - also quickly latched onto the 'happy' news.. Asking if I was excited etc.. .. I told her that I found it hard to be 100% excited because I'd been royally screwed over last year.. Just give me my glasses woman!!

Anomaly scan tomoro.. I'm actually quite nervous.. I can't remember feeling like this before.. I just hope that he's as healthy as can be - because although it's hard to be excited every moment of every day about this pregnancy, I've already bonded with him & love all of his little kicks, particularly the weird shaped belly when I wake up ha.. Will see if I can find the picture I took this AM..

Invited my DM to attend as DH is away with work - she came to my DD's anomaly so it's a bit déjà vu, although the hospital is different as I'm seeing my consultant afterwards..

Rambling update - don't need to name check me on posts, but just updating you guys. I lurk often but don't have enough time to post, or anything to add.

This was so painful - he must have had his bum up in the air

Winter, how far along are you again?!

As a random aside, I've taken up crocheting. I eventually want to be able to make my own rainbow blanket! It's very soothing.

Oh, and I heard miniFlam's heartbeat for the first time today.

20 weeks today - it's hard to remember what stage everybody is at isn't it! Are we about the same give or take a few weeks?

Yay to the crochet!! It'll be lovely to have such a special blanket
Congrats on hearing the heartbeat - how wonderful :)

My bump on that pic looks very odd/small for 20 weeks ha but when I lie down it sort of disappears & then returns with a vengeance when upright.. :)

I'm so impressed you can see him! Your pic is amazing! I'm 2 weeks behind you but I think it'll be a while before I can see mine from the outside.

Hope all goes well with your scan tomorrow - let us know how you get on!