Angels and Rainbows - remembering our angels and praying for our rainbows

[townsender]

Welcome to the thread, for anyone pregnant with a rainbow baby following baby loss.
A lot of us have graduated from the TTC angels and rainbows thread, but please feel free to join us if you are new, to share our highs and lows as we watch our bumps grow and await the safe arrival of our rainbows.

The current TTC thread is here:
Link

Oh Flambola sorry to hear you had such a horrible scare. So glad to hear all was well. I'd have been a mess too! You're very brave. X

Flambola that must have been so awful for you, so pleased little one is fine though and hope you get no more scares. Have they given a reason why it happened?

Town Congratulations!! You kept thst quiet! Hope you had a beautiful day.

Hope everyone else is doing well. My midwife has arranged a scan for next Tue so trying not to get too anxious/excited. This tiredness has floored me, I wasn't this tired with Anna and I've had worse morning sickness this time round, 8pm is a late night for me at the minute! I guess I was expecting a similar pregnancy but obviously not.

Flambola that sounds terrifying! I'm so glad miniFlam is ok. Wow, I really hope you can get some answers out of the docs and some reassurance.

Thanks for all the congrats! I had a fantastic day on Tuesday, with a really lovely ceremony, gorgeous weather for the pictures, and then an amazing lunch at a 3 michelin star restaurant which was quite an experience. Luckily at 22 weeks pregnant I am at my peak eating ability . Now got to get used to being Mrs Town rather than Miss. Straight back to work yesterday unfortunately - I was exhausted.

Hahaha @ peak eating ability!
So true though!!!

Pleased you had a lovely day x

So sorry you had such a stressful day Flambola at least they found the little one. I refused to let the midwife try with a Doppler at my 16 week appointment as that silence would break my heart, i was adamant after she told me they are tricky to find so aren't allowed to refer you for a scan if they can't find it.

Mrs Town sounds like you had a fabulous day shame you had to go back to work so soon.

AFM 21 weeks today, feeling baby kick every day now which is nice. Got my 20 week scan this afternoon at 1:30. Stupidly i agreed to meet with a researcher from London before hand. She wants to meet 6 families who've had counselling after stillbirth as I think she is looking for evidence to present as why it is useful. All good so far but it's an hour and a half and we finish 15 minutes before my scan. Not sure I have enough useful things to say for that long. Also a bit worried I'll get upset and won't have long to sort myself out before my scan so may look like a crazy lady!! I'm meeting her at 11:45 so aiming to get to the hospital a bit early so I can eat something as she is recording the sessions and I don't want my stomach rumbling throughout!!!

Good luck for today lake .. Fx all goes well with researcher, and at your scan!

Naughty baby wedged itself between my hip and rib cage. Sonographer made my heart go funny as she said she needed help and walked out!! Apparently she couldn't work the machine as she was from an agency but not what she said. She was annoyed as she couldn't see all of the baby's heart as it kept moving. She said she'll get the consultant to check the heart at the Doppler in 13 days. She didn't offer to check the sex so I asked, she seemed annoyed said it was 50/50??!! She thinks it may be a girl but not sure. Slightly irrationally dissapointed but next scan in 13 days hopefully the consultant will fin everything straight away.

flambola how scary for you, i'm so pleased baby is all ok, and i hope you get some answers from the doctors as to what happened .

ellie you sound so much like me re: the tiredness. I was tired with Ben but not half as much as this time- i can't get through the day without a power nap! It's probably a blessing i'm a SAHM or i'd possibly end up getting the sack for napping

town so pleased your wedding was perfect, you did make me smile with "peak eating ability" haha.

lake sorry to hear the sonographer made the scan not so good, i'll keep my fingers crossed that the consultant is able to tell you more

Lake how awful! I'm angry at them for you!!! Did someone else come in and check everything for you?

Fair enough if she didn't know how to work the machines, but shouldn't they have got someone to scan you who did! Especially after what you went through!

I was lucky at my hospital when I was pg. I was allowed to demand see the same person each time

X

I think we would have demanded someone else but I'm back in 13 days and was happy I'd seen the heart beating. Another midwife came in and changed the settings for her so she could see. I felt like she was really annoyed with baby lake as Every time she tried to see her arteries from the heart the baby moved. To be fair we had been an hour and if she's not sure she can see everything I'd rather come back and have someone be sure! Just left us a bit disappointed as we don't really know everything is OK. Only 13 days though so not too long to have to wait for some reassurance!!

town sounds like you had a beautiful day ??

flambola hope you've had a more restful day today x

lake sounds like you kept your calm, I'd have gone mad, well done x x

lake like ducky i've seen the same sonographer for both my 12 and 20 week scans (lovely man, with a lovely calming tone of voice) and i'm hoping i will get him doing my 3 extra scans too- the first one is on the 12th. Might be worth asking if in future you can have a regular member of staff performing your scans xx

lake that's rubbish, sounds like that sonographer was terrible. I had heard of people not being able to tell the sex at 20 weeks because the baby was in the wrong position, but it almost sounds more like she couldn't be bothered?!
I guess your next scan is soon, and with a consultant should be excellent I hope.
How was the researcher/counselling lady?

AFM I was feeling really low this morning. I'm nearly 23 weeks and the anxiety just seems to be getting worse. I'm ok at work as there are lots of distractions, but this weekend we're having a quiet one (planned, as we expected to be knackered after the wedding). So I just woke up feeling like there was nothing to get up for, feeling sad that I would be bored, but not feeling like doing anything at all. Which then reminded me of being on maternity leave. Which then made me cry .
I'm alright now, pulled myself together pretty quickly and have just been lazing around, reading the paper in the garden, short walk. It's not a bad life really.

I've been an occasional poster on the JS (Just Shagging) MN thread, and very sadly one of the regular posters there (Chat) has just lost her little boy. I've pointed her in the direction of our TTC thread and she's put a lovely post there, so if you have time please pop back to give her some support.

Thanks, town. I must remember to pop over there occassionally!

Do you take anything for your anxiety? I think the only thing that really keeps me functioning are my meds. In fact, is anyone else on any medication for anxiety or depression?

I'm so annoyed at the way that sonographer treated you, Lake. I hope everything is better at your next scan and you get some reassurance!

Well apparently my bleed was due to cervical irritation from intercourse. It's not happened to me before hence my hysteria. I feel embarassed about it now.

Flambola, I know this is a really really stupid question, but does that mean everything is ok? Will it keep happening?

I keep forgetting there's two threads now! I got so used to the one!

I'm not taking any meds but I feel I should. I'm so anxious it getting really bad. It's all since dd. But I'm scared of asking for anything because what if they think I'm unable to look after ds I find if someone speaks to me I immediately panic and sweat really bad, I avoid going out because of it. I'm waking up multiple times in the night to check ds is breathing and since my ddog died I'm waking up to check on the other two dogs aswell. Think I've officially lost the plot

town I'll join you in your shit day today. Woke up feeling this bubs having a small kick. This then made me feel guilty about smiling. It made me think about Edie and how she should be nearly 9 months old. Haven't been able to shake shit feeling all day

Hey all

It's comforting to know you all have such similar feelings to me. I often feel like I've lost the plot too. Being in a new country on bed rest is bl00dy hard and keeping myself sane is harder! The therapy is helping I think.

I had my friend's daughter's 1st bday yesterday and I'm showing now so people kinda guessed I'm pregnant. Some know about my angel, some don't. One girl asked me if it was my first and I said no and tried to explain as quickly as possible. The conversation then got really awkward and she politely made her excuses and left. I feel like people think it's catching. I also feel horrible mentioning it to pregnant people but at the same time don't want to pretend it never happened. I know we've talked about this before and there really is no easy answer. I survived the part but burst into tears on the way home, there were so many babies and happy innocent pregnant people. I felt like some kind of damaged goods that brought doom and gloom. Also reminded me my angel would be 6 months (can't believe it) next week.

My therapist has said some interesting things (forgive me if I have already said this!) but the main thing she has said is I have lost my innocence, lost the ability to wake up in the morning and assume the day will be ok. I think that is true for us all. We all know what horrific things can happen to us and our families.

What type of meds are you on Flambola?

Ducky, I'm not surprised you are checking your dogs and ds. I think this is an unfortunate consequence if what you've been through. How old is ds? Have you heard of those Angel sensor monitors? I plan to get one if everything goes ok with this baby. It beeps you if it stops detecting any movement, eg. Breathing. It's had great reviews and I heard if it as a lot of mums who have premises with breathing problems use it. It's not cheap (has diff options, some with video etc too but Amazon had a sale on it the other day). Worth getting one for a more relaxed evening?

Flambola, I've heard that bleeding from sex is v common, tho sure that didn't make you feel any better! Now I'm stitched up im not allowed to have sex. So nothing since 4 weeks when we found out that is also super difficult.

Town, I have that 'can't be bothered to get up' feeling almost daily. I am trying to enforce a routine but I sometimes make myself nap in the afternoon just to kill a few hours! Horrible to wish our lives away so much. I guess you're in the same boat as me re a previous preemie. Do you think you'll relax a little more post a certain period? I'm hoping when I get to 30 weeks (obv still v early) I'll relax a little, though in reality not sure if I will!

Sorry not to name check all, this post was just getting waaay too long!!! Take care and be easy on yourselves x

Oh April, I know exactly how you mean about feeling like people think 'it's catching' I feel now that pregnant people either totally avoid me or try to latch on to me, the feelings I get from that is that, maybe they think if they're with me, it's not going to happen to two people is it sorry you have had a hard day x

I have an angel sensor monitor. Will be setting it all up next week, I recon il get a few false alarms though as ds is a wiggleworm!

He's 6 months now, can't beleive it!

Hugs to everyone x

Yeah exactly they thing their odds are better if they stick wih you! I have a pregnant friend here and I have to try so hard to be happy around her as Dont want to be the reminder of what can go wrong.

Great re Angel monitor, have you heard about needing a wooden board under it?! Seen a few people mention it online tho lots who say it's fine with either a Moses basket or slatted cot bed x

I saw that, the cot we have has a board underneath, do you think that will be ok? X

I think so! I have heard mixed responses as to whether it's needed. I'm neevous to get it tho as out here in dubai God knows where is pick up a thin wooden board! No b&q or anything! If you look I think there are some options to buy a board online. I can imagine it wouldn't fit in a Moses masked tho so I was going to risk it and if it's an issue try to sort it out before they go into a cot x

Sorry terrible spelling errors, wrote that in a rush, hope it makes sense!! X

My friend said she put hers in a Moses basket. I've heard they an give off false alarms and the settings can be a pain to get right as if it's too sensitive it can pick up footprints from around the house but then if it's not sensitive enough it doesn't pick up baby. But id rather have a million false alarms than miss one thing going wrong! I will set it up next week so will let you know how we go

Yes I have heard the same but totally agree, I'd be up and down checking them constantly and so being up and down for false alarms is fine! We are just in a small 2 bed flat so not far to go if alarm goes off! X

town sorry to hear your anxiety was bad yesterday, i hope it's eased off a little today . I'll be sure to pop over to the other thread and post a message.

flambola at least you know what caused your bleed now, although you shouldn't feel embarrassed about it, it's only natural you'd worry. Have they said whether it'll happen again?

ducky you don't sound to me like you've lost the plot- you've had so much happen you're bound to be anxious about ds and your other dogs. Wow- 6 months

april you did so well to get through the party, but sorry you had to deal with the questions from the other guests. I'd be inclined to agree with the comment about we've lost our innocence- we know there's no guarantee.

AFM well i had a mostly sleepless night last night, which i think was caused by my anxiety. I spent a lot of the awake time in bed with my hands on my bump feeling the movements. I'm wondering if it's because everything went wrong with Ben while i was asleep and the worry over that is in the back of my mind

Love to everyone x