We may have been Bitter, but we’re no longer Barren! Get your *PESH* in here! All ready for the BESH clusterdiff of 2015 year of the *CuntCushion* (with added tea tree for those sore fanjo moments)!

[MissHobart]

BESH Graduates having a moan about the lack of Gin whilst actually being over the fucking moon to finally have a reason to not be able to drink it! Anything goes, especially asking the wiser CRESH for their sage advice on the horrors and amazement to come when we get the the biggest WIN in history! Bring your baybees here!

Ha - major op after 3 day labour here. Fucking knackering is all I can say. You get through it but it's hard. Especially when you have a baby that point blank won't sleep in his crib or in fact anywhere else but on you. And you're stuck in hospital where they won't let you go-sleep. Wowsers it was tough. Thankfully TWH took 2.5 weeks off, my sister lives over the road and I get on well with my PILs. They were all brilliant and I leant on the mentally as well as physically.

Funny and true ...and scarily full of things for us to look forward to ..... But check out the last two paragraphs. On the importance of accepting help. If ever there were s time to do it hags, tis now. www.likereallifeblog.com/2016/01/13/sleep-deprivation-how-to-get-through/

Hurrah and congrats on births of Harriet and Olivia. The first weeks are tough. Hang in there, get the help you need, it will get better and more fun.

Me next, certainly not looks at absent draf and I am not ready. I had some flash backs of the early weeks lately and am not looking forward to that at all. But it'll be fab to get to know her.

Hey hags. Thank you! Have had a terrible 24 hours followed by a better 24 hours, mostly due to lifesaving intervention of formula. My milk hasn't come in yet (day 5) and I'm not producing enough colostrum so the reason for baby's rattiness was simply hunger. A couple of bottles are helping us get back on track. Plus lots of pumping! Still in the hospital as have an infection plus high level pre eclampsia watch (ugh).

bad / rathergood how are you? Hoping silence means that you are getting help and rest you need.

drizz I've lost track - how far along are you now? And draf?

Hi hags. I am still alive. Just about. This breastfeeding - will kill me, I think. It's SO HARD. My nipples are shredded. Olivia seems to hate it. She twists and arches and screams. And bites. She is losing weight. I cried. They told me to breastfeed more. I cried. They told me to supplement with formula cos my stupid milk didn't come in till yesterday. I cried. I have a lactation consultant coming this week. I'm close to packing it in, but the fucking guilt is unreal.

Also, I kind of hate Mr Badb. I hate that he didn't get any time off and set this journey off on such a lonely tone. My mum has been great, but it's not the same. I have rather serious baby blues, hags.

Fizz, how are you doing comrade?

Oh bad/good I feel your pain! There is enough to deal with with recovering from c section, learning how to care for a newborn, sleep deprivation etc and breastfeeding is ok if it goes swimmingly but really awful if not. You are awesome and doing the most awesome things for your baby. But it sounds like you need more help. I don't want to tell you what to do but here is where I am if it helps to know.

I'm still in hospital - taken down a notch from high-risk pre-eclampsia watch and got the uterus infection under control. However, they are now worried about H, who isn't weighing enough. Despite lots of pumping my colostrum is all gone (into her, thankfully) and my milk has not come. Literally, four sessions of full on pumping and everything is dry. We are all pessimistic that it will now come in in the right quantity. So we are on a strict feeding regime with formula to build her back up again. It has made the world of difference. I was really struggling, losing lots of weight myself. Even when given the chance for a nap I wasn't sleeping or was having hallucinatory nightmares instead. I feel bad about not bf, but not as bad as when I realised that my mental health was In danger of being compromised.

I know it's a fraught area; but it helps that I know several formula-only babies who are thriving. And I've given her the best bit with my colostrum. I still feel sad that I'm too scrawny and poorly I can't do it by myself, but the important thing is that baby gets fed and I stay on an even keel.

I repeat - simply by keeping that baby alive you are doing the most awesome thing. And formula is not evil! If circumstances dictate you have to change from your original plan, it is not your fault and no guilt should attach to it.

Massive hugs to you and two fingers to anyone who says its unmumsnetty.

Wow Fizz how rubbish for you having to go through all that. You are absolutely doing the right thing - in order to look after your baby you MUST look after yourself. Post Partum Psychosis is definitely a thing and lack of sleep, utter exhaustion, crazy hormon shiz all contribute to it. Be gentle with yourself.

To both of you, don't worry in the slightest if you have to FF rather than BF. you must do what is best for you and your baby. Are either of you on any baby bus groups for January babes? I have to say mine has been invaluable for shiz like this. There's nothing quite like having a chorus of women going through the same thing and backing you up to make you feel more relaxed about a decision.

Bad is it worth looking into getting a maternity nurse to stay with you for a couple of weeks to help you in lieu of your husband? I can totally understand why you're feeling the way you are - I would have felt extremely resentful of mine if he hadn't stayed with me. At this point the cost shouldn't be an issue, you need the help (and quite frankly deserve it too goddammit) so get him to find you one pronto.

Birth, let alone c section following IVF/long term fertility ishoos pregnancy is hard. It's only in the last 30 odd years that the powers that be have decided to make life difficult for post Partum mums by not providing enough support and insisting that they get back to 'normal' life ASAP. Vast parts of the world still have the whole family moving in, treating the mother like a princess and insisting she does nothing for 40 days. Seems totally reasonable to me! Take any help when you can is my mantra

Thanks fab. You are as always very wise! It also helps me to remind myself that I and my sister and practically everyone of our generation was bottle fed. And that our babies are going to have so many advantages already - informed, caring parents, really good diet, staying on track with vaccinations etc. It's not like you'd be putting Tizer in her bottle and weaning her on Toffee Crisps!

I second fab's suggestion of a doula or mat nurse. If you are in Oxfordshire/ Berkshire I can send you the names of people I researched. The hourly rates esp for doulas surprised me with how reasonable they seemed.

Fizz, are we in the same locale? I'm in the Oxfordshire/Bucks border...

Fab, I think we must be. Have found you on FB.

Bad, how is the view from the trenches?whats the latest ? Hope you are getting through.

Bad have you seen the lactation consultant yet? Have you got any further with the nightmare of feeding? I remember reading somewhere that c section babies quite often have problems with breast feeding so it may be tied up with that. Has she been checked for a tongue tie? That is apparently pretty common and can really make a difference to breast feeding.

www.tongue-tie.org.uk/tongue-tie-practitioners-london.html

Fizz, you're home! How are you finding it?

Doing ok thanks Fab. Yesterday was quite busy - surprise visit from my parents (mum risking her eye problem to travel), plus midwives ( why do they always come in pairs?) and the cats doing my nut in by trying to get into the Moses basket and generally getting under everyone's feet. I need to get a door fitted downstairs (we are all open plan) and in the short term have a cat net so I can at least go into the kitchen to get a glass of water! H is putting weight back on now, thank goodness. Feeding and sleeping during the day but we have to wake her every 3 hours to do the whole nappy, food, wind, settle thing which takes an hour each time. And in the night she typically wakes every hour between midnight and 4 for the whole performance. I am too wired to sleep much in the day though thankfully my sister watches her while I at least get some headspace for 45 mins. I keep telling myself it's not forever. The meds are making me feel quite sick - fragmin jabs plus blood pressure plus antibiotics plus painkillers. And of course the meds schedule doesn't coincide with feeding so it's another reason to wake up/ stay awake. And becau I lost so much weight I'm now starving all the time!

How are you all doing? Do these newborn days seem like ages ago?

Hi all. Emerging from the fog to wave at you and weep at your good wishes. I now have mastitis in both boobs! Woohoo! Motherhood is a joy. I've started combination feeding O, as she was losing weight. I have a pump and am expressing as much as possible, but she is also getting formula. I wish I could say I've made my peace with it, but I'm wracked with guilt and shame. I know this is irrational - I have no issue with formula. Indeed, I've had this exact conversation with my friend who struggled with breastfeeding last summer: feed the baby, mind yourself. It's not the formula anyway - it's the sense of failure, of not being able to do something that should be so easy and natural. Fucking hormones. I have a lactation consultant coming on Thursday - the hospital one was a bit dismissive of the pain, like I was exaggerating or a total wimp and it was normal. Maybe I am, I don't know.

Still angry with Mr Badb, especially when he moans on at how tired he is. Postpartum doulas sound amazing - I'm in an entirely other country hags, but will look up to see if they exist here. In the meantime, I'm staying alert as I feel I'm on the edge of something more than baby blues. I'm crying all the time, hags.

Hope you guys are doing well. So glad H is putting on weight, fizz! Great news.

Hello bad, I was starting to get worried about you! Glad that you are ff along with bf, but you mustn't feel awful about it. You are doing the right thing for your baby. It's so hard when you have come through a long battle just to conceive the baby - it feels like our bodies are failures in so many ways. But that's not reality. There are plenty of women, e.g. the whole wardful when my sister gave birth, who go straight to ff without a second thought. You are doing the most amazing thing for your baby.

I would recommend getting help early for the baby blues (or something more, if it is). Having struggled with bursts of depression during infertility, I wish I had spoken up sooner and then maybe might not have felt the way I did about giving birth. I dunno.

Anecdotally I think there is something about cabbage leaves in your bra to ease poorly boobs. Wiser and more experienced hags, or google, might have more light to shed.

Right, I am meant to be sleeping while baby sleeps so going to get my head down now.

Bad, even though I didn't 'have any problems' with breast feeding it still fucking hurt! Possibly because my angel child used to fuel his tongue up like a straw and suck the nipple in. Cue toe curling agony. I can't even begin to imagine what it must feel like to have mastitis in both boobs. Horrific and very unfair I should imagine. fizz is correct on the cabbage thing. Get a white cabbage and keep it in the fridge. Peel off a leaf for each boob and shove them in your bra. They'll feel amazingly cold against your hot boobs. My sister had mastitis and said it was her saviour. I will admit that it didn't stop being painful bfing (for me it was about the first 30 seconds of agony and then dulled down to a reasonable feeling which is why I never bothered with a consultant) until we got to about the 6 week mark when all of a sudden it was totally fine.

I second Fizz in getting help for your mental health sooner rather than later. What's the support like where you are? Is it easy to access? Speak to your midwife/health visitor and they should be able to help. They're on mega PND watch in new mums in the UK. I'm sure there's more of a problem because of the lack of family support etc.

Fizz it sounds like you have quite the punishing schedule. Great news that your mum has been able to visit. Are she and your husb able to give you a break at all? I just don't think it's possible to get the rest you need after birth!

We're doing ok here in Fab Towers. My little man is 12 weeks old on Friday! I'm totes in love with him which is great as my God he can scream and scream, point blank refused to have anything to do with lying in his back for weeks and is only now contemplating sleeping in his bednest rather than in with us. On the upside he feeds brilliantly, is as cute as a button, has a heartmelting smile and has everyone tied round his little finger! His night times are getting better too. He started off waking every 1.5-2 hrs then after s few weeks that changed to 3 hrs which was surprisingly doable. 1-5-2 hrs just is crippling. He now can do between. 4-6 for the first sleep then 3 hours for the next 2 so it's getting better. There is light at the end of the tunnel hags, even though it definitely won't feel like that right now!

Twelve weeks! Gosh, that sounds very grown up. Glad to hear he is getting towards a saner pattern of waking. Refusing to sleep anywhere other than on a person sounds tiring as hell!

All is ok here. Mum and dad just came for a flying visit, they couldn't stay. But my wonderful sister has been here for just short of a week and helped preserve all our sanity!

I am pretty exhausted. And still full of aches and pains. But getting stronger bit by bit. Off to try to sleep again now.

It's exhausting but it's also lovely. Baby cuddles with your very own are amazing and get better as you ache less and they respond more to you. I'm currently sitting in bed, it's 2:30, we've had a feed and a wind and my gorgeous little boy is zonked out with his arms open wide face down on my chest, his little hands clutched tight onto my top. It's too gorgeous! Going to transfer him in a mo, just enjoying the moment :)

In other news, on top of my nightly feeds I had to go out from 12-2 last night to be with my Mum who'd had a fall and had the paramedics out. Thankfully my sis then took over and stayed the night with her (she's fine just bruised) and I went home to a 2:30,4:30,5:45 feed then consultant visit at 9:20 to check out Fablets hips. Then straight to lunch with TWH's family then back to mum's for a few hours. Got home at 5pm. Utterly fucked!

Just sticking my head back in to see how you are faring, bad? Hope you are ok.

Things are alright here - I think we are in tired parent territory rather than extended baby blues - I'm getting a bit more confident and have finally had some sleep without nightmares. Small steps, eh?

That's good news Fizz, well done. It is indeed all about the baby steps. Fablet is a gorgeous little munchkin and for the past two weeks we've been piloting a new bath time, feeding regime which has worked really well - he's happily been put down into his bednest around 7:30ish with a dream feed around 10-11 and then not waking until around 3ish. Amazeballs. Fucked it all up last night as we were late home (I'd been to visit a dear friend who also had an emergency c section very recently and was in need of a friend who understood). Late home meant late everything else and I decided to skip the dream feed as I was shattered. Error. He finally went to sleep at 9:00 was then up at 12:00, 2:00, 4:00, 5:30, 7...... As a consequence I'm feeling broken. Had to go the chiropractor this morning and am now waiting for my dentist appointment. Only problem is that I screwed up the appointment time ( I was early by 30 mins!) and I left him with my sister, asleep but ready for a feed. He's going to go mental :(. Bad mummy.

Hey hags. Long time no thread. How are you all doing? Fizz? Fab?

I'm doing ok. Was pretty close to PND I think, but seem to be pulling myself up from it slowly. Badblet is almost 5 weeks now. I wish I could say it has flown, but it feels like an eternity since we went into the hospital. She is great though. Feeding still troublesome - have had a few visits from a lactation consultant, and am pumping, eating anything and everything oaty, and start domperidone tomorrow to up my supply. Still supplementing though. Focused on getting to 6 weeks, and then we'll see.

Hope you are all ok, and the babies are happy and healthy.

Hello bad, glad to hear you are ok! Sounds like you have been through the mill with feeding - hats off to you.

We are doing ok. I had a low few days last week as H developed the dreaded colic. Touch wood it seems to be a bit better now with infacol. But I think she also has silent (sometimes not so silent) reflux too. And a touch of constipation. She had a massive 40 min crying fit the other day and I was in pieces. I started not being able to sleep even when she sleeps so eventually took a couple of Nytol and left gfbw with the baby and the bottles. Bloody amazing and I feel like a new person. I think H has also been going through a developmental leap - she's much more fun and interactive now, so I finally feel like my main reward isn't just getting her to stop crying and sleep.

Hope we see some new PESH in here soon. Tough times for the BESH atm.

Not completely dead but there's not many of us on here these days Bugs! How are you doing? How did the move go?

Good to see that Fizz and Badb are 'slightly' coming out the other side of the birthing and first few wtaf weeks! Getting the other half to take the baby for a few hours and getting some shut eye is a life saver. Genuinely. I still get TWH to do this on occasion when we've had a bad few days.

Constipation and colic sounds like a bastard :( I thought Fablet had colic for quite a few weeks but now I'm not sure if it was that or overtiredness - everything has the same bloody symptoms. A bit like the headfuckery that is pregnancy symptoms vs droid symptoms vs IVF drucks symptoms! We've pretty much done a baby led routine but introduced an early bedtime routine of bath at 6 followed by a mega feed and putting him down in the cot which is normally done by 7:30-8 and we very rarely have the long long evenings of crying from 5-10 now which were fairly horrific.

Fablet is 16 weeks now and such a little treasure. He is so smiley and interactive I can't get over the fact that we made him and that we've got him! Almost impossible to get a smiley pic though - it's almost as if he has a photo pout face which comes on every time the phone comes out, damn him!