We may have been Bitter, but we’re no longer Barren! Get your *PESH* in here! All ready for the BESH clusterdiff of 2015 year of the *CuntCushion* (with added tea tree for those sore fanjo moments)!

[MissHobart]

BESH Graduates having a moan about the lack of Gin whilst actually being over the fucking moon to finally have a reason to not be able to drink it! Anything goes, especially asking the wiser CRESH for their sage advice on the horrors and amazement to come when we get the the biggest WIN in history! Bring your baybees here!

37 isn't that old!! Research on risk of stillbirth says that if you are over 40 then your risk of having a stillbirth doubles from 40 weeks which is why they like to induce the oldies. When I say doubles, it goes from 1% to 2%. So still pretty low! They don't however yet have proper research into the risks associated with the cascade of intervention and subsequent injuries following use of forceps etc or issues associated with c sections. And of course the cascade of intervention is far more likely to happen if they are inducing you when your baby isn't ready to come out! In the end we felt we had a bit of a hobson's choice so chose to be induced. The scenario will be the same if I'm lucky enough to win another baybee and I will opt for an ELCS over induction but if the baby chooses to come earlier than that then I'll go with a natural. That would be the dream!

I would thoroughly recommend doing some form of hypnobirthing by the way. Even though Fablet's birth was as far away from my birth plan as is humanly possible it still really helped to keep me calm and focussed. The midwives were all v impressed with it apparently (no memory here!) and with how DH was so involved with everything.

Thanks Fab, really useful stuff (and I don't think I'm old either! But maybe I am for the area)

Any ideas how to find hypnobirth stuff in my area? It initially doesn't sound like my thing but I think if it worked for Fab it's worth a try

I didn't go to a hypnobirthing class but I did download the Natal Hypnotherapy MP3, I found it really useful in the early stages. They do one for c section which I'll be downloading this time, as MiniWinks2 will be coming out the sun roof :)

Hello everyone. Long time no postie. Hope you are all doing well. Good to see you, Blue.

Things haven't been great here - maybe a bit of PND, I don't know. Anyway, I think I'm coming out the other side of it now. Badblet is 7 months, can you believe it? Crazy. Though I have to say, I felt every day of it passing - none of that blink and suddenly they are 18 stuff here. I'm still breastfeeding, which astonishes me frankly - some days I love it, some days I hate it, but sure I got this far now so I'm going to keep going till she's one anyway. Starting back to work in September, and I'm sort of looking forward to it, but not looking forward to all the extra work getting two of us out of the house. Since solids started I seem to spend my whole day feeding and cleaning and preparing etc etc. And of course it's all down to me. Is it normal to kind of hate your husband? It's annoying the way they just sort of carry on with their lives as though nothing changed. Mine's at work from 7-7, so I do EVERYTHING. And on weekends he golfs and then wants to 'relax' on the sofa watching telly. Rage, seriously. We've had so many arguments, and we never used to argue before.

Badblet is great though - babbling away, and trying desperately to crawl. Still not a sleeper though - up at least four times a night. Sigh.

Thanks winks, I'll check it out.

Hey Bad
almost all of my friends have had PND, it's so hard but really understandable, especially when Mr Bad is working such long hours, it must be really exhausting for you. I would also be mad if Mr Blue wants to relax on his days off, babies =no relaxing for anyone! Did you get support throughout all this?

Hi blue. I got some support, but not a huge amount. That's down to my personality type too though - I don't tend to ask for help, just sort of flounder internally until I reach breaking point. Which is not good. My family live quite far away, so while my mum especially was great to come visit and help, she could only come every couple of weeks or so. Mr Badb can be great, don't get me wrong - and he really tried at the start. But once he thought I was back on an even enough keel - say around 3 months - he kind of took the foot off the pedal a bit. I sort of blame him a bit for the PND kicking off, to be honest, as he went straight back to work once I got out of hospital - like, literally the next day. Breastfeeding being an absolute nightmare for me at the start definitely didn't help, but being alone at home all day right from the beginning was really tough. I mean, he had a good reason - he runs the business with his dad, who had to have a pretty serious op the same week I had Badblet, and had to stay home to recuperate for basically 3 months. And I know he feels really guilty about it, and he had the stress of the business and dealing with his dad's illness as well. But I still feel like I was abandoned and not supported. I remember how bleak it was in the middle of the night when I felt like I couldn't wake him because he had to get up for work, and how alone I felt when he left in the morning and the whole day on my own stretched out in front of me. I have to let go of it though. I can't change it, and there's no point in making our relationship even worse by bringing it up over and over again. And I know it's a luxury to have a partner home with you full time - lots of people don't and just get through it.

Anyway, I do feel like it's lifting a bit. But I do hate that the first 6 months of her life were spent with me not really enjoying them. Even now I find it hard to really just enjoy it, to be honest. I always feel like I'm just surviving each day, or something. It's hard to see the bigger picture.

Sorry for offloading so much negativity. It's nice to get it out, but still.

Bad, we are hags .... always, this is the place for 'negativity' and saying everything is shit, it's ok to still need to do that even after a baby win.

I'm sorry it's been so hard, I hope you know you aren't alone in feeling this way, all my friends felt the same. I feel quite well prepared because of them but actually I still don't think society accepts how hard keeping a little human alive is.

I hope it's getting better but if it's not I'm here, I'm happy for you to offload here

There's a reason why new mums used to stay in cottage hospitals for 10 days post birth and it exactly this. Even if you have a nice and easy cough n drop birth the shock of having a new baby and all the responsibility that goes with it is pretty huge. I don't think Mums get the support they should do from the community like they used to and it's a real shame as I'm 99% certain there's a direct correlation between the reduction of support and the increase of PND. Interestingly in India when a woman gives birth she's not allowed to do anything for 40 days and literally has everything done for her by the extended family so that by 40 days she's healthy and raring to go again. It seems particularly cruel to put women through days of labour and no sleep then through major abdominal surgery and then give practically no support afterwards. Gah. It makes me v ranty.

One of the things I said to DH when we were taking about having a baby was that the most important thing for me was to be near my sister to ensure we had as much support as possible. We ended buying a house on the wish that we would get pregnant (it's not ideal for commuting into London which is what I would have been doing if I hadn't got diffed) which was pretty bloody scary but absolutely the right thing to do as she has been amazingly supportive as has her daughter who has been the best cousin to Fablet. Getting as much friend/family support in place as is humanely possible cannot be over estimated enough. I think it is that that stopped me drifting to the dark side as it would have been very easy to in the first 5 months.

I know there is no one here anymore but just in case ... Baby boy Blue born 4 days ago he's wonderful and I can't believe this actually bloody worked!! I got a baby!!!

Blue - congratulations! Thrilled for you! Hope all is still going well. Have a fantastic Christmas x

Thanks Bad - hope you doing ok?

I'm ok; hanging in there. Badblet is almost one...amazing. Back at work and things sort of settling down a bit. Do check in every now and then - I don't post much but I do look for updates, and would love to know how you are getting on.

Wow that went quick! It's not easy is it Bad. I'm lucky in that I do love bluelet (I spent
So long not believing I was pregnant that I worried I wouldn't) but jeez this is harder work than I'd thought. Un beshly love to you

Hey Hags how are you? Just checking in - seems like a lifetime ago we were here! How is life with your little 'lets? Im 3 days away from an ELCS with fablet#2 which is exciting. 3rd time lucky with a donor egg in Prague - we got there in the end!