Due October 2006 - part 4

[nowanearlyNicemum]

there we go - I did it.
just need for you all to find it now...

clon - im going to wait till a week before - my first week of maternity leave and try and get somthing then coz like you say just not sure how big i will be.

I was horrified at the kim and aggie programme I hate hospitals anyway but that just confrimed to me that some are really not clean! the MRSA room and the bed with the unmetionable left onit after it had been checked twice shocking! I do feel sorry for the nursing staff they are under so much pressure anyway but they could at least learn to use the gel for their hands and keep thier kitchen clean I guess the public are as much to blame not using the gel.

I had to visit my hubbys nan in hosp and couldnt stop using the gel stuff I was so afraid of passing somthing to her ,others or me. my friend danii was in hospital and diagnosed with chrones and while she was in shhe was very ill sheets were soiled etc and the nurse just left them in the room with her all day on the floor while visiters came and went I had to ask the nurse 3 x and practialy drag her in to remove the disgusting sheets we were appaled by the care my friend had got there were blood splats up the wall from previous patients, they left her catherter bag till it was about to burst from being to full till we moaned 4 times for it to be changed still no one did anything so again I had to throw a fit before they would do it. the toilet was filthy with unmetionables all over it and no soap to wash hands.

I am so taking my detol, milton ,bleach etc and hand gel getting hubby to scrub for england and not letting anyone near till they have clean hands!

Hi All

Whiffy an Xmas meet up between us lot sounds lovely.

Welcome Saka. What a tough time you have had. I also have a DD who has just turned three and am expecting a boy (hope scan is right-have told everyone it is a boy!)on 10th October.

Only saw the end of the Kim and Aggie thing, but did see the front of the Argus, the Brighton paper, today which says maternity services are pretty much in crisis here-33% of midwives are of sick at the moment at the hospital. Just want you want to read a month before giving birth!

Hi,

A christmas meet up sounds like good fun! Im in Essex, but it is very easy to get to London.

Majormoo, the scans Ive have had have all said a boy...I hope the scans are right too, as I have some very nice blue things for him, and if he turns out to be a her that might be a little problem!

The Kim and aggie hospital program was absolutely disgusting. I have no idea how they managed to stick their hands in those places, must have a very strong stomach. I was queasy watching it. Ill have to put some dettol and bleach in my hospital bag. I think Ill be checking the bed for signs of old 'stains'...Yuck.

Things have been pretty awful, and we are not settled yet, but getting there. The place we have now is a private let, up four flights of stairs, which is a nightmare, but all I could find at short notice. Im trying to sort out a move, even possibly before I have the baby. I just cant imagine getting up and down stairs with him and my three year old and a c section wound. It is nice to be home after so long in Japan. My dd is enjoying life here now, she has friends and the culture is more open and friendly and she doesnt get into trouble for being bouncy and a bit loud - she got my genes as far as personality goes...poor child.

My husband had a breakdown, got violent, and we had a bit of a scare leaving the country, esp as I was injured and pregnant. We got a lot of help though, and got back home. Once back it was a nightmare of b and b's and being offered only long term places in hostels sharing units with men. My h usband owned the house, I wasnt allowed to have my name on anything - legally, as Im not a Japanese citizen and couldnt get citizenship, Im foreign, cant get a divorce unless he agrees, and am not entitled to any of it. Not the house, not the savings - nothing. We have been married for 5 years. Long term, I cant divorce him unless he agrees, a non agreement divorce takes ages and a Japanese court would never give me legal custody - it doesnt happen, the Japanese partner always gets custody, no matter what. There is no reciprocal agreement with Japan for maintenence.Still, Im very very grateful for the benefits system while Im not up to working, and as soon as Im fit and the baby is old enough Ill get back to work and make a life for us back here. Ive got to have my eye sorted out (detatched retina from the incident), then Ill be ok to work.

My parents have been awful, nasty and not only not helping but actually being horrible to me and my daughter. Long story....

ive been pretty poorly through the pregnancy, went into labour at 28 weeks, had the steroids, but they mnaged to calm it down. Then again last weekend...Im 1cm dilated, but waters intact, so it is fine. I just hope I last to the sectoin date at 39 weeks, I dont see it really, and would much rather have it organised and controlled than i go into labour and they rush it.

We are ok. I miss the nice man my husband was before he got odd, I miss my house and my car, and having money and not having to take from the system (I feel really guilty about that). I am British and love being back home. I love the telly and the food and the people. Im sad for the children, but it would have been dangerous and unacceptbale to stay. I almost lost this baby, and he came close to hurting our daughter, as well as me. he needs help, medication and hospitalisation. He wont get it there, and I cant do any more. The children come first, and I just have to start again. Im 30 now. If I can get a job and a house ith a garden over the next year, a puppy for my daughter and a routine, Ill be alright.

I dont really know people here anymore, Ive a few good friends though, and that is great.

Now I just have to find somewhere to live which is closer to a town centre and accepts dss!

Ive no midwife here - again...long story....dont want to send you all to sleep....and am miles from any hospital and from friends.

We will all be alright. I can build a life here for us all, and it is not the end of the world..just a different one to that which Im used to.

Sorry if you are all snoring!

saka

Oh Saka it sounds like you've been through a living hell, I'm glad you got out safely and hopefully things can only get better. The good thing about the UK is that there are a lot of support services and hopefully in your area you can get into some of the kids activities and make lots of nice new friends.
My first marriage to a foreigner ended and I managed to get married in one country and divorced in another so maybe when you are ready you should look into the UK legal system in terms of legal separation/divorce etc.
I wish you all the very best, sounds like you are a strong women and you'll get through this.
Take care of yourself.

Welcome Saka. Gosh, you've really been through it. It's wonderful that you and your dd managed to escape. It's rough having to struggle financially when your husband it sitting on a house, car and cash, but you sound like a determined woman and I'm convinced you'll build a life here for your little family. (Ignore your folks and anyone else being nasty - you don't need negative energy in your life.) Antenatal classes might be a bit dull if it's your 2nd baby and you're having a c-section, but have you thought about the NCT? There's bound to be a branch in your area so you can meet other mums with children of similar ages. The events are open to everyone - members and non-members alike.

Meet-up near Christmas sounds good. We might have to be a bit imaginative about the venue though, with lots of mums and babies.

Saka, sounds like you've been to hell and back. Am so impressed by your courage to leave and come back to the UK whilst pregnant, you sound like a very strong person (although I'm betting you probably don't feel like it right now).
You can always moan on here - we don't know your husband or parents, and so will always be 100% supportive of you!
A new baby and a toddler is a brilliant way to meet people too, and I'm sure once you've had baby and are up and about you'll make loads of friends.

On a lighter note - re nighties - what are you planning on wearing in labour? A hospital nightie (they're always HUGE)? I had a t shirt style one last time but ripped it off in second stage as was soooo hot and pulled out my epidural in the process (oops). Am going for a little vest this time. Need to get a big nightie for the ward afterwards though - and while dark coloured is practical, I look awful in black and navy, especially when tired so think pastel colours (and biigggg knickers with huge pads) are the way forward. There'll be cameras about!

Seems like there are a lot of little boys due in Oct - wonder how many of us will get a surprise? I think mine is a boy (certainly looked that way on the scan) and have bought loads of blue stuff now! Went out with my sister today to local charity shops and bought a bunch of stuff virtually brand new for about 20 quid for baby and gorgeous things for my little girl. Was v impressed with my economising...
Then headed to the beach to play in the sun. Brilliant day - its LOVELY being off work!

Didn't see the Kim and Aggie programme but have heard of some hospitals where they had to move the little dispensers of alcohol gel away from the beds cos the little old ladies were adding it to their tea!

Right, need to go and make the tea...one hungry toddler to feed...

Have a fab weekend everyone!

p.s I'm having a day in London on Monday - dh at a conference and threw a strop saying it wasn't fair that he kept going away so he sorted out my dad to look after dd and I'm going too . Can anyone recommend nice places to go/eat etc on the Sun night and during Mon daytime. Will be in central london as staying in covent garden (although sadly only in the travelodge not somewhere fancy)
I live in Newcastle, so don't know London very well and fancy a relaxing and chilled out day, preferably involving sitting in a cafe reading a book so if you know a good place...

Welcome to the October thread Saka - glad you decided to join. You are sounding more positive about the birth which is excellent - not long til the next happy phase of your life starting....

All this nightie/what to wear in labour talk has got me thinking - last time for some bizarre reason I just took advice from books I'd read which said I'd be cold during labour [need thick socks etc.]. What was I thinking?!!! I don't think these writiers had ever been in a British hospital which seem kept at tropical temperatures. So in the end all I had to wear was a thin dressing gown which couldn't do up at the front as I was soooo huge - not very dignified! . Do any of you have any advice as to what is practical and comfy to wear in labour? Also I'd bought nursing nighties from mothercare with buttons down the front, but they didn't really work properly and it was all very awkward and embarrasing as I had to try and establish breast-feeding in NICU . Although I hope to be home asap this time, what do you all recommend incase I get stuck in again?

Also anyone else getting serious Braxton Hicks? I don't remember them starting so early last time....

thank god you got away Saka. Building a new life for yourselves is a brave thing to do-definitely sounds like the right thing for your family. As the others have said, having young kids is a great way to meet people.

Hum-not sure what to pack for hospital. Wore a big t-shirt in labour last time but had taken it off by the time I gave birth. Think I will do the same again. I remember not being impressed at the photos taken the next day, when the track suit bottoms I was wearing were somehow exposing my belly and they were sent out to EVERYONE. So this time am definitely wearing something a little more flattering for the day after birth photo shoots! Someone bought me those nighties that unbutton at the front but don't remember wearing them-but it is all a bit of a blur.

DH has taken DD to the supermarket as he is buying dinner for our anniversary meal, so I have some time to myself. Hurrah.

By the way Emmy01 I couldn't see you added to the due date list (or I may just have been very unobservant!)

Mamado I am not noticing braxton hicks which is odd, as they were really noticeable last time and I thought they were supposed to get stronger the more pregnancies you have had?

saka, i married a foreigner first time round too. he became increasingly violent and controlling so had to leave. v. messy the whole divorce in different country than that you married in etc and that was only france. i had to have alot of help before i didn't blame myself anymore and because by the time i left my confidence had slid to the ground. it sounds like your situation is a much more rapid transition from lovely man so v. different and harder. i found a wonderful sturdy normal dh 2nd time round and finally feel like i'm shedding the ghost now. it only took 2 years from leaving disaster to feeling happy with new bloke so life really does get better even when it seems horrible.
you sound like you're doing fantastically, especially without family support. as dogsmum said, well done for getting out of there, v brave.
sallyrosie how about going to kensington high street on the tube from covent garden. should take 30mins or so but you do have to change tubes a bit. then you could do some leisurely window shopping-hennes, topshop, m&s, plus all the rest. you could grab a sandwhich at pret a manger just at exit of tube and wander down to kensington gardens for small walk(10 minutes away) and then install yourself in the cafe there. it's a really beautiful building which used to be kensington palace greenhouse and you can get a pot of tea and rest there for a few hours with your book.
whiffy-i'm up for a xmas meet up, that would be great.

Hello - did introduce myself before, but seem to have been more forgetful than usual, can I join in again please?
Saka - was just reading about your mothercare nightmare too.
Anyway - hello again everyone.
I live in kent and have dd-11 and ds-7 and am due 1st oct. Am huge!!! No really.... swollen like a sponge in the bath!
Does anyone live in Kent?
I am also craving ice sooooo badly.
Sorry for fragmented rambling, am a bit fuzzy tonihgt.
But hello again anyway.

have added saka and morespamthanglam, apologies if got it slightly wrong:

Babies Due:
1st - Whiffy, baby girl, 2nd baby, DS 2.10yrs
-morespamthanglam, 3rd baby,dd11yrs, ds 7yrs
2nd
3rd - Jobot, baby boy, 2nd baby, dd 14 months.
4th
5th
6th
7th
8th
9th - Seona1973, baby boy, 2nd baby, dd 2.9yrs
=====Tigerlion, baby girl, 2nd baby, ds 12 months
---Highlander, baby boy, 2nd baby
---Hana, baby girl, dd1 5, dd2 19 m
10th - mamado, baby girl, 2nd child, dd 2.8 yrs
=====nicand2, baby boy, 2nd baby ds 21 months
=====majormoo, boy, 2nd baby, dd 3
11th - Emzickle, baby girl, first baby
===== chilligirl, first baby but flavour unknown!
12th - Swizzler, first baby, colour unknown
13th - Justers, first baby, colour unkown
--Mrs Blobby, baby boy, first baby
=======marthahm, unknown type, first baby
--jmcmugwump first baby unknown flavour
--saka-2nd baby blue, dd3yrs old
14th Luboo - 1st baby - pink one
15th
16th Girlygale1 - pink! (1st date) 2nd baby dd 2
17th
18th
19th
20th clon, first baby, girl
21st DogMum, first baby. Emmy01 first baby colour unknown.
22nd nowanearlyNicemum - colour unknown, 2nd baby, dd 1.11
23rd Girlygale1 - pink!2nd baby dd 2(2nd date!)
-Binbon2 - colour unknown, 2nd baby, DS 3.25
24th -Wuzzlefraggle, first baby, pink one!!
25th
26th
27th
28th
29th
30th Bendyb- first baby, blue 1!
31st Gingeme, baby boy, 4th baby, 3x ds 12, 11 & 2.4
---- Catgirl, colour unknown, 2nd child, 1ds who is 4 in 2 weeks

Babies Born (!!)
August 23rd XxXKatXxX Girl 2lbs

we seem to have lost loads on first list so i've done it again:

Babies Due:
1st - Whiffy, baby girl, 2nd baby, DS 2.10yrs
- sallyrosie, 2nd baby, scan said a boy. 2 1/2 yr old dd
-morespamthanglam, 3rd baby,dd11yrs, ds 7yrs

2nd
3rd - Jobot, baby boy, 2nd baby, dd 14 months.
4th
5th
6th
7th
8th
9th - Seona1973, baby boy, 2nd baby, dd 2.9yrs
=====Tigerlion, baby girl, 2nd baby, ds 12 months
---Highlander, baby boy, 2nd baby
---Hana, baby girl, dd1 5, dd2 19 m
10th - mamado, baby girl, 2nd child, dd 2.8 yrs
=====nicand2, baby boy, 2nd baby ds 21 months
=====majormoo, boy, 2nd baby, dd 3
11th - Emzickle, baby girl, first baby
===== chilligirl, first baby but flavour unknown!
12th - Swizzler, first baby, colour unknown
13th - Justers, first baby, colour unkown
--Mrs Blobby, baby boy, first baby
=======marthahm, unknown type, first baby
--jmcmugwump first baby unknown flavour
--saka-2nd baby blue, dd3yrs old
14th Luboo - 1st baby - pink one mmmmmchocolate 2nd baby dd 2 last week blue one due.
15th
16th Girlygale1 - pink! (1st date) 2nd baby dd 2
17th
18th
19th
20th clon, first baby, girl
21st DogMum, first baby.
22nd nowanearlyNicemum - colour unknown, 2nd baby, dd 1.11
23rd Girlygale1 - pink!2nd baby dd 2(2nd date!)
-Binbon2 - colour unknown, 2nd baby, DS 3.25
24th -Wuzzlefraggle, first baby, pink one!!
25th
26th
27th
28th
29th
30th Bendyb- first baby, blue 1!
31st Gingeme, baby boy, 4th baby, 3x ds 12, 11 & 2.4
---- Catgirl, colour unknown, 2nd child, 1ds who is 4 in 2 weeks
---- EmilyTurner, 2nd baby, 1 dd

Thanks for adding me!!!

thanks for adding me too!

Cant sleep...

Anyone fancy helping me choose a name for the baby? Girls names are easy...but since this one looks very much like a boy...

If it was a girl I would chose the Japanese girls name Shika - pronounced She-kah. Middle name Lillith.

My daughter's first name is a name both in Japan and the western world, very English middle name...Japanese boys names are more difficult...There is a choice of ken+ending - like Kenji, Kenshin, Kento...or Kai+ending like Kaito, Kaima....those are the only two that sound vaguely western...

I like the name Adam, also like Zach, and Luke, but nothing really stands out. Surname begins with an F...

What do people reckon...English first name, Japanese second name? I dont want him to be bullied or really stand out a lot.

any suggestions?

saka we have been through millions of names here on this thread and are just about as stuck as you I think. We have decided the name as we know we are having yet another boy! And were sticking to an oldie but goodie. Edward. His middle name will be my grandads name Sidney as all my boys have their grandads name as middle names or other family members. Though I havnt told any of my family the name yet not even my other ds's as we have already told everyone the sex of the baby we should have atleast one secret dont you think? Why dont you try the library for name books? Or as I did looked in the name book they were selling in Asda and pretend you are going to buy it. Anyway Im off to bed now for what its worth. So Ill bid you a goodnight and a good weekend xxx

Oh Saka, glad to see you are dealing with life's problems so well. Hopefully a well-deserved purple patch is on it's way. I think that you can get yourself divorced in any country that you have a logical attachment to (ie country of birth or where you are living or where you got married) and that the only thing that determines where you get divorced is where the first set of papers are lodged (apparantly lots of americans are moving over to UK specifically so they can file divorce papers here, because financial split of assets more generous in UK courts). So I would advise you to call a solicitor in UK ASAP to get something filed (I suspect it will slide if you wait till after the baby and he might get in first and get it all done in Japan). That way you'll get awarded a divorce quickly and a share of assets, though it would be almost impossible to extract anything from Japan probably. I do sympathise - I've spent a fair bit of time working in Japan in the past and it really is an incredibly patriachical place (probably not the right word but can't think of a better one) - I was amazed at how Japanese women accepted their lot over there.... a very very foreign country. I wish you the very best of luck. I have a friend who is physically stuck in Sth Africa because her marriage to a Sth African has fallen through and the courts won't let her take the children out of the country, so I guess it is really good that you have sucessfully got yourself and DD safe, out of the situation and settled back in UK - things can only go up from here on and 30 a great age to be clearing the decks and stepping into new life.

In terms of boys names, could you not go for something ending with an 'N'? I thought 'n' endings were OK in the Japanese language? That way names like Keiran and Cameron might be possibilities... or if you want something to go witht he surname how about Finian or Fergus or Finlay. Or maybe not - possibly too many celtic associations showing through here....

GlamSpam, I live in deepest Kent near Faversham....where are you living? There is a girl based near Hythe/Ashford trying to organise a Kent meet soon - check out the meet-up threads for details...

In terms of nighties etc, I ended up in just a bra last time and the hospitals here don't provide gowns for after birth so this time round the plan would have been top half of a tankini for birth (except no longer needed as going for C-S), and for the days after birth I have just got the most FAB nighties from Debenhams designer collection - John Rocha - which aren't maternity but so beautiful I had to have them (so I just bought them one size up so that I can drop the shoulders down for B/F). If you go to debenhams dot com and click on lingerie/nightwear/nightdresses the John Rocha ones are the first two on the page. Just fab. I also saw a decent maternity nightie on the blooming marvellous website. Having also had some dreadful pictures last time I was very determined to get it right this time.

Sallyrosie, my favourite place in Central London for chilling out would be St Christohers Place which is a less than one minutes' walk from Bond St tube station (check the map at the station entrance or ask for directions, as easy to miss) - it's a pavement area chock full of cafe's and eateries like Carluccio's etc. There's also Selfridges and Jigsaw nearby if you fancy some retail therapy... Alternatively if the weather is glorious I'd recommend lunch on the terrace at Chez Gerrard in Covent Garden itself great view and greeat steak-frites

On the subject of nighties, as I said in a earlier posting, i've bought a cheapie one for birth to throw away but I went into mamas and papas yesterday and they have a lovely new range of stuff, lovely nighties and pj's, they aren't cheap but I'm seriously tempted to treat myself to something nice for after the birth - just to cheer me up and make me feel more human. I seem to remember spending a lot of time in nightwear after Ds was born!!

M&P also had a really nice range of toiletries for mums, birth and babies, so tempted to spalsh out but am supposed to be watching the pennies!!

Good afternoon ladies.I wright with news of tonic water and cramp. I went to a bbq yesterday and a friend of the hosts happened to be a midwife. So I settled myself next to her for the afternoon and got chatting. A few of your ears may have been burning. And I asked her was there any truth in tonic water being good for cramps? She said with such a tiny amount of Quinine thats actualy in it no. Unless your drinking it with gin or vodka which would probably take your mind off the cramp a bit(yes she was joking). She has been a midwife for 35 years and said she has many different 'cures' for cramp but nothing to her knowledge realy stops it. Sorry ladies but thats straight from the horses mouth.

hi all

Im new to this site!!
My baby is due on the 29th oct so only 8 weeks too go am getting very nervous now as this is my first, so i hope i can get to no you all!!!

these are possible causes of leg cramps and some solutions from babycentre:

Muscle fatigue isn't the only reason you may be suffering from leg cramps. Too much phosphorus (found in processed meat, snack foods, and soda) and too little calcium and potassium circulating in your blood can also cause muscle spasms.

And a third reason is that as your uterus expands, it can put pressure on the nerves leading from your trunk to your legs.

Try our BabyCentre tip and eat a banana or drink a glass of milk before bed for a quick calcium and potassium boost. Don't take any herbal or vitamin supplements without first discussing it with a medical herbalist.

Here are some other tips for keeping muscle spasms at bay:
? Avoid standing or sitting with your legs crossed for long periods of time.
? Rotate your ankles and wiggle your toes when you sit, eat dinner, or watch TV.
? Stretch your calf muscles (see How to get rid of leg cramps, below) several times before you go to bed.

I have now washed some crib bedding and put away all my freshly washed newborn and 0-3 month bodysuits and sleepsuits. Most of them are unisex cast offs from dd but will do for this one as well. Have bought some maternity towels from tesco and some breastpads (half price tommee tippee ones from tesco) as well as some bottles and a steriliser (I plan to start by breastfeeding but want some bottles about the house too 'just in case' - they were also half price at tesco - tommee tippee closer to nature ones)

Hi everyone

Just a note to say I had to go into hospital last week with a suspected blood clot on the lungs. They couldn't understand my feeling weak, racing pulse and fainting fits. They took blood from my wrist and found I had low C02 and high Ox and that is why I am hyperventilating. I am also anaemic and have low blood pressure as a result. But the clot thing scared the hell out of me but ECGs and xrays later, they ruled it out. But I had to stay overnight. I heard three babies being born as I had to sleep on the labour ward. Not the most pleasant of stays.

So, I have iron tablets and they will take a week to kick in. The docs in the hospital were shocked my midwife didn't do my bloods at 28 weeks because I "looked ok".

So clinging on in there. Hope you are all ok.

Tahakyou seona will try some banana before bed though I do have one with my breakfast. I rotate my ankles at every oppertunity. Sounds like your getting organised now. I was thinking last night when is the best time to bring the moses basket and chair up from the shed. Think Ill wait a bit longer. Got 8 weeks to go.
Oh my Emily youve been through it. Glad your ok now.Why did you have to stay on labour ward though? Dont understand that.Well Ive got 10 mins then I take my 2 year old ds to for his first day at pre school. Hes taking it all in his stride as he does everything else. Think Im a bit nervous though. Silly isnt it?
Well I hope your all well. Take Care xxx

Welcome youngmum21. Hope you are well. Anything you want to air or snipe or just generaly join in the conversation feel free to. xx

Hi everyone - Emily it sounds like you have had an awful time, and Saka, thank goodness you are here and safe now. Like everyone said, use this thread to vent all your anger and anxieties!

I ended up in hosp last night .. I've been having really strong braxton hicks, every 10 mins and feeling sick along with serious lower back ache, got to hosp, on machine and not one single braxton hicks!!! Felt like a total fraud, in tears, dh sitting twiddling his thumbs, not even asking if I feel ok, turns out I have a water infection that is irritating my uterous - mamadoo, it might be worth getting checked out if you too are experiencing really strong ones.

Am really tired and depressed. Meant to be going to work tonight, but don't think I can face it. My house is a mess, my dd is now knows every word to Madagasgar film as I keep putting it on for her while I try to get things done - although no energy.

From feeling a little aprehensive about having an early baby last night, I'm kinda dissapointed as it would have meant that I wouldn't be pregnant anymore. Is that totally selfish?

Just fed up and not thinking straight I think.

The when I read what some of you others have been through I feel totally melodramatic and feel I just have to pull my socks up and get on with it!

Sorry. Really needed to vent. Gonna watch madagasgar with dd and have a little sob!!!!!!