May 2014 - the Maybies get even closer to Definitely!!

[ClearlyMoo]

I've been brave and started a new thread. Hope the name is ok....

impatiently you'll need lots of sheets. Babies puke and shit on an awful lot of things!

Pillow cases will do for moses basket sheets so you don't really need to bother with those if you already have lots of pillow cases. Also get some blankets.

I've got a wool one, a fleece one, a cellular one and some cover sheets. It's handy to have a few blankets - they're handy. And once again, will probably be shat/puked on a lot. Don't get cot duvets - babies can't have them until they're about 1 year old.

Get a cot mattress cover too - unless your mattress has a take-off-able cover.

I haven't bought much bedding - just a few blankets. I really need to get a cot mattess and sheets!

2 months?!? ARGH!

AliOh don't listen to her... DH will be flying across from Zim and we're trying to plan his travel around the 'most probable time for birth' but if bean arrives early then he'll be jumping on the next plane and it'll be 24hrs + until he can get to me so like you, really hope he'll be there, but if not then it's not the end of the world and he's got a life-time to bond!!

I think I'm inclined to believe that how they are as fathers is going to outweigh substantially whether they can be there for the actual birth so don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

I know we'll be devastated if they can't make it obviously but comments like your 'acquaintances' are not helpful!!! grr!!!

Moomin. I'm surprised
You haven't got to the point where u have told ur oh to run to his mummy and keep running and not to come back!!! I applaud u for keep trying to get him to come
To his senses! But I personally would be at the end of my tether with him now! I would also have given him the ultimatum ..... U either go to ur mums and don't come back or u support me and your child like you said you would!!

I feel your always going to be second to these people

Ali, my dad is a fireman, he works shifts and funnily enough can't just up and leave when my mum went into labour, he had to wait for someone to come and take over, hope there wasn't a shout he had to attend whilst waiting for cover etc.

I'm one of 6 children, my dad was there for 1 missed 2(me!) and 3 made it for 4,5 and 6. I can honestly say as a 26 year old him not being at my birth hasn't made a jot of difference to our relationship! For 22 years I was his baby girl and I still am! (My baby sister was born when I was 22!) my brother who's birth he missed is his first born son and he couldn't be prouder.

That woman is talking crap!! Ignore, ignore ignore

At our first NCT class on Saturday the teacher was very keen to point out that you should consider who your birth partner would be, and not just assume that it would necessarily be your DP if he was going to be uncomfortable/just generally not that helpful. So she didn't think the bonding would be an issue!

Who is the other member of is that's works for the nhs, is it u cbeeboes?

bornin i work for the nhs but mental- probably similar policies though?

moomin your dh is really taking the piss biscuit and I would take advice from all these fantastic and powerful women and start handing out ultimatums. First the weekend, then the birth, then the parents evening, what else? Birthdays? Graduation? When will HIS IMMEDIATE FAMILY come first? (Ie you and bean) babies are hard enough to look after without looking after him too.

Everyone else, sorry I can't individually comment- am on phone and can't scroll back! I think mrsfoo you had aknobbish fil to deal with? I told my fil that he wasn't welcome in my house :) good luck

alioh and bushprincess I love my dh dearly but he is a useless feck when it comes to needles hospitals and blood. It doesn't make one bloody dot of difference whether they mKe it for the actual pushing bit!!

If things don't improve, as soon as the baby is born I'll be going home to my parents, he can come and see me when he can. If he thinks a 2 hour journey is nothing to go and look after his parents' dogs, then he won't think anything of it to come and see his baby.

It's so hard because I love him, I really do, I'm just sick of seeing how his parents and sister 'win' every time when it isn't even a contest, or at least it shouldn't be - it should just be common sense, he helped create this baby, he's got to help when things get serious too.

I'm getting stressed about not having somewhere to live, housemates - one's moved his girlfriend in without paying any extra, they do two loads of washing every day and now the meter's run out for the washing machine and we're all going to have to pay to top it up -, the pains in my scar are getting so much worse I think we'll be lucky to make it to that weekend without me ending up in hospital or even baby making an appearance, and none of those are his fault but the one place he can help, he's been put into such an awkward situation by his mum and sister (can't blame his dad because his dad is so laid back he's practically horizontal, and doesn't 'do' putting pressure on people... curiously enough I get on better with his dad hehe ).

If his sister wants them to have a holiday so much, she should reschedule her weekend away and drive the 10 minutes to look after the dogs, rather than making OH travel the two hours to do it. That, and OH should tell her to do it too!

MEN!!!!

Not really got any friends who can stay with me, a lot of them work and those that don't, can't travel to where we'll (hopefully) be living easily and staying with my parents is possible, but I'm getting jittery now about everything, and the road to the hospital closes at the barest hint of snow, and is notorious for closing in floods/high winds too, it's not a risk I really want to take.

If he does decide to use his balls and tell them, great. If not... well we'll see where that leads us. Thankfully got my mum down as my other birth partner (we're allowed two) and apparently her 'birth partner bag' (she's so excited bless her ) is in the car ready for her to just jump in, bundle my dad and my brother and sister in the car, and drive up if I do go into labour

Nanny, I too work in nhs,
But not sure I've had the proper risk assessment done as needed! How
Would I know if I have

I work for the nhs though it is days like today I wish I didn't!

Ali My mum's made no secret of the fact that my dad was hopeless around births. Mine he was brilliant, but he was 23 at the time and my mum has an older brother with friends he was scared of

With my brother, he walked out on her three weeks before the baby was due, among other sins and she was surprised he came back, but apparently he was great for the birth.

With my sister she nearly gave birth in the car in the middle of a thunderstorm in the middle of nowhere, because he wouldn't take her to hospital until he'd finished reading his emails.

Him being 'there but not quite all there', if you get what I mean, hasn't impacted the relationship between us all in any way - that woman is talking rubbish. Surely WANTING to be there, and what they do afterwards as fathers, is the important thing - if circumstance gets in the way, it is no reflection on the love or dedication to the baby, and wouldn't have any bearing on the bonding.

Moomin glad you have your mum and she is there for you thats so nice and reasuring.

i think i spoke to soon when did doing a week shoping feel like a marathon? had a tantrum a two year old would have been proud of half way round at poor DH, turned round to see someone we know WHY WHY, i can going food shopping for years and never meet anyone i know, but the day i have a melt down typical DH just smiled bless him, now im sat with feet up resting well he does stuff for me
oh well feel proper pregnant now

ali if its any help it is only reasently men have been involved in births but have always been there to help raise children and had close bonds,
i have visions of my DH being passed out on the floor hehehe

My risk assessment was done at 18 weeks and 24 weeks (also to be reviewed at 30 weeks but I'm on a/l) and was a printed document that we had to go through with manager and sign to confirm. It contained things like ensuring COSHH document was up to date, that I didn't come into contact with a big list of chemicals, if I used a vdu/ PC a lot then it had a big bit about making sure it was safe- other bits included breaks and work environment/uniform if applicable.

Basically I knew I had had it and confirmed in formal signature that both my manager and myself were content that there was no risk to me at that current time.

Also make sure that a change form is completed and a declaration of maternity is sent with your original matb1 to SBS (payroll for nhs) check with manager/ hr team as otherwise your maternity pay won't kick in!

I think of my dh had the option to breast feed he would do that, be main carer and send me back to work after 2
Weeks leave!!!

Nanny!! I also work for nhs in a ward and I haven't had any of that
Done!!! I have been in touch with payroll who have received matb1 and who will be in touch when. My payments are all arranged to let me know what my payments shall be

Oh dear! Well Until recently i worked for HR before moving to the 'front line' so I guess they're a bit more hot on adhering to policies but I would def check your maternity policy!! And they prob have a new/expectant mother policy too that it's worth checking out too if your plannin on returning

moomin it wouldn't be seen as 'failing' if you went back to your parents. It might be worth making that the main plan, so you know someone can support you at first with the baby too - and then if you happen to find a house first for you and dp then great but it takes the pressure off massively!

The last thing you want/need is worry about knobby housemates when you are severely sleep deprived or whether you have washing machine credit when you have four hundred (ish) poo soaked babygros to boil.

Baby first priority- your dp will come to his senses eventually, he's trying to be a people pleaser and it will probably come to a head in a big argument at some point but you don't need the stress ! Not with so many other factors

Apparently my assessment is waiting to be done ..... A little late at 31 weeks?

Oh Moomin...I'd just let him get on with it now rather than upset yourself any more. You're mum sounds like she would be a great birth partner.

On the bonding with dad topic...what a load of rubbish. Yes we'd all love our partners to deliver our baby (which we breathe out obviously ) cut the cord with zen music playing in the background but life isn't sodding like that. It's quite possible my DH might not get there for the birth of this one as he works away quite a bit and I have a feeling it could be a quick labour but I'll just get on with it and he'll bond with bubs just the same.

I'm more annoyed that my mum and dad have booked a holiday for a week away when I'll be 38 weeks...mmm. Could have done with them to help with DS 1 if I go into labour...will have to draft in a friend, families eh...who'd av em?? Not sure why they couldn't go some other week in the year! Can see it just being me and the midwife which will be fine as I just went into the zone last time anyway and wanted my own space and peace and quiet :)

Feeling proper preggo now and made the huge mistake or getting on the scales yesterday. It was not pretty!! Mind you, I then set to work doing some deforestation of the fanjo (wax and various mirrors) and defo should have weighed myself afterwards and not before! At least a stone of body hair banished :) :) now feel a bit more like myself.

30 weeks today woo hoo

After yesterday's scare I decided to WFH today. Good decision! Today has been an utter nightmare. I've never felt pain like this in my life. Phoned MW this am she thought it sounded like UTI which antibios not working for. Got emergency GP appt. He said nothing to do with UTI (!) it's "just" PGP! Prescribed Zapain 30mg (codeine phosphate) and paracetamol 500mg tablets tablets. Leaflet said not suitable for pregnant ladies and could cause breathing problems with baby

Why why why! Anyway was thinking wait til I've seen MW tomorrow then had another attack of pain. Ended up on bed unable to get up and DH came along finding me sobbing. He's been brilliant today. Taking me to GP and making lunch and currently dinner and buying me a stash of choc!

However just now he seemed bored by whole thing and annoyed with me for not taking Zapain and had little sympathy with my sobbing again. I was trying to change into PJs and ended up lying on floor half dressed using pj bottoms as pillow. I can't believe how much pain this is. I'm going to be the worlds biggest wimp in labour at this rate. If this is PGP and I have to put up with this pain for 2-3months I'll go crazy. Anyway ended up taking one tablet as DH convinced me GP wouldn't have prescribed if it was really going to hurt baby and that how else was I going to get up (valid point). I managed to get myself downstairs in pjs and sitting on Swiss ball now. My darling DH has certainly had his patience tested and most of his day interrupted by me and my sobbing/taking me to GP!

I'm unconvinced about PGP still wonder if UTI related as I've suffered chronic back pain in past and it's nothing like this.

Sorry to go on. Especially when everyone else has their own problems.

Moomin when your DP spies your baby he's going to want you both as close as possible. Don't worry about that! I think a contingency plan with your Mum as BP sounds like a good plan. Xxx

Codeine and paracetamol is co-coda mol and is fine to take in pregnancy up until 36 weeks according to my gp and senior registrar at hospital! I've been taking it for back ache this weekend!

If ure not happy with the care your getting take yourself off to triage it sounds like your not managing and could potentially benefit from complete bed rest!!!

Get well soon xxx

Argh. Sorry people are having so many insensitive turd comments from people. My Dad wasn't allowed into the room when my eldest two siblings were born in the early 70s, he's a fine relationship with them.

I'm itchy! Have I mentioned that? Once or twice? A day? For over a month? I would gladly chop my feet off right now.

Clearly, I took codeine phosphate for spd first time around. Perfectly healthy whopping great boy, try not to worry.

it is pretty hideous but I dint find it an 'attack' like pain, mine us constant, worse after walking and hideous at night in bed, but there us a pretty consistent pattern if pain and weakness at all times.

born in, do you mind me asking what dosage cocodamol is please? I saw mw today who chased physio referral,but also put me up a prescription for tomorrow. In the meantime I have a stash of various painkillers from rheumatoid arthritis and now wondering whether anything would safely help. I know I have codryadamol (sp) and might have coco too if I dig deep!!

I know plenty of men who have been present at birth and selfish absent fuckers afterwards so it doesn't mean shit. Mind you I have the worlds most squeamish DP (seriously a 6"3 wimp of highest order) who up until the birth didn't think he could cope but i was adamant that if i could he could. He held my hand pretty silently throughout but got loads from,it, it didn't freak him out and HE cant wait to do it again - that's for those of you with similar uselesswimps squeamish darlings x

I reckon my dh is going to be a squeamish wimp too! The only reason I'm writing in my birth plan that he cuts the cord is because I have a dark sense of humour and I want to see him squirm!