May 2014 - the Maybies get even closer to Definitely!!

[ClearlyMoo]

I've been brave and started a new thread. Hope the name is ok....

That's a great post Xavielli, ditto Moomin.

Thanks everybody! :D

Best of luck to you all
X

I can see why your OH is bothered about "rocking the boat", sounds like he's been at the mercy of his odd sister and parents all his life and considers it "not worth the fuss" to "make waves".
It's something he really needs to do, though. He has a baby on the way and he made the promise to you twice, moving in and when you got pregnant. Bornin makes a good point, if a scary one; is he really serious about still being at his family's beck-and-call and being a father who's involved in his child's life? Because at the moment, the most important part of his journey into fatherhood is risking coming second to his odd parents and his reluctance to make waves. That's just not on.

Oh gosh, and HOORAY mammysam

Congratulations mammysam*

moomin your OH had the balls to get you pregnant so he needs to have the balls to stand up to his fucked up family! Your his priority now and they need to be told that, by him. God I'd love to give them all a slap for you right now.

Congrats mammysam!

moomin - I agree with what everyone else had said. I definitely wouldn't want dh going anywhere that far away at that stage of pregnancy. You and baby need to be put first, both in the run-up and after the birth.

I can't remember who asked about pgp physio, but I've usually had to take my trousers off and she's pulled my top up at the back. She usually does some massage of my thighs so I generally try to make sure I shave before my appointments.

Exciting day for us - we finally ordered our travel system (and also the carpet for the nursery).

Congratulations mammysam, thank you for coming back to let us know! Wonderful news.

Moomin DS arrived at 36+0 - what do they expect your DP to do if the baby is already here? Leave you both so he can spend the whole wkend at their house tending to their pets? He can't commit to anything for definite, so they will have to make a backup plan regardless, and logically speaking that person should be the first choice, not DP.
They're being shortsighted.
Now is the time for boat-rocking anyway - he needs to set out as he means to continue, and that means putting the baby and you first. If he can't do that now, then you know you'll be feeling like this again and again until you snap. Time for him to locate his balls.

Thanks for all the support. Trying to start a convo with him, not easy right now

We've been together 3 years. He's the youngest of the family and also very different, they're all quite bolshy and pushy, he's very shy and reserved and has definitely always been the skivvy, for sure.

Will update on what he says.

Congrats Mammysan - I'm thrilled for you. Wishing you a straightforward pregnancy xxx

I'm slightly entertained by how all the lovely Maybies have come out all vitriolic re Moomin in-law situation. You go sisters! Moom if only they knew they had the wrath of 20+ waddling gestating ladies with ungroomed lady gardens.... That might make them think twice -hah!

In all seriousness tho, everyone is right. You might have had Baby Moom by then or be about to. He has to stand up and say no to them.

As for me. Hormonal.com here... I just burst into tears because I love DH so much and I love spending time with him and I want our baby badly but I'm scared of more change. This time last year we were planning our wedding and living an hour apart from one another and had never slept together, and now we're about to bring a baby into the world and I just want to be ready bad I don't feel ready! This baby is the most wanted thing and we are both so excited but I just have wobbly moments - it's hormones right?

I personally wouldn't have a chat!! I would have a full on pregnancy rage to get to point made!!

Many congrats mammy, wishing you all the very best!

moomin, same as the others - 38weeks is too late for either of you to go anywhere. I'm Wondering about how you can support him though. He might feel more confident going to his parents about this if he feels part of a team with you. So rather than get angry & upset (which would be my first reaction!) maybe say you understand why it's difficult to say no and you really understand the situation he is in. But at this point you're both prioritising your child (no me or my language). Offer to be with him when he speaks to his parents if that's appropriate or even just sit with him at his end of the phone. He's not choosing between you & them - you're both uniting for your LO. Hope that makes sense. Yes he needs to get his act together but he might need your help.

That could have gone better... First he got angry and defensive, 'I just want them to have a holiday', then turned it on me because my family are more involved than his are, and now I think he's in self pity mode, im lucky to have so many friends, the ones on his course aren't like the ones on my course, which is true bur I can't change that.

I told him I can't make his family get involved and act interested, none of my friends are waddling around with a beach ball under their top and that I couldn't care less where I come on his list of priorities as long as baby is at the top and right now it doesn't look that way.

He's going to speak to his parents tomorrow about getting someone else to help, but I can tell he's pissed off and so am I but I just feel awful, lying in bed crying. Baby isn't happy either, think the emotions have set off some painful Braxton hicks :(

Thanks for the advice everyone. Looks like what happens now is up to him.

clearly sounds about right! I've been more hormonal lately. Or for the past 7 months at least! You're going through a major life change for ever and ever so it would be normal to think those things, never mind all the crazy pregnancy hormones sloshing about too! It has been a while since I've cried about our lives changing forever and doing the baby thing again (ds is 9 so I can barely imagine going back to sleep deprivation and being a mum to a baby) so I'm due another breakdown any day

moomin you're a lot calmer and more diplomatic than I am. I'd have said something like "fine, go to your parents that weekend. Find somewhere else to live when you come back though". It's totally insane for him to think of going away from you then and it also sounds like he's projecting his own guilt about his lack of balls onto you with all the other reasoning and "poor me" crap he's coming out with.
After I had ds, his dad wasn't up to scratch. Not that I wanted perfection, but it's way too long to get into at 3am on here! He was worse than your oh though. Anyway, the protective mama bear instinct kicked in and he was told to man up, wise up or fuck off. We were both young, 21/22. Now he's got his wife who won't take the shit I put up with and I wouldn't hesitate to say the same thing to dh now. Baby comes first, it takes some people a lot of time to get used to that. If they ever do!

I'm rambling now, sorry. But be strong and don't apologise for it either! You are right in this, have courage in your convictions. He's not doing you a favour by not going, he's doing what he should do by not going. X

Dobe, I would have said something
A lot more sweary wondered along the lines well, f@k u! U made ur descision to put ur parents
Before your unborn child don't think ill be here waiting for u! Call me when u find ur balls and backbone!!

I have really bad back ache about half
Way up my back and a stabbin pain in my left
Thigh!!! No position is
Comfortable!!

Remind me again how long
Til baby comes

Bless you Moomin, as if its not all hard enough.

I think its also about you putting you and the baby first too, don't be apologetic for that, you guys are a package now and that's it.

I think he's projecting too. Its going to sound patronising and I don't mean it to but he's young, and selfish, and a boy and this baby is going to come into,your lives and demand to come first, and for a while
at least is going to dictate everything you do, AND when you do it and that, is bloody hard. Its the hardest thing, if its poor me now then he needs to get a grip.

I hope you are ok this morning and like the others said, he managed to find his balls. Please don't upset yourself and the baby, you maintain that cool calm dignity and know that you'll be ok because you're going to be a wonderful mum x

Bornin - backache half way up could be kidneys? Perhaps pee in a pot and pop it to the MW incase of infection?

Moomin - I understand that he's probably just as scared as a first time mother is by all the changes coming up but I wouldn't be pussy footing around it at the moment. It's happening and he's either in or he's out - long term. This is endemic of something much bigger it would seem to me.

Xav it's higher up than kidneys :-(

Moomin as others have said it's now about the baby & that needs to be his number 1 priority. If my dh suggested him doing that I would definitely go crazy! Has your oh thought what would happen if you did go into labour while he was away?

Just a quick question - can anyone recommend good maternity pads to get for after the birth please? I've heard if you do end up needing stitches some brands can really irritate the stitches!

mrsmummy I was just going to ask the same thing! I hear the boots ones are good, so I got some of those, but there was only one packet left in the store. I need more than ten pads I'm guessing!

Can anyone recommend any?

I always use the boots ones (as they're actually the cheapest I've seen) and buy about 10 packs of them. I've never had stitches though so don't know if they'd irritate them.

Poor you Bornin :( maybe just muscular - although your innards are all much higher up than normal remember xx

Wow xav, 10 packs! Are you going for the ultra slim or thicker? I'm thinking we'll need thicker for at least the first week?

I don't use the thin ones at all. There are only 10 in a pack and I bleed between 4-6 weeks so will have to buy more after birth too.

I've bought Boots ones too (been taking advantage of 3 for 2 on mum & baby stuff) - so far I've got a couple of packs of the slim ones and one pack of the thicker ones. Obviously know I need more but it's a start. Can anyone recommend good breast pads? Based on the Boots online reviews I wad planning to get Lansinoh ones, but they didn't have them instore so I haven't got any yet. I don't know how much they can really differ between brands, but then I don't really know much about anything!

moomin - hope things are a bit better this morning. Not sure if this would help but my dh has a book about becoming a Dad (called the Dad-to-be survival guide or something like that). I get frustrated when I feel like I'm the one doing all the research and telling him everything about what we'll need etc - we're a team and I don't want to make all the decisions myself. My point being, I'd be angry if it didnt occur to my dh that he might need to stay nearby at 38 weeks - it shouldn't really need you to tell him that. Maybe if he can do a bit of research on own he can learn about his responsibilities without either of you feeling like you're having to nag him? That was longer than I intended it to be but hope it makes sense!

Thicker definitely, the padding is lovely on your poor ravaged bits. I didn't use the slim ones either.

Also, the bleeding will be heavy and clotty at at first, so I think you need all the padding you can get. Boots are good, tesco fine too and mothercare do a type with aloe Vera for soothes....

I think breast pads are much of a muchness, but I had next to no leakage so not an expert.