December 2013 - Can we keep our legs crossed a little longer!?

[Stom91]

New thread x

Listening to everyone rant about their partners actually makes me feel ab it better knowing I dont have one to put me in a bad mood anymore.

Which reminds me to tell you all he has a new girlfriend WITH A NEW BORN BABY (Not his) its only been 2 months... It makes it harder for me to accept as i still dont know why he left me.

I dont get upset because I know now hes an ass and Im better off on my own:) plus I have all you lovely ladies to share my feelings with!

For those late comers my ex left me around 2 months ago after a 4 year relationship and no explanation at all!

frouby argh windows! My DH will NOT pay for a window cleaner and says he'll do it himself instead but it never gets done! Ok they get done once a year in the summer. I keep looking at them now thinking how dirty they are and can probably manage a few. I may need to threaten booking a window cleaner again...

Wow Chelsea he sounds delightful... You sound tough and sorted though - and definitely better off without!

There's someone on the FB group who went into hospital last night, I'm not sure what there mumsnet name is though, whisper or stom do you know who it is? I can never get the file with who everyone is to open on my phone from FB.

chelsea absolutely unbelievable, you are so strong I really admire you for getting through everything you have the last couple of weeks.

Generally my DH is great however if I have to ask him again tonight to change the cat litter (poor things really need a fresh one) or pick up his clothes from the floor I will go crazy, so far I've let him off because he's come home from work late but today he's hopefully finishing at 4 so no excuses.

Thinking of giving l+d a call.
Only felt bump move once since last night and even that wasn't very strong and I've tried everything from cold drinks to lying in side etc

Definitely give them a call alyssa even just for your own peace of mind

frouby I'm genuinely really angry for you! It drives me mad that people think they can just pick you up and drop you as and when they please. Funny how people's interest changes when there's a baby involved too - I've barely heard from any of my friends over the last few months but I can guarantee I'll have a barrage of requests to come and visit as soon as the little one arrives!
Glad to hear you've got an alternative arrangement sorted though (and Quality Street of course - chocolate makes everything better!)

Stom Totally agree with meandbumpy - if you're in a relationship, things should be shared and you should be able to accept each others decisions when it comes to things like what to spend money on. Oh and DP knows I can't stand any sort of aggression so there would be a lot of crying/ shouting/ ignoring if he threw something of mine!

meand There are 7 years between me and DP too but I don't think age has ever come into it once... If anything, he's a big kid and I've always felt/ acted older so I suppose we sort of meet in the middle! I did make lots of old man jokes when he turned 30 this year though

Chelsea Wow, what an arsehole... As the others have said, definitely more proof that you're better off without him! It sounds like you're dealing with all of this brilliantly though and I can already tell you're going to be a real inspiration to your little one when she finally decides to make an appearance!

Anyone else struggling to walk or even stand for short periods of time now? I've had back problems for most of my life but it was getting better after chiropractic treatment and lots of trips to the gym to strengthen it.
For the last couple of weeks I've had constant pains in my lower back and can't work out if it's the old injury flaring up again or just baby getting heavier and making everything hard work!
Starting to feel a bit useless now as I can't even walk to the shops without having to limp home afterwards!

Ooh and I think it was tulipsandbuttercups that went into hospital last night after having a show... All very exciting!

Liz I have always had a bad back but the past 2 weeks its 100 times worse If im standing and talking to someone i have to lean and walking makes it worse. I will walk for 10 minutes just a short journey then pay for it for the rest of the day. Best thing us to just rest if you can :)

Chelsea- you're so much better off for knowing this now! He sounds like someone who won't be helpful in your life anyway. Sorry if this is too nosy but have you been able to discuss support with him? He should at the very least financially support his child so you don't have money worries on top of everything else..

39+4 today but keeping my legs crossed as new boiler goes in tomo/Friday so would be highly inconvenient! lol.

Really really need to do a bit of laundry and batch cooking today. Have just about achieved getting washed and dressed but collapsed on sofa now with a raspberry leaf tea for a rest!

Mildred Once he left i tried calling for days for an explanation and to fond out whether he wants to be involved...i had no answer. I spoke to his mum but she isnt much help as she doesn't really know whats going on his life (he's in the army so not around much). The only information iv had is through mutual friends to say all he says about the situation is that he couldn't cope. Erm sorry you did nothing different than before i was pregnant.

Im thinking of going around to his friends flat one day next week because i know he's back there then and trying to talk to him and sort something. If he doesn't want to be involved I cant force him I just don't want him picking and choosing when to be in and out of my daughters life.

I know i can cope on my own i basically bring my little brother up and I was only 11 for about 4 years until my mum got back on track and he is a handful very naughty and nearly uncontrollable at times. Thats why im not really bothered whether he says yes or no to being involved just think its very selfish to push his own daughter away and play daddy to someone else's as he knows its less responsibility!

chelsea your ex is exactly like mine.
Left me at 12 weeks pregnant with ds1 and 2 weeks later was with his supposed best friends wife and moved her and her 2 kids into his house while also picking up and still fathering a boy from his relationship before mine (not his kid) this is the son of another supposed best friend not a very good friend to anyone my ex had nothing to to with me though entire pregnancy.
Saw ds1 when he was 3 days old in hospital, saw him maybe another 3 times in total and the last time he ever saw him was on Xmas day when ds was 4 weeks old and that was it!
He was initially paying support directly into my account I only asked him for £20 per week stupid as he was on a good wage and he stopped it out of nowhere and also changed his email and phone number.
I had to go through csa in the end and he now has to pay £200 per month.

He has since been married and they have a son together but him leaving us was the best hing he ever did and its now been 3 years with no contact between any of us, he pushed ds away and played dad to 3 kids that weren't his. It just proved to me how much of a selfish person he was and in no way would my son have benefitted from him being a part of his life.

In the beginning I sent pics to his mum and dad and she sent me a letter asking me never to contact her ever again. Somehow I ended up with the entire blame of her prick of a son not seeing his son, he blamed me for it all
Does not bother me anymore as me and him know the truth and he will always have to live with the knowledge he chose a women over his own son.

It's ds1 3rd birthday on Saturday and sometimes I still don't understand how none of them send a card, but overall my life is so much better and I actually thank him for ds1 and leaving as I wouldn't have ds2 and this one otherwise.

You are so much better off hunny and you're gonna be a great mum xx

Yes chelsea listen to Alyssa, she is wise!

My ex (and father to DD) is also a full weight wanker. He hasn't worked for about 7 years, was physically and emotionally abusive when we were together, walked out when I was 5 months pregnant, walked back in (and I was a fool to let him) when I was 8 months pregnant as he was out of a job and somewhere to live. And I had just rented a nice little house for me and DD.

I moved back to my mums (100 miles away) when DD was 4 months old and left the wanker where he was. Fucker followed me and I had 2 years of wankerness. Twice he took me to court for contact (even though I had begged him to see DD), harrassed and intimidated me, made my life generally stressfull and never paid anything towards her despite working AND taking me to court for contact lol.

He does see DD now, every other weekend. I have nothing to do with him as my mum handles the handovers. He is actually very good with DD to give him his credit, its just me that he is a bastard to. Well he was until he saw how big my DP is and funnily enough he has left me alone since then lol.

My advice to you, for what it is worth is to leave him to it. He knows where you are. Let him know when the baby is born and leave it at that and let him make any decisions re contact. If you want him to be involved (and I think it's natrual that we do want our babies to 'have a dad') then pushing him won't make that happen and will only upset you more. Let him come to you if and when he feels ready. But make sure any contact is on your terms not his.

And make sure as soon as she is here you get in touch with the CSA. As far as I know because he is in the forces (I think you said) he should be pretty keen to avoid the CSA taking legal action. But if you don't get anywhere with him be prepared to write to his CO. A private arrangement between the 2 of you is sometimes easier if he will co-operate.

Just sat and wrapped DDs christmas pressies up. Am exhausted now though lol. Think I'm going to have some soup and a little nap .

Ooh frouby pains....maybe maybe not?

chelsea frouby is also very wise and I very much second her advice Hun. Xx

alyssa your story is so sad but so full of strength at the same time. It does sound like you and your ds are much better off without him.
When my mum left my dad she didn't ask him for any support as he'd already declared he didn't want us kids and she just needed him out of her life. The judge ended up putting a restraining order on him in the end as he caused so much trouble. That was the best thing for her at the time and with benefits etc she got herself back on her feet and got our lives back on track eventually.
If you want to get support from your ex chelsea he wouldn't be able to refuse a decision made by the csa about how much money he'd need to give you. It might be a bit sad reducing the situation down to a money thing but by the sounds of him it would seem like it's the only area that he could be of use to you and LO. Some how he needs to face up to his responsibility.
I'm in no way a man hater or anything but it is so much easier for them to walk away from a child. It's a pretty tough adjustment for us women at the best of times but when the little angel is growing inside her there's simply no option to run away! The difference in consequence in changing your mine can be dramatically different for a man as for a woman and I don't think that's always fully appreciated.

Thanks meandbumpy I think at the time you don't know how you'll get through it but when I look back now I wish I could go and tell the old me to take everyone's advice as they were right lol.

Anyone else's thighs all achey, sort of like when you're getting flu? Which I better not, I've had the jab lol

chelsea - definitely take alyssa and frouby's advice - I'd also consider not trying to contact him until a few weeks after the baby's born. Make him make the effort - you don't need the stress at the moment. Keep talking to and updating his mum as she seems to be supportive of you. She can always pass on info if he asks. Other than that, just rename him "Wanker the Wondertwat".

The only time I have wanted to kill DH these last few weeks is when he works late. He says "I'll be home at 6" which can turn into 7 or 8 or ... I can't complain as he has taken a promotion for us and is such a methodical worker, he wants to do it all right but it still upsets me. However his work's approach flexi-time have let him go to every single MW appt, blood test and scan (I have helped a little by getting appts at 3:30pm onwards) so we are lucky there.

After spending yesterday scaring the bejesus out of me, Junior has gone gung ho with the cervix-nutting and stretching today. Make your mind up boy! I'm wrapping up prezzies too frouby

Thanks Alyssa&Frouby words of wisdom!
I will wait and see how things go doubt he will be interested as he wasn't when his mum told him I went into hosp the first. Twat!

Everything seems to have settled down no false alarms leakage or contractions with anyone last night or today! Iv probably jinxed it now

Hi all.
Chelsea sounds like frouby and Alyssa have given you very sound advice. I agree that you are being amazingly strong. can't quite believe there are such selfish arseholes out there. agree that you are well rid.
I just got back from hospital appt and lovely consultant offered a sweep even though I'm only 38+4. I jumped at the offer. it was 'uncomfortable' but good news is that she says cervix it's soft and thin and she was able to feel baby's head. she also said I'm 2-3 cm dilated. I'm trying not to get to excited as i know with second babies that's quite normal but I feel like the end is in sight at least.

Sorry for ranting last night. He went for a cig and then can and apologized. It's 5 years old than me but I'm a year younger than his sister so sometimes it feels like he acting like my dad but he doesn't see it

I'm full of cold today a feel utter rubbish.
I'm so fed up I could cry.

Oh Stom I know the feeling. I've spent all morning either cleaning or sobbing my heart out, I woke up feeling absolutely miserable and then something daft pushed me over the edge. I'm just so very fed up today.
chilli, that's great news though, hopefully it will do the trick!

Ooh Chilli that's exciting! Hope it works. What was their reasoning for giving you the early sweep?? If I'm dilating and thin at 38+ I wonder if I can do that too... Combination of SPD, no sleep and terrible adorable 2 year old is unmanageable!

I'm also having a shitty day. DS spent most of this morning yelling at me, he's taken to tactical pant wetting if I put him in time out, and now heating is buggered. On top of DH's bad job news, his company have also just announced they will no longer be doing their generous 2 weeks full pay paternity - just statutory now, which we had not factored into christmas budget.

BUMS.

Also all you single (or ex single) mums are an inspiration!

ITs so annoying that you can't take anything for a cold whole pregnant! I actually feel like death lol
Thanks god for netflix! Hahah is be going stir crazy otherwise lol.

seriously, chelsea, alyssa and frouby, and others who have had to deal with shit DPs, I really admire you. sometimes I think I'm so strong because of the things I deal with, but I have the support of the most wonderful man and I know I would not be able to do half of what I do without him. We are the same age (actually he's a year younger), and we've always made relatively the same amount of money - actually I have worked for longer than him and supported him when he went to do his MBA - so those money questions are never source of dispute. On the contrary he gets so mad at me when I apologize for buying this and that because it was expensive. He's been so awesome to me the whole pregnancy, comes to all my doctor appointments, helps me when I have leg cramps, etc.

Anyways, I'm a very lucky lady and I need to remember this. alyssa and frouby I'm glad you found someone else who treats you well because you deserve it. Chelsea you are handling this situation like a champ, and I have no doubt someone much much better will come along. Don't settle for a** holes.

On another note, I have had a couple of bad period cramp episodes last night. They last 5-10 minutes and it's really painful, but totally different from BH (which I get too) because it lasts longer and not accompanied by tightening. Anyone's had that or something similar? good sign? bad sign?