Spent over 90 minutes on the damn thing, but baby is fine!
Now for a whinge! I was supposed to have a home antenatal check and a homebirth assessment, which I was told was just to check a few last details.
Anyway, the midwife who came was just so negative, I felt quite stressed by the end. I mean they are supposed to be on call for me from next Saturday! And they have no one to cover a lot of the nights. For example Friday and Saturday this week aren't covered at all! That's 48 hours of no home birth cover! I feel exhausted from just wondering about it all. I really don't need this right now! I just want to feel like I'm going to get the care I need. I am yet to meet anyone who hasn't been negative about my plans, or in the least bit supportive. I'm beginning to feel like I'm up against the wall, and being backed in to a corner. I'm seriously considering not calling anyone out, and doing it alone, because I'll get more bloody peace of mind than wondering every day if anyone is going to be on call. I've tears running down my face just writing this. I feel like I'm going to be railroaded in to either going in, or doing it alone. No one will attend me at home in labour. Or so it feels. I just keep being told we will call an ambulance and then it is down to you to get in it and go to hospital. It's your own fault if you don't. I asked what the situation was if I was to be labouring, and the midwives attending come to the end of their shift and there is no one on call after. Guess what, I will be told to go in! 
I know it isn't individual peoples fault, it is the system, but it makes me so mad to think about it all.
I mentioned (wish I hadn't...) about the growth, and said that I had concerns that baby was smaller from early in the pregnancy, but no one else had picked up on it, or was concerned. I explained that I had been regularly monitoring the growth myself, and that although it was consistently on the smaller size, the growth was regular, and not static. It has been growing 1cm a week. Baby is very active, and I had no other concerns. I explained about the growth scan in work as my colleagues also felt the same as me, that the baby was on the smaller size, but that the scan showed everything was fine, but yes, smaller baby. Doppler, liquor volume and everything else was fine. Scan was reviewed by one of our consultants who said that had I gone with that scan to clinic there would be no further action unless fundal height dropped off further. I had a copy of the scan report to show her, where the consultant has written appropriately grown baby. No concerns.
So then she measured me, and (finally!) got the same measurement that I and my colleague got - 32cm at 35+5. She immediately became defensive, and put the pressure on to go to consultant clinic. I explained that I would do this, but not at this point, as you can't repeat a growth scan in under 2 weeks, and it would be a total waste of time to go to clinic at this point. I asked to be seen again next week and measured, and referred if there has been no growth, which I don't think is unreasonable. She then changed tack to DP to get him to persuade me to attend. She told him to ring her to discuss any concerns he had??!
I'm now feeling like some kind of crazy woman for daring to take responsibility for my own choices.
She rang me about an hour after she left and asked me to go for a CTG in day assessment this afternoon, which I have no problem with, I'm not in the business of harming my children (!!) and I want to know all is well. And I believe all is well in my heart. I just don't see the need to be referred to a consultant right at this point. Yes, next week if needs be. I am quite confident that the baby is following it's growth line, even if it is on the smaller size. And yes, the CTG was fine. And I was having regular braxton hicks
Oh, and to make today even worse - I've just been told all the birth pools are out with women, and chances are I won't be able to get one. So now I have 9 days to get one, and find £100 for it. Great.
Sorry. I needed to let some steam off :(