Due December 2012 - third thread, moving towards the second trimester!

[minipie]

Well, our nattering on the previous thread has used up 1000 posts and I can't see a new thread so here we go!

The list is below, please add yourself if you're missing!

Clarella - due Nov 28-30 DC#1
BigRedIndiaRubberBall - due 29 Nov DC#2
Quills - due 1st Dec DC#2
smongesmonge - due 1st Dec Dc#2
pleasebethismonth due 1st Dec DC #2 i
QueenofMacaronicheese - due 2nd Dec DC#3
ssimma - due 2nd Dec DC#2
DKNY123 - due 2nd Dec DC#1
AceOfBase - due (approx) 2nd Dec DC#3
PurplePidjin - due 2nd Dec DC #1
KMBatfink - due 3rd Dec DC#1
TeaJunky - due 4th Dec DC#2
M0naLisa - due (approx) 4th Dec DC#3
StrawberrytallCake - due 5th Dec DC#2
Yikesherewego - due 5th Dec DC#1
mummycox - due 5th Dec DC#1
queenofsiburbia - due 5th Dec DC#1
ItsMyLastOne - due 6th Dec DC#2
kalidasa - due 6th Dec DC#1
Wittywhirl - due 6th Dec DC#1
SeymoreButts - due 7th Dec DC#3
ivanapoo - due (approx) 7th Dec DC#1
prunelladeville - due 8th Dec DC#1
Brenau - due (approx) 8th Dec DC#1
Chloe55 - due (approx) 8th Dec DC#2
minipie - due 8th Dec DC#1
lauraloo09 - due 8th Dec DC#2
acjfluff - due 9th Dec DC#1
Rosa7 - due 9th Dec DC#2
gilsbubbles - due 10th Dec DC#1
walnut - due 10th Dec DC#2
cashmere - due 11th Dec DC#2
Stacks - due 12th Dec DC#1
Cherrypiew3 - due 12th Dec DC#4
Cookiesandcream06 - due 12th Dec DC#2
Barbeasty - due 12th Dec DC#2
VegemiteSandwich - due 12th Dec DC#1
CODwidow - due 12th Dec DC#5
backwardpossom - due 13th Dec DC#2
bellaboo123 - due 13th Dec DC#1
brooke89 - due 14th Dec
ddas - due 14th Dec DC#2
Margie32 - due 14th Dec DC#2
FriendofDorothy - due 15th Dec (ish) DC#1
QueenandKingMum - due 15th Dec DC#4
Dillydollydaydream - due 16th Dec dc#4
kateand2boys - due 17th Dec FF or due 20th Dec LMP DC#3
roseandroli-due 17th Dec DC#1
ChangeMyHappy - due 18th Dec (ish) DC#2
Whatmess - due 19th Dec DC#2
Shangers - due 19th Dec DC#2
StaceymReadyForNumber3 - due 19th Dec DC#3
nasara - due 20th Dec DC#2
blackcurrants - due 20th Dec DC#2
annelid - due 20th Dec DC#7
CupOfBrownJoy - due 21st Dec DC#1
Chipsandmushypeas - due 24th Dec DC#1
sicilianlemons - due 23rd Dec
JingleBellBaby - due 25th Dec (?) DC#2
Magic69- due 26 December DC#2
MyDaydream - due 27th Dec DC#1
SpottyTeaCakes - due 27th Dec DC#2
LolaAnn - due 28th Dec DC#2
livismum - due 29th Dec DC#3
NaomiRuth - due 30th Dec DC#1
Mama2threemaybemore - due Dec 31st DC#4
KMR281 - DC3 due end

Ps skinny deputy head also said that people with low body fat tend to start menopause early.

Author - and how. Stupid predictive text

Queen I was ttc for over 18 months, and though I didn't have problems with pg announcements I spent a lot of time on threads with people who did.

I think it could be best to tell her not face-to-face, so she doesn't have to look happy for you, but can feel upset if she needs to. I'd maybe tell her first, and mention that you have told her first because you know it might be hard for her, and you want to give her time to process the information before any mutual friends of yours start bringing it up in conversation around her.

You could even (if you genuinely feel this way) explain that you are happy for her to do what she needs to to be ok with the news, and if she'd rather not spend time with you for a while it's ok, and you won't take it personally. Or if she'd like promises of newborn cuddles she can have those too. Let her know she's important to you, and that she can tell you honestly how she's feeling and you'll support her however you can.

As for the eating problems and IVF - I don't know if they will have mentioned it. I think it depends on the clinic. Most places will have min/max BMI values they'll treat you with, so she'll have to qualify for those and therefore wouldn't be getting treatment if it was a significant problem. Periods can be related to weight, but there are other things that could be causing her problems, and you have to trust that a doctor knows more about it than you. I think assuming you know what the problem is just because you see her eating as a problem could lead to resentment. It sounds like you're helping her where you can, just keep communication channels open with her, and let her talk to you if she wants to.

Just my 2p worth, please ignore if you don't agree.

I second what stacks says, very well put, better than me. When younger I actually simply had no appetite and have friends who are nervous to eat around others. A perceived 'eating disorder' has a lot of stigma and its nothing to do with eating or staying slim. Similarly, although I said above there may be other issues, on reflection that can't be perceived unless she shares that. Some people really struggle to put weight on. As stacks so sensitively put, Lots of communication, reassurance she can turn to you if she wants to and non judgement is definately the best route ( in my view!)

clarella & stacks

You are stars for spending so much time on my problem.

Your advice is really helpful. I was worried I was being a bad friend by not saying anything but as you say, it's something she needs to come to terms with, and it's best for me to just go along with what she says. Im sure the drs wil say something otherwise its unethical.
It's hard tho when she makes judgmental comments about fatties, or got angry with our preg friend for forgetting to take a folic acid tablet once.

IKWYM about some people just being naturally slim etc, I was one of those until age of 25 despite eating copious bacon sarnies & bounty bars- oh to those glorious days!!! My sis got bullied by some girls in her year who said I was anorexic, she told me recently.

However my friend went from size 12ish to I guess a size 4 in six months, shes smaller now. Plus I lived with her and her supper was usually rocket with balsamic and breakfast was special k with water, for years. She has a sq of dark choc once a week as an indulgence. It's def a control thing.

Good idea to tell her over phone so she doesn't have to put on a front for me, and also I'll have a look at some books.

Thanks again!

Ps... Clarella, I also found the pita thing confusing for a while! Why would someone's MiL be like pita?! Glad not just me!!!

Hope things improve for you Kalidisa

Queen good luck telling your friend, a hard situation for you both. My half sister is going to be the hard one to tell as she had 5 rounds of IVF and couldn't carry to term. We've got pregnant by accident and it doesn't seem fair.

Had 12 week scan today and there's a real baby in there! I was so relieved and had a little cry. I'm now convinced it's a boy despite my mum pointing out that what I was looking at was probably the cord because it looks like my DP! Happy day!

Hey Queenof depending on how you and your friend usually communicate, maybe text her and say you have something to tell her, when's a good time to chat, (me and my pals have to plan real conversations around work etc!) hopefully she might guess and have had time to prepare herself a little, agree that getting her to find an appropriate book or something might be a good thing to do (could say u have seem lots of info in your bounty book etc, although this may be better advice a bit down the line!) let us know how it goes

kalidasa so sorry to hear what a rotten time you've had. Don't worry about losing weight, I lost 12lbs with ds1 and 20 lbs with ds 2 and they weighed in at 9lb11oz and 9lb 12oz respectively. Trust me, babies always get whay they need first. I've only lost 7lbs with this one, so not worried at all. Really hoping that you are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and can start to enjoy it soon.

Queen I have a friend who would loved more children, but went through an early menopause. I was really worried about telling her, but she was thrilled for me. I did tell her one to one and at a time where she could just leave if need be, but all went ok for me and her. I hope it does for you and your friend too.

DS2 has asked questions non-stop all day about 'our baby'.

1. Mommy is the baby in an egg?
2. Mommy will the egg have to crack for the baby to come out?

3 The baby is in a balloon of water? Will it burst with a big bang like at a party? and then the big one...

1. How will the baby get out?

So I have had to re-explain female anatomy and explain that the baby comes out through one of the holes. He digests this for a little while and comes back to me with...

1. is it like doing a poo?

So I explained that yes, sort of, but obviously a baby is much bigger. More thinking.

1. Does it hurt?

So I've had to reassure him that yes it does, but it's not that bad or people wouldn't do it again. He's only known for 24 hours and for 14 of those he was sleeping or at school. How much more will he ask? It's been quite drainingn trying to phrase it so he understands and not misleading him. I'm just wating for 'Mommy, how did the baby get in there?'

Does anyone else have really painful/achey stomach muscles?? I'm 11+5 today and since yesterday I feel as if I've done 100 sit ups! It's at the top of my belly I can remember this from before but never this early!

Hello - could I please join this thread? I've been lurking since week 5 - am now 13 weeks with my first, due on 3 December.

Is anyone else showing yet? It's my first so I'd thought it would be a bit further along before anything noticeable, but I do think I have a bump - I just don't know if it's all the carbs I've been forced to eat (all I can stomach) or actual baby...am I cupping a baby or just last night's carb-feast?!

Firstly thank you for all the advice and support regarding dh, this is why I love
mn!

queen I would def second the girls opinions of telling your friend not face to face. A couple of months after I miscarried a friend met me and dh for a meal and passed me her scan picture over the table. She prob didn't consider how this would make me feel but needless to say, through tears and gritted teeth I smiled and congratulated her then went home and threw a cuppa tea at my freshly painted wall (the evidence is still there) I would have def appreciated being told over the phone/via text to give me time to digest the info or even make my excuses to end the conversation. Seeing her pg was also particularly hard so be prepared for your friend avoiding you if she struggles to come to terms with what she is going through. As far as the eating disorder I am afraid I have no advice. All I will say is my consultant kept an eagle eye on my weight throughout my fertility treatment.

kalidisa that sounds horrendous I hope you are coming out of the woods now. I thought my continuous vomiting and losing a stone was bad enough, how you have lived with that for 2 months is beyond me!

queen with regard to the eating disorder, there's not much you can do other than offer support when she needs it. I'm sure the clinic she attends will have broached her weight, it's in their interest to have the best possible success rates. She should be referred for counselling on the NHS if she has been diagnosed with an eating disorder.
I had an eating disorder from 12 until around 18 years, it's like an addiction in the sense that the sufferer has to reach the point where they want to get better, you can't force them to get there, as lovely as that would be. In her mind she's overweight, and her every waking thought will be consumed by food because she is starving (although she won't know that's why she's always thinking about it). I hope she gets better soon, it's really tough for all involved.

kali good to see you back! You really have had a tough time of it and you've done so well to get this far. I'm not surprised you were thinking about termination at one point, it's hard to imagine how you could have been any more ill than you were.

We had our scan today, it took ages because first my bladder was too full and the baby was squashed, then the baby was hiding the back of its neck! The sonographer managed to get the measurements in the end and we had a good long look while we waited. I'm pretty sure I saw boy parts, but i could be wrong. I didn't ask because we didn't find out with the other 2!

Congrats chimp!

Hi everyone, and congrats on the recent good scan results!! Am terrified for my scan tomorrow. Keep thinking back to my first miscarriage, picked up at the 12 week scan and imagining how I will cope if it happens again. Or if something is wrong.

Chloe I hope your DH improves. My DH was at times an insensitive d* in the first trimester of my first pregnancy and gradually got better as it progressed. I think it was his way of dealing with it. He has been much better with this one. I think on reflection I am much more sensitive when pregnant too, which makes his behaviour all the worse if you know what I mean!

Queen, agree with the others. I had an eating disorder in my late teens and early twenties and any friend who tried to approach me about it quickly became an enemy of sorts. Letting her know that she can come to you with anything and being ultra sensitive about it all is maybe the best thing you can do? If she is going though fertility treatment, and is being encouraged to eat more or assisted with an eating disorder, she may not be telling you. It is a very personal thing. And it may take her a long time to adjust to eat sufficiently to start ovulating if she is severely underweight - particularly to "eat normally" in front of others.

Hi everyone
Can't believe it's 6.30am. It's the damn fig (or am I growing a lime yet... 13 weeks) and the heat!
I know this is rude but it's so fiddly to write people's names in bold on my phone plus scrolling up screen is hard too so I'm going to miss that bit & say..,

• Thank you all for advice about my friend, definitely going to be a phone call and I do feel reassured that the clinic won't be taking advantage of her, which I guess was unlikely but u hear horror stories.

• I also have tummy pain but much lower down, where period pain is but sort of bigger?! Sometimes it's wind and sometimes it's just things expanding I suppose.

• I am concerned about telling everyone now because I think that they will pat my tummy and make comments about bump, which is actually chocolate bump!! DH keeps doing that & saying 'hello baby'.

It's not the baby

• I love love the stories of telling children about the baby in mummy's tummy. So sweet but sort of tiring I expect! I guess saying things happen 'by magic' is banned nowadays?

chloe55 thought I'd drop u a line to offer support with what you are going thru. My ex turned into an alcoholic (in a binge way) during 8 years that I knew him. We'd met when 17 & it was sad to see him change from being the witty life and sole who everyone wanted to know, to being an embarrassment who really could be quite nasty. We spilt because he was unfaithful but I found his drinking so hard, it made social occasions v.stressful, and he would never admit to a problem.

I saw him at a party a year after we'd spilt & he told me he'd had to give up for a month as he was getting liver failure (aged 26). He was drunk when telling me and sort of proud.
HOWEVER... He recently phoned me and had an odd conversation where he apologised for the things he'd done and that it was his biggest regret. Didn't want to have any personal chat about current lives etc, just really wanted to say sorry. Sounded like part of a counselling program? I never never thought he would do that.
Like so many addictions (& as someone said above, even anorexia) it's the person who has to face up to things, and it really sounds like your DH is doing that.

I think you need to have boundaries about what is ok in relation to you and children, such as maybe not being drunk if they are there? It's hard because, when someone starts the day with a G&T you can sort of prove they have a problem but when it's social it seems more acceptable, even if you can see its not good.

HUGE good luck to you and him and please let us know how it goes.

That's kinda exactly what it's like queen, I used to find drunk dh funny as he was witty and not paralytic it's somewhat different now, a few of my close girlfriends agree that he is unacceptable sometimes after drinking and if I'm honest I think a couple are actually beginning to not like him, which hurts Strangely, for the past year I have been supporting a friend going through similar with her dh-he binge drinks but does things at the end of the night which he claims he is unaware of ie strippers (but going too far iykwim) and blowing thousands of pounds etc, he is attending aa and they both go to counselling, my friend is American-dh is aware if their issues he is adamant her dh is not an alcoholic (he can only see the g&t in the morning way of alcoholism) and thinks their counselling is so American. He also thought my counselling when I was suffering from depression after the mc was also unnecessary so, I am def fighting a losing battle here. However, I am thankful that he knows he clearly acts a dick when he has had too much to drink, I asked him how long he was going in the wagon and he said until he loses weight, I felt kind as this was not the reason in my mind for him to stop drinking-maybe it's his excuse for his friends as I doubt he will admit the real reason. I will def encourage him though, I guess I have been a nag recently in his eyes.

If his behaviour was acceptable, you wouldn't be forced to nag, chloe!!

queenof if i were you i'd def go with phone call. My SIL had a mc recently and me and dh decided it was best to tell her DP (Dh's bro) so he could tell her in private, as i knew from experience however happy she will be for us, she will be incredibly sad for herself.
My MIL disagreed and said we were keeping it from her so we didn't feel awkward but then again she has no tact!

hope everyone else is well, sorry to hear of problems with your DH chloe i hope he gets his act together for you!

well today is a good day :) i feel wonderful and apparantly i look it too so i'm happy :)

I'm worried about telling a few people too, especially as this wasn't planned and I had a coil in I think telling her over the phone is definitely the best way forward :)

I really, really want a goats cheese salad! Can I eat feta? It's a hard cheese isn't it?

Hope everyone is enjoying one of our last days of sunshine!

Not a good day day today I think it's just low blood pressure but feeling very faint and weak today, felt very tired last night but worse today. Hopefully it'll pass soon as desperately need to clean my car out.

Hello everyone. I'm having quite a bad week so far. If you would like to read my landlord issues please see this post - ARGHHH

Yesterday I got dd to preschool two minutes after the school photo was taken. I went to the house we are hopefully going to be renting to meet the agent and he had forgotten that he made the appointment. My landlord is a see you next tuesday and I feel horribly pants. I ate three doughnuts in a row yesterday and that was pretty good though plus I'm going to see coldplay tonight with my lovely mum and dh.

spotty I had a massive goats cheese craving with dd, I know you can eat some goats cheese but not chevre or if it has a rind I believe?

queen you cracked me up with your choc belly comment, I've got a similar cake and carb belly that gets patted occasionally too

Strawb - I've been eating all cheese as long as it's pasteurised? Have I got this wrong? (also went in a hot tub at the weekend, whoops)

strawberry i'd go to the CAB if you can find the time, they are really hot on landlord issues and it does look (to an untrained eye) as though some of those grounds are valid - especially the regular intrusion - that's shocking! sounds like he's pretty informal - maybe there's a chance he hasn't followed all rules and the CAB'll be able to find you a good way out. fX

COD thanks for the info on the Diastasis - i've booked an appt with GP - should i ask for a referal to a physio for exercise info - i can't imagine my GP demonstrating suitable exercises

Thanks Prunella I called CAB and they told me to call shelter, had a look on the shelter website and it said to call the council's tenancy relations officer so I have given them a report of everything and they said we will have an outcome by next week. I really didn't want to have to go down that route at all but I can't stay here anymore especially being pregnant I really feel like I need more stability and control over where I live.

Ivana nhs guidelines It's all so confusing!! My dsis went in a hot tub too, it's advice not rules after all she told me .

Feta is fine - and the hot tub thing is that you're not supposed to overheat (I paid attention to this as I as pg with DS during an insanely hope New York summer, when it was 35-40c for most days of my last trimester - argh!) so a few minutes in a hot tub won't hurt but ages isn't great.

Basically you're supposed to avoid listeria, so brie isn't supposed to be ok but feta is a hard cheese and fine.

Ooh. Last week you were all posting about cheeses and I was busy throwing up and scarfing down oranges. Now (it's 9.15am!) I'm going to have to go and have a leeeetle slice of that 3 year old cheddar in the fridge...