December 2011: We've got big bumps and we cannot lie (down comfortably)

[LittleMissFlustered]

:o

Shake those bumps ladies.

And squeeeeeeeze

Echoing fusam, do you really have to see her? Can you start compiling a list of her questionable decisions and the outcomes (as measured by *others - you did say "SS has open and closed the case two times now")?

Maybe you could seek out an alternative source of support, e.g. a church or community group, to whose "care" you could be "released", getting her off your back?

cheep your son is gorgeous. Do you think it would be worth going above her to her supervisor and making a formal complaint? I'm sure there are plenty of people on MN who would help you with drafting a letter if you started a thread about it if it's a road you wanted to go down. Anyone can see there's no need for her to keep re-opening the case when your GP, MH nurse and SS are all happy.

I'm hoping after this third reopening and closing of the case she will give up.

I dont know what powers she has as no one wil give me her job discription, so i'm not sure how to handle her. As i know there is no problem i thinks its easier to let them investigate and close the case than try to complain.

Its just a pain when i want to be alone and get on raising my family and i have to put up with her coming round at short notice, more so when i'm about to give birth.

I could understand it when i first had PND but now i'm better i just dont see the point. In the CAF form the information is over a year old, all the recent relative information was over looked or played down. It just grates.

Cheep she sounds like a right pain in the arse and I wonder what it'll take for her to realise that your fine

Really proud of my DD, her report from parents evening was excellent, in top group for reading and is so far above all the others she's reading higher year stuff her writing and comprehension is brilliant, maths her confidence is growing which is brilliant too, so one proud mummy

After that we went and had our piccy taken with the coca cola lorry up at our local asda. DD was really pleased

My evening hasn't been that great, DP & I argued unfortunately infront of DD which we try not to let ever happen. So feeling crappy tonight and DP is fast asleep snoring as if he's done no wrong hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

I have only seen the SW once before the meeting last month and i have not seen her since. The HV was ment to do a 2 year assessment for my son but has cancelled twice, she has seen him and has his school report from nursary and is happy with him. My MW couldn't make the meeting but told me she had the letter and everytime she has seen me i am always happy and smiling, so can't be that depressed and she can see that son and i have a good relationship so she is confused with the CAF.

Everyone at nursary loves my son and knows him, it really is just the family support worker. When we asked why she wants the case reopened she said it was because i'm having another baby but she had done the CAF form before she know i was pg?

My last appointment with the consultant at the hospital for newbaby was with the MW as the consultant did not think my depression was affecting me and that my pg was stright forwards so far apart from my BMI and the fact its a big baby. So the consultant that spcializes in MH issuses during and after birth has no problem with me.

I just dont get why the family support worker is trying to reopen the case, when no one else has a problem and all the help i need eg son going to nursar and a cleaner i'm already paying for!

Sorry i will stop ranting now

aww, those photos are so lovely cheep!

Groan with the family support worker thing - sometimes people mean well but it's hard to equate that with what you're actually getting. I suppose the best thing you can do is placate her and fly under the radar wherever possible...(and ignore it when she talks bobbins...)

we had chicken balti tonight with accidentally caramalised onion sauce (what, forget the karahi pan was on the flame and overdo it a little? me? ) which to my surprise tasted pretty good. Now full of chapati and the usual yoghurt lassi (it's the craving that just keeps on giving!)

Cheep Rant away. My question would be just because I'm having another baby why do you have to reopen the case when all the other professionals agree I'm fine?!

I would find out which service the support worker is from. Be it sure start, council or medical. I would then go to her superiors. Without her knowledge. I would set out to them, calmly that you are seeing multiple professionals throughout your pregnancy, and that her misguided interventions are causing more harm than good to your family. Tell them that she offers no support, and that if she continues to be involved in your life you will make a formal complaint. Explain that if they deem it necessary you have assistance, you need it in writing, and that until the issue can be resolved amicably you wish for visits to cease. If it is clear that a home support is needed, ask for another worker. Also find out about home start of you can.

I have had a couple of family support workers in the past, from different organisations. They have, without fail, been assigned on the basis that they are there to assist for as long as I need them. I have never heard of them being assigned without permission from the 'client'.

I think its just strange that she keeps getting other people involved and no one can see why! It makes me feel bad for wasting their time when they close the case and say i'm fine and that i'm doing great. I explained that to the SW and she told me she has a dute of care to investigate the case but she would not say involved if there was nothing she could do for me but she needs to complete a 34 day assessment to close the case.

I also have a home start volunteer but she will not start till after the baby is born. Yes it really does feel like over kill with everyone involved and i feel like they are all watching me waiting for me to snap and its just not going to happen as the info they are working on is over a year old before i had medication or help.

Hopefully after this case is closed i can ask her to leave me alone or at least set in writing an end date of her involvment. I just dont need this right now

If you have so many people around, it could be an idea to start asking them what they think about the situation? After all, "too many cooks spoil the broth", and it may be helpful to see what could constitute an adequate "framework", without duplication.

Of course, each "set" of helpers could well have an agenda, but (a) some teams of HCPs do work well together, and show the benefits of beneficial co-operation (e.g. midwives handing over to Health Visitors, OR the way in which Health Visitors have spells in GPs' surgeries to administer the weighing, while practice nurse does the immunisations and GPs deal with matters which require prescriptions), (b) using the support of that agenda could help you get this person out, and (c) if there genuinely is interference in the work of people who are helping you, that is worrying.

The framework LittleMissFlustered and aethelfleda were outlining at the end of the last thread sounded very joined-up, very enmeshed and multi-disciplinary, but supportive.

Last months meeting everyone was invited so nursary both manager and son's key worker, FSW, SW, HW, MW, Consultant, home start coordinator and the MH nurse. Only the Family support worker (who opened case), SW (who has a duty of care to investage) and nursary was there (it was held in the office at nursary).

All the support they can offer i have already sorted out for myself, so i doubt the SW staying involved. As there is nothing current that is negative to report on i doubt the other people invloved are that bothered.

I just have to sit tight let the SW pull out and then ask the FSW to pull out i think.

I understand they help people when they need it and its good that they are there but as i dont need their help its just a waste of resources i think

I do think that regardless of why she is involved, the fact that there is a personality clash is important. She appears to be making the situation worse through her attitude.

At the very least I would be saying that you will not be available for on the spot or short notice visits. This is because they cause unnecessary stress and this close to the end of your pregnancy you could be doing with all the rest you can get.

If she wishes to see you she has to ensure you have adequate notice. A week is the norm for these things in my experience. By giving you little notice she is wrong footing you, again another stressful thing to deal with. You do not have to accept this.

You do not have to have her in your home if you do not wish. I used to meet one of my support workers out of the home as at the time my home was one of the issues we were trying to sort. You can meet in many places, so do not be fobbed off if she tries to insist. Just say no.

In the long run, I would definitely be looking to know the following:

Which organisation she is from.
What her actual job description is.
Who her superiors are.

With that information I would then write or email her superiors, and request a formal end date to her involvement in your life. I'd personally request that this coincide with the closure of the latest investigation into your circumstances by social services. Explain that you have adequate support from several medical teams, and that as they are perfectly happy with your progress you do not see any further need for the involvement of their team as well.

As an aside I would mention that the worker in question is lacking in empathy and compassion. That she is vague, disorganised and stressful to deal with.

You do not have to tolerate sub-standard care at all. You have issues, you are working on them and the people who truly matter - the ones with the medical training - are happy with your progress.

Good luck.

Spot of blood on tissue (fresh, red) - could this be start of anything or was I too enthusiastic with epi no??
Anyone have any experience?
Feel normal apart from that with some stabby low down vag pain (not like cramping though)

No insight, sorry Jomouse. Hope all okay and good luck if it is the start of something.

Cheep that really sounds crap and this person seems to be seriously lacking in the interpersonal skills required for her position! I second LMF's advice on this one. You should not be having to deal with this additional stress right now.

Hope everyone has better night's sleep - I'm not too hopeful, baby is doing a merry dance.

Just checking in on the night shift! Managed 4 hours sleep before I woke up, so not too bad considering I've slept pretty well for the last few nights.

Cheep Your son is gorgeous. Sorry to hear about all the other crap. It seems like LMF and others have offered some good advice on how to deal with this person.

jomouse Sorry, no experience here either. Hope all is OK.

I'm feeling a little disappointed at the moment. DH has had a really busy year at work, to the point where he hasn't been able to take more the a couple of days off at a time and we haven't had any kind of extended period to spend together as a family. He had planned to have Thurs and Fri this week off, so that we could do fun things with DD whilst she was still just the only child. With the last big deadline of the year looming, he decided earlier in the week that he wouldn't be able to take Thurs off, just Fri. After working incredibly late last night and still having more to do, he's now got to go in today too :(

The plan is to go to the zoo tomorrow instead, so fingers crossed that happens. But we still need to build DD's wardrobe and finish off her room decorations, and DH needs to finish decorating the spare room (he's halfway through) before my sister arrives on Sun for a few days. Worried that DH is just going to run himself into the ground. On the plus side, he's got so much holiday owing now that he should be able to take a good chunk of time off once baby arrives!

jomous any mucus type stuff with the blood?

jomouse, do you know which entrance it came from? I nearly had a fit recently to see blood (an actual drop into the loo bowl), and it turned out to have been from the back passage. NOt nice, of course, but at least something I knew about (think a legacy of last birth), and importantly, nothing to do with my womb or the baby.

Baby has started ramming her head into my pelvis and getting stuck, while I am lying down, so sleeping is becoming harder. Honestly, she is so like her big brother, whose enthusiasm and clumsiness (oops, like me, too, then) would also get him stuck in situations, particularly when he started crawling and could only go backwards. Can't believe I might have two like him. At least my feminist heart is gladdened by the idea of a girl who is not going to be passive and docile! "The squeaky wheel gets the grease", and I do think it's a shame how easy it can be to overlook passive/"well-behaved" babies.

LittleMissFlustered, if only all people on soapboxes were as articulate! One very powerful word you used was "vague": that seems particularly crucial to the situation: vagueness causes a lot of problems. cheeptrick, have you ever heard about "SMART" goals: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Time-based (to a concrete timeline)? That is a very useful tool to analyse the involvement of all your helpers, not least because it's a standard which has been very big now for years, in management and government; your helpers will be measured on it themselves (or should be).

KateM77, could you help your DH focus his mind about his priorities by scaring him about how much he would leave "undone" if he had to leave for your labour right now? Has he even attempted a handover, attempted to delegate? If you are feeling narked, you can justifiably point out that he will be in bigger shit at work if he keeps up at this pace, because so much is still dependent on him. You have my sympathies. My DH is spending ridiculous amounts of time at work at the moment, too, and, guttingly, we're not getting anything for it, as he still has to have his new company bank account set up! We're living off savings, which were considerably depleted by paying off his Corporation Tax bill, weeks ago! It would be a real shame and waste to go into our ISAs (again) just to do the shopping!

Jomouse hope your show of blood is nothing to worry about.

Kate I sympathise with you regarding your DH & his work, my DP is the same - thinks the place will collapse without him, he's gradually letting go in these last few weeks but know once baby is born he'll be back to his normal workaholic self.

Feeling a little low today after the argument with DP yesterday, going to wrap some more pressies today, and just chill out got banging headache

cheep just wanted to add my to the srupid woman! Hopefully when it gets closed for the 3rd time she will think twice. But I also second going to her superiors, its extra stress you just don't need!

jomouse do you know where it came from?

Thanks girls for letting me have a little rant... have cancelled all my plans today, was going to go to the shop and then spend all day batch cooking and cleaning, but have told myself I don't really need to do it today, so will try and rest... only problem is I get annoyed/stressed when I look around and things need doing!

As for the epi no I never ordered one... wasn't sure if it'd do anything in 3 or 4 weeks and seemed a lot of money to waste if it didn't... I bought cooling pads instead for stitches!

kristy glad you're taking it easy today.

jomouse hope all is ok.

I've got to take DS for his MMR booster this morning, I'm hoping not to have a grumpy child for the rest of the day.

20th December still feels ages away but I've scared myself by realising that I'll be full-term in 11 days! Hard to believe that some of you are already there and could have babies at any time now! Any guesses on when the next thread baby will arrive? My guess is before Monday night.

Think DP is going to book me a mum to be massage...as a sorry for the row last night but we will see.

I feel bad for DH now. I'm not angry at him, just at the situation. We work in the same field so I know exactly why there's so much to do at the moment. There's a big new regulatory regime coming in, which means loads of extra work on top of business as usual. Helpfully his boss took this year off to go sailing round the world with his family, so DH is in charge. He has a team working for him, but still loads for him to do as he has to present everything to the board next week. He's not really a workaholic, and things should calm down after this last deadline - the regulatory stuff will be largely done, and his boss is back in the new year.

It will be better all round if baby stays put for a while, otherwise I can see him spending a lot of paternity leave on the blackberry!

I'm 36 + 6 today....that's the day my waters went with DD

kate pants when plans have to change like that though isn't it! I hope things get less busy for him quickly.

jo hope you resolved your mystery!

cheep she sounds like she doesn't know what she is doing! I would complain too.

I'm a lot happier today, DP came home with the new Terry Pratchett novel for me to apologise...although he did keep me up until midnight, so I'm tired but happy today!

Any exciting plans for the weekend? Not much planned here, the usual swimming tomorrow morning and SIL is home from university so we'll see her too at some point. Can't get my head around where this week has gone though, I feel like I have turned round and I'm 36 weeks pregnant!

Who is having a baby this weekend then?!

jomouse hope everything's ok...I'd maybe give the Epi-No a rest for the day although I wouldn't have thought you could draw blood on the first try I think there's something in the instructions about stopping use if you see blood...I'd assumed it referred to getting to 9 or 10 cm though. I wouldn't have thought 6cm could effect your cervix but it's definitely better to be safe.

38 wks today! Can't believe I'd planned on starting natural induction methods today...I am soo not ready. Baby is definitely getting lower by the day though so maybe I won't go overdue after all. Eeek! I still haven't got to grips with the fact that I'm going to have a real baby to take care of