Ante-Natal Depression - Support Each Other

[flamesparrow]

I've seen it mentioned on a few other threads, and thought that some kind of support thread might help (sorry if there is already one going somewhere... I tried to search but am useless at it ).

Thought it went well as a "club"

Antenatal depression is much more common than people seem to realise. There are so many things going on, that it is not surprising that we get overwhelmed, and sometimes that can spiral into a real depression.

For all those who are worrying (as far as I have been able to read up) - there is no link between antenatal depression and PND, so if you are very low now, please don't panic and assume it will continue when you have your baby... a whole new set of feelings and hormones kick in then

Soooo... if you are pregnant and feeling low, come here, have a rant, a cry, and hopefully we can help eachother through it.

Hi everyone,
Hope you dont mind me joining in. I am 18 weeks pg with my 3rd child, not sure if I have depression but feel like I could do with a chat.
DD1 is 3 1/2 and DD2 is 2 1/2 and i'm sure I never felt as bad as this with my other pregnancies.
I am tired all the time, and have lost interest in everything. Just want to stay in all the time, dont even want to see my friends. Am close to tears a lot of the time and feel like I want to go away where no body knows me (just me, dh and the girls).
Thing is I have got other issues at the moment. My parents are going through a divorce and my dad is suicidal. There doesn't seem to be much help out there for him and he is always on my doorstep. I dont mind listening but I feel there is nothing else I can do. He has been given anti-depressants twice and thrown them away both times.
I am constantly having to reassure him that everything will be ok, but am rapidly losing faith that it will be.
My head is constantly pounding and mt ibs is playing up. I get stressed out at simple things and really dont know what to do.
So I dont know whether I am depressed or just over burdened. I just feel awful. Sorry for whinging.

pinkdolly: Gosh, no wonder you are feeling down. I think supporting your Dad now is going to be too much for you alone. Please try phoning one of these organisations:

www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk/en.aspx?articleId=127&sectionId=6441

or maybe Relate or Samaritans. I think you could do with the support of someone professionally trained in these matters.

You are a great person for being so caring and supportive of those close to you.

Looks like nothing has been added here for a while but i'm sure people haven't stopped feeling shitty since March. I'm new to mumsnet and have just been signed off work, bless the doc he put on my note, problems in pregnancy!! Not the big dreaded D...
Luckily i work with people who have a range of health problems so already had a heads up on how i was feeling and why...doesn't make a difference though when your being given the chemical imbalance speech and told not to worry about what people think...
So has anyone got any views on medication, particularly fluoxetine..is there an herbal alternative and has this been tried by real people?

Bump

Hi all

This is a really old thread but sounds like it might help a few people, just to know they are not alone in the way they are feeling.
I am struggling with this pg (my first, and planned with military precision!), ambivalence, petulance over the fact that i look fat and can't fit into any of my clothes or do anything interesting. We have been planning a holiday to Morocco in Feb, which I have been desperate for, but now just can't make myself want to go, can't bring myself to book it, even though it is the last chance of a holiday in a long time. Worried about finances, about my friends deserting me, eating too much (just so I don't feel sick). I keep saying to my DH sometimes I wish i wasn't pg, which is an awful thing to even think. Then there is all the guilt at feeling all this stuff when I should be so happy. I'm quite good at sharing my feelings so I have told a few of my friends how I feel, and they were sympathetic at first but now their sympathy is wanning, they just think I am being whingy and I think they are losing their patience. My mum had PND with all 3 of us kids, I'm terrified of getting it.
I don't know if this is antenatal depression, pregnancy is such a huge thing, which such a lot of implications that how are you supposed to know what is normal or not.
Sorry this is really long. Through some flaw in the system here I won't have a constant midwife throughout this pregnancy (I'm 14+3 weeks), I'm worried I'm going to slip through the system. I feel like all i do is whinge. Sorry. This was actually meant to be a helpful thread!

bump

Hi WO! I am glad I've found this thread and we should try to use it. I've been very up and down all pgcy as you know(!) - and have stayed away from meds so far but have just had the most nightmare New Year's Eve, when I basically couldn't stop crying all day and all but ruined it for everyone else so I'm thinking of going to the doctor to see about Fluoxetine. I've been on it before and found it brilliant - but have not been on it during pgcy. I understand it's the safest one there is - I think my problem is trying to decide whether I really do need it or if I can hang on until after the birth in April (when there will be breastfeeding to think about, as I always bf for at least 6 months...). Today I am absolutely fine so it is not a continual thing. Aargh!

WO - did you go onto something in the end, and how are you finding things, what did your GP say, etc. etc??

BTW - Happy New Year!!!

holly - hey to you. i have another appt at the specialist AND / PND unit this friday where we make the decision. i wanted to give the festive season a chance and see how it went. not so good as it happens and you describe a fair bit of that in yr post. i want to avoid meds and like you - try and hold out but then again - i dont know if i can bear this for another 4 mths. i dont know if dp will as well as things havent been easy for him.

have you spoken to yr doc / midwife about this?? xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

by the way bumperlicious - hello to you too and i didnt mean to ignore you on that last post. how are you feeling now? how was yr weekend?

Hi WO (I'm Holly&Mistletoe btw - getting a bit surreal with names methinks!).

I did talk to the mw and it is on my record that I'm feeling a bit low. She has actually booked me in to have a review with my GP a couple of weeks down the line but if I can't wait that long I will simply make an appointment myself. My GP has prescribed Fluoxetine for me before and it all went very well so I think it will probably be straightforward if I want to go on them again. I was on the lowest dose - 20mg in the mornings (never at night - it really keeps you awake!) and I found this worked very well. It takes at least 2 weeks for you to start feeling the effects, but when you do it is wonderful. And it is almost like CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) in that even when you have stopped them you can often stop your thoughts going down into that whirlpool by remembering how you thought when you were on them IYSWIM. I haven't actually taken them for about 18 months (and was on them then for about 6 months) - they have what is called a long "half-life" (the effects linger on in your body for quite a while) which means you can stop taking them very easily as well.

WO it sounds to me as though you should go on them, tbh. I am still having a lot more good days than bad days but am monitoring my own moods very closely and the next day I have like New Year's Eve will be the day I make the appointment to go on them. They are proven to be as safe for the baby as proof can be and, like you say, it is hard on everyone, not just you and we still have a fair while to go! Let me know how you are getting on and what you decide.

Bumperlicious - come and talk if you need to. It sounds to me as though you are having some very natural mixed feelings about being pregnant, planned or not!

Hi both,
Thanks for asking how I feel. Sometime that's all you need (rather that people saying 'you must be so excited?!' - er...no!). Saw midwife today for 16 wk check, and mentioned it to her, she said see how I feel by 20 weeks, and go to my dr if not better in the meantime. She said there is something that I can take that is v safe tho didn't mention the name.
She also said that basically, due to a bout of depression in my teens and a mother who suffered PND with all 3 kids and periodically at other times as well, it will be a miracle if I escape PND! She did reassure me they will all be looking out for it and meds will help, but I just don't want it to ruin the first few months with my baby.
I think that I probably don't have AND, as I don't constantly feel bad and I can have up times, I just think that I am prone to anxiety. I often have periods of feeling down, even pre-pregnancy, but I can usually pick myself up out of them, I just need to wallow for a while. Can't wait for the PND though - bring it on!
I hope you both manage to get through it. For me, just knowing that it's not totally abnormal helps.

Hi everyone - hope you don?t mind me crashing this thread. I'm a regular poster but have changed my name because I wanted to be as honest as I could?sorry if this is long and thank you for reading if you get through the mammoth post!

My DH and I have been TTC for 3 months (like you bumperlicious it was planned with military precision!) and I got my BFP just before Xmas.

I don't know why, but I had completely convinced myself that I wasn?t going to be pg this month...I just wanted to relax and enjoy xmas and new year with a few drinks etc. So when I got the positive test, I was completely shocked. I didn't feel pleased or excited - just worried and confused. I just can't understand it - the previous couple of months I had been so disappointed when AF arrived.

But now that I've got what I wanted, I just feel so overwhelmed and scared. It's made worse because we are having problems finding somewhere to live - our current flat is too small to accommodate a baby. I'm hoping that once that is sorted, then maybe I'll feel more relaxed about it and enjoy the pregnancy?

I?m worried about how I?ll feel about the baby (will I like/love him/her?), how will we afford to look after him/her, what if my relationship with DH changes for the worse, what will happen with my job etc? I know these are probably normal worries ? but in truth, what worries me most is why I don?t feel pleased that I?m pregnant. Surely that?s not normal?? Especially as this was a planned pregnancy?!? And if I don?t feel pleased now, how will I ever grow to see this as a positive change in my life?

The nausea, sore boobs and constant blocked nose are really not helping either!!

I feel so guilty because I know so many women struggle to get pg and I feel so ungrateful and selfish for feeling like this.

Sorry to go on ? thanks for reading xx

Changedmyname - I has EXACTLY the same when I concieved (and we had been trying) I was so scared...why was I feeling depressed when I had the one thing I'd been longing for??? All I could think was "what the Fuck have we done"...the good news is that it is actually normal to feel like this and I promise you it DOES pass, over the next few weeks the fear and panic will give way to excitement and happiness - I think most women will agree there is always a touch of "Oh my God how will I cope" even when your LO arrives but this too is normal - don't be ashamed of how you feel - it just proves how seriously you take it and how concerned you are already, the perfect ingredients for being a Fab and loving mum....
x

Sorry, just read bumper's post aswell and i just had to post. As someone who suffered with depression over the years, I was told way before I got PG that I would most likely get PND - at the time I was "yeah, you are probably right...." It was only after therapy (before I got PG) to deal with my many issues that I realised how damaging a throw away comment like this is.

Of course if you believe you are going to get depression you will....It hadn't dawned on me before that being told you will be depressed is setting your brain up to do it...please, please take it from me, as someone who has been on AD's in past and had therapy (thanks to that am now a different person) just because you have suffered with depression on the past DOES NOT MEAN YOU WILL GET PND...and don't let anyone convince you other wise.

I know it's hard, depression runs in my family too, but It can be beaten and thank God I never suffered with PND, yes I got blue at times, whilst PG (see my other post) and after DD was born but I knew this was normal and it would pass, and it did.

Had I listened to the Doctors I would have thought - "here it is the depression" and sunk further in.

I hope this has come accross in the way I intended, a supportive and positive post to let you know that how you feel is normal and not a pre-cursor of full blown depression x

Really? That feels so good to hear justjam, thank you so much.

"What the fuck have we done" sums up our feelings perfectly!!! I had visions of being so excited to find out I was pregnant and then telling DH and him sweeping me off my feet because he was so pleased. Yeah right! More like us sitting staring at eachother in disbelief! I really shouldn't base my life on the movies...

It's such a relief to know that someone else felt the same. Makes you feel less like there's something horribly wrong with you... thanks again x

smiled when I read your post, that was me and DH, stunned silence (whilst like you, I waited for the music to start playing with us running in to each others arms) took a long while for us to get our head around it, it's like, there is no going back now....but I promise you, after you have all settled into each other (which again takes a few weeks, the first six weeks aren't like the movies either ) you wouldn't go back for all the money in the world
and remeber am here if you need to chat
x

I just couldn't (and still can't really) understand why I'm not pleased about something that I have wanted and planned for! I'm a worrier anyway, as is DH - and I think we've both gone into anxiety overdrive about this.

We both hate change - and I think this is what is at the core of all our anxiety. Need to get my head around the fact that whilst change is scary (for us anyway!), that it can be a good thing - and yes, we'll lose our independence and freedom, but hopefully we'll gain something else instead.

I have moments when I stop seeing the pregnancy as something negative, and instead feel very connected to the baby. Here's hoping those moments happen more often! Worried about my DH not having any of these positive feelings though...

How was your DH through your pg and now how is he with your litle one? My DH is not remotely paternal in any way and I'm worried that because he feels worried about the pregnancy he won't bond with the baby...

changedmyname are you me?????? lol, seriously I could be writing your posts - my biggest fear throughout all PG was DH saying - It doesn't seem real, I hope I feel differently soon....he was so scared he wouldn't bond with the baby even I started to panic about it.
He would remind me that our tropical holidays were over, no more dropping everything and doing what we wanted I remember once crying saying to him "I can't believe you got me pregnant when you were not ready!!!!" (I was V hormonal when PG ) he then felt like shit and said he was just being honest about his fears and to be honest, he stayed like that till DD was born.
The thing is there is soooo much pressure to feel this way and that way, funnily enough more so on men at times. It's hard for them, they don't have the feeling PG and the baby growing inside of them, yet they are expected to feel the same bond as women (and we all know that takes time for us let alone them)
It was me going into labour (yes that long ) for DH to finally realise it was happening, and when he held DD I remember knowing that it was going to be ok, and it is, better than ok so don't do a me and panic the whole way through your PG, You and DH may worry at times, feel scared and detached at others, but when your LO arrives it will blow you both away. You will look down and think...."we made that"
I really do relate with how you are feeling -and not being able to admit it to anyone (didn't know MN then ) but I PROMISE you it will all be just fine and you'll look back like I do now and offer the same advice to someone else on MN xxxxx

Thanks justjam ? I can?t tell you how much this has helped. Still feeling worried etc, but knowing that you have gone through something similar and have come out OK is a huge relief. I think I might show this thread to DH ? something I never do! ? but I think he?d appreciate reading this too.

You seem so strong and sorted ? you will have to be my pregnancy guru (I?m clearly a mini-you anyway!!) How old is your little one now? And do you have just the one? Any plans for any more?!?

Remember I'm always here Have one DD, now 4 months and the love of our lives I think it's a great idea to show you DH, mine thought he was abnormal to feel the way he did and I wish I could of made the both of us feel better at the time instead of worrying that our relationship would never be the same (it's honestly better now) Hang in there hun, I know it's hard when you feel vulnerable and worried but everything will be ok xxx

I could just kiss you lady!! You have made both of us feel so much better. That's definitely your good deed for the week - have a very large G&T on me!

Doubtless I will be back in a few days all weepy and panicked again... I will shout loudly for you...

xxx

You'll be just fine, I know it and make sure you do shout for me if you want to
xxx

Changedmyname I was just like you, while TTC I was so disappointed when I wasn't pg, but I remember acutely getting my BFP and being like 'ok, when do the happy feelings kick in?'.
I don't quite have the same problem as you guys do with DH, just the opposite in fact. I don't know if I was ready to do this. My DH is 41 and I am 25. If we had both been the same age we would have waited a few years, but we aren't and I felt that we were ready as a couple to do it. I just didn't want DH to be really old, especially if we want another. My dad warned me that he thought I was compromising and doing t before I was ready, but no no, I knew what I was doing because I'm a grown up! Oh, I have no regrets, but I wonder if that is contributing to the way I feel. My DH is over the moon on the other hand.
Changedmyname, I'm sorry you felt you had to changed your name (I've been a big whinger from the start so people expect nothing less from me!) it's sad that we feel under so much pressure. If more people were as honest about how they feel about pregnancy and motherhood maybe we'd feel better and not like we are freaks!

i had a hellish last twenty weeks and the lovely ladies are my salvation on here mn is the best thing that happened to me

and is never touched on my baby was greatly wanted it was just id just lost my job couldnt get on felt my life and friends were passing me by

this all accumlated wen i was 30 nweeks wen i demanded a c section i was so anxious re the birth and my mw took me very seriously and referred me to both the cons at the hospital and the cons mw my talks and tours with the team really helped knowing wat was gonna happen really helped

if you feel really baD every hospital has a perinatal mental health team and mine are fab dont be scared

I kind of know what you mean bumperlicious ? despite planning for this, I still don?t feel quite ready. I guess it?s something I felt I ?should? do, rather than actually wanting to do it? my age (33) doesn?t help either, there?s a real sense of ?if I don?t do it now, then it might be too late?. Does your DH know how you are feeling?

The stress of having to find somewhere to live really isn?t helping at all either. I keep thinking that if I wasn?t pregnant then we wouldn?t have to move out of our flat (which we love) and find somewhere else. Because of the pregnancy we now feel completely pressured to just take anything so that we have a room for the baby. I keep thinking if I wasn?t pregnant then we could take our time and find something without ?panic-buying?. (This was the original plan ? and we started looking for a new home 7 months ago ? but, what with sales and purchases falling through, we?re still exactly where we started all those months ago?)

It?s been such a stressful year and now this feels like even more unwanted pressure. I felt ? and still do feel ? reassured by justjam?s promises that it will all work out OK. But I can?t get rid of this feeling of worry and panic ? it?s like a knot in my chest. Admittedly it?s 60% house worries because that?s much more of an imminent problem! Oh I don?t know what?s wrong with me, I really don?t?

Half the problem is that it doesn?t seem quite real ? it doesn?t actually feel like a baby in there. I have the occasional moment when I feel connected to it ? but this hasn?t happened for days. It just feels like yet another problem which is weighing me down. And because it doesn?t feel quite real, it?s easier to wish it away?

Sorry about the long post - needed to get this off my chest... x