July 2011 babies - second trimester here we come!

[MadAboutTheBoys]

I was just about to post to say sorry for starting the July thread and then disappearing, then saw that it was all full up! So I thought I would start us a new one.

Hello to all the many many ladies that have joined the July club - it's lovely to see so many of us here. I've been trying to read back through all the old posts, but there are so many, that's partly why it's taken me so long to get back! Have also been having some personal troubles, but that's another story.

Anyway, I'm 12 weeks today and slightly looking forward to my scan on Christmas Eve, but also nervous in case it's not good news. I'm looking forward to catching up with you all again and hearing how you and your bumps are going.

Great news about the Scan nicola

Hi Everyone,

Fab I'm loving one born every minute. I totally know what you mean about Lydia, she looked absolutley amazing the cow LOL! and its definately made me consider a waterbirth, it looks so much more relaxed.

Has anyone on here ever had a waterbirth before?

Scottygirls10 I'm only 13+4 and I'm already in some discomfort standing up and sitting down. I'm quite small and don't do much sport, so maybe my abdominal muscles are struggling to adjust to any extra weight!

The weirdest thing that's happened to me so far (apart from nearly passing out on the train twice already) is weird vibrations I'm getting "down below" . It doesn't happen often, about 2-3 times a day and they're very slight (a bit like blowing a very limp raspberry), but it's very bizarre to say the least. I definitely don't feel any vibrations through the bump area, and surely it's way too early to feel the baby anyway.

Is anybody else having this?

One Born Every Minute last night was one of the best episodes yet. Lydia was so amazing and her birth made me cry.

Has anybody else bought anything for the baby yet? This is my third so I don't need much but was in TK Maxx last week and they had swaddle wraps really cheap. I used borrowed ones for DS2 until he was almost 4 months and they were great.

Badgerwife sorry can't help with the vibrations.

scottygirl yes, im having dull aches low down as well as sharp stabbing pains. Told a MW and she said 'what do you expect, youre growing a person.' She didnt seem to think it was an issue. Ive also had stitch quite a few times when im not really doing anything. I guess it figures, everything is stretching even thought i dont have any sort of a bump. (im 16+4)

Ok rant time....Is anyone else not bonding with their pregnancy? Dont know whether its because the PG wasnt planned and we've been having some relationship problems since finding out but whenever i think about the baby being here i burst into tears and i dont know why. Ive been very down this week and feel soo bloody ungrateful and awful about the way i feel, its not like i can speak to anyone about it in RL because pregnant women are supposed to be excited about being a mum not terrified! It doesnt help that i cant sleep and have rang in sick for the 2nd week running because i keep crying, its getting hard to hide.
Im hoping that when i start feeling flutters and getting a bump i'll be better. I feel sorry for my DP because he doesnt know what to do for the best and im scared i'll drive him away. Oh dear, hope this dark cloud lifts soon

Hi Wolfcub. Pg affects everyone differently. It sounds like there are other things which are getting you down a bit - not the pg in itself necessarily IYSWIM? But even people who are totally in a good place can fail to 'bond' with the pg.

I suppose it's like that instant rush of love which is so talked about in the media. I have to admit, I felt it with all 3 of mine. But equally, I know plenty of people who didn't get that rush until much, much later.

It doesn't make them any less of a mother. Being a mother is terrifying. I'm currently dealing with toddler tantrums and first periods. And a typical middle child. I frequently feel out of control and scared at the responsibility that their futures are in my inexpert hands. And yet I wouldn't change it for the world and am now pg with #4.

When I found out I was expecting a very unplanned #1 my first thought was 'oh well, there's still enough time to miscarry'. Nice? No. But although I'll never win any medals, I know I'm a good mum. And you will be too.

It's a bit like a rollercoaster. Very scary but a great ride. x

Thank you so much buttonmoom that really touched me and made me cry but in a good, heartwarming kind of way.
I am going to get dressed, put some make up on and go and buy a baby grow or some cute little socks, think i just need to get into the 'my baby is going to be so special' mind frame rather than the 'its going to move out when its 4 because it hates me' mind frame.
Thanks xx

Sounds like a plan!

buttonmoon, that was a lovely response - thanks! Wolfcub, I'm so sorry you feel that way.

I sort of know what you mean although not perhaps quite as extreme. I'm struggling a bit because my pg doesn't really feel that 'real'. I've had 2 scans and seen the baby which was great and I'm getting a bump and starting to tell people but it almost feels like it's happening to someone else - I just don't feel as excited as I thought I would. I do feel a bit excited but there are a couple of girls in my office due around the same time and they seem way more 'into' it than I do....maybe it will come later?

Thank you both because you've made me feel a lot better too. I've been sitting here having a little cry because something I wrote on another thread was taken completely not as intended and I took a bit of a beating from a couple of people.

TBH it was a bit of a my birth experience was worse than yours so I should've known better but I took it all to heart and felt like a totally insensitive cow.

So thank you for your thanks.

My. Aren't we a lovely, grateful lot!?

Sorry to hear that in addition to the usual trials of pregnancy you are feeling this way wolfcub :(. I'm not sure I've not bonded with the pg, as its my first baby and beyond words wanted, however I HATE talking about it with people in rl. I think it may be because I'm expecting to lose him or her every single day, without good reason for thinking this other than 1st pregnancy (1st trimester) mc in September k I probably didn't give enough time between pregnancies (4 weeks) to get over the loss, and am now transferring all the fear on to this pregnancy. I know this is a different problem to yours, but just wanted to let you know there's someone else out there not falling over themselves with excitement, even tho I'd luv to just relax, let go and enjoy. I hope it starts to sink in for us both and really become wonderful and exciting as is should be for us :) x

You guys have no idea how much better i feel to get this out!
scottygirl i am so sorry for your previous loss and i can imagine just how nervous you are about this time, hormones dont exactly help do they!! I also hate telling people about being pg, i had to go to a work meal recently and felt like i was drowning as so many people were asking me questions. I used my weak bladder as an excuse and ran to the loo every time the going got tough.

Well, instead of going to buy baby stuff i went to homebase and bought lightbulbs (we really needed them ) but i just checked my emails and my DP has sent me a link to a mickey mouse baby grow set that hes just ordered for the little one. My heart instantly melted because i know he is going to make the most amazing dad and i am so lucky to have him. I am now going to cook him a lovely meal and have a look at baby stuff on the internet with the view of buying some little bits and bobs to get me started.

xx

OMG, you can buy dressing gowns for new borns!!!! how absolutely adorable!!!

Oh wolfcub, I too felt very down with my first PG. I do think hormones play a very big part in all this. Both my PG's were very much planned and wanted but I can remember having panic attacks at work with my first because I felt so overwhelmed and scared about what having a baby meant. I found as I got more into it I loved it more and more and towards the end I couldn't believe that I'd ever felt negatively about it (and I do still feel a bit guilty as I love my son more than anything and find it hard to think I ever felt bad about being PG when I watch him). I'm sure you'll find the same thing happens, but if you don't please don't worry. Don't feel like you have to rush into buying things if you're not ready. You're still you and will not lose that sense of who you are when baby is here. Give yourself some time and also try to give yourselves time as a couple - that's more important at the moment. Bug hugs to you. Do you have family/friends in RL that you can talk to?

Thanks orchid yes i can talk to my mom but we dont really do outward shows of affection in our family so id just get a lot of 'get a grip' and i know i need to do that.
I do need to sit with DP as we havent really talked about the baby yet - i know 16 weeks is a long time - as theres such a long way to go. It was such an unexpected bit of news for us (contraception failure) that we're still in total shock!!

afternoon all

you sound brighter already wolfcub, which is lovely. Don't be hard on yourself we have a whole lifetime as a parent to feel 'guilty' about stuff so all totally normal. You are going through huge emotional, and physical changes it will all be ok.

your dh sounds lovely, i don't think mine has ever bought anything by himself for any of our boys!!

i feel much more 'real' about everything today. Think as i've now had my scan and told everyone feel a huge weight has been lifted. Still didn't sleep well tho, still considering a genii pillow must admit seen mostly positive reviews and after trying lots of other pillows (cheaper oens!) i think i need to spoil myself this time around.

Have re-read my post and sounds like I'm not happy to be pg, for the record I am I am!!! Over the moon! Lol. Anyway wolfcub, sounds like you've been reassured so that's good. Put me in the mood for some cute little person shopping ;) x

wolfcub so sorry you're feeling down. I am terrified by the thought of this baby arriving to be perfectly honest, although it was very planned and took 18 months to happen. Have also worried every day that I'll lose it and still worrying now at 15 weeks, which is making it difficult to share the news and also difficult to bond. Hate the constant worrying as I feel like I'm not providing a relaxing environment for our baby to grow but just can't seem to get the negative thoughts out of my head. Also went through a phase a few weeks back of having nightmares and waking in a panic in the middle of the night. Luckily that seems to have stopped.

Also have irrational jealousy as have not shared news on facebook as I hated seeing all the pg announcements when we were trying but a couple of "friends" have recently announced on there and now every one of their status updates seems to be about the baby/pregnancy. I keep thinking "I want to be saying that" and yet at the same time thinking it's quite insensitive and a bit tacky sharing such intimate details with the world. Am I being completely irrational?

And despite me not having a bump (and being very jealous of those with bumps) one of my pupils asked today whether I was pregnant and told me rumours have been going around for ages. I didn't answer but just told her to stop spreading rumours but find it very difficult to lie when asked the question outright. Any thoughts on when I should just bite the bullet and admit it, as another one's bound to ask soon, especially as I technically didn't deny it.

wolfcub I don't think I've 'bonded' with my pregnancy either! I don't feel negative, and I'm excited about being a mum, but I can't equate that with being pg at the moment. Maybe it's that I don't really feel pregnant, just a bit sick and bloated, it's hard to think that there's actually a baby there. I'm not too worried about feeling that way though, as I know that what I think about being pg right now isn't any reflection on what I'll think about the baby when it arrives. Plus there's all those hormones to blame, doing funny things to my emotions!

StormBird I am wondering about a waterbirth, although I don't know much about my options yet. But, what little I've heard has been positive about a waterbirth.

nicola glad the scan went well, i remember it being such a relief after all the worry :)

highheels I was worried about telling people too, in case anything went wrong, but in the end I decided that the risk now is as low as it ever will be (as after 12 weeks and scan all ok) and soon people will start wondering.

Hi all

wolfcub glad to hear you're starting to feel a bit more positive. I think what Buttonmoon said was brilliant. My DS was desperately wanted but I felt really weird in early pregnancy. I couldn't buy things, didn't like telling people how it was going and felt like I was going to be the worst mother in the world. I'm sure I'm not the best but my DS is now (and from the moment he was born) is the light of my life. Last night he picked up a little lamb toy, the first thing I bought for him just after the 20 week scan. I'd never seen him play with it before. He cuddled it, gave me a kiss night night and said 'lub you'. He can melt me with a smile.

The great thing about mumsnet is that you really can say how you're feeling. You don't have to keep people happy or pretend that you're feeling great when actually you're not. But equally you can come online and celebrate the good things that feel too personal/smug/frightening to share in RL. ( Highheels I also feel weird about posting preg stuff on FB.) People on the TTC thread I was on kept me sane before this preg and held my hand when I thought I might be losing it.

Life is good for me today - haven't felt sick for days. DS's teething has stopped so we've got proper sleep for the first time in a week. And I'm sure I felt a flutter in bed the other night. I know it wasn't wind but wondered if anyone else has had any stirrings? I'm also feeling less stressed about work having told them. It was less bad than I'd expected. Having said all that I'm currently worrying that I won't love my new bean as much as I love my DS. I know it's stupid but it's not helped by people telling me that the first one is 'so special' - come on - can someone tell me that I'm being stupid and to pull myself together...

p.s. sorry for the monster post

Hey everyone.

wolfcub my pregnancy wasn't planned either so the first feeling was shock rather than instant elation. DP and I have been together a long time but the timing isn't perfect on a practical level (work, money etc).. however we are happy about it and looking forward to the baby. However I don't feel massively bonded in that when I saw the scans it was like "Oh interesting" and feeling relieved the baby was OK, not an amazing rush. Watching one born every minute last night was the first time I had felt real excitement. I started imagining DP's face when he holds the baby for the first time. Also I am beginning to show a but which makes it all feel more real.

If you keep feeling really tearful and missing work I would say talk to a RL person - GP or midwife. Sometimes that face to face support can make a difference.

Who hasn't told work yet? I am wondering how long I can leave it before it will be ridiculously obvious.

Squirrel I feel the same about my pg. I have to keep remembering the scan so it seems real. Even though I do think I am starting to feel stirrings...is that normal at 14 weeks?

I love One Born Every Minute. Absolute addiction here. I find myself laughing and crying then laughing again the whole way through. Hormones anyone? Going to try to get my partner to watch an episode this weekend. Or maybe he'd run for the hills

I meant to ask if everyone's scan dates seemed right? I counted back and it falls exactly on the first date of my last period I thought this was supposed to be the dating scan, not the date I gave as my last period. She did measure it on screen but I didn't realise until we left and ounted back the days. I know we didn't conceive for at least 10 days (inc my 5 day period) after that as I don't live with my partner and we were actively trying to conceive from that date on. Does this mean my baby is rougly two weeks "big" or have they made an error?
Stormbird two of my friends had waterbirths. Neither of them tore, and both say they and baby were very chilled. It's worth bearing in mind you can't have an epidural though. I'd love to have one, but at the moment i'm not ruling anything out, from epidurals to bottle feeding if I simply can't breastfeed. I have my preferences but I'm not going to beat myself up if I can't do it - there will be enough stress as it is I'm sure!
Glad you are feeling better Wolfcub. I got a bit 'crafty' this arvo and made a soft play cube with bells in out of scrap material. That helped me get more "into" it and only took 2 hours. Not sewn since shool but it was good to create something personal for Pea!

Sorry for another long post!

Dita, I think I had become used to the idea that I would have a premature baby as I had already had a 20 week and 31 week, I made milestones as I went along and I knew at that stage I had passed viable which was my biggest concern. I was under instructions to get BH checked out so I was found pretty early that time and was quite confident they?d keep me going until I was a bit further on. I then spent 11 weeks with constant contractions, they?d settle at an hour apart then get closer together over about two so I?d get them checked out again and it would stop. Once I got to 30 weeks I was happy. This time I?m getting even more scans so I don?t think anything will be missed! Each time they?ve learnt from the last and added more scans in.

wolfcubEm83, I understand. I don?t get tearful over it, although I did at the start, but I do feel totally numb towards the pregnancy, I don?t think it?s sunk in at all. Even with the 30 scans I had last time I didn?t believe it until I held her and to be honest sometimes I still find it hard when I look at my youngest. I thought for a long time I wasn?t as close to her as my eldest but I realised recently that actually she?s far more of a mummy?s girl than my eldest who is anyone?s.

Squirrel007, I have attended a waterbirth as a Doula and they?re the most amazing thing. I?d definitely recommend one. If you want to read a good book about the subject look for ?The Waterbirth Book? it?s a good book about pregnancy and birth generally but they go into waterbirth in depth.

Fab123, the date they give is not the date you conceived, the pregnancy cycle starts with your last period. Every period is like a pregnancy that never happened and the body shedding it ready for the next attempt.

Hi everyone - Isn't it strange that for the 1st 12 weeks before the scan we are stressing because we don't know if everything is ok and if the baby actually exists. Then we have the scan, baby is perfectly fine and then we start stressing as it finally sinks in that we are going to be parents - either for the 1st, 2nd, 3rd or 4th time!

GruffaloMama I was exactly the same with my ds - I didn't buy a thing until after 20 weeks scan (i'll be the same this time as well)It is hard to imagine that you could love any other child as much as the one you have but i'm sure we will. My DS can't wait to meet his bro or sister and he even gave my tummy a kiss and cuddle this morning - bless him.

stormbird I had a water birth planned with my 1st but unfortunately only got 5cm and then had to have emergency c-section as in distress. I was warned with our hospital that there are only a couple of rooms with the bath and you can't book. So if it was a busy day/night there was a chance I couldn't have it anyway.

Have a good day ladies.

Aw, that's sweet Scarthy. My DS is the same, he cuddles and kisses the baby and offers to give it strawberry milk! But he also says he has a baby in his tummy !

Confuddled thanks for that. For some reason I thought at the first scan they gave you a more accurate date. I didn't realise you keep with the extra 2 weeks all the way through.

Anyone else sick of the smell of Bio Oil? Seems to be really offending me today. I've got the streth mark massage ream from Palmers too but that smells like hospitals to me. I'm having a "smelly" day today I think!