The PESH deli – how extraorder, we're all in pig

[Muser]

We smacked our ovaries and sent them to Madame Bovary, and now we're in pig. MSDP ends here, just waiting for the MAD lot to join us.

BESH BAYBEES
dontrythisathome, girl born March 25.
Cheggers, twinz girlz, born April
FannyPriceless, boy, born June 8
CurlyCasper, girl, born June 24
CUNextTuesday, boy, born June 29
Skihorse, boy, born 1 July
Carrots, boy, born July
IggyPiggy, girl, born July

UPDIFFED
Cosmosis, the baybee that is never going to come out, due August 22
backinthebox, thinking of inventive uses for courgettes, due September 6
skatergrrrl, the one that overtook the rest, September 1
VAG, lives in De Nile, due 19 September
silversky, the biggest farter, due 18 October (first baybee)
Honeymoo, 3 wees a night, due October 31 (boy)
okiecokie, self-confessed control freak, due November 6
SomethingSuitablyWitty, benelux babe, due November 14
ReginaMonologue, knows when all the sales are, due November 20 (boy)
maswera, jungle hottie - due December 11
PollyPoo, wants to name her baybee after the dog, The New Messiah is due December 25
ChoChoSan "and Lo! The lord did resurrect her petrified womb" due 31 January
CluckyKate, hatching an egg - due February 2
Perfect Dromedary, defied medical science - due February 24
Ginhag, reckless cake-carrier, due 28th Feb
Muser, I threw up behind a tree - due February 27
Medee, finally over the Haribo craving, due March 12
Casserole living on hula hoops - due April 10
MrsFC, joining whether she wants to or not

Hmmm... Very sorry about the underpasid workers putting together my gleamy iPad. Still getting one though. Which reminds me of a quote by me in a middle of the road broadsheet when I was getting married to the ex and about to buy an engagement ring. It was about blood diamonds. I said 'I know it's selfish but I still really want one.'. My Greeham Common sitting mother went UP THE WALL. For ages you could still google the quote if you put in my name & diamond... Oops...

Does getting an Abel & Cole veg box weekly counter act the unfairness of an iPad I wonder...?

No views on pain relief except that I don't care what happens I just would really like a VBAC and to maybe even have just one contraction this time...

Please can I join the bad mothers club? Small boy eats tea alone sometimes while I catch up with last nights TV...., and Saturday lunchtimes we all sit at the table together but I read Woman & Home, the FC reads the Sun & small boy reads Dr Who magazine. It's lovely & quiet...

I appreciate I'm behind the times here but I'm hoping, MrsFC that FC stands for F C*. That would make my day that would

What's with this VBAC shit? I'm going back in through the sunroof.

MrsFC Some years ago I was taken to a diamond house in Antwerp as a first date. Nom nom.

I has diamond from 30s. Would not buy new now actually and I really am anti-lentil.

I loves diamonds I do. In fact as I got a eternity ring for bringing PFB into the world (admitedly I banged on about it for 18 months after the event but still got one in the end) I now expect diamonds to go in ears for PSB.

I got a bunch of flowers, something I am still quite bitter about.

I too HATE Harvesters. Would not be seen dead in one! I even bailed on an important family get together as it was at a nasty chavvy Harvester.

I have a mega busy day and am now on sofa - laid out like huge blue whale.

Like other PESHs I have demanded hinted at eternity ring is due on the birth on our PFB. Tho I won't hold my breath.

Must pack my bag tonight. Have to otherwise HI will shoot me.

Youz lot is well chatty today innit.

Have had stressful day from hell, despite waking up refreshed and in a good mood. Tis true work is the devil. Didn't eat lunch until now thanks to hectic morning and midwife appointment. This is not something I would advise, I swore constantly for about 30 minutes I felt so bad. Mr Moo has hidden upstairs, I fink I scared him.

MW says all ok but might have another scan (yay) and see obstetrician at 37 weeks if the little blighter seems bigger in 2 weeks. Maybe no HB she says. I says I AM having a HB wiv jacuzzi and that is that.

ski and okie cats on tum tums does not sound as dangerous as dog licking preggo laydee's face. I cannot look as I will get verrrreeeee ANGRY the mood I am in today.

ski a friend of mine has that egg chair. I like. Buy it. Fuck jailbait. He has Sky TV.

scorps I think the earliest that they can tell is 15 weeks. It said that in my everything you need to know about being a preggo book.

mrsfc I love the running upstairs trick. I must try that. Although only tomorrow morning, Monday afternoon and Thursday in orifice. Rest of time on shoot and leaving lunch Thursday pm. Nice really as I won't be seeing things to completion I can just go to shoot and do lots of star fucking and eating nice lunch and sitting down and being fat and getting people to make me tea. Fun bits of job really. Let everyone else stress themselves crazy.

Miele washing machine, tumble drier and dishwasher are the best investments I have ever made. I literally LOVE them. Expensive but you won't have to replace for 20 years.

I would like an ipad but not allowed. However Mr Moo is V jealous cos our work mobile phone operator is being changed which means that on my last day I am being given an iPhone 4 replacement. Ahaha hahahahahah. Now I just need more friends with one for baby video conferencing. Some benefits in working in meeeeedya.

okie I haz hinted at diamond earrings but I got told to fuck off. Maybe I could downgrade to new wardrobe? Unfortunately I pushed the limits for wedding rings last year and Mr Moo is still kicking himself he could of got away with less bling. Those were the days...

On the harvester front. Do they still do breaded mushrooms? I LIKE those. Or maybe that was Beefeater... YUM. No one does breaded mushrooms anymore. Or prawn cocktail.

I always said I would make sure any diamonds I bought were fully traceable. Then MrM proposed outside the jewellers and I was too excited to remember to check. I am bad.

Must drop some more eternity ring hints. Just for shits n giggles.

I'm a bit 'whuh?' at the 'rocks that I got' chat. It has seriously never occurred to me to ever want or need any sort of diamond or stone jewellery. Or indeed, any expensive jewellery from anyone. I wouldn't want to go out with someone who bought me flashy rocks either. Seems like profligacy to me and TYF. The most expensive thing we own is my laptop, which was @ £550 (not Apple). His car isn't even worth that much! I also know how diamond miners are treated and about the politics of blood diamonds, etc., so couldn't justify it. I like jewellery, but prefer to get uber-cool cheaper stuff that is v individualistic (and if it goes out of date, it doesn't matter). TYF once got me a Tatty Devine name necklace for Xmas and I felt guilty he'd spent nearly £30 on jewellery!

I'm not trying to criticise or guilt-trip anyone who loves 'em and wants 'em and whose partner likes to provide them, just stating how I feel. I can't be the only woman in the world who isn't arsed about spendy accessories, can I? Not bothered about 'it' bags or any of that stuff either. I genuinely don't understand the desire. But then again, I love make-up and cosmetics which loads of people aren't interested in, so each to their own.

I can proudly state that I have never been to a Harvester. Or a Beefeater, Nando's, etc. Sometimes, food allergies are your best friend

You ain't missed nuffin' by not going to a Harvester.

My engagement ring is the only bling that I own Scorps. I'm much more a costume jewellery kind of girl. And I wouldn't get diamonds again. I just got swept away.

I don't really want an eternity ring. I just enjoy winding MrM up. He knows this as we have also discussed how it's a ridiculous marketing ploy no doubt invented by De Beers.

But I do love my engagement ring. It isn't blingy. It's small and classic and an unusual setting. It bags can sod right off. I do love shoes though. I would love some Louboutins but my wide feet would never allow it. And I'd scuff them in half a second.

MrM and I probably are a bit spendy. He earns good money and likes gadgets. So we have the fancy iMacs. But no designer clothes. And I figure we might as well enjoy it while we can. We did the skint thing. It's nice not having to.

I shall be demanding that TYF propose to me in a Harvester with one of QVC's finest Diamondique rings this very weekend!

I think it proves how much yr partner loves you

Nah, I love diamonds, I do. Bigger the better.

And after 18 hours of labour at home, I still rate the moment the epidural went in as one of the happiest moments of my life

AND my dinner tonight is completely yellow. It's probably not even healthy enough for the Harvester. Nomnomnom

I'm rubbish with rocks. For a start, I can't really wear rings and end up taking earrings off after an hour or so. Doesn't stop me looking though, but I just could not justify the expense. It would not be a case of him buying for me either, for it is our money. I'd rather save for Squeak's future. (Oh, and I we did just get a substantial car upgrade...)

Not sure how I'd feel if we could afford it though

I haven't got any rocks. Well I do have some pebbles. And a lot of conkers. And an acorn. And 2 feathers. My son is generous with gifts :)

drom thanks. I obviously think he's a bit great... Not sure the rest of the peshes would truly appreciate the genius of the poo song. And it's not the same without the dance moves anyway...

And scorps spends LOADS more money than me on fancy make-up

I am really not very glamorous. But I don't really give a shit y'see. I have my own personal style. I call it 'Stinky Bag Lady Chic.'

Which reminds me, what week did everyone make it to before having to admit that their clothes actually didn't fit anymore and they were starting to look a tad silly?

about 4, gin seeing as I had piled on the flab before getting diffed and started to invest in floaty empire lines etc from the off. I was in preggo jeans before my 12-week scan.

Now, I have worn my hair in anything other than a scraped up mess just twice in three months. I am living in the same pair of pumps and I have invested in fat lady tracksuit bottoms. But if the diet works, I shall have a whole new wardrobe come spring.

• actually, I am sticking to the diet

I really want to see/hear the poo song. I bet Cunty does too, she's always up for a bit of poo chat. Lyrics here/video on youtube pleeeeaaassse.

I think about week 12 gin. Even though I weigh exactly the same as I did at booking in (oh yay for sickness) nothing really fit very well. I didn't do maternity stuff though, just empire line tunics and leggings.

Yesterday my leggings kept rolling down though. They no longer contain my expanding belly.

Cunty, I hope you're joking. I'd say there was something very, very wrong with a relationship if expensive presents were a proof of love. Any idiot can spend lots of cash on an unnecessary gift, it doesn't mean anything about their emotions. It's a lovely, gorgeous show of love, but not proof. TYF composed a theme tune for me as a whim of love and he sometimes sings and plays it on his banjo as I walk about the flat - that means more to me than a piece of metal and rock on my finger ever could do. Is also hilarious.

Have just asked him for his opinion to add here - he says: 'it seems a bit strange that women would want a v old-fashioned type of love and romance that used to show that a woman was bought and paid for but then want all the modern trappings of a equal partnership too. I always presume that it's only sexist blokes who still buy flashy stuff to show someone is 'his' woman'. And that's why I'm never going to buy you anything again - because you're my equal and I love you.'. The cheeky git!

Then he held a packet of steaks above his head, saying 'LOOK - the stakes are high!'. So that might be good enough reason for people to disregard his opinions

This is cunty we are talking about here scorps. of course she was Deadly Fucking Serious

Also, re tyf's analysis. Hardly fair, is the wimminz talked of may also buy spendy gifts for their men, and many couples have joint accounts anyway. So put your judgeypants away.