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Bereavement

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to find it really sad when people wish their DC away

206 replies

shakeshakeit · 04/09/2009 14:34

With people literally counting every hour until they go back to school and they don't have to deal with them anymore. I find that really sad to read, yes children fight and are hard work but surely you knew that when you had them? Do people not enjoy spending time with the children and being able to do what they want rather than stuck in a rota every day? Some people can't have children, some people have lost children - do these individials give a moments though about others feelings when they plaster all over their facebook "kids are a nightmare, cant wait until they are back in school" etc every day of the holidays moan moan about the children. Are people not AWARE of what children are like when they got pregnant? And if not then if they are such a nightmare aparently then why after one have more - and in the case of my facebook example have 5. I have friends who have had IVF and adopted - they appreciate time with their children much more, perhaps because they realise what its like to be blessed to have children, even if they are bloody hard work - its part of the package.

OP posts:
CheerfulYank · 05/09/2009 08:00

This thread made me go sit with my dear baby for a few minutes and watch him sleep. I would die if I lost him, I know that I would, and I cannot imagine the OP's pain. I love my child more than I could have ever imaigined, and yet...I still send him to daycare four or five hours a week in the summertime though I'm not working. I think wanting some semblance of order in your life, or a little break, doesn't ever mean that you don't want your child around.

I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss, shakeit. I wish I could come sit with you.

TheDMshouldbeRivened · 05/09/2009 08:17

'Well said Dee.....it seems that in the blink of an eye, when you loose a child, your hopes, dreams, smiles, fun, love, all disappear and feel like they will never, ever return.'

When dd goes I don't feel like I can actually go on.

BerylCole · 05/09/2009 08:21

Each to their own. I adore my kids - they're my life, obviously - but I like going to work and having a break from them each day. Does that make me weird? i don't think so. I was a SAHm for a few years and found the long summer holiday unbearable. I can totally relate with parents that are crawling the walls by the time September rocks around. How many trips to the effing Science Museum is one woman supposed to take?

BerylCole · 05/09/2009 08:22

Obviously losing a child is the most hideous thing that can happen to anyone, but that shouldnt be used as a stick to beat parents with...

Deemented · 05/09/2009 08:27

Oh wind your neck in, Beryl. Can you not see how utterly devestated and emotionally raw the OP is? Show some fucking compassion and give her a break.

BerylCole · 05/09/2009 08:29

I'll leave now but I do think this is a complete wrong 'un of a thread. ..

Deemented · 05/09/2009 08:33

Why??? Because it makes you feel uncomfortable???

Makes sure the door doesn't slap you in the arse on the way out, eh?

junglist1 · 05/09/2009 08:35

OP how are you? A lot of people want to know you're OK

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 05/09/2009 08:38

This thread is awful because poster after poster is coming on with a flippant or irritated comment, then reading the other post, then feeling awful about it. The poor OP is getting shitty (in the context of her loss) messages, posters are feeling defensive and like they can't actually be supportive, and it's a big mess. I'm going to report it now because I don't think it's doing anyone any good. I hope the OP isn't still reading it, TBH.

TheDMshouldbeRivened · 05/09/2009 08:38

well, the first post did come across as unpleasant and it made me upset because my dd is going to die but I still look forward to breaks.
It was only later that it became apparent why she posted.

BerylCole · 05/09/2009 08:42

Agree with kat - thread should be pulled and the OP should get some proper support in a different area of the site.

[email protected] just for the record, it's Ok for you to be rude to me, yes? But not for me to make a valid point in reponse to the OP?

So if I told you I'd lost a child, would you start blubbing and saying 'Sorry'?

Be careful how you speak to people.

shabbapinkfrog · 05/09/2009 09:01

Thing is BerylC - the women speaking on this thread with the most passion are all bereaved Mums. Dee has had her fair share over the last couple of years....if you told her you had lost your child she wouldnt start 'blubbing and saying sorry' because she isin't that kind of person. Instead she would re-direct you to the bereaved mums thread and give you the most sound advice and understanding that she could.

Bereavement and especially the bereavement of a baby or child is a very difficult subject to talk about on a thread on MN....the only place where I feel I can vent or laugh or cry is the bereaved mums thread.

TheDMshouldbeRivened · 05/09/2009 09:13

where's there to talk about knowing your child isn't going to live long? I don't fit anywhere.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 05/09/2009 09:21

riven

shabbapinkfrog · 05/09/2009 09:26

Riven - Im so sorry for your situation - wish there was something I could say that would help. You will find strength - I know you will. My DS3 had the right words...he was just 4 and walking to school with me. He said 'Mam, we only live for a little bit dont we?' 'I think you should grab every day by the balls and shake it !!' I have no idea where he got that saying from BUT now he is no longer 'physically' here with me I do try to 'grab every day by the balls'

frasersmummy · 05/09/2009 10:08

shakeit .. my first little boy was stillborn 5 years ago. I now have a very demanding 4 year old and their are days when I am ashamed to say I wish he would go out with his grandparents/go to bed early

i do sometimes sit back and think I should be grateful he is here to annoy me and I am really I am but it doesnt always show

So I can understand where you are coming from

You are of course perfectly entitled to post on any part of this site you want.. its just sometimes people who dont have to walk this crappy path dont understand our depth of emotion and we wouldnt wish this feeling on anyone

but please come and join us on the bereaved mummies thread.. you can be as angry, sad etc as you like over there

we all understand

take care.. sending you hugs

2shoes · 05/09/2009 10:25

This reply has been deleted

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TheDMshouldbeRivened · 05/09/2009 10:26

It is ok to wish for breaks. I used to get bent out of shape when people complained about their children chattering or being active. Lucky bastards I thought, their children can walk and talk, why the fuck are they moaning?
Don't think I'd of done an AIBU by stelath though. Thats the problem here. Understandable but a little unfair on those who didn't know.
It still hurts when people moan about walking talking children or complain that their teens will cost so much. dd will never walk or talk and she is unlikely to make it to teenager.
Save anger though for those wankers who hurt children. Now they truly don't deserve the gift of a child.

DandyLioness · 05/09/2009 10:33

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bibbitybobbityhat · 05/09/2009 10:42

OK, I see several other posters have agreed with me since my suggestion yesterday that this thread should be deleted.

I see the op hasn't done so yet so, am sorry, but am going to have to report this.

The op is grief stricken but has made a mistake with this thread and it is causing unnecessary bad feeling among other posters.

frasersmummy · 05/09/2009 10:43

i dont think the thread should be pulled

When you lose your child the hurt never goes away..you have days weeks even months where you think you are doing fine and then something really stupid like someone saying god i'm glad my child is going back to school can send you over the edge

You know you are being unreasonable and you wish you felt different but the feelings overwhelm you and you just have to get it out

Why should it be pulled because some people are upset ??? plenty threads upset people .. the poster wasnt rude .. she made a valid if controversial point

2shoes · 05/09/2009 10:47

This reply has been deleted

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LovelyLulu · 05/09/2009 11:46

Shakeit, ..... I am so sorry for your loss, can understand you must get bloody angry.

AvrilH · 05/09/2009 13:18

YANBU - best wishes to you

Lilyloo · 05/09/2009 13:48

shake you are right we are 'very blessed' to have children and i think we all know that.

It is very wrong when they are taken away from you and i am so sorry that you have suffered this pain.

I hope you can get the support you need with all the other mums on here who know how you are feeling.