Please or to access all these features

Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

to find it really sad when people wish their DC away

206 replies

shakeshakeit · 04/09/2009 14:34

With people literally counting every hour until they go back to school and they don't have to deal with them anymore. I find that really sad to read, yes children fight and are hard work but surely you knew that when you had them? Do people not enjoy spending time with the children and being able to do what they want rather than stuck in a rota every day? Some people can't have children, some people have lost children - do these individials give a moments though about others feelings when they plaster all over their facebook "kids are a nightmare, cant wait until they are back in school" etc every day of the holidays moan moan about the children. Are people not AWARE of what children are like when they got pregnant? And if not then if they are such a nightmare aparently then why after one have more - and in the case of my facebook example have 5. I have friends who have had IVF and adopted - they appreciate time with their children much more, perhaps because they realise what its like to be blessed to have children, even if they are bloody hard work - its part of the package.

OP posts:
Overmydeadbody · 04/09/2009 14:46

Ha!

I knew the poster wasn't a parent.

GypsyMoth · 04/09/2009 14:46

sorry to hear that.

shakeshakeit · 04/09/2009 14:47

Maybe I just want a fight today. Children are hard work I know, really. But god I just get so jealous and angry because I don't have that.

OP posts:
bran · 04/09/2009 14:47

Bollox to that - I've had IVF and adopted and I'm counting the hours until DS goes back to school. Children can be both adorable (and adored) and very draining and demanding.

MillyR · 04/09/2009 14:48

Op, you should see a therapist.

LaurieFairyCake · 04/09/2009 14:48

If you have a dead child you could consider posting on other topics for support.

Not projecting your hurt and anger onto others who are a bit knackered after 7 weeks of constant whining.

PuppyMonkey · 04/09/2009 14:48

It's a wonder you have time to go on MN, OP... shouldn't you be off somewhere joyously staring at your adorable kids?

colditz · 04/09/2009 14:48

My grandmother is dead in the ground, it doesn't mean nobody else is allowed to have any complaint against their own grandmother.

If you feel the need to make other children's lives better, get into volunteering for Surestart, or try fostering. Whining at basically loving parents for not having had the same sad life experience as you is not fair, reasonable or, frankly, worth reading.

claricebeansmum · 04/09/2009 14:49

My DC went back yesterday and I am missing them - the endless games of Risk and Games of Life, opting to go out for the day rather than do paperwork and ironing but I did wonder how long the holidays would go on on the days they didn't want to do anything but squabble. Swings and roundabouts and talking to friends all have the same view - "great holidays, great spending time with the DC, relieved they're back at school".

GypsyMoth · 04/09/2009 14:49

so you had a child and lost him/her? thats terrible,and of course you must feel that we are all taking our own kids for granted. but we don't. we wouldn't be on mumsnet if we wished them away so easily.

do you want to say more about whay happened?

PuppyMonkey · 04/09/2009 14:50

You see that's the trouble when you don't explain things properly... sorry about cross post.

colditz · 04/09/2009 14:50

It's not our fault, Shakeit. You cannot raise a child as if he/she would die tomorrow. You'd have fucked up little arseholes if you did that, not normal, non-selfish, considerate children. I can see why you are angry but do try to understand that WE are behaving normally, by complaining at an annoyanvce

kathyis6incheshigh · 04/09/2009 14:50

I don't think wishing they were back at school is the same as wishing them away - when I saw your thread title I thought you meant wishing they didn't exist, which would be sad.
But you can love someone with all your heart and still not want to be with them all the time!

shakeshakeit · 04/09/2009 14:50

I should stick the the bereavement boards probably under my usual name but I did want to get that out because I can't say it in real life and its how I feel. And yes it is unreasonable a bit because children are hard work but when you see someone moan every day and you just wish for a second...

I want to scream, I want to shout, I want to shake her. But I wont. I will have my vent on here and be back to nice placid poster.

Life is fucking shit

OP posts:
YeahBut · 04/09/2009 14:51

There is a bereaved parents thread, OP, that would perhaps be a better place for you to post for support.

pigletmania · 04/09/2009 14:51

My goodness shadeshift have you got children as you dont sound like it. Of course i moan about my 2.6 year old that she runs me ragged (going though the terrible 2s), i am very happy as she is going to be with her godmother this evening and for the night and my dh and i are looking forward to a romantic meal and film, but life without my dd NO NO NO. I love her to bits and know full well what i was getting in for, she is our life our everything. As parents most of us have a moan, thats normal, but we would not live witout out children.

shakeshakeit · 04/09/2009 14:53

Im sorry I know you love your children I do. Im just so sad and needed that. Sorry. Honestly sitting sobbing now. I am really quite a nice poster most of the time not sure whats wrong. Just fed up.

OP posts:
claricebeansmum · 04/09/2009 14:53

I now understand more what you are saying shakeshakeit I think. You are hurting so very much. Too much. You can't understand how anyone would not want their children around all the time and enjoy every minute of it and I think that is because you had that opportunity taken from you. My heart goes out to you.

trefusis · 04/09/2009 14:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Jujubean77 · 04/09/2009 14:55

I am sorry for your loss shakeit

pigletmania · 04/09/2009 14:55

Ooops really shakeshift for my insensitive first line comment, just managed to read all thes posts. Gosh i am really sorry.

Morloth · 04/09/2009 14:56

I love my DS - would fight, kill and die for him. But he does not shut up or stop moving from the time he wakes up until the time he goes to bed at night. I am very happy that he is so clever and healthy, but it does tire me out.

You bet your arse I am extremely happy when school goes back. I have spent the last two days (since the start of term) either sitting in cafes staring at/saying nothing or having a sleep.

OrmIrian · 04/09/2009 14:58

No-one truly wishes their DC away. We just wish they would shut the f* up and leave us alone sometimes! That is normal IME. Unless every mother (and probably father) I know are unnatural cold-hearted bastards

pigletmania · 04/09/2009 14:58

puts arm round shakeshift and give a big hug

shakeshakeit · 04/09/2009 15:00

piglet you said "As parents most of us have a moan, thats normal, but we would not live witout out children."

And thats exactly true to me. What is the point of me living without mine and without much hope of ever having another?

OP posts: