Please or to access all these features

Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

to find it really sad when people wish their DC away

206 replies

shakeshakeit · 04/09/2009 14:34

With people literally counting every hour until they go back to school and they don't have to deal with them anymore. I find that really sad to read, yes children fight and are hard work but surely you knew that when you had them? Do people not enjoy spending time with the children and being able to do what they want rather than stuck in a rota every day? Some people can't have children, some people have lost children - do these individials give a moments though about others feelings when they plaster all over their facebook "kids are a nightmare, cant wait until they are back in school" etc every day of the holidays moan moan about the children. Are people not AWARE of what children are like when they got pregnant? And if not then if they are such a nightmare aparently then why after one have more - and in the case of my facebook example have 5. I have friends who have had IVF and adopted - they appreciate time with their children much more, perhaps because they realise what its like to be blessed to have children, even if they are bloody hard work - its part of the package.

OP posts:
melmog · 04/09/2009 15:00

I should stop reading this now if I were you Shakeit.

People aren't going to have read the whole thing and you're going to get more abuse.

I'm so so sorry you're going thorugh this. I can understand why it makes you so angry.

PrincessToadstool · 04/09/2009 15:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shakeshakeit · 04/09/2009 15:02

Its ok, the abuse makes me angry and upset - at least then I can FEEL. Its an emotion different from absolute saddness. I think I needed a fight, needed an argument. I am not usually like this, really! No idea whats happening to me but just feel like I could explode and safer on here than at a RL person.

OP posts:
PheasantPlucker · 04/09/2009 15:03

I have an adopted dd whom I love to distraction. And I cannot wait for her to go to school on Tuesday. And nor can she.

So, what, I am a shit parent who should never have been allowed to adopt?

I am sorry for your loss OP.

junglist1 · 04/09/2009 15:06

Sorry Shakeit. Your feelings about us moaning are obviously valid. Our whinging must seem so insignificant

OrmIrian · 04/09/2009 15:09

Hey rant away shakeit. It's safe to explode on here

I am so sorry about your loss.

pigletmania · 04/09/2009 15:10

aww shake have you gone for bereavment counselling at all. i sometimes think about what would happen if anything were to happen to dd and i end up sobbing so cannot comprehend what has happened to you, non of us can unless we have been in that siutation.

shakeshakeit · 04/09/2009 15:11

I guess someone with a terminal illness would moan about me being so down. Because I am healthy and am free to do what I want. Its all relative to that person. And usually I see that, I work like that every day, I can manage those feelings. But today I can't I haven't felt so low in years and am not really sure how to cope today. Not even dressed yet, lying on sofa sobbing and not really sure how to get passed this.

OP posts:
melmog · 04/09/2009 15:12

That makes sense Shakeit.

You can shout and scream at me all you like.

PheasantPlucker · 04/09/2009 15:13

OP I am truly sorry you feel so bad, it is the situation we would all dread, to lose a dc. Is there anyone nearby you can call?

pigletmania · 04/09/2009 15:13

is there any one you can talk to Shakesheit, the bad thing about MN is that we cant see each other and cannot sit down with you and give you a hug just to be there. Do you have a friend/relative you could go to or phone. or give CRUSE a call

claricebeansmum · 04/09/2009 15:13

shakeshakeit - this all still sounds very raw. Have you had any counselling? Been to see GP at least or got in contact with bereavement support groups. I am so sorry about what you are going through but please please look after yourself.

junglist1 · 04/09/2009 15:15
Sad
shakeshakeit · 04/09/2009 15:20

It was almost 4yrs ago now - November. No real reason to be so bad today, just felt low and lethargic all morning, not got much done. Then suddenly that came over me and it felt like there was no point. I realise this isn't the best place for this, it just sort of all came out. Just had a huge huge sob - the attractive snot everywhere kind and not done that in months, perhaps its been overdue.

Oh am not a DM shitester btw - nice pig meat, norks, fishyposter and cunting supermarkets

OP posts:
pigletmania · 04/09/2009 15:24

lol shakeseit they say a good cry is really good, i lost my dad to cancer 21 years ago when i was 11 and gran about 6 years ago so i am no novice to death. sometimes its good to get it all out even if it is on MN just dread the responses afterwards. though i feel that if you ahd explained this inititally you would have got a better reception.

PheasantPlucker · 04/09/2009 15:30

Just sending you un-MN hugs shakeshakeit. I hope the venting helps a little today

carelesswhispers · 04/09/2009 15:37

oh shakeshakeit i am so for your loss , it would be any mothers worst nightmare to lose a child
i waited 6 years to conceive our first dc & almost 2 years for our 2nd dc so although i adore them, i still love a few hours break knowing they are safe at school ,
sending you a huge hug >>

2shoes · 04/09/2009 15:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Rollmops · 04/09/2009 15:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Lizzylou · 04/09/2009 15:48

Oh Shakeit, you poor poor thing.
Rant away, and yes, it does sound like a massive crying session was what you needed.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Lizzylou · 04/09/2009 15:49

And yes, OMDB, that was a particularly nasty post.
How lovely to have been proved right

Remotew · 04/09/2009 15:52

Shakeshakeit, I'm so sorry for your loss and UANBU to feel this way.

My DD is nearly grown up and I sometimes wish we could turn the clock back and I could do things differently and cherish the time we had rather than fretting about the small stuff and wishing for term time.

We can now talk about how we would cope if anything happened to one of us. She reminds me that she would want me to carry on as best as I could and be happy again.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 04/09/2009 15:54

No, OMDB x posted at the same time as the reveal happened

OP I am sorry for your loss.

Possibly AIBU with stealth reveal was not the best idea.

Peace.

Crablass · 04/09/2009 15:56

I think you are being unreasonable.

Its great to have somewhere you can express these non-pc thoughts. Reassures you that you are normal and that no matter how good a mum or how wonderful your kids are, its normal to feel like sometimes you can't cope.

stickylittlefingers · 04/09/2009 15:58

Shakeshakeit - I am so very sorry. It's all our worst nightmares, what you're going through.

I don't know that you're being so very U - sometimes I do have to remember to stop and think. Of course all parents need the space to moan and know that what they're feeling is normal, and that's very therapeutic - but sometimes I have to remember that even when the dc are being completely unbearable, they're still the best things that ever happened to me.

I do so wish we could be with you xx