My daughter took her own life

[bereftmother]

The subject says it all, really. About six weeks ago my lovely, clever, witty daughter walked out of our house, leaving a note. Four days later the police found her body. And now, I just want to cry and scream and throw things. We have no Christmas plans, there is nothing to celebrate. When the post comes we don't know if the cards will be condolences or for Christmas.
We knew she was depressed. We just didn't know the depths of her despair.

I'm so sorry. 💐

I'm so sorry for your loss OP. No parent should have to say goodbye to their child. Please don't continue to blame yourself, suicide is nobody's fault. Tomorrow will be difficult for you but take it one step at a time x

m.youtube.com/watch?v=gI3COniQ1y4

Julia Samuel has done some amazing work with complex grief over 30 years.

This is a remarkable interview where you might take a tiny bit of comfort from her insights and experiences of working with parents who have lost children.

Sending you strength for tomorrow. I will be thinking of you 💐

Once again, thank you for the many kind messages, and I am sorry for those of you who have suffered in similar ways. Thank you @Ooompaloopa for that link. I don't have the ability to concentrate at the moment but will try and watch it when I feel able to cope with it.

I have experienced a sibling suicide so not the same at all but many of us are left with all the “Why’s?” - on the link Julia Samuel explains that a 1/3 of all suicides are out of the blue.

She used an expression that helped me which was it could be characterised as a “heart attack of the brain.”

My beautiful teenage niece decided that her Dad had a “terminal mental illness” similar to others who may have cancer / MS etc. That gave her something to lean on. xx

Sending you strength for tomorrow . 🌹

It is four months today since our lovely girl walked out of the house for the last time.
It was her Inquest today. We weren't there in person, attendance was remote via MS Teams - a zoom call for something so very personal, so heart wrenching, seemed almost disrespectful...

But it was okay. The Inquest was straight forward, no surprises, as they kept to quotes from the paperwork we have already seen. The Coroner was professional, and kind - the only off record thing he said was that he thought her chosen method of death would have been quick and relatively painless.
That is something I have wanted to hear.

Afterwards, we all cried, so much. And yet it still doesn't seem completely real. Maybe, sometime. I still keep half expecting her to walk in the door...

I can imagine you must flip between feeling this is unbearable and unbelievable.

Hard core day for you all today.

So sorry x

Glad that the inquest was OK for you. xx

I'm so sorry xxx

I'm so sorry for your loss. You sound like such a kind, caring soul and there's something about the way you write that reminds me of my Mum. I just want to give you a big hug. Sending you lots of love xx

That was a big day. Well done for getting through it and I hope you are being looked after this week.

I am so sorry.

I have felt very flat since the Inquest. It's as if I was thinking of it as an endpoint - but of course it isn't, not really. It is the formal paperwork, the official confirmation. In a week or so we can get a copy of the death certificate. I thought it would just say "suicide" as the cause of death but apparently it will detail the method used. I don't like that. I don't like that at all.
Next hurdle will be Sunday. Mothers Day. Two cards instead of three.

So sorry Bereft. Mother's Day is going to be tough. You miss her and you always will. You loved her and always will. She knew that and always will whatever her trials. The love will never be gone. It lives on.

Big love.

I’m very sorry for your loss bereft mother

These are two especially tough days in a sea of very tough days. I expect your unbearable pain will be even more heightened this weekend. I hope you can find some moments of gentleness and solace with love and support from others.

So sorry OP - it is unspeakably hard :(
my brother took his life. Second mothers day without him for my mum. Just awful for her. Hope your loved ones look after you xx

Sending love and strength for tomorrow OP🌷

Thinking of you

I too was shocked by the cause of death being so spelt out rather than stating suicide. It's brutal.

Just popping on to say I know that today will be especially painful -sending love 💕

Thinking of you today and sending love and strength 💐

Thank you for your thoughts and kind messages. It has been hard, and I have cried; but not as hard as I thought it might be, and I haven't cried as much as some other days. My other two children kept things low key but acknowledged the day and both came to see me. We have chatted, told some old stories again, cried together and even laughed. Each of us is coping (or not, as the case may be) in our different ways, and we are trying to keep in mind that we have all lost her. No-one gets top trumps for grief.