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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

My daughter took her own life

206 replies

bereftmother · 23/12/2022 22:11

The subject says it all, really. About six weeks ago my lovely, clever, witty daughter walked out of our house, leaving a note. Four days later the police found her body. And now, I just want to cry and scream and throw things. We have no Christmas plans, there is nothing to celebrate. When the post comes we don't know if the cards will be condolences or for Christmas.
We knew she was depressed. We just didn't know the depths of her despair.

OP posts:
Girlsgirlsgirls08 · 23/12/2022 22:30

I cannot even comprehend your pain, but we are all here to listen and support you. I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

IDontWantToBeAPie · 23/12/2022 22:30

Remember it's not your fault. Those who manage it are determined and hide it well.

Throw, scream, cry. Do it. It's OK. And most of all remember - you weren't to blame and you didn't deserve it

I'm so sorry for your loss

bloodywhitecat · 23/12/2022 22:30

I am so sorry there are no adequate words.

Lollypop701 · 23/12/2022 22:31

i have no words for you, I can feel your devastation. Depression is an awful illness, and people are exceptionally good at hiding behind a smile. Whatever you can do to get through the next half hour, and the one after that is fine. Do you want to talk about her?

Caramelsmadfuzzytail · 23/12/2022 22:33

How is your DH handling it? Obviously it's devastating for him too. Are you going to hide under a duvet and hug until this time of year is over?

GhostCastle · 23/12/2022 22:34

I’m so sorry for your loss. You must be in so much pain right now. Let all the emotion out. Don’t hold back.

Molly70 · 23/12/2022 22:34

I’m so sorry. I know there’s nothing that I can say that will help but I’m thinking of you during this incredibly difficult time💐

Dottymug · 23/12/2022 22:34

What kind of twat goes to a funeral and uses the words 'at least' to the bereaved parents? Wow. You must have wanted to punch them. So so sorry. xxx

NeedAHoliday2021 · 23/12/2022 22:37

You don’t need to support anyone. You need to look after yourself - eat, stay hydrated, sleep when you can (ask the gp for tablets) and take it a day at a time. I’m devastated for you. Xxxx

Original poster
bereftmother · 23/12/2022 22:37

Thank you for all your kind words. I am sorry to hear from others who have been through this and also those who have suffered from depression that has led to similar feelings. What a sad world we live in.
I am going to take a sleeping pill and try to settle down now.

OP posts:
PopGoesTheProsecco · 23/12/2022 22:38

I’m so sorry OP. I can’t imagine what you’re going through. Have worried so much with self harming ASC DD that it could end with this. x

thisisasurvivor · 23/12/2022 22:38

Hope you sleep well tonight

I am so so sorry for your loss

There really are no words but I do pray for you all and I'm so sorry you had to go through this pain xxxxxxxxxxx

WorriedMillie · 23/12/2022 22:39

I’m so sorry, OP, I can’t imagine the pain you are in
Please be kind to yourself and do whatever it takes to get through the coming hours/days/weeks
Do you have the contact details of support agencies you can call upon, should you want/need to?
I realise I’m only a stranger on the internet, but I will be holding you in my thoughts

Hillsmakeyoustrong · 23/12/2022 22:39

So deeply sorry. Please surround yourself with good people, not idiots. You shouldn't have to dig any deeper than you already are.

walkersareback · 23/12/2022 22:40

I cannot even imagine what you are going though. Sending lots of love

UsernameFail · 23/12/2022 22:40

I am so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine what you are going through
Flowers

Mykittensmittens · 23/12/2022 22:41

I am so sorry. Sending so much love to you. I don’t know what else to say but I am honestly thinking of you tonight x

Girlintheframe · 23/12/2022 22:43

So very sorry for your loss. There are simply no words Flowers

inisfree · 23/12/2022 22:44

I don't know you, but from one mother to another my deepest sympathies on the death of your precious darling daughter.

StillDancingEvenOnTheRainyDays · 23/12/2022 22:44

Hillsmakeyoustrong · 23/12/2022 22:39

So deeply sorry. Please surround yourself with good people, not idiots. You shouldn't have to dig any deeper than you already are.

Very beautifully said, so kind.

be kind to yourself op

Lochjeda · 23/12/2022 22:45

I am so sorry I can't even comprehend how it feels to lose your daughter. What I can sympathise with and understand is losing a family member to suicide and the absolute shock of it all and how hard it is to deal with that on top of the grief of losing the person. The anger, the what ifs and thinking what if id done that or what if id noticed this etc and I promise you but that constant tearing yourself up about it all does eventually fade a bit with time. Are you getting any professional help?

OneDayFri · 23/12/2022 22:46

I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending a warm virtual hug. Just like others have said, it was not your fault. It's difficult to know the extent of a problem unless someone chooses to disclose it. Take one hour at a time. It's a good thing your children have partners who can support them. I hope you and your husband also have a support network looking out for you.

DesolationRow · 23/12/2022 22:47

Your poor dear daughter, what a terrible loss and shock for you. I know that if there was anything you could have done to stop her taking her own life you would have done it. I am so, so sorry.

Oblomov22 · 23/12/2022 22:47

So very sorry for your loss. Flowers

PurpleButterflyWings · 23/12/2022 22:48

I am so sorry @bereftmother I don't know what to say. Must be very tough for you. Flowers Sending love and prayers......... 😘