My daughter took her own life

[bereftmother]

The subject says it all, really. About six weeks ago my lovely, clever, witty daughter walked out of our house, leaving a note. Four days later the police found her body. And now, I just want to cry and scream and throw things. We have no Christmas plans, there is nothing to celebrate. When the post comes we don't know if the cards will be condolences or for Christmas.
We knew she was depressed. We just didn't know the depths of her despair.

I’m so sorry. I have lost three family members to suicide. It’s incredibly painful but I wasn’t especially close to any of them so I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through. You must be experiencing so many different emotions. You say that you didn’t see the signs when it mattered. I know only too well just how good people suffering with depression can be at hiding their symptoms, even when they are really struggling. Please be kind to yourself and seek help (professional or otherwise) when you need to. We all deal with grief differently but trained counselors can be a great help so please don’t hesitate to access one if and when the time is right for you. Once again OP, I’m so terribly sorry for your loss

I am so, incredibly sorry.

I am so very sorry for your loss OP. X

So many more messages - that's really good of you all, to be kind to a stranger online.
My lovely girl was so lonely. Friends had drifted away, she wasn't always easy to be around. But since she died so many people have said "oh, if only we'd known". Quite a few came to her funeral and I looked at them wondering where they were when she needed them. But that's not really fair, people get on with their own lives, I just want someone to blame that isn't her, that isn't me.

Heartbreaking. I'm so sorry

Op I am so so sorry 😢 my heart breaks for you. I bet you were the most amazing mum to her ❤️

It happened in my family too, my sister when she was 32. I understand the deep pain you are going through, how the pain of a natural bereavement doesn't even come close.
Don't ever blame yourself. We searched our souls wondering if we had missed signs that it was on her mind. What if we'd done this, said that.

I'm so sorry OP. I lost a very close friend to suicide a few years ago and it's an enormous wrench.

I found walking and physical exercise helped - your body can release some of the stress, reverb if your mind is in turmoil.

So sorry for the pain you're going through op. I wish that no-one in this world ever felt the way she did and you do. ❤️❤️❤️

Sorry, posted before finished.

People have no idea what to say when you meet them, have no real concept of what you feel like. They say things to try to make you feel better.

Be kind to yourself, don't think you should have done more, could have done more because you didn't see it coming. Over the years that have passed, I have come to realise that whatever I might have done, she would have followed the same path. I really do believe that and that gives me some comfort.

I'm really sorry that you are struggling. I'm the same age and suffer from depression too.

I think you're being very hard on yourself here. If she's like me, she will have been hiding or downplaying her troubles so it would have been really hard to see the signs.

Similarly with the other people that came to her funeral but werent there for her when she was struggling - with depression, I dont think anyone is to blame. Yes there are other factors which can make things worse at times but ultimately on my best days even when I feel ok, I still have this feeling of a big black thundery cloud hanging over me, fogging up my brain. Its always there no matter what.

I'm so sorry OP. I don't have any personal experience but my heart goes out to you. ❤

I'm so very sorry to hear that. Sending you a big hug, and lots of love and strength to get through xx

I have no words. I am so sorry that this happened to all of you. Sending big hugs.

I totally understand that they meant well. They mean you can and will deal with it but I totally understand that hope has now vanished. I am so sorry. I have no words that could bring any comfort.
Depression is a terrible illness but please know there isn't anything you could have done. Whatever you said or did would have been words or gestures a depressed person doesn't have the capacity to feel

Just put one foot in front of the other every day

I am so sorry this has happened.

This was not your fault.

Christmas will come and it will go, and do whatever you need to do to get through.

Sending you lots of love.

So sorry.

uksobs.org/?doing_wp_cron=1671874541.6269059181213378906250

I’m so sorry OP
my brother took his life this year.
I had no idea he was so unwell.
its awful. Earth shattering loss.
walking and taking good care of yourself. Distraction. Counselling helped. Reaching out to friends and family who have been mostly brilliant.
the first few months were unspeakably hard. Sending love and light xx

I'm so, so sorry. This is not your fault. Please try to get some professional support. Sending you lots of love.

I am so sorry for your loss

I am so sorry for your loss

Your love for your darling girl radiates from your post and it is clear that you would have done anything to save her had you known the extent of her distress. Mental illness steals our children without mercy. Take tiny steps, lean on loved ones and try to care for yourself. Your girl knows she was loved and in time- quite a long time- happier memories will surface. I am holding you in the light. X

I went to the place where her body was found today. It's about half an hour walk for me, would have been quicker for her. Scrubby undergrowth, a few trees. In the summer dogwalkers go there, but not now. It's pretty muddy. There is nothing to see, nothing to say a body lay there for four nights. The police are pretty sure she died the day she left home. The Inquest won't be until April probably, I don't know why it takes so long.
She had the most glorious smile, light up the room, make you feel good smile. I have looked at so many photos over the last few weeks. I will never see that smile again. I miss her so much.

Thank you to the people who suggested uksobs.org/ - I will explore that website properly in the New Year.

I am so very sorry to hear about your daughter. Life isn't fair is it?