Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

My daughter took her own life

206 replies

bereftmother · 23/12/2022 22:11

The subject says it all, really. About six weeks ago my lovely, clever, witty daughter walked out of our house, leaving a note. Four days later the police found her body. And now, I just want to cry and scream and throw things. We have no Christmas plans, there is nothing to celebrate. When the post comes we don't know if the cards will be condolences or for Christmas.
We knew she was depressed. We just didn't know the depths of her despair.

OP posts:
Theala · 23/12/2022 22:13

I'm so sorry, you must be in anguish.
Would you like to tell us more about her?

Perfectlystill · 23/12/2022 22:14

I am so so sorry. Your pain must be horrendous.

silvercurls · 23/12/2022 22:14

I am so so sorry for you and your family. Please get some bereavement support, as for christmas, just get through one day at a time
Tell us about her if you like

Therapee · 23/12/2022 22:14

I'm so, so sorry you're going through this. The pain must be unbearable. Sending you a virtual handhold, and lots of love.

BlueBellIris · 23/12/2022 22:14

I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine the pain you are going through.

Mischance · 23/12/2022 22:16

Depression is so hard - those who love you most feel so helpless. You could not get inside her head - I am so sorry at what has happened.

OutFortheBirds · 23/12/2022 22:17

Oh, your poor hearts. I’m very sorry.
Fair enough about Christmas. Just do what you can to be kind to yourselves.

herbygarden · 23/12/2022 22:17

I am so desperately sorry. My thoughts are with you. Be kind to yourself now and always.

Caramelsmadfuzzytail · 23/12/2022 22:19

I'm sorry that you are facing this time of year without your daughter. Who says you can't cry, scream and throw things? Obviously it's better to do most of it, in an empty room. I recommend anything soft.
I have not been in your situation but totally understand the need to let your feelings out.
I hope you aren't feeling guilty for "not seeing the signs". These who are depressed/suicidal are extremely good at hiding it.

Original poster
bereftmother · 23/12/2022 22:20

She was in her mid thirties, broke and finding it difficult to motivate herself to look for a job. Now, I can see so many signs of her failing to cope with life, but I didn't see them when it mattered.

OP posts:
Slimjimtobe · 23/12/2022 22:22

Handholding here. you poor lady.
I cannot imagine the grief or shock or pain that you are going through. Have you real life support ?

FormAnOrderlyQueue · 23/12/2022 22:23

I am so sorry for your loss. Is it yourself and your partner at home or do you have other children too?
Please do whatever you need to do to get through this.
Shout and scream it out if you need to.
Life is very unfair.
Sending hugs.

Newusernameaug · 23/12/2022 22:23

Many many people mask - I’ve been suicidal twice and both times I kept this hidden from those closest to me, so even though I know it’s only natural to, please don’t blame yourself.

Sending you lots of love

missfliss · 23/12/2022 22:23

Everything I wasn't to say is just inadequate.
I'm so sorry that her illness led her to take her own life - the pain and void must be just indescribable

beccahamlet · 23/12/2022 22:24

So sorry. Hugs.

Original poster
bereftmother · 23/12/2022 22:24

At her funeral someone said that at least we know, her body was found, we weren't left wondering what had happened. And when I said that our hope was ended when her body was found they said that was better than not knowing. I'm not too sure I'm ready to think that. I wish they had kept quiet.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 23/12/2022 22:24

So so so sorry, FlowersSad

thisisasurvivor · 23/12/2022 22:24

Op my heart breaks reading this

And sadly this is very common

No matter what you did how could you stop this???

So so sorry for your loss

I've been there and no one can fully understand just how awful it is

Take one hour at a time
Breathe and scream when you even need to xxxxxxxxxxx

Theydoyaknow · 23/12/2022 22:24

I cannot even imagine Op. This has broken me reading this. The pain you are in must be utterly horrific. I am so so sorry about your beautiful girl.

NeedAHoliday2021 · 23/12/2022 22:25

I’m so sorry for your loss. Depression is an awful illness and so many signs are hidden. Don’t torture yourself with hindsight. I hope you can move to a place where you smile at her memories but that will take time. Let yourself grieve and be kind to yourself.

Fran2508 · 23/12/2022 22:25

My love- surround yourself with gentle caring people. Your world has turned and you need to be cared. I have sadly stood where you are standing and it is kindness that ultimately saves you. X

Julie43534 · 23/12/2022 22:26

It was not under your control... it was never under your control. Because if it had been it would never have happened.

I am so sorry.

Hazey19 · 23/12/2022 22:27

I am so so sorry. All the love and strength to you xxxx

santaclausalnoun · 23/12/2022 22:28

Please don't feel guilty. It is so difficult to get help for someone without their consent. Do whatever you want to at Christmas. It's just one day in the year.

Original poster
bereftmother · 23/12/2022 22:28

Just me and DH at home now. Our other adult children are with their partners for Christmas. Obviously they are grieving too, and they need the support they can get from them. I am no good at supporting anyone at the moment.

OP posts: