My mother died on 2nd March
She was rushed into hospital on 5th Feb with respiratory failure, after a week of doing nothing they decided to find out why she had had a raised heartbeat for the whole time she had been in. They did a scan which showed fluid around her heart and did an urgent operation to drain it, they rang me to tell me and gave me 30 seconds to decide wether to resuscitate or not. A few days later they did a PET scan which showed a tumour which they said was possibly lymphoma. They kept changing their minds about how to do a biopsy which was upsetting her all the time. Mother didn’t eat the whole time she was in but they wouldn’t tube feed her or anything as she was compos mentis in their eyes.
Finally on the 2nd March me and her partner had a meeting with the consultant who informed us she had stage 4 small cell lung cancer and had weeks to live. We sat with mother til 5pm then had a drink in the pub next door so I could calm her partner down. I then headed to my local pub to meet my husband, I hadn’t even got half way down my first drink when the hospital called to say she had deteriorated and to get there immediately.
It took me 3 buses to get there and I was almost there (2 stops away) when my cousin rang me to ask if I was ok as my brother had told her mother had died. I told her there was a mistake as I would have been told if she had died. Just as the bus pulled up outside the hospital mother’s partner rang and I just said she’s gone hasn’t she and he said yes.
I am still very angry with my brother (and everyone else involved except my cousin) about how I found out. The hospital told a friend who had arrived to visit and he told my brother who Facebook messaged my cousin. Mother’s partner got to the hospital over half an hour before he rang me to tell me. No one except my cousin even thought to tell me for 45 mins so I was the last to know
I’ve spent the 7 weeks since trying to sort out the complete financial mess she left as well as her house (she had become a hoarder and it took 5 hours just to clear her computer desk). I’ve had to look after her partner (he’s on the phone 10-20 times a day and now I dread the phone ringing).
I’ve not had time to grieve at all and everyone kept saying I will grieve after the funeral except due to the lockdown (myself, her partner and my brother are all on the 12 week lockdown) there was no funeral. We had to do a direct cremation and will (possibly) have a memorial in the future.
6 weeks after mother died my brothers dad died and he didn’t even bother to tell me about that and I had to read it on Facebook (his excuse was he didn’t know I knew him). On the phone all my brother could go on about was how myself and his other sister (by his dad) had been strong for him over mother and now he would be strong for his sister over their dad. Not once has he mentioned being strong for me