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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Support For Anyone After The Loss Of A Parent.

985 replies

Mummylin · 06/04/2020 11:59

I hope this thread will be as supportive and welcoming as we have had in the past. It is so heartwarming to see the support you all give each other. Wishing you all well. 💐

OP posts:
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BlueBelleKnoll · 16/04/2020 09:57

Minimamame - I am sorry for your loss. I lost my mum this year and am an only child too. It is very hard on so many levels. I can't imagine how much harder it must be for those of you who are dealing with this during this coronavirus crisis. My heart goes out to you all. Flowers

BlueBelleKnoll · 16/04/2020 09:59

mummeeee - I am so sorry for the loss of your DF. Losing a parent is so hard. Flowers Flowers Flowers

BlueBelleKnoll · 16/04/2020 10:00

Hidethesausage - I am so sorry for the loss of your dad. It must be so hard for you right now. Take care, Flowers

BlueBelleKnoll · 16/04/2020 10:06

RoseForRembrance - I used to phone my mum every day. When she first passed away, I would get really anxious because I hadn't phoned her to check on her and then I would remember that there was no need to call her any more and I would collapse in tears. The thing I miss most of all is being able to talk to her and listen to her voice. I remember her words and I know what she would say, so it feels like I hear her all the time, but it's not the same. I miss talking to her so so much. This lockdown is making it so much harder. I really feel for you, because I know what it is like. If it is any comfort to you, it does become a little easier to bear, even when the wish does not go away. Flowers

BlueBelleKnoll · 16/04/2020 10:08

MyDcAreMarvel - I am so sorry for the loss of your dad. Losing a parent is so hard. We all experience grief slightly differently, so you will feel what you feel. Take care. Flowers

BlueBelleKnoll · 16/04/2020 10:12

Cuppabiscuittea You are just as entitled to grieve as anyone. A loss is a loss, regardless of the circumstances. I am sorry for your loss. My mum died within a few hours of being in hospital and it was hard. I can't imagine that it would be any easier for me now had she been suffering for a long time. Hugs to you. Take care. Flowers

BlueBelleKnoll · 16/04/2020 10:14

Glitterb - For a long time I kept getting the urge to tell my mum things. She used to be the first person I would go to with any news or bit of gossip, because she loved to know everything. It is so hard to process that someone you love isn't there any more.

BlueBelleKnoll · 16/04/2020 10:23

RoseForRembrance - I think one of the things I do for myself, that helps me the most, is that I allow myself to grieve. So when I need to cry I just cry. When I need to stop I stop. I had quite a long time off work, so that was OK. Now that I'm back at work it's a bit harder to do that. I had a moment at work when I just broke down and another member of staff supported me, but I had to pull myself together really quickly for the sake of my job. Other than that, I don't care what strangers think if I am crying on the street. No one says anything anyway. If I need to talk to people about her, I do. The doctor in the hospital told me to look after myself and I see it as part of that.

I had a huge amount of practical stuff to deal with after my mum passed away and it was really tough, but in some ways it helped to keep me going. The first few weeks after all of that was done were hard to deal with because I had less to distract me from my feelings. It has become a little easier to bear, but I still cry about it every day.

BlueBelleKnoll · 16/04/2020 10:25

FluffyFluffyClouds - I think I know what you mean. It's like there's a huge empty space where all these other activities used to be. They are all a part of how you showed love.

BlueBelleKnoll · 16/04/2020 10:36

Richlyfruited - "It is so very weird and shocking when it hits me that he's actually no longer with us. I keep picking up the phone to call him!"

So much this! I want to call my mum all the time. In the beginning I would think, I need to call her!

BlueBelleKnoll · 16/04/2020 10:37

gingerfreckles I am sorry for your loss. Flowers It must be so hard at this time.

BlueBelleKnoll · 16/04/2020 10:41

Hidethesausage - My heart goes out to you. I had to clear out my mum's flat and it took such a long time, because she had so much stuff and I had to sort it out all by myself. I had help taking the stuff to the various places it had to go. It was exhausting. I would stop and cry and then carry on again. There were times when I had to stop completely because it was just too much to deal with. So many memories uncovered with each find. But I got it all done in the end. It gets done. Take care. One step at a time and you'll get through this part. Flowers

Hidethesausage · 18/04/2020 16:52

Thanks @BlueBellKnoll, it's done now. I'm sorry you had to deal with that- it's awful having to do it alone. One of the reasons I had two kids myself is having had to do the death of my Mother alone, although plenty only children have extended family- we had none.

OldSpeclkledHen · 18/04/2020 18:11

It was my Mums funeral yesterday. Finally beginning to hit home I'll never talk to her again.

Glitterb · 18/04/2020 18:37

@OldSpeclkledHen I hope it all went okay, I’m dreading next Friday for my Mums. I think the grief will hit me like a hurricane!

missingmydad · 18/04/2020 19:07

@oldspeckledhen and @glitterb Flowers for you both.
I'm struggling to get my head round it as there was no funeral that we could go to and we can't have a memorial service at the moment for obvious reasons. Not being able to see my brother and sisters isn't helping, we don't have a close relationship - they do but I'm not really part of it.

gingerfreckles · 18/04/2020 19:51

@oldspeclkedhen
It was my mums funeral yesterday too. I went well considering. I'm not really sure what your supposed to do know. There's no one to see or talk too, nothing to keep busy.

missingmydad · 18/04/2020 21:49

Flowers for you too @gingerfreckles

Richlyfruited · 19/04/2020 20:55

Haven't even been able to post last few days following my dad's cremation - as you say @Glitterb the grief does just hit you like a train Sad it hurts so much not to have been with him...just an email from the funeral service to say it was all over.

So sorry to @OldSpeclkledHen and @gingerfreckles and I hope you are doing ok. Just such sad times Sad

Doesn't help either that we've been given less than a week's notice by the council to clear dad's flat. No idea how we're going to do it in that time and get rid of things when there is nowhere to take them. Feels like an extra kick in the guts.

Glitterb · 19/04/2020 21:06

@Richlyfruited it seems so unfair doesn’t it? Like an unfair ending to someones life, it almost feels like an incomplete grieving process.
I’m shocked at the council, surely they can’t move anyone else in at the moment so could allow you some more time given the current situation!

Richlyfruited · 19/04/2020 22:28

Thanks @Glitterb am hoping to negotiate a longer date if possible - fingers crossed!

Hope you are doing ok Flowers

Original poster
Mummylin · 20/04/2020 07:20

Thinking of you today on your birthday Mum. I'm sorry it's not possible to bring you flowers today but world problems have made it not possible. I miss you and you will be in my heart forever x 💐💐💐

OP posts:
Glitterb · 20/04/2020 08:20

@Nottoday1
So sorry for your loss 🌹 life is incredibly unfair sometimes and losing someone young just proves that. I hope you have some support at home?
This thread is brilliant for that so please feel free to rant and post what you like..

Similar to you, I lost my Mum two weeks ago aged 60 after an unexpected illness. I am angry at the loss of years with her and I am struggling to find justification for the whole thing which is making grieving more difficult. Having lost my Dad 18 months ago, I genuinely do not think I can deal with anymore pain and heartbreak.

Original poster
Mummylin · 20/04/2020 08:26

That is so sad for you Nottoday I think when it's unexpected you get a double blow to deal with. You have the terrible shock and the grief together. When my mum died unexpectedly, I had real physical symptoms. My legs refused to work properly and I had real pain in my heart. Thankfully this did get better quite quickly, but it was really weird.
It was bad enough for my family but how you and other new posters are coping amongst this awful situation here at the moment must be so much more added stress.
You of course will have moments , maybe first thing when you wake of not realising until 30;seconds later, it hits you all over again.
It is so early for you and so hard to process.
Your poor mum being so young. Do you have family support, siblings or good friends who can support you through this ?
You have my utmost sympathy, as does everyone else, it's such a terrible life changing time.
Don't look too far ahead for now, just take each day as it comes, that is enough to cope with in these early stages. Do make sure you eat, if you don't fancy a big meal, do have snacks, you don't want to get unwell.
yourself.
You will get lots of support on here, we all understand 💐
Ps thanks for good wishes.

OP posts:
Richlyfruited · 20/04/2020 08:27

So very sorry for your loss @Nottoday1 Flowers

This must all be such a shock for you. I do hope you have some support from friends and family at this tough time. My dad died quite suddenly too - gives you no time to 'prepare' either mentally or practically.

Happy birthday to your mum @Mummylin and I hope you are coping ok Flowers

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